Just found this on the web, thought everyone would enjoy reading.
14 Signs That Show if a Midlife Crisis is Destroying your Marriage/Life
A midlife crisis can affect both men and women. And it's effects can be pretty devastating for their spouses because they end up bearing the brunt of it.
The unfortunate thing is that those going through a midlife crisis will vehemently deny that it's what's happening to them. Or, on the other hand, they will laugh you off for even suggesting it.
From experience, observation, and studying the subject, I've found at that they seem to all sing from the same song sheet. Someone suggested that it's like a midlife crisis alien virus takes over their system. Some of the likely symptoms are presented below:
Midlife Crisis Sign #1
First things first, what’s in your mind? Are any of the following thoughts (or something close to) swirling around in your mind, or have you actually said them to your spouse?
I’m not in love with you anymore
I still love you (like a friend), but I’m not in love with you
I never knew anything besides life with you
I have changed
Midlife Crisis Sign #2
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s go on to the next point. Think about your whole relationship from beginning to this (impending) end: it’s been nothing but frustration hasn’t it? You can’t seem to have any fond memories of your spouse at this time. Even when they did something good, it was just to manipulate you or make you feel bad.
When you think back, all the problems that you’re having now and ever had in your marriage has been because of your spouse. They always made you do what they wanted; you never got to do what you wanted.
Midlife Crisis Sign #3
You’re ready for the next one. Be honest now. Do you really care about how they’re feeling right now or what they want? You just want to separate yourself from all of this “madness”. The crying, the nagging, bullying and the constant questions from your spouse is getting you down. So you feel you need to withdraw emotionally, don’t you? I mean they are their own worst enemy cant they see how happy you are without them?
Midlife Crisis Sign #4
You think that there are some things you always wanted but never got round to getting. You’re not going to wait any more until you can get what you want so of you go and get it. You deserve to do what you want to do NOW – so forget her she doesn’t matter.
Midlife Crisis Sign #5
You begin to wonder what life would have been like with another person. One that put you first – you married a Alpha women and you reckon that if you had been available, all those other women would have wanted you. and think you are amazing and the other women will never criticize you as she does – she is pain in the ass.
So you’re beginning to think about testing out your theory. She won’t be able to survive/live without you but hey you can live without her - and you know your more important than she is and you guessed right., there are loads of people out there who love and want you – think your marvelous.! They laugh at your jokes and think you’re interesting. They actually think that you’re pretty great. They ‘look up’ to you – and someone come along who really listens to you and thinks what you do and say is so clever - you’re her mentor! Oh yes!! Oh such a lie – no one with any sense of self worth makes another person feel like they are amazing – if you can’t do this yourself then stop and look hard at you! learn to love yourself don’t be so needy and pathetic!
Midlife Crisis Sign #6
If you’ve already put your theory to test about members of the opposite sex finding you attractive, you may already have engaged or be engaging in an emotional or physical affair. Good Luck because they won’t match up the LBS (left behind spouse)
You have already in the past tried to ‘control’ your spouse by receiving telephone calls/texts from “some person” you feel that urge to lie to your spouse about – so she is put in her place. You’re the important one aren’t you?
You don’t know why your spouse has to ask you questions like “who was that?”, “why are you being secretive”, etc. When you think about it, what makes your spouse think that you need to answer questions like, “where have you been?” “Who were you with?” , etc.
Anyway, you hate their underhanded sneaking around trying to find about your business. Even if they do produce proof like an inappropriate email or text message on your phone, how dare they invade your privacy? Anyway, you’re going to hold out NOT admitting to the relationship or affair if you can get away with it. If caught out just continue to lie and lie or admit and say she is the love of your life, that will hurt the LBS and get her off your back!
Midlife Crisis Sign #7
You’re not really sure if you want your spouse to go on with life without you. Why should they go on to have a happy and fulfilled life when you feel so frustrated with your life? So sometimes you’re affectionate, not too often because you don’t want to raise their hopes too high. One minute you say that you just can’t live with them, the next, you’re getting them to be loving or make love to/with you. Or, you move out, but come back to check your mail and see the children, or leave your mail still to arrive at home, you have the best of both worlds – wife in the palm of your hands – just fantastic and an Other Women who makes you feel like a king….only problem is…sorry to say…. It’s all in your head the OW maybe a nice women but she is and never will be your wife who is something very special and you are on the way to losing her for good! Clever man, such a star! Just remember when you have the OW as your partner/wife what will you then feel like..wound up in $hits ville I’m telling you – I know I have been there and it is not good – lost my wife, kids, respect and love….took me years to build it back but I was lucky I realized or hit rock bottom and my wife forgave me …..learn from me idiot!!
Midlife Crisis Sign #8
You really don’t want to deal with anything right now, do you? Why does your spouse want to bring you down talking about “issues” or “responsibilities”? You just want to feel good. Why does everyone keep asking to try to be reasonable? Maybe the solution is to avoid all these discussions and people. Why should you do anything that you don’t feel like doing? Just run away from all these disturbances. If not, maybe it’s nonstop running/cycling (what a body - superb shape!) or a new motorbike, or going partying, cool concerts for younger guys or clubbing or join Greenpeace and become soooooo cool or try alcohol and drugs – get attention, make yourself noticed and you will feel marvelous!!. Why not, you’ve been so responsible for so long and life is too short. If none of these work, you can simply ignore all of them and do something else to challenge you. You are happy remember?
Midlife Crisis Sign #9
You spouse wants to go to counseling – some chance its “just to make them feel better” so you say NO!. Anyway, you’re the real victim here. You won’t even try. Your spouse is nagging so you shout at her and say she is the one that needs help she is a horrible person.
Really be honest ..oops that is a step too far isn’t it?
Midlife Crisis Sign #10
You’ve known your spouse for so long that you know what makes them happy or upset. So from time to time you practice doing both. But in most cases, you want to prove how awful they’re making life for you by getting them upset so that they can retaliate with something equally mean or hurtful. So you drop subtle hints about selling your home, taking custody of the children; or you make derogatory remarks about their habits, appearance, family members, their behavior, the list goes on. It's called pushing their buttons and your time with them gives you a lot of ammunition. Anyway, why not, they pushed you to it. ?? No mate you pushed yourself here – look at why your behaving like a cartoon character and destroying yourself? Fix it please??
Midlife Crisis Sign #11
You play the blame game. You can’t really think about any major faults of your own. So you think about and/or say things like:
We don’t go out any more.
All you ever do is work play golf etc.
We don’t have any fun together any more.
I’m not sure I can continue living with you
You never….
I’m not trying to blame you (but by implication you are)
we have grown apart…
Midlife Crisis Sign #12
Your spouse makes some effort to change. They’ve done some soul searching about how they could have done better and start putting some effort into it. But you think, “Too little, too late”. As far as you’re concerned, there’s NOTHING they can do that will change things. All that pleading and begging is getting you down, you just want to move on. In fact you enjoy them being sad, and you tell them that they are mean to you!! and they upset you and your home upsets you – when they are distraught this winds them up even more, and you love it! Again sad man….
Midlife Crisis Sign #13
Despite the fact that you’re not happy about your marriage and you want a different life (preferably with someone else/or on your own); you get really upset if they file for a divorce. Why should they be the one to take the initiative? If you see that they really want to go through with it, you’re going to make things really difficult for them. Anyway, they’re filing for divorce or suggesting a separation shows that they never really wanted it to work in the first place. As far as you’re concerned, they’ve shown their true colors now and you’re going to let everyone know it!
Again…sad man and in denial too
Midlife Crisis Sign #14
The divorce or separation finally comes through (I hope it doesn’t after reading this). You’re now free to do all the things you really want. What a relief, you can now live the life you’ve always wanted. You’re free to date or carry on your affair (if you had already started it). Then you hear that your ex has started or may be starting a relationship with someone else. You’re not sure if you really like it, but of course you won’t admit it.
Months, years pass and you’ve had all the dates, enjoyed your affair to the hilt. You’ve tried all those things that you were always saying “no” to. But somehow you’re still not completely fulfilled. Then you begin to wonder,
Did I make a mistake…?
Was life really that bad...?
Will they take me back...?
My advice is get to sign 14th and grow up and do something soon before the best thing you have ever had in your life moved on forever!!
Letter of advice... from a man who has been through a MLC
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