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Our Community / Re: The fog is thicker at 3 yrs!
« Last post by CanLetGo on Today at 10:16:09 PM »
That’s it then CLG, time to give up.
I was hoping the no contact now would hurt and help him come to his senses but it’s his no contact not my mine. I just go along with it.

Does he seem any happier do you know CLG? Xx

It’s my H’s NC too...but it helps me so much.

Due to the lack of contact, can’t tell if he is happier, I think he would be though, not trying to maintain 2 separate worlds anymore, has achieved separation from his family, we are no longer in his face making him feel guilty.

He has kidney stones, and went to hospital recently. Interestingly mail has been coming to our house for follow up appts etc. He had never been to this hospital before, so would have registered as a new patient. He hasn’t lived here for well over 3 years, he could have put his apartment address, or the business he owns...also a new bank card arrived today...haven’t decided what to do with them yet, as NC. Thought of making them ‘return to sender’, but might just put them in his letter box. Along with the Xmas card his mum sent to us...sorry, have just hijacked your thread!

Was the same here RP, very close for 3 years, OW very much in the background I think (but there nonetheless), everything changed at 3 years...now at 4 years...pretty much no contact, OW quite provocative on FB, no contact from H with our kids...script
I believe the OWs are trying to provoke both of you.  Don't acknowledge her on FB or IRL.

I think at the 3 year point they are thinking they need to stop messing around and do something.  And you know how time is for these guys-they are so thick in the fog that years pass and they are like, "Oh wow, its been all this time and now people are starting to ask haven't i gotten divorced yet..."

I think OW trying to provoke as well, can’t think of any other reason she would do it.

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Our Community / Re: If You're Going Through He!!, Keep on Goin'
« Last post by Treasur on Today at 10:16:07 PM »
Me too. I think when we're drowning in this stuff initially, we do become a bit self-obsessed. Maybe understandably, all we see is OUR pain and our needs. I wasn't a great friend to other people in the last 2 years because of that.

It's probably a really healthy sign of your progress, KIT, that you're at a stage where you can look up and out now, to start to see more than you while still taking responsibility for your own needs too. I'm hoping to stumble towards that in 2018  :)
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Our Community / Re: Newbie 3 yrs on
« Last post by Treasur on Today at 10:09:29 PM »
I'm sorry, Chriss x
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Our Community / Re: Ropeburn no more ...Rising above
« Last post by Treasur on Today at 10:07:58 PM »
Hugs back, Rope xxx
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I forgot to mention that my BIL went to visit him last night and husband said he WILL NOT go back to any rehab.  He doesn't need it.

There's the current answer right there, this is your H's reality.

There's nothing I can do about this, right?  Really sucks.  Really, really does.

I can't begin to imagine. Yes, it really, really does. And no, there is nothing you can do about it but keep you and your D sane and safe, and accept it and know in your deepest guts that it isn't your fault or choice to make. I'm sorry.
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Our Community / Re: The root of suffering is attachment
« Last post by Treasur on Today at 10:00:21 PM »
It's pretty simple...if weird...your spouse is now a 'threat' to you, a trigger for fear and associated with pain where once he wasn't. Your body is telling you so but your head/heart is used to thinking of him differently. Nothing abnormal about it...still difficult though. No advice to give other than keep moving forward slowly, breathe and trust that it will pass. This time will pass.
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Our Community / Re: Ropeburn no more ...Rising above
« Last post by Ropeburn on Today at 09:57:02 PM »
Treasur
   Thought I had those kind of friends til this started. I don't need friends thar are just there when all is ok and no where to be found when shyt hits the fan .
   Thank you so much for talking to me and helping me through this time you can pm me or what ever and that goes for anyone on here. Sometimes it helps to realize we are all real people and this is a real thing.
   I am not the only person to wake up to a stranger .

   Thank you again hugs guys I really needed you all tonight  ;) :)
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Our Community / Re: Ropeburn no more ...Rising above
« Last post by Ropeburn on Today at 09:50:38 PM »
MD
  Yes it's totally draining and hurts are raw all over again.

Chris
   Yes your words help just any bit of advice and encouragement right now

Bv
   Yes my lawyer is drawing up papers now . I don't care to admit I'm scared . But I know i will be ok one day
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Our Community / Re: End of the World
« Last post by FaithWalker on Today at 09:49:19 PM »
I understand where you're coming from Brain.  I have chosen option 3 for now and praying like crazy that my H comes out of his crisis a better man and wants to work at reconciliation.  I am trying to learn to like Option 3, but it just feels a lot like limbo.
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Our Community / Re: Ropeburn no more ...Rising above
« Last post by Treasur on Today at 09:45:35 PM »
A friend told me - and she was right - that the legal process is painful, but it is finite. It will eventually end, one way or the other, but there is no way round it but through it, I guess. The hardest thing is that it hurts and we're dealing with important things when we feel so battered emotionally. After a year of an MLC divorce - and I never thought I would say this - I just want it to be over with now. Bit like Dove says, there is peace on the other side...not the kind we wanted, but a kind of peace anyway. An end to uncertainty and limbo and conflict and lawyer's letters at least.

Look after you. Use your L to hide behind as much as you can. Ask for support from your friends if you have those kind of friends. And we're with you, Rope x
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