Author Topic: Discussion Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs  (Read 610 times)

Offline MsMedfly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 867
  • Gender: Female
Discussion Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2017, 08:01:17 AM »
My exh, puffy, began his dissent into the abyss, with porn. Online at first, then 1980s skinomax, on late night cable, while I lay sleeping next him... Then the EA with his much older boss.. Then the EA with the girl in his law class.. He was ramping up and then went full blown PA, right before BD...

Funny, how OW # 2 was described to me as an old, cat lady, that was put in his group by his professor... Unbelievable.. She was married at the time, found out he was a liar and he was still married, dumped him when she discovered he left me, the previous week.. She went back to her husband for a year, while puffy moved on to OW # 3, the 23 year old vacuum.. Vacuum and puffy are together for a while, till the d was final...Puffy dumps her.. SHOCKING...

Then OW # 3 is back, freshly divorced and ready to start her new life with puffy.... 

I do think in their minds, it's all emotional, at first.. Anger for us, infatuation with the ow.... and then as times goes on, the sparkle wears off and they are trying to figure out what the heck happened, how did I end up here, with this nightmare of a person??!!

In my book, cheating is cheating. Period...

Offline EleganceTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2027
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2017, 10:28:27 AM »
Hey Ms Med,

I agree, cheating is cheating!

For some reason MLCers thinks it's ok to do all of that in front of us, when it's not in the least ::)
...and this too shall pass ~Maya Angelou

Offline MsMedfly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 867
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2017, 02:08:29 PM »
I think what was so hard for me was I was never told... 

Never once in all of the things he claims I did did he ever own up to his sins. I was the exact opposite. I took all of it. Never once has he ever admitted that he has issues and that the end of our marriage was his fault. I dont think I will ever get an apology, he sees nothing wrong with what he's chosen to do... Why apologize??

Emotional, physical, it's all cheating. It's an outright violation of trust and commitment.

I found about his affairs through his attorney. Yes, his attorney outed his client, in an email, to my attorney... Simply ridiculous!!!

I hate no fault divorce... It's a dumb law, it does nothing but destroy the sanctity of marriage and allows for cheaters to manipulate the system!!!

Offline FaithWalker

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 491
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2017, 04:39:33 PM »
Emotional, physical, it's all cheating. It's an outright violation of trust and commitment.

I agree

I hate no fault divorce... It's a dumb law, it does nothing but destroy the sanctity of marriage and allows for cheaters to manipulate the system!!!

Me too!
M-38
H-41
S-16
D-14
S-12
Friends for 7 years
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 11/17 (Public) - 1/17 (mysteriously waited to go public - I think maybe because her D wasn't final?  Or to have it not be in the same year as his D)

Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9006.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's learning to dance in the rain."

Offline MsMedfly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 867
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2017, 06:57:50 PM »
I don't know how others feel about cheating.... And in the beginning I was almost ready to even let that "slide"...

See... Our entire marriage I was made to feel insignificant, small, and wanted but never needed..
Yes, routinely during any sort of disagreement, I was told I want you, I don't need you.

As a woman, wife, and mother to his only child, you can understand the pain that comes with. Puffy knew full well when he said I do, what my personal and spiritual beliefs were and are as far as cheating. His was the same, it too, changed.

I never will understand the ability to cheat, I couldn't and will never. Once it was revealed the extent of his cheating, I was done. I knew the instant I woke up the week before I recieved the email. I don't know why but finally, peace... And I knew I was done. A month later, the whole story came tumbling out... Bits and pieces of course, I have a vanisher.

I have never felt so at peace in my life. I cannot describe it but I knew it was God telling and showing me, do not give up on what you believe!!! Believe... That s been my word for a long time... And I simply love it!!!

It's awful, it hurts, and I simply hate when I see anyone living through this... But bkeieve this, you will live right through it, scars and all!! :)

Hugs and kisses y'all!!

Offline beyonddone

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1179
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2017, 07:46:42 PM »
Hey Ms Med,

I agree, cheating is cheating!

For some reason MLCers thinks it's ok to do all of that in front of us, when it's not in the least ::)

Of course they think it's okay, if you allow it to continue and do nothing about it.

Offline beyonddone

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1179
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2017, 07:54:01 PM »
Cheating itself is a form of emotional and mental ABUSE....yet so many are willing to manipulate it and twist  into a symptom...just like the OW/OM isn't real.  It's ruined many a life...that's about as real as it gets.

Online Nas

  • Subscriber, 6 Month
  • *
  • Posts: 1008
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #17 on: May 19, 2017, 08:07:39 PM »
Beyond, I said on one of my very first threads that I just can't bring myself to say the OW is nothing.
If you have a relationship with another person that spans years, they can't really be "nothing." These OPs are trash, but they occupy a big chunk of the MLCer's life.
If/when the affair end, the MLCer doesn't go through some kind of procedure where all memories of the OP get erased. They have years of memories with these people. They have the knowledge that they blew up a lot of lives with these selfish pieces of trash, but there are also memories of experiences with them that don't just evaporate.
To me, that's a far cry from "nothing."

And I completely agree that cheating is a form of abuse, and in that sense the OPs are tools of abuse.

Offline beyonddone

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1179
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #18 on: May 19, 2017, 08:31:22 PM »
I truly have no idea what the MLC'ER is thinking, so maybe in their own crazy, selfish minds, the OP is a nothing, but in the reality the LBS is left to deal with, this OP is a very real thing.  MLC in one breath is described as a dis-ease meaning it's a feeling of unrest, not a disease, which does in fact, have actual symptoms.

Offline EleganceTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2027
  • Gender: Female
Re: Emotional Affairs/Fantasy Affairs
« Reply #19 on: May 21, 2017, 06:17:58 AM »
Well in my H case, he has what he descibes as a 'crush' on a couple of women.  I call him a Wallower because of this type of Fantasy A. I only know about 2 goodness knows I don't want to know about anymore.

H is a highly respected Elder in our church yet thinks and act's  he's a teenager now. I can't begin to explain how embarassed I am!

I know more than I want to. It's all online and very public and I'm humilated and hurt because of this.

He asked me to join then so we could be 'sister wives'. Clearly H has lost his mind, as well as his jobs  ::)
 
He had a 9 - 5 he quit, he lost his own column and has not written a thing more than social media posts.

He is selling several of his books online  and is a published author yet hasn't written a thing  a few years .

I appears H is trying to live other people's lives while destroying his own and our R and mine and posting his fatasies and sexual pornographic fantacacies publically online.

The pain from all this can be unbarablle at times. Sometimes I want to just be so far away from him becaue I really don't want to see everthing that crosses his mind!
Can you imagine bearing witness to every thought your MLCer had because he uses powerpoint and makes memes to post them online? I am doing m best to find the strength to deal with all this!

H clings to me, 24 hours a day and won't let me go. I certainly don't want to be in this situation like this so I do plan on moving sometime this year. I need to find the strength to deal with it somehow until I move.

H doesn't monster much yet does do things like tries to set me up to have other people argue with me, which can be annoying when I realize it was him the whole time. I feel he does it for his amusement. H wears a mask, like he is the 'good guy' so I really don't know what's going on under that.

He is no where near coming out of Replay or working on his issues.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 06:40:36 AM by Elegance »
...and this too shall pass ~Maya Angelou


 

Legal Disclaimer
The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.
Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.
This disclaimer is also included in the Forum's Registration Agreement.