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Our Community / Re: Help! Do I have a MLCER part 4
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 11:20:21 AM »
I'm glad it went good, DW.  Now that's over.   :)

How did she have wine a Starbucks?  ha ha
Oh wait, that was the birthday. 

I was going to ask where your Starbucks was located.   ;)

Glad you're ok.
Just had a read up on the pursuit and distanced...I can't believe how much the distanced is describing him!!!

So am I right in thinking, that this could actually be helping and not hindering?
« Last post by hope2018 on Today at 11:18:00 AM »
I was responding that yes I am getting an attorney.

Secondly, you all day that they say one thing but don't always follow through(divorce) so I don't want yo jeopardize anything that could mske him change his mind- not that he will!

Him seeing me out and  having fun work effect him you are saying?
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by gman242 on Today at 11:15:52 AM »

I wanted to finish the thought that its be easy to just say hey, things were never that good and to run away from this like a house on fire. I but I know too, we were best friends.. It was real. It makes all if this much more difficult than most can imagine, but I also know I'm preaching to the choir here.. :)
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by Never say never on Today at 11:08:19 AM »
Well, if change forces change, I see a great change in the near future for you, gman.  You sound great!!!
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 11:07:21 AM »
I'm not sure I understate your first few sentences.

Did you mean go get an attorney for information, but go have fun?  Are you worried if you go have fun it will jeopardize what?
He's already says he wants a D, so how do you think you will be jeopardizing anything.

If you want to go have fun with your friends, do it.  It won't matter.
Our Community / Re: Half Full or Half Empty? LBS vs MLC Spouse
« Last post by Never say never on Today at 11:06:16 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, MC ... love the title!!  We all need to start looking at that glass as half full again :)  Thanks for the reminder.
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by gman242 on Today at 11:01:02 AM »
Thunder, thank you! You're right! I've reached this real take or it leave it kind of point. I'm happy and I'm becoming who I wanted to be way back when we first got married. Except then, I just went right into my victim hole and gave up. Funny, just like how the web thing said happens and very apt timing on that. I've got this hindsight now where I'm like, she made me miserable and she was never happy.. she may never be! And you're right.. she's got a lot of catching up to do. I'm leaving a lot out, because it's still talk, but she's sent me screen shots of course offerings, she's wanting a second job now, she's complimenting me on nice things I've done to the house or for her. Still just a lot of talk without action.. although with S, she's been making some small ground. Not over nearly enough, but transferred me money, gave us gift cards etc.

Never.. I just wasn't aware enough to communicate that then. I was still stuck in my teen years, because W treated me the same as my mom did. Lots of pressure, bomb dropping me over nothing, emotional blackmail and guilt.. I just felt like "I can never do anything right for you!". However, there's been many times I've done that now, communicated. She threw a bomb at me about the crib and I told her it was nothing personal; S had taken it down because he didn't want his friend to see it and I had to move it to paint and besides, she wasn't over enough to use it anyway. And then lunch.. she was trying to kind of gloss over not going out because she didn't have money and I told her I bought her lunch once. She said "what does that mean?" and I told her I could pay again if it meant not cutting her time short with S and I got an "....oh".

All in all though.. I'm exhausted. Yes I'm standing up for myself, communicating, but I'm also fighting someone who can barely see the good in anything and just assumes someone is being a d!ck to her on purpose. It took me this long to see that her head is just stuck so far up her black hole she's only seeing what she wants to and it has nothing to do with me. It's exhausting though, I'm just so thankful for the peace I have right now and time I have with S. I'm sure being away from her is opening her eyes to what she took for granted with me and I know she's realizing because of her control, how much she held me back from helping out around the house and many other things.

It's up to her to realize she screwed up... I know I'm different now and maybe I could steer us on a better path. or maybe she could see I'm different and want to catch up as we've all been saying. I've read that in a lot of places. Change forces change.. either you change for the better and the people who care about you keep up or they don't and you move on.

The future is uncertain, but even though it may be a little unsteady at times,  I wouldn't trade now for anything.
Our Community / Half Full or Half Empty? LBS vs MLC Spouse
« Last post by MCSINME on Today at 10:58:29 AM »

This is my new thread!
I chose this name because of an interesting discussion during our MC last night.
MC asked each of us how we would rank our M based on satisfaction from 1(intolerable) to 10(perfect).
Of course I got to go first and I said 5-6.  H said 3-4.

This forum has made me so appreciative for what I do have, and realize that there are so many things that could be worse.
Thank you all for your thoughts and wisdom.
I will write more tonight (after work) about MC and ongoing things, and link my threads.

Love to you all.
Our Community / Re: End of the World
« Last post by serenity on Today at 10:54:18 AM »
I was saying this to a friend yesterday that if my H had died I’d get lots of sympathy and be allowed to talk about him but because we’ve had this crazy break up I’m not allowed to mention him or talk about it and that actually makes me feel worse.

Sometimes I feel like I will explode because I’m just not allowed to speak of him or what happened. Like MB said the world just expects us to jump to a new partner and all will be well. That’s what my H did and still does and I think it’s so unhealthy!  I’m alone and although deeply lonely - at least I know I can be alone!

Even if I did have a new partner it wouldn’t take my pain away or change the way I feel. I’m so tired of friends telling me to move on. I’ve re built my life and am very proud of what I’ve acheived. No one says well done for making a new life but I’m sure they’d all be terribly thrilled if I got a boyfriend!

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