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Our Community / Re: New name. New chapter. New outlook.
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 10:53:36 AM »
Oh wow, I'm very sorry.
Yes, let us know and ask about that protection order.
Our Community / Re: New name. New chapter. New outlook.
« Last post by in it on Today at 10:52:20 AM » wonder these guys get away with what they do. Don't want to take it to court too expensive and in the mean time you are dealing with physical injures and the anguish of this..

What's important at this time is that the order of protection is still effective. And stays that way for I'd say at least a 6 month minimum.

He's already violated that with the text. Make sure you tell them that and about the flowers. There may be a way if the roses were delivered from a florist  or store to find out from them who sent them if there was a credit card used.

Mybeautiful write things down to remind yourself.
Our Community / Re: New name. New chapter. New outlook.
« Last post by Mybeautifulfamily on Today at 10:42:19 AM »
Deferred prosecution agreement. They are dropped via this. I am going to find out details of the agreement this afternoon. The attorneys work this out on first offences to resolve outside of court. I don't know terms or if they have been met yet. Will find out.
Our Community / Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Last post by MourningDove on Today at 10:40:20 AM »
I am very patient, but some people are just beyond aggravating - LOL

Miss Management had asked me 3 weeks ago about covering on a Sunday for someone. The original question came via text. I texted her back originally and said I would go home and double check against the calendar at home. I sent her a text back saying I had that Sunday clear, so I would cover. I then emailed her, put it on our master calendar, texted her again to confirm and left her a note (I know the drill with her - leave no questions).

I was teaching my community class and a text came in. Miss Management wanted to know if I was available that same Sunday. I muttered under my breath "you have got to be effing kidding me". My one student heard me and burst out laughing - they are not used to me being frustrated - LOL. I guess, I forgot to send smoke signals, a telegram and a message by Carrier Pigeon. I know enough not to trust the postal service in my area -  ::) Honestly - LOL.

I came home and more rumblings from XH. Ignoring his desire to engage. I will maybe be moved to answer later. I am going to sit and drink a cup of tea and just enjoy a few moments of sitting in my kitchen and feeling the warm sunshine spill in. It may be freezing out, but in the kitchen the sun is making it feel like summer.  :)

If I didn't have to go out again soon again to pick up D, I would be gearing up for a walk. I will make sure I get that in as well today. I so need it - my tension is returning in my neck and I know I need to shake it off.

I also know I need to get the Christmas tree taken down. D had begged me to keep it up longer this year. It was something I had hoped to get done this past weekend, but it did not happen. I want my corner back. I need to move my easel back down into my art area, but I am thinking I might commandeer that corner for awhile. The light coming in that corner is really making me quite happy and inspired. I have a huge exhibit to prepare for in June. That is not all that far away and I suppose some new work would be a good thing to add to the mix.  :)
Our Community / Re: Newbie Document: Help with Ideas
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 10:40:12 AM »
I agree NC is best if you have an abuser, but if you have kids that's pretty hard to do.  You do need to co-parent.
Possibly Dark may be a better solution for them.

Maybe it's just me but I think to tell newbies possibly divorce is be the only way to protect themselves would scare the day lights out of them.  They are joining this site because it says "For people going through a MLC who don't want a divorce."
If I was told that when I first got on here I would probably have not come back.  I wanted to save my marriage.

Now having said that, I always tell newbies how important it is to protect themselves, financially.  But they need to get information from an attorney or financial adviser who knows the laws where they live...and they need time.  There are other alternatives to divorce. Every country is different.  In some divorce IS the only way to protect themselves.

I feel it's more important in the beginning to listen and try to calm some of their fears, advise to self care, breathe, eat, rest. etc.  Tell them this has nothing to do with them or their marriage, because most are believing the blame the MLCer is putting on them.

Let them know they are not alone, that helps them tremendously.  Let them get their sea legs a little first before talking about divorce.

Yes, the chances of them ending up divorced is big, but don't believe they need to hear that right away.  Their scared enough.
They'll figure that out just reading the stories on HR.

« Last post by hope2018 on Today at 10:38:53 AM »
I am looking for an attorney to protect myself.  I think I could go and just ignore his presence.  I would not try to talk to him but have fun and let him see that I don't NEED  him. I can manage on my own. But if him seeing me there having fun us going to jeopardize anything I won't go. 

His boss reached out to me today and he has stated my H is down. He has had conversations with him telling him the grass isn't greener as he can already see.  He said my H said he is worried about me handling a D. And that I deserve someone better. Thoughts?  I told his boss this conversation did not happen and that my H needs to crash and burn yet. Just to watch him.
It is really $h!tety isn't it Treasur...I just can't keep dealing with everything. I would like to say we are close to the end of the tunnel as recently I felt like we were making progress but who knows hey!

Thankyou OP I'll have a read now
Our Community / Re: End of the World
« Last post by bvFTD on Today at 10:35:37 AM »
I think part of the problem in our situations is that we are not dealing with simply a marital breakup. Ours were sudden, shocking deaths of the marriage and rending of a deep, long, emotional bond with someone. It truly rocked us to the core.

So many people expect us move on, get over it because you are supposed to be plucky and be happy at all costs in our shallow society. They don't realize that, as was mentioned, we are actually grieving. It seems to offend some people to acknowledge that we are actually living in deep sadness and will be until our acute grieving eases a little bit. Personally, I think it's healthier to recognize the tragic loss.
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by Never say never on Today at 10:18:52 AM »
I second that, Thunder!! 

When I read that, though, I was brought back to one word:  communication.  We are always assuming what the other is thinking because it is our way of thinking.  You said that in looking back, you are angry because you were trying to do something nice and she didn't get it.

Wouldn't it be great if you could have said at the time:  "You know what?  I'm trying to do something nice for you.  I am not attacking you," and then have a discussion about that.  It's sad.

But, especially during MLC time, there is no such thing as communication.
Our Community / Re: New name. New chapter. New outlook.
« Last post by bvFTD on Today at 10:13:27 AM »
He is lying and is now going to get into even more trouble for contacting you by sending you flowers and this obviously deluded text.

The prosecutor would have notified you if the state was going to drop the charges.
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