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Author Topic: Forum-Info New Message Icons!  (Read 2833 times)

Offline RollercoasteriderTopic starter

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Forum-Info New Message Icons!
« on: March 15, 2013, 05:20:13 PM »
I have updated the thread where I talk about how to post. It gives a basic review of the new icons.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=22.0

I have added a new icon to use specifically for Meet-Ups. It's function should be obvious. I have also changed the story icon at the Private Board so that it has a P on the book. That way if I ever mess up and move a thread to the wrong place, I will easily be able to tell if something needs to go back to the Private Board. I'm not planning to mess-up, but then that's probably a DUH!  :P

The icons that need a bit more explanation are two new additions to the My Story icon options.

I have added an icon for Reconnection and another for Rebuilding. They are each darkening shades of purple—they are too small for text.
Permission must be granted to use the purple story-book icons! Speak with a Mentor/Moderator, OldPilot or me (Rollercoasterider) about why you feel your situation qualifies.
These two icons will help find stories where there is more evident progress.

Reconnecting
Not for use in early MLC; use only 18 months post Bomb Drop
There can be low levels of Reconnection and these can be common in early MLC, that is not what this is for. Use this for serious Reconnection—so it needs to have been going on for some time and usually your MLCer is home. It is extremely rare for a Reconnection to be genuine until 18 months after Bomb Drop. Some MLCers move in and out multiple times, but often things will still be rocky and a situation may go back-and-forth between the white story icon and purple. By leaving the older threads with this icon, you can even look back and see the ups and downs-and it is important that newbies realize ups and downs are part of MLC-Normal.
With rare exceptions, this is not meant for an At-Home MLCer who simply never left.

Rebuilding
Use only after your MLCer has been living back at home for at least 18 months. For an MLCer who never left, use this after you have felt serious Reconnection for at least 18 months.
This is when MLC is over. That means it is not to be used lightly. If your situation still feels rocky, don't use it. You need to be be feeling more secure that you are working together toward reconciling.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2015, 10:21:57 PM by Rollercoasterider »

Online OldPilot

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Re: New Message Icons!
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2013, 12:33:42 PM »
If anyone would like their icons changed please let me or another moderator know and we can help you, edit the older threads.

I have done a few of them today and you will start seeing purple showing up on the board.

Offline UKStander

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Is there a way . . .
« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2013, 09:40:59 AM »
...to know who's reconciled, who's struggling, who's about to give up (are there any of those??). Are all Hero Members reconciled?  I noticed my mentor, Stayed, is 'reconciled' and I'm delighted to know that as it is HOPE indeed, and some people have the dates and story summary under their posts, but not all.  I know I can click on the forum name and that'll take me back to the original story, but I'm only going to be able to do that over time, I think.

Also, how many 'Reconcileds' are there?  ie how many of us have been reunited with their spouse?  That would be quite interesting to know, and perhaps a source of strength.  And I'd like to hear from them as much as possible, please.    :) 

UK Stander

BD June 2011
Affair discovered; three moves out and three attempts at return during 11/12, culminating in "I'm not coming back" statement. Then DIY separation agreement - Feb 14 - which I wouldn't sign. Now living with OW since Sept 14. In Feb 16 he said he 'just needed the money'. I think I have to frame this within a divorce, for protection and to know I can keep my home. So I've initiated. It's slow moving.

Online OldPilot

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Re: Is there a way . . .
« Reply #3 on: April 27, 2013, 09:54:07 AM »
...to know who's reconciled, who's struggling, who's about to give up (are there any of those??). Are all Hero Members reconciled?  I noticed my mentor, Stayed, is 'reconciled' and I'm delighted to know that as it is HOPE indeed, and some people have the dates and story summary under their posts, but not all.  I know I can click on the forum name and that'll take me back to the original story, but I'm only going to be able to do that over time, I think.

Also, how many 'Reconcileds' are there?  ie how many of us have been reunited with their spouse?  That would be quite interesting to know, and perhaps a source of strength.  And I'd like to hear from them as much as possible, please.    :) 

UK Stander
I have merged your question in with the thread that somewhat answers your question.

As far as stats go, I would say very few here are reconciled, right now Stayed, RCR, Patience, possibly Hyperglad.
Hearts Blessing reconciled her marriage too before she had her own MLC.

See this thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1872.0

Most members of this forum are standing.

There are quite a few that are reconnecting.
We are somewhat stingy handing out the purple icons, and light purple for reconnecting.

Many of us are passed the initial stages of MLC/LBS depression.
The forum is almost 3 years old.
MLC takes TIME, we will see what it looks like after 7 years.
Many people stop posting as they get to a better place.
There are over 1200 members here now, about 700 of them have posted.

Hope that helps.


Offline UKStander

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Re: New Message Icons!
« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2013, 10:05:00 AM »
Hello Old Pilot!

That helps a lot. Thank you. So, it's no surprise that so many of us are still in mid-struggle (with forum being just 3 years old). Plus we know (from THS in my case) that MLC can be 2 - 7 years.   

This is a daft question, probably, but when someone has 'MLC-er' as part of their 'label' they're not MLCers themselves, it's an indication of the type of MLC-er they are dealing with? 

I can understand that those who get to a better place stop posting at that time - such a shame for the rest of us. I promise to myself that when I'm Reconciled (how's that for positive), I won't disappear and will help others along. Actually, I find the psychological side of all this so interesting that I might well make it my life's work. (This would terrify H, of course, so not a word to him, ever about how closely he's been analysed.   :) )

UK S
BD June 2011
Affair discovered; three moves out and three attempts at return during 11/12, culminating in "I'm not coming back" statement. Then DIY separation agreement - Feb 14 - which I wouldn't sign. Now living with OW since Sept 14. In Feb 16 he said he 'just needed the money'. I think I have to frame this within a divorce, for protection and to know I can keep my home. So I've initiated. It's slow moving.

Online OldPilot

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Re: New Message Icons!
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2013, 10:10:25 AM »
This is a daft question, probably, but when someone has 'MLC-er' as part of their 'label' they're not MLCers themselves, it's an indication of the type of MLC-er they are dealing with? 
Yes-you are correct in what you said

See this thread for an explanation on how to change it or read up on the MLC "types"

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1530.0

Online OldPilot

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Re: New Message Icons!
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2013, 08:32:50 AM »
Just bumping this up to emphasise what RCR's vision is for the use of light purple and dark purple icons.

Everyone that is using these icons should read this first post before they start using it.

Thank you for your cooperation.


 

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