Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Replanting and Growing  (Read 8631 times)

Offline Slow Fade

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #10 on: March 03, 2017, 11:44:04 AM »
Quote
It is difficult when the biggest trigger you have lies next to in bed each night, and sits across from you at breakfast every morning.  Would it have been easier on me to cut and run, maybe, but I will never know.  I only know the path that I chose.  It is what was right for me.
Amen. Experiencing something similar so its nice to know someone else has gone before me!
Married 18
BD April 2012
Left home Nov 2012
Home May 2016

Offline Never say never

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #11 on: March 03, 2017, 01:35:07 PM »
Azioni, thank you for updating us and for sharing your story.  It is always so encouraging to read about a success when we are at this stage in our story.  I cannot begin to imagine the work it must take to rebuild your marriage, because actually, you have torn the structure down and must start over again from scratch, this time using sturdier material. 

I guess that would be a slow process and requires thought every step of the way.  You are an inspiration to us LBSes who are hoping to get to where you are some day.  Thanks again :)

Offline AzioniTopic starter

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #12 on: March 04, 2017, 04:28:08 AM »
My journey has been a tough one. So many things in addition to the A to deal with where OW is concerned (I may divulge at a later date). Sometimes when I sit on my deck in the evening, watching the sun set while my dogs or my boys (or both sets😊) are out in the yard, I am amazed that I have made it through. To think of the enormity of all the aspects, it can be emotionally overwhelming. But I see how happy the boys are, their brotherly banter that fills this place with happy noise....well, it puts me at peace in those moments. It helps me to realize that the choices I made were the right ones for me and our family.
You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

Offline Antigone

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #13 on: March 04, 2017, 05:18:11 AM »
Sometimes when I sit on my deck in the evening, watching the sun set while my dogs or my boys (or both sets😊) are out in the yard, I am amazed that I have made it through. To think of the enormity of all the aspects, it can be emotionally overwhelming. But I see how happy the boys are, their brotherly banter that fills this place with happy noise....well, it puts me at peace in those moments. It helps me to realize that the choices I made were the right ones for me and our family.

I am so happy for you. I feel the same way. What an incredibile journey, what amazing women!
xxx

Antigone
Ad maiora!

Offline Never say never

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2017, 07:10:49 PM »
Thank you, Az, for continuing to post.  You have no idea how much inspiration you bring to us.  I hope you are going to divulge things later so we can maybe learn, connect, live vicariously through you??, have a better understanding of what really is going on in our lives right now.

I am so happy that everything worked out for you.  You said it so well, realizing the choices you made were the right ones.  This is definitely a difficult journey we are all on, and you give us all hope!  Thank you.

Offline Kintsugi

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #15 on: March 04, 2017, 07:27:51 PM »
I am so inspired by your story!  Attaching...
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful ~ Barbara Bloom

Offline AzioniTopic starter

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #16 on: March 04, 2017, 07:43:35 PM »
It's very strange to be on the other side looking back now over the minefield. So many things that could have blown us up along the rough rollercoaster  road of R. It definitely took strength I never knew was there. The momma bear in me needed to come out roaring as this other thing tried to hurt my children. One physically the other mentally. (This on top of A with my H. Plus the lovely STD gift that was passed to me.) We had odds stacked very much against us.

Were there times I wanted to throw in the towel, yes. Too many to count. I even went so far as to speak with a D attorney. Things got so bad that I actually had a moment where I wanted to wrap my car around a tree. Just to make the pain stop. But I had a wonderful IC who helped me greatly. I was put on med for awhile and learned meditation and self hypnosis. All to get past my pain to concentrate on my kids.

H came out of fog very quickly when he realized what happened to our kids and to me. It was our starting point toward R I believe. Having to work together to save them. We did continue MC. The move and new start was the biggest change to do. But for our kids, and us, it had to be done. It was the best decision.

You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

Offline Kintsugi

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #17 on: March 05, 2017, 04:54:58 AM »
It is strange even for me to look back.  I was looking at anniversaries of his dumb behaviors.  When I reached the last one which was last month I decided it has been a year and it is time to let go.  What happened already happened and I have a newfound acceptance of many things.  I have to credit this site for a lot of that. 
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful ~ Barbara Bloom

Offline Never say never

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2017, 07:10:49 AM »
Thanks, A, for sharing, and BE, I know what you mean.  If I sit here and think about the past four-plus years for me, it is incomprehensible what I have gone through.  No one in their right mind would have put up with the lifestyle I lived. 

For that reason, I never wrote things down, try not to think about them and hope that with time, everything will pass.  There are so, so, so many altercations I have been through with my H, I just try to tell myself that this was not the man I married.  This was an alien who was going through something in his life.

What am I saying?  I am acting like things will for sure be okay!!! 

I just want to say, A, thank you for giving all of us hope.  We need stories like yours to keep us going.

Offline Kintsugi

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Re: Replanting and Growing
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2017, 08:09:20 AM »
I just try to tell myself that this was not the man I married.  This was an alien who was going through something in his life.

Your way of thinking works for me!  I have joked with myself about how aliens must have come down and sucked out his brain and that they came back and returned it - or part of it.  Another thought that keeps me sane is thinking about how he was just like a big dumb adolescent when he did what he did.  I think back to my own adolescence, raging hormones, etc. and it helps me somewhat. 
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful ~ Barbara Bloom


 

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