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Author Topic: My Story Standing on a path I didn't plan...  (Read 4288 times)

Online Puzzled

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My Story Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #20 on: May 31, 2017, 08:18:44 PM »
Hi Mara,
It is so sad to see in what internal state your spouse is.  And, yes, he seems to be very depressed and thus selfish, not thinking about what you are going through raising three children on your own.
Sending good thoughts your way,
Puzzled
Me: 46 (43 at BD1)
H: 52 (48 at BD1)
D: 9 (6 at BD1)
Met in 1995, married since 2000
BD 1: August 2014
BD 2: October 2015, moved abroad

Offline kikki

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #21 on: May 31, 2017, 10:39:26 PM »
A person in crisis is not capable of being responsible for anything much, despite their protestations otherwise. 
I used to enormously resent having to be responsible for everything that my MLCer walked away from.  And then someone said to me that I had a choice.  I could do the same and walk away.  I argued that that wasn't a choice I could make.  And they said well then.  You are choosing what you need to do. 
I fought with this reality for a long time, but I now understand. 
Thank goodness we can be our children's rock during this time.  They will never forget it Mara. They know who they can 100% rely on. 

The flip flop is MLC typical. 
As confounding as this all is, I am very glad that the lawyers and judge got to witness this from him.

Offline Trustandlove

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #22 on: May 31, 2017, 11:23:39 PM »
Hi, Mara,

It sounds like you did superbly well -- kikki is right, your kids will forever remember that you are their rock.

Regarding your H's admitting to depression, I am glad that the court saw the truth.  It doesn't excuse him, not in any way at all, it does show them that you are being the responsible one.  And it is one less lie. 

And what you said to your children was spot on. 

None of this is fair on us, but kikki is right, we choose to be the ones our children can rely on.  And that is worth gold.

x

xx

Offline MaraTopic starter

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #23 on: June 02, 2017, 07:55:16 AM »
Thank you for all the responses.
After Wednesday I know again and for sure my h is suffering MLC. I have been thinking a lot about what happened, just that one hour in court and thinking.... you can never be prepared for this.
I was armed with lot of arguments for the kids to lower his demand on the 50% split up during holidays...and he...just asked for practically nothing, no He asked, please keep them with you I have no energy...

I now am glad this was before court, because it is on paper there. This Flip flop as you call it Kiki is so real. Next week he can say he never said this...

Yes Kikki, I have a choice, to walk out too....
I once said to h, you know what, I walk away too...then what..
He said: I know you will never do that.
True...it is no option. I would not be able to live with myself> My kids deserve to be happy and loved.

Next sunday my D17 is doing confirmation in our church. Her father is not coming. Also my MIL is not coming although she really wants to. She s not understanding what is happening with her son (my h) and said to us she s worried if she comes to something of us, he will get more depressed.
I am over that question. It will happen anyway...
It s just sad for D and MIL they can not join this together because of h s MLC.
D is not reacting the same way. She s understanding but also putting the responsibility of things on the right place. She said to me: Dad has no right to keep people in this kind of jail this way. And Dad knows he can not get me in there. If he s sick, depressed, as he said in court, he has to go see a doctor.

It was said here too, the depression is making him selfish... and that s not fair.

I am not contacting my inlaws to persuade them to come. It was my D s idea and she has the right. Of course.

Thanks for all the hugs again.
Feeling it!

Hugs to all of you
Mara
I want to believe there's meaning here

Offline MaraTopic starter

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #24 on: June 03, 2017, 12:02:15 PM »
This evening I m feeling very very down.... :'(
I want to believe there's meaning here

Offline bluerose

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #25 on: June 03, 2017, 01:35:29 PM »
     Are you ok?

Offline Still Hopeful

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #26 on: June 03, 2017, 03:33:18 PM »
Praying for you
and sending you a big hug
Still hopful

Offline MaraTopic starter

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #27 on: June 04, 2017, 12:05:04 PM »
SH and BR, thanks for caring.

I m feeling better. Today was a special day because my D17 did confirmation in church. The thing making me sad was my h not wanting to be there.
The separation of the man I love is harder on days like these.

I focused on the special day and am thankful. My h is in my heart and I keep all these things he is missing in my heart.

Thank you
Mara
I want to believe there's meaning here

Offline bluerose

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #28 on: June 04, 2017, 01:34:02 PM »
    Congratulations to your daughter. Im glad you are feeling better. Special days make me very sad also. Hugs

Offline MaraTopic starter

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #29 on: June 09, 2017, 10:45:47 AM »
Today first time s10 is going to sleep at h place.
Every two weeks on Friday h will pick him up till Saturday in the early evening.

S10 was starting to look forward to it. I also tried to make it as positive as possible for him.
But the sleeping is a little problem. He does not want it. He likes sleep overs, but does not want this at his dads place. He wants his dad to come home and not getting used to the idea dad has another home.

For me it was another confrontation with the brokenness.

H was nice when picking up son.
H also did what was supposed and payed me all alimony for the kids.
It s giving me financial more perspective.

Just not sure how long we will be able to stay in this.

missing son 10, but trying to think positive. It will give him at least the chances to have a bond with his father.

The teenagers start their final year exams next mondy. S17 will do her end examination of secondary school.
So next weeks will be tense in the house :)


Mara
I want to believe there's meaning here


 

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