Author Topic: My Story Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together  (Read 2195 times)

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Well this is my 2nd Thread, to the club I never thought I would be a member of.  :(

This is my story so far.

My wife abandoned myself and our two sons ages 5 and 8, and has lived with two OM in the past 6 months.  I have noticed problems since early January so about 9 months now.  She did a complete 180 in morals, beliefs, ideas, and even in the way she interacts with the children.  She cannot be alone with them anymore.  She has to have someone with her.

She has had very little contact with our boys even though she was a great mom before bomb drop. 

OM#2 now is 10 years younger than her and a party animal.  She lives with him.  She looks, acts, and parties like she is in her early 20's.  She has got several new trashy tattoos.  Including a tattoo on the top of her thumb of all places.  lol   She always has a weird new style of haircut everytime I see her. 

She has went bankrupt, even though she had 0 in debt the day she left.  She has been evicted from at least one apartment that I know of.  She has signed over the family home to me.  She has given me full custody of the boys and can only see the children 4 days a month. 

She does not talk to her own family.  Before bomb drop she talked to her mom 6 times a day, she has talked to once in the past 9 months.  She has removed all of her old friends off facebook and ignores them if she runs into them in town.  She has completely tried to remove all traces of her old life pre bomb drop.  Even though we are divorced she has not told anyone.  As her best friend just a week ago told me she had no clue we were even having problems, let alone divorced now.

Basically she has lost EVERYTHING she valued in her life pre bomb drop.  She lost her dream home, her children, her own family wants nothing to do with her.  All of her friends have turned their back on her bc she abandoned her kids.  Other than her OM she has now, I don't believe she has anything but her clothes.  She lost everything else in the divorce.

She has told the OM and other people she has met since leaving me that I beat her, I raped her, I locked her in the basement for 2 weeks, I cheated on her, she has millions of dollars but can't access it.  Her father beat her, her old boyfriend beat her.  She has used a picture of her face from a bicycle accident at 12 years old to show proof of whichever person she said has beat her.  All lies of course.  All to play a victim to anyone who will listen and not question her.  But she only tells these tails to people who do not know me.  Probably bc anyone who knows me would not believe them.

She LIES about everything.  You cannot trust one thing she says.  She will literally lie about anything even down to the smallest detail.

She has cheated on OM#1 with OM#2, which she lives with OM#2 now.  She has cheated on OM#2 with me, but I didn't know about him at the time and once I did figure it out, I cut her off.  She of course lied to OM#2 that she wasn't trying to sleep with me at the same time as him.  I believe this is where she created the story I raped her.  His best friend reached out to me, scarred she was scamming OM#2.   I provided proof that she was lying to OM#2 best friend.  Which his best friend said he didn't believe. 

I am now divorced, and have no desire to talk to her.  I have told her now that the divorce is final, I will not see her or talk to her anymore.   It does seem to be causing her some discomfort as she keeps on now thinking of reasons to talk to me.  I ignore them. 

As far as I am concerned I am moving on with my own life with my boys and starting over.  I am no longer waiting around for her or planning on her ever coming home. 

Here is a link to my first thread.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0
« Last Edit: September 25, 2017, 07:19:59 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2017, 07:15:56 PM »
Well she has now told my sons 5 and 8 that she got them cell phones, and will be giving them to them this weekend. 

She in her right mind would have slapped herself across the face for trying to give cell phones to children this small.

I text her after my son told me and told her the kids will not be allowed cell phones at my home.  The children live with me 26 days out of the month and her 4.    I told her they will not be allowed to have cell phones at my house under any circumstances, and this is NOT up for discussion.

I swear the longer this goes, just the crazier she becomes. 
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Velika

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2017, 07:46:50 PM »
cpl, I'm so sorry. Thank goodness you have the kids.

Did your lawyer suggest a psych evaluation? She sounds really extreme, even for MLC -- and especially for someone with kids so small. Has her family tried to persuade her to see a doctor or psychiatrist? This sounds a little bit like bipolar.

I am starting to see that divorcing is probably one of the best moves a LBS can make, especially if done quickly. Like your former wife, my former H also lost interest in all of his former possessions and home, including an expensive speaker system he had recently purchased. He gave me the home in the divorce, along with everything in it

My former H is fixated on our son (age 9). Be grateful your former wife is not trying to take the kids from you. I believe my former H thinks our son is an extension of himself. He seldom remembers me or the dog he once loved.

I have no idea about the cell phone for small kids. Have you heard of ToyMail? https://www.google.com/amp/s/techcrunch.com/2013/11/15/toymail/amp/
(This might be more age appropriate?)

I would make sure you check with your attorney about the best way to handle her and access to the kids just so you are covering yourself.

Take good care. Your kids are lucky to have you!




Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2017, 09:25:19 PM »

Following CPL, what a year you have had, so seem to have things really organised and settled as much as possible for your boys though, you should feel proud of that. Good luck with the phone issue...
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2017, 10:22:24 PM »
Im with you CPL. Our stories are so similar in nearly everyway. My BD was in January. My W is flying but nowhere near as extreme as yours is, she is just off the scale. Im so sorry for you, I can imagine just how good she was before BD, my W was perfect in every way. Hard to believe, something only a LBS can understand because strangely enough all of our MLCers seem to have been great people before the Crisis hit them (and everybody around them) for 6....
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Philadelphiagirl

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2017, 12:47:48 AM »
Ah yes the mobile phone issue...........my kids got very basic mobiles last Xmas. They were 9 and I didn't think it a good idea but the others in their class had them and they were told they would be monitored every day etc. Anyway shortly after his Dad left my S broke his, then my D lost hers. I found it but allowed it to remain `lost' due to the actions of her Dad. Both phones are now broken and I haven't replaced them.

When my H first left he was sending them emails telling them of how much fun he was having. When my D would email back it would take him days to respond. She was checking her email every day. It was sad. Also, it was obvious that he was using his messages to them to get at me - I'm off being so free etc. Anyway, in the early days the 3 of us were in acute trauma and barely surviving. He seemed to have this idea that all would be well (for him obv) if he could text them and ring them whenever he wanted and that it would completely cut me out of the equation - I was just the person feeding them and trying to keep them as happy as I could. Any rational thinking person would get it that that wouldn't work - and it didn't!

Cut to him setting up a secret email address on an ipad for my S during one early visit when he still came inside our home. I didn't find it for 3 weeks, then read emails to his Dad where my S was talking about him my S being so sad he wanted to die. Did the ML'er contact me straight away and tell me about this - no - and when challenged 3 weeks later he said that it would have broken the confidence between him and his son. More teenage stupid behaviour. I completely freaked and took the emails to the kids school and their counsellor and was told that what he had done was parental neglect and to monitor everything.

My H still complains to the intermediary that he should be able to email them/call them whenever - oddly enough he hasn't been to see them as of 9 weeks yesterday. I see the phones as the ML'er realising that their relationship with their kids is in trouble and being able to call them whenever is the answer to this - think again - the answer is to spend quality time with them and basically not to abandon them in the first place. You can walk away from a marriage without abandoning your kids.     

I cannot trust my H to be responsible with communication with the kids and have had 3 separate childcare professionals tell me that they should not have mobiles at this stage to interact with their Dad. Your kids are much younger and as you say - what is a 5 year old going to do with a mobile - drop it in his juice??????

Sometimes I think its as simple as - I'm going to say I'm going to do this - my former Spouse will not like it and it will create more chaos - as I'm 17 I love chaos - what next - oh yes mobiles for the kids!!!! I'm sorry you are going through this. Last Summer my H wanted to take the kids out of the country camping - lots of reasons why I didn't allow this - but main one I kept repeating - our S doesn't like camping - we both know this. Didn't seem to matter - more chaos for the ML'er to complain to his new crew about.

You worry about your kids with social media/phones etc. as they get older but I never thought that I'd be worrying about their interaction with their Dad - then again I am married (in legal form only) to a 52 year old who cannot link up a 9 year old talking about his own death with telling the parent who lives with him in a different country to himself.

She doesn't get to dictate the next chapter for your boys Cpl  - you do - sorry I've gone on a bit - I just think that they use the phone idea as a way to make themselves feel better. See world.....I haven't abandoned my kids - I can call them whenever I like......

Cut to reality - you have abandoned your kids - them having a phone isn't going to change that..............

Take care of the 3 of you, PG           

Offline Silver

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2017, 12:54:08 AM »
Following along.

Btw I think you need to lock your previous thread now you started the new one mate.
I am not sure if mods do it, I guess so but you can do it yourself too.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 12:59:56 AM by Silver »
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2017, 03:50:29 PM »
My lawyer said I could request a psych eval, but he said it really wouldn't do any good.  She signed over custody and was already at the very lowest levels of visitation.  He said the only way the court would approve anything less, she basically had to physically hurt them.  Believe me I asked.  Even her own family and mother wanted her to only have supervised visitation.  :(

I have wondered if she didn't have something like bipolar or personality disorder before and it wasn't that severe.  But then the MLC made it go extreme.  Whatever it is, she is WAY out there!  We went through a situation similar when she was in her very early 20's.  But we were just basically dating then and I didn't see a lot of it, but now have pieced together it was pretty identical.  It just didn't last as long, a few months and she didn't go to this extreme.  But it was very similar.  I have read about quarter crisis and they usually then go through a midlife crisis later, and wonder if that is what it was.

On the phones, she did talk to me once about it a while back.  And I told her no.  She said she could see their location on GPS and see where they were.  So she said she felt like she was still taking care of them by knowing where they were?  I don't know.  Crazy MLC brain. 

Also my oldest son 8, told me that since he didn't talk to her for so long.  She promised both kids a phone if they would start to talk to her.  So she was using them as a bribe.

She does that a lot now.  She tries to buy their love, but it never works for very long.  She doesn't realize that they miss HER, not her money.

Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2017, 04:02:02 PM »


I am starting to see that divorcing is probably one of the best moves a LBS can make, especially if done quickly. Like your former wife, my former H also lost interest in all of his former possessions and home, including an expensive speaker system he had recently purchased. He gave me the home in the divorce, along with everything in it



I think you are 100% right.  I start to see glimpses of my wife now regretting giving me custody.  Also of her starting to realize that she gave up a lot of money in the divorce, and her OM wanted some of my stuff.  PUKE.

If I could today go back and talk to myself 9 months earlier, I would tell myself not to even try to stop the divorce.  I would tell myself just get it over with, because there is nothing else you could have done to stop it.  And at least the kids are safe, and you have your house.

If I didn't do the divorce, and she agreed to take on all of her debt, she would have bankrupted me as well.  I would have lost everything, and my kids and me would have not even had a house.

I think early on, they don't care about anything but getting away from their spouse.  And they seem willing to do anything to get rid of their spouse.  I say take full advantage of it.  Get as much as you possibly can, and get out. 

And as much as I wish it wasn't true.  I have to admit, there is very little if any chance we will reconcile.  I think too much has been done, and even if she wanted to get back together, which I doubt she ever will.  I don't know how we would do it.

I hate to say it, but I imagine we are just done, and there wasn't anything I could have done or could do in the future to save us.

I just wish I could talk to the future me of another year or two, and see how this all played out.  Just like I would tell my old self to not fight the divorce.  I imagine the me of the future would just tell me to go date and try to find a real mother for my kids while they are still young and need that.  :(
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 04:03:34 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #9 on: September 28, 2017, 03:24:05 PM »
Well I think I really pissed her off when I text her saying no cell phones, because I haven't heard a peep from her since. 

I have to admit I feel like a failure at detaching.  I mean I'm doing everything right.  I'm not talking to her.  I'm not texting her unless it's a necessity about the kids.  I haven't called her in months.  I have an appetite.  I usually sleep well at night.  I'm not taking any medication to sleep or anything. 

So I mean I have made improvements.   And I know I'm doing better now than before.   But dang I sure think about her a lot.  Something small triggers it, like a song, or seeing something that reminds me of her.  Or just laying in bed and remembering how her laugh used to echo in the room. 

I sure miss the old her.  I miss her a lot.  We had a lot of fun.  Almost all my family has passed on, so it was just me, her, and the boys.  They were my whole life and I identified myself as mostly the husband to her and father to my boys.

Also I had an injury in the Marines that made me loose a good portion of my memory up to that point.  So we were already together when it happened, so in all honestly she really has been with my my whole life.  At least what I can really remember of it.

I keep on telling myself how lucky I am.  I have custody of my kids.  She has lost the one thing she should cherish the most, our kids. 

I should be happy with how it turned out, bc it could have been so much worse.  But I sure struggle feeling sorry for myself.  And I am not one to feel sorry for myself at all.  In fact I hate when people feel sorry for themeselves.  I'm usually very much an optimistic guy.    And I even know that I'm better off without her.  She isn't a good person right now.   

But I sure miss the old her.  I just wish I could turn that off.  I've never had any trouble controlling my emotions before, but this time I feel like I have failed miserably. 



Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177


 

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