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Author Topic: My Story Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together  (Read 2435 times)

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Well this is my 2nd Thread, to the club I never thought I would be a member of.  :(

This is my story so far.

My wife abandoned myself and our two sons ages 5 and 8, and has lived with two OM in the past 6 months.  I have noticed problems since early January so about 9 months now.  She did a complete 180 in morals, beliefs, ideas, and even in the way she interacts with the children.  She cannot be alone with them anymore.  She has to have someone with her.

She has had very little contact with our boys even though she was a great mom before bomb drop. 

OM#2 now is 10 years younger than her and a party animal.  She lives with him.  She looks, acts, and parties like she is in her early 20's.  She has got several new trashy tattoos.  Including a tattoo on the top of her thumb of all places.  lol   She always has a weird new style of haircut everytime I see her. 

She has went bankrupt, even though she had 0 in debt the day she left.  She has been evicted from at least one apartment that I know of.  She has signed over the family home to me.  She has given me full custody of the boys and can only see the children 4 days a month. 

She does not talk to her own family.  Before bomb drop she talked to her mom 6 times a day, she has talked to once in the past 9 months.  She has removed all of her old friends off facebook and ignores them if she runs into them in town.  She has completely tried to remove all traces of her old life pre bomb drop.  Even though we are divorced she has not told anyone.  As her best friend just a week ago told me she had no clue we were even having problems, let alone divorced now.

Basically she has lost EVERYTHING she valued in her life pre bomb drop.  She lost her dream home, her children, her own family wants nothing to do with her.  All of her friends have turned their back on her bc she abandoned her kids.  Other than her OM she has now, I don't believe she has anything but her clothes.  She lost everything else in the divorce.

She has told the OM and other people she has met since leaving me that I beat her, I raped her, I locked her in the basement for 2 weeks, I cheated on her, she has millions of dollars but can't access it.  Her father beat her, her old boyfriend beat her.  She has used a picture of her face from a bicycle accident at 12 years old to show proof of whichever person she said has beat her.  All lies of course.  All to play a victim to anyone who will listen and not question her.  But she only tells these tails to people who do not know me.  Probably bc anyone who knows me would not believe them.

She LIES about everything.  You cannot trust one thing she says.  She will literally lie about anything even down to the smallest detail.

She has cheated on OM#1 with OM#2, which she lives with OM#2 now.  She has cheated on OM#2 with me, but I didn't know about him at the time and once I did figure it out, I cut her off.  She of course lied to OM#2 that she wasn't trying to sleep with me at the same time as him.  I believe this is where she created the story I raped her.  His best friend reached out to me, scarred she was scamming OM#2.   I provided proof that she was lying to OM#2 best friend.  Which his best friend said he didn't believe. 

I am now divorced, and have no desire to talk to her.  I have told her now that the divorce is final, I will not see her or talk to her anymore.   It does seem to be causing her some discomfort as she keeps on now thinking of reasons to talk to me.  I ignore them. 

As far as I am concerned I am moving on with my own life with my boys and starting over.  I am no longer waiting around for her or planning on her ever coming home. 

Here is a link to my first thread.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0
« Last Edit: September 25, 2017, 07:19:59 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2017, 07:15:56 PM »
Well she has now told my sons 5 and 8 that she got them cell phones, and will be giving them to them this weekend. 

She in her right mind would have slapped herself across the face for trying to give cell phones to children this small.

I text her after my son told me and told her the kids will not be allowed cell phones at my home.  The children live with me 26 days out of the month and her 4.    I told her they will not be allowed to have cell phones at my house under any circumstances, and this is NOT up for discussion.

I swear the longer this goes, just the crazier she becomes. 
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Velika

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2017, 07:46:50 PM »
cpl, I'm so sorry. Thank goodness you have the kids.

Did your lawyer suggest a psych evaluation? She sounds really extreme, even for MLC -- and especially for someone with kids so small. Has her family tried to persuade her to see a doctor or psychiatrist? This sounds a little bit like bipolar.

I am starting to see that divorcing is probably one of the best moves a LBS can make, especially if done quickly. Like your former wife, my former H also lost interest in all of his former possessions and home, including an expensive speaker system he had recently purchased. He gave me the home in the divorce, along with everything in it

My former H is fixated on our son (age 9). Be grateful your former wife is not trying to take the kids from you. I believe my former H thinks our son is an extension of himself. He seldom remembers me or the dog he once loved.

I have no idea about the cell phone for small kids. Have you heard of ToyMail? https://www.google.com/amp/s/techcrunch.com/2013/11/15/toymail/amp/
(This might be more age appropriate?)

I would make sure you check with your attorney about the best way to handle her and access to the kids just so you are covering yourself.

Take good care. Your kids are lucky to have you!




Online CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2017, 09:25:19 PM »

Following CPL, what a year you have had, so seem to have things really organised and settled as much as possible for your boys though, you should feel proud of that. Good luck with the phone issue...
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Online Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2017, 10:22:24 PM »
Im with you CPL. Our stories are so similar in nearly everyway. My BD was in January. My W is flying but nowhere near as extreme as yours is, she is just off the scale. Im so sorry for you, I can imagine just how good she was before BD, my W was perfect in every way. Hard to believe, something only a LBS can understand because strangely enough all of our MLCers seem to have been great people before the Crisis hit them (and everybody around them) for 6....
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Philadelphiagirl

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2017, 12:47:48 AM »
Ah yes the mobile phone issue...........my kids got very basic mobiles last Xmas. They were 9 and I didn't think it a good idea but the others in their class had them and they were told they would be monitored every day etc. Anyway shortly after his Dad left my S broke his, then my D lost hers. I found it but allowed it to remain `lost' due to the actions of her Dad. Both phones are now broken and I haven't replaced them.

When my H first left he was sending them emails telling them of how much fun he was having. When my D would email back it would take him days to respond. She was checking her email every day. It was sad. Also, it was obvious that he was using his messages to them to get at me - I'm off being so free etc. Anyway, in the early days the 3 of us were in acute trauma and barely surviving. He seemed to have this idea that all would be well (for him obv) if he could text them and ring them whenever he wanted and that it would completely cut me out of the equation - I was just the person feeding them and trying to keep them as happy as I could. Any rational thinking person would get it that that wouldn't work - and it didn't!

Cut to him setting up a secret email address on an ipad for my S during one early visit when he still came inside our home. I didn't find it for 3 weeks, then read emails to his Dad where my S was talking about him my S being so sad he wanted to die. Did the ML'er contact me straight away and tell me about this - no - and when challenged 3 weeks later he said that it would have broken the confidence between him and his son. More teenage stupid behaviour. I completely freaked and took the emails to the kids school and their counsellor and was told that what he had done was parental neglect and to monitor everything.

My H still complains to the intermediary that he should be able to email them/call them whenever - oddly enough he hasn't been to see them as of 9 weeks yesterday. I see the phones as the ML'er realising that their relationship with their kids is in trouble and being able to call them whenever is the answer to this - think again - the answer is to spend quality time with them and basically not to abandon them in the first place. You can walk away from a marriage without abandoning your kids.     

I cannot trust my H to be responsible with communication with the kids and have had 3 separate childcare professionals tell me that they should not have mobiles at this stage to interact with their Dad. Your kids are much younger and as you say - what is a 5 year old going to do with a mobile - drop it in his juice??????

Sometimes I think its as simple as - I'm going to say I'm going to do this - my former Spouse will not like it and it will create more chaos - as I'm 17 I love chaos - what next - oh yes mobiles for the kids!!!! I'm sorry you are going through this. Last Summer my H wanted to take the kids out of the country camping - lots of reasons why I didn't allow this - but main one I kept repeating - our S doesn't like camping - we both know this. Didn't seem to matter - more chaos for the ML'er to complain to his new crew about.

You worry about your kids with social media/phones etc. as they get older but I never thought that I'd be worrying about their interaction with their Dad - then again I am married (in legal form only) to a 52 year old who cannot link up a 9 year old talking about his own death with telling the parent who lives with him in a different country to himself.

She doesn't get to dictate the next chapter for your boys Cpl  - you do - sorry I've gone on a bit - I just think that they use the phone idea as a way to make themselves feel better. See world.....I haven't abandoned my kids - I can call them whenever I like......

Cut to reality - you have abandoned your kids - them having a phone isn't going to change that..............

Take care of the 3 of you, PG           

Offline Silver

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2017, 12:54:08 AM »
Following along.

Btw I think you need to lock your previous thread now you started the new one mate.
I am not sure if mods do it, I guess so but you can do it yourself too.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 12:59:56 AM by Silver »
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2017, 03:50:29 PM »
My lawyer said I could request a psych eval, but he said it really wouldn't do any good.  She signed over custody and was already at the very lowest levels of visitation.  He said the only way the court would approve anything less, she basically had to physically hurt them.  Believe me I asked.  Even her own family and mother wanted her to only have supervised visitation.  :(

I have wondered if she didn't have something like bipolar or personality disorder before and it wasn't that severe.  But then the MLC made it go extreme.  Whatever it is, she is WAY out there!  We went through a situation similar when she was in her very early 20's.  But we were just basically dating then and I didn't see a lot of it, but now have pieced together it was pretty identical.  It just didn't last as long, a few months and she didn't go to this extreme.  But it was very similar.  I have read about quarter crisis and they usually then go through a midlife crisis later, and wonder if that is what it was.

On the phones, she did talk to me once about it a while back.  And I told her no.  She said she could see their location on GPS and see where they were.  So she said she felt like she was still taking care of them by knowing where they were?  I don't know.  Crazy MLC brain. 

Also my oldest son 8, told me that since he didn't talk to her for so long.  She promised both kids a phone if they would start to talk to her.  So she was using them as a bribe.

She does that a lot now.  She tries to buy their love, but it never works for very long.  She doesn't realize that they miss HER, not her money.

Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2017, 04:02:02 PM »


I am starting to see that divorcing is probably one of the best moves a LBS can make, especially if done quickly. Like your former wife, my former H also lost interest in all of his former possessions and home, including an expensive speaker system he had recently purchased. He gave me the home in the divorce, along with everything in it



I think you are 100% right.  I start to see glimpses of my wife now regretting giving me custody.  Also of her starting to realize that she gave up a lot of money in the divorce, and her OM wanted some of my stuff.  PUKE.

If I could today go back and talk to myself 9 months earlier, I would tell myself not to even try to stop the divorce.  I would tell myself just get it over with, because there is nothing else you could have done to stop it.  And at least the kids are safe, and you have your house.

If I didn't do the divorce, and she agreed to take on all of her debt, she would have bankrupted me as well.  I would have lost everything, and my kids and me would have not even had a house.

I think early on, they don't care about anything but getting away from their spouse.  And they seem willing to do anything to get rid of their spouse.  I say take full advantage of it.  Get as much as you possibly can, and get out. 

And as much as I wish it wasn't true.  I have to admit, there is very little if any chance we will reconcile.  I think too much has been done, and even if she wanted to get back together, which I doubt she ever will.  I don't know how we would do it.

I hate to say it, but I imagine we are just done, and there wasn't anything I could have done or could do in the future to save us.

I just wish I could talk to the future me of another year or two, and see how this all played out.  Just like I would tell my old self to not fight the divorce.  I imagine the me of the future would just tell me to go date and try to find a real mother for my kids while they are still young and need that.  :(
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 04:03:34 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #9 on: September 28, 2017, 03:24:05 PM »
Well I think I really pissed her off when I text her saying no cell phones, because I haven't heard a peep from her since. 

I have to admit I feel like a failure at detaching.  I mean I'm doing everything right.  I'm not talking to her.  I'm not texting her unless it's a necessity about the kids.  I haven't called her in months.  I have an appetite.  I usually sleep well at night.  I'm not taking any medication to sleep or anything. 

So I mean I have made improvements.   And I know I'm doing better now than before.   But dang I sure think about her a lot.  Something small triggers it, like a song, or seeing something that reminds me of her.  Or just laying in bed and remembering how her laugh used to echo in the room. 

I sure miss the old her.  I miss her a lot.  We had a lot of fun.  Almost all my family has passed on, so it was just me, her, and the boys.  They were my whole life and I identified myself as mostly the husband to her and father to my boys.

Also I had an injury in the Marines that made me loose a good portion of my memory up to that point.  So we were already together when it happened, so in all honestly she really has been with my my whole life.  At least what I can really remember of it.

I keep on telling myself how lucky I am.  I have custody of my kids.  She has lost the one thing she should cherish the most, our kids. 

I should be happy with how it turned out, bc it could have been so much worse.  But I sure struggle feeling sorry for myself.  And I am not one to feel sorry for myself at all.  In fact I hate when people feel sorry for themeselves.  I'm usually very much an optimistic guy.    And I even know that I'm better off without her.  She isn't a good person right now.   

But I sure miss the old her.  I just wish I could turn that off.  I've never had any trouble controlling my emotions before, but this time I feel like I have failed miserably. 



Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline gman242

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #10 on: September 28, 2017, 03:57:45 PM »
I feel the same way. I still have my family and I'm sorry for your loss... But we grew up together. She was the person I fell in love with and wanted to do everything right with.

I have a bad right knee and bad left ear.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #11 on: September 28, 2017, 05:29:20 PM »
Tonight she called for the boys, bc tomorrow she and her OM#2 are getting them for their 2 out of 4 days per month.  They plan on taking them to Chuckee Cheese like they are some big happy family.  :(

She told my S8 she went and watched the movie IT.  I don't know why but this really hurts.  I begged her to watch any type of scary movie with me for years.  She is so terrified of anything, she wouldn't even watch like goosebumps, the old TV show with me. 

Her number one fear is clowns and old dolls, and to know she went and watched a movie with this guy she has known a few months, when I asked her literally off and on for 15 years.  It just sort of hurts.

I was her husband and supposed to be the love of her life.  But she is doing stuff with a young guy that I could never get her to do with me. 

I just really wonder, did we have rose colored glasses on?  Am I just a Fixer, and saw what my spouse could have been, and not what they actually are?

I really wonder at times, was my marriage as good as I thought it was, or was I just in a fog myself?

I mean how could they literally change this much?  It just makes me question was I just blind to what she really was? 

This is just one of the many thoughts that go through my head when I feel all alone in the world.  lol
« Last Edit: September 28, 2017, 05:33:06 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2017, 05:49:07 AM »
Well she showed up at her former house last night to pick up the kids with the boyfriend in tow.

I don't know if she is just clueless to how disrespectful that is, or she intended it to be a slap in the face.  Or since I have went no contact with her other than very, very short text messages about the kids, she was hoping to get a rise out of me, and make me pay her attention.

The old me would have blown up her phone about how horrible that is, and how can she do this to our kids.

But I know there is nothing I can do.  I know she could care less about our family or our kids.  So I stayed inside, shut the door to her and just let her go.  I didn't text her.

On a positive note, I went to a church event last night.  There is a girl who I was good friends with back about 20 years ago.  She's a nurse and she just recently found me on facebook.  So we have been talking.  She invited me, and I didn't decline.  I actually had a good time.  We talked for hours about the old days and brought up a lot of memories I had forget.

I gave her a hug, which is the fist time I have even touched another woman since my XW left, and it felt sort of nice.  I had forgot even what a woman felt like.  lol

But it was a nice time.  It was totally innocent, but it was just nice. 
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Velika

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2017, 07:49:33 AM »
I actually think you are doing an amazing job at detaching and seeing things clearly. I have to applaud you on how you are handling things.

I have also observed the dangling of the OP. My FH still thinks his OW and I will one day be friends. He made a statement to this effect in our coparenting session last week. He also articulated a wish that I can meet his unplanned baby with OW. He once CC'd me on an email to his HR department titled "Health Insurance for my Baby Girl."

Like you, I say nothing. I have also had long periods of wondering just what is going on behind his actions. If you read the memorizable How MLC is Like Depression, it notes that someone in this state will often do the same things with the OP as they did with the spouse. Sometimes they will encourage them to dress or act like the spouse. My FH took our son and OW to the same ballet I had planned for our family to see the year before. It was like nothing has any sentimental meaning to him at all anymore.

In my better moments, I can look at this as a radical exercise in detachment. After all, what part of "me" do I think is lost when this happens? I am actually curious to see (one day) how this experience affects me in another relationship. I wonder if I will be unphased by small issues or else on high alert as to early signs of mental instability.

It is great you are going out and meeting and reconnecting with people. I think you are doing amazingly well.

Offline gman242

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2017, 08:11:49 AM »
Velika, that keeps popping up in my mind too... As far as I can tell, W found a guy just like me. My W has been wanting my S to go over there and meet OM and act like a family. I think maybe she wanted me to meet him too.. I don't know.

Strange.. I think that's just how much and hard they resist growing. Find a new, fake family like the old one without the guilt. Some serious fatansy right there.

Offline Velika

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2017, 08:48:13 AM »
Velika, that keeps popping up in my mind too... As far as I can tell, W found a guy just like me. My W has been wanting my S to go over there and meet OM and act like a family. I think maybe she wanted me to meet him too.. I don't know.

Strange.. I think that's just how much and hard they resist growing. Find a new, fake family like the old one without the guilt. Some serious fatansy right there.

I no longer think of these relationships as falling within the same spectrum. I think whatever thinking pattern is going on, it is so unlike what we typically experience that it is almost impossible to imagine.

I actually don't think our spouses are resisting growing or feel guilt in the way that we would have this experience. I think whatever is going on has more to do with brain chemistry and function. (This is just my opinion, I know others disagree.)

I really think that although our spouses quickly "replace" us, this is done very unconsciously. I made a friend on the forum who doesn't post much anymore, also with a very extreme H. Her therapist said he (the therapist) also had a crisis and said that a person thinking rationally just can't imagine what is going on in the mindset of someone in this state.


Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #16 on: October 02, 2017, 04:56:20 AM »
Well she picked up the kids on Friday at 5, with her BF in tow.  :(

On Saturday I talked to the kids at 8pm to say goodnight.  My oldest S8 seemed off.  I even asked him several times if he was ok.

At 9:30, he called me on the phone and begged me to come meet my XW so he could come home.  So I agreed and drove to the pickup spot to get him. 

When I got there I didn't look at her, my son got out of her car and got in mine.  I glanced over and you could tell she was waiting for me to talk to her.  I just drove off.

I could see in my rear view mirror she just sat there.  She didn't move for a while. 

When my son got in the car, he was like I just can't stand being around the OM.  And staying at his house.  It really upsets me.  He's like I begged her to leave and she finally let me.  Event though my son said she was really mad that he wanted to leave.  And of course he said something to my XW about not wanting to be around the OM, and she didn't care.

The next morning I text her at 8am, saying to have my S5 contact me.  Bc he was still over there.  She never responded and he never called.  Probably bc she was pouting over the fact the S8 didn't want to be part of her family fantasy with the OM.

At like 3pm, I got a text from her asking me PLEASE to talk to her on the phone about selling her old car.  I figured this might be sort of anchor check after I blew her off at the pickup of my son, and her seeming to want to talk to me.  It might have made her think she is loosing me.  Bc the old me would have cherished the opportunity to talk to her.  I ignored it.  She has this OM now.  He can help her sell it. 

At 6pm she dropped my S5 off.  Of course with the OM in tow.   So even though my S8 had left her house the night before bc of the OM, she still brought him along for the dropoff.  My S8 went outside to see her.  She totally ignored him.  Probably bc she is still mad and she's like a teenager now.  If you don't do what she wants she does the silent treatment on you as punishment.

She also always calls at 8pm everynight to talk to the kids.   She didn't call last night.  My S8 was like she didn't call me Dad, bc she is mad at me I wouldn't hang around with the OM.  He's like honestly I don't care if she is mad at me or not.  It's wrong what she is doing.  I just want a mom and she's not acting like one.  This is coming from an 8 year old.  :(
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #17 on: October 02, 2017, 06:18:00 AM »
Aww cpl, that’s sad for your boy, it just shows they are just not in their right mind are they, I’m sure you know your old W never would have treated your boy like that. Amazing dad being there for your boy. His words were wise, but it’s stuff an 8 year old shouldn’t have to be thinking about. Hope you have a nice settled time with the boys back with you this week
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #18 on: October 03, 2017, 06:30:32 PM »
well today she text me at 6am demanding that I now let her have the kids 2 days every week on top of her every other weekend.  Or she would file contempt charges on me.  lol

She only has them every other weekend by court order.  So she can't do anything.  So my only response was I'm following the court orders.

She then threatened me again saying she can have what she wants and blah blah, blah.  I just ignored it. 

I'm not sure what her end game was in this.  I don't know if she is just cycling or I'm not engaging in the drama anymore, so maybe she is just trying to push my buttons.  I'm sure she is running out of ammunition of showing her boyfriend that I'm such a bad guy. 

Hard saying I guess.

« Last Edit: October 03, 2017, 07:08:51 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #19 on: October 04, 2017, 04:44:31 AM »
You done the right thing by ignoring her. Your doing what the law wants so let her bla, bla, bla all she wants. All deserved consequences of her actions. Simple as!!!
Your doing great mate..
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline gman242

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #20 on: October 04, 2017, 06:25:23 AM »
They tend not to like it when they have limits imposed upon them from reality. That's one thing I do know. I do think they sort of burn through everything they can use against you and they'll just cycle through it all to get a response out of you or anchor check.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #21 on: October 05, 2017, 04:49:03 PM »
Well after blowing up my phone all week begging me to see the kids more.  I finally relented and sent her a message that she could pick them up when I go to the gym on Friday night and she could take them out to McDonald's or out to ice cream.

Then it was crickets.  She didn't want them on Friday night. She only wants them on Tues and Thurs.  I'm guessing the OM has something going on at those times. 

As many times as she asked this week and begged me to see the kids.  I started to think she might be changing.  But she had me fooled.  It was nothing new.  She only wants them when it's convenient for her.  So nothing has changed.   

Then this morning several people messaged me.  She changed her status officially on facebook to in a relationship with the OM#2.  She still had she was married until yesterday with our anniversary date.
 Even though she has been gone for over 6 months from the house, and been at least been through 2 men.

She has to be ashamed of her new relationship too.  Usually when you have a relationship change it posts it on your feed, so people can comment and like it.  But on hers it didn't do that. 

I know when I switched mine from married to divorced it asked if I wanted to hide it off my wall.  I clicked yes, bc I am ashamed of being divorced.  I think she did the same thing. 

I have a hunch that she might have been told to change it.  Or felt she had to change it.  She has been living with this guy officially for over a month.  And really she has been living with him for months.  He probably was like change your status from married to in a relationship with me and she did it as low key as she could.

If she wasn't ashamed of it.  She would have made it post and showed joy about it.  But she didn't make any comments on it at all.  And did it as quietly as she could. 

I hope she is ashamed of it.  She should be. 

« Last Edit: October 05, 2017, 04:57:09 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Silver

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #22 on: October 06, 2017, 01:43:25 AM »
Hi cpl,
Yes they get us fooled time after time until we learn, little by little mate.
She might be ashamed based on what you told but then again their emotions are just all over the place w/o any logic in it imo so who knows. Don't monkey brain about it mate, no good for you.
About you being shamed b/c of D, I suggest you work on that, you should not let that feeling to stay as permanent. It is part of your life now and as you did nothing to cause it, no need for you to be ashamed mate.
But yes I know what you're talking about, I've divorced once myself and these things don't come easy or fast.

Stay strong mate, you're taking good care of yourself and kids, be proud of it.

"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #23 on: October 10, 2017, 04:57:33 AM »
Well something set her off.  I'm not sure what but she blew up my phone one morning and posted this on Facebook.  She even copied it and sent it to me.  I think someone said something to her.   I just ignored it bc I think she was trying to suck me into the drama.

But this is what she wrote.  It's so interesting to me the way she is demanding people not judge her and she is writing this on a position that isn't weak.  You can hear the narcissism as she writes this.  Its like a teenager throwing a fit. 

"Please fee free to delete me from Facebook if you feel the need to run to my ex husband or anybody else about my personal life.  As a human being, a grown up, and an adult I am entitled to my own life and my own happiness.  Just because I may have made decisions that people don't agree with, nor understand, doesn't mean that you can judge me.  Im sure this post will get sent to a specific person but what I'm asking for is privacy.  And if you cant give me privacy, I'm asking you remove me.  I mean this with love and kindness but don't take that as weakness."

Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline gman242

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #24 on: October 10, 2017, 05:11:44 AM »
Probably.. and who gives a flying flip.  ::) Not worth the drama.

Mine did the same thing. I have a strong feeling it was her family, who happen to love me quite a bit. She retaliated by deleting me and my family from her FB, not hers mind you. Whatever.. lol crazy is as crazy does.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #25 on: October 15, 2017, 12:25:55 PM »
Well after her little blowup on facebook the other day and she started to create drama with me.  I told her I was done and meant it.

Since then she keeps on trying to be super nice to me.  Just trying anything she can to talk to me and do "Nice" things for me.  Like saying she would continue to pay my insurance bc I need a minor surgery. 

I am ignoring most of it.  She even called me from a new number so I would answer bc she said she knew I woudln't answer otherwise.

You know I think it's driving her nuts that I told her I was done and didn't want anything to do with her.  But I really don't.  I'm tired of it.  I'm honestly finally detaching and I don't want any part of the drama and lies, and her screwed up fantasy life. 

I just don't care anymore.  I'm starting to get into the groove and I'm starting to become happy.  Maybe she can sense this and wants to try to keep me around for a backup, bc I don't think anyone who knows my exwife and knows this new Guy, think they have any chance of working. 

But right now I just don't care.  I'm taking care of my kids and focusing on myself.  But she has been trying to anchor check me all weekend and I think it's driving her nuts because I'm not responding.

But I'm finally getting to the place I'm happy without her and annoyed if she texts or calls me.  Maybe it's a cycle, but I'm feeling pretty decent honestly right now.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2017, 12:28:38 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #26 on: October 15, 2017, 07:54:53 PM »
Good on you Cpl, so good to hear you are feeling good, it’s good for you and great for your kids. I guess can’t be expected that you will always feel this way, even without MLC we have our moments, but more of this the better, happy for you 😊
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #27 on: October 24, 2017, 05:24:32 AM »
I haven't been on here much.  For the most part I've been doing pretty good.  I keep busy, and I got a part time job and that has helped a lot.

Today a friend wrote me about seeing something my Ex wife posted about her new bf on facebook, and even though I've been doing so good.  It did sort of bring me down and sort of hurt.  I just told him I don't want to know about it.

My ex wife still texts me some and tries to find reasons to call me on the phone, it's about the kids, never anything else.  But I just respond in very basic responses, or just tell her I can't talk to her on the phone. 

I've also noticed that when she has the kids, she has to call me.  IT's like she has them and maybe they remind her of me, because anytime she has them and can get away from the OM for a moment, she will text me or call me.  It doesn't make sense. 

I think it's very important to go no contact with a MLC.  I think unless you cut them off they will literally destroy you mentally and physically.  I know she hurts me everytime I have contact with her, and I don't think it does any good to try to save our relationship. 

The only other development we have had.  She now is writing me asking for the kids on tues and thurs.  The kids actually have school activities these nights.  So I said no.  Which she doesn't understand why I have the ability to tell her no. 

But I have countered with she can have them for a couple hours while I go to the Gym on Fridays.  But of course she doesn't want the kids on Friday because those are the days she goes out. 

So she said she is taking me to court for more time with them.  It was all a bluff.  Our child custody was just finalized a month ago.  She gave me full custody.  What is she going to say now, she changed her mind?  She wants them when its convenient for her and nothing else.   I am so glad I took her divorce offer of full custody and the house when she offered it in the beginning.  I think if we divorced now, she would have fought me for both.  So I think it's really important no matter how bad it hurts to take the divorce offer while they are feeling guilty and willing to give it all to you.

I'm also getting a lot of collection calls and certified letters being mailed to my address for her.  I just give them her forwarding info.  But she seems to owe  lot of people a lot of money.  She had 0 debt the day she left.  I can't believe how much financial problems she has put herself into. 

I would have lost everything I think if the divorce wasn't finalized so early.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Silver

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #28 on: October 24, 2017, 05:35:38 AM »
Hi cpl,

Good to hear from you and that you have been that good, great to hear about your part time job too.

I agree do not follow her fb site or anything else, only causes you more pain and does not help you detaching from her.
You have a new life now in which she is involved only as a mother of your children, that's how it is, regardless of how it will be in the end. Of course you need to go trough your own process related to D and everything happened and I am sure you are doing that but as a wise man you are keeping yourself busy enough not to stuck with it. Your kids are the best motivators for your process of course but you need to heal for yourself too and you will, mate.

The court thing, really sucks, sorry to hear about that. Still as you said yourself you played all your cards right when the game was on and protected yourself and your children. Give yourself credit for that!

Not easy road my friend but you are doing good, wishing a lot of strength in your journey.



"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #29 on: October 24, 2017, 08:28:16 PM »
Silver I always really appreciate your words of encouragement.  This is by far the hardest thing I have ever encountered in my life and I've been through a lot before.  But I always appreciate the fact that you take time to respond. 

I've noticed I'm not so angry at her lately.  The anger seems to be subsiding a lot.  I don't feel like I hate her anymore. 

I think I'm detaching pretty well.   It's a process though.  I do have times I miss her.  But they aren't very often and go away pretty quickly now.

I'm trying to focus on working on stuff around the house.  I love to fix and rebuild things.  It relaxes me.  So I'm doing a lot around the house and doing a lot on my cars.  I have a couple old muscle cars and I think I'm going to get the boys out there this winter and get them to work on them with me.  Some of my fondest memories of growing up were with my dad wrenching on a car.  So I hope I can do that with my boys as well.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Silver

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #30 on: October 25, 2017, 02:48:23 AM »
I have a couple old muscle cars and I think I'm going to get the boys out there this winter and get them to work on them with me.  Some of my fondest memories of growing up were with my dad wrenching on a car.  So I hope I can do that with my boys as well.

That's a really great idea, hope you 3 going to build great memories together.

"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #31 on: November 18, 2017, 04:32:48 AM »
Well I haven't updated in a while.  But had something sort of interesting happen lately that I should document.

My ex wife has always called when she had the kids for her weekend.  It always seemed like when she had the kids it reminded her of me and she would make up excuses on why she should call me. 

Well long story short the calls became more frequent, and she started to open up a little bit.  She actually told me she is having second thoughts on the OM.  And I thought it's just a cycle.

But the calls became more frequent, and last night I actually got an apology.  She was like what I did was wrong, and I regret it.  I wish so much I can go back and do it over.  I would do so much different.  She's like I don't know why I left.  And She was like I don't know what I was thinking.  She was like I felt like I just snapped and couldn't stop it. 

She really was crying pretty hard, and she was like I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry I did that to you.

I just listened.  I don't know if this was a cycle, or she really is starting to wake up.  She does seem like her old self.  I just told her thank you for telling me I'm sorry, and I said I'm sorry too it didn't work out. 

This time did seem different, but I'm beyond cautious with her.  I'm finally to the place I'm doing really well.  I've been dating some, nothing has happened yet.  But I've been hanging out with a few girls.  It's been sort of nice.  I've also been working on a old camaro and that has helped a lot. 

I will be nice and friendly to her if she calls.  For the kids it would be beneficial if we could have a friendly relationship.

I still do miss her some but so much has happened.  I don't know even if she was out of the crisis and fully cooked and wanted to date again, I don't think I could.  I won't say never, but I don't think I can anymore.  I think I'm ready to just find someone else. 

But it was nice to get a apology.  And I do believe she meant it.  It did make me feel a little sad to hear the pain in her voice.  I could tell she had a lot of regret.

But I thought I would update. 
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline plainwords

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #32 on: November 18, 2017, 07:42:36 AM »
cpl - your story has really struck a cord with me as my ex did exactly the same and also had a shorter episode that you mentioned earlier in your relationship that wasn't as bad as this current situation. They are also similar ages. I have often wondered if my ex was bi-polar or personality disordered. He just lost the plot.

I also had the 'I'm sorry' with genuine remorse and sobbing saying he didn't know what he was thinking. He is now more 'stable' and leaves me alone to some extent. Our exchanges with the kids are strictly business and he has them on a Thursday after work until 7:30pm and all day Saturday and drops them home at 7:30pm.

His OW still comes first to the kids though. He doesn't cope well with having the kids on his own. Who knows if it's MLC or other mental illness. I think I just know that this is not how he has always been, but it's too late now. It's such a shame for the kids mostly that they blow everything up.

It sounds like you're doing really well. I hope your sons are doing well too. Just wanted to say that your story sounds very similar.

Online Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #33 on: November 19, 2017, 11:15:04 PM »
Hey cp, awesome that youe W called and said what she said. The way she explained it just confirms everything that we LBSs know already. They really dont have much choice than to run and destroy! Maybe she is waking up, maybe not. Just Keep on doing your thing, she will come to you if she is ready. If you let her is purely your decision.
I feel similar to how you do. I think that going through with a D can be enough to atleast make the MLC snap out even if only briefly...
Your doing well my friend.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Silver

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #34 on: November 20, 2017, 03:16:38 AM »
cpl, good to hear from you!

Really like a turning point reached for her but you never know. Takes time to see and as you told yourself you have done best bossible GALing you ever could to have reached what your life is atm. You have freedom to choose. Let the time pass enough so you know yourself what you want and what's the best for your kids of course. I agree having good and friendly contact to her would be good anyway b/c of your kids.

Would be nice to hear about how your story goes so please update every now and then even.

All the best mate.

"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #35 on: November 20, 2017, 05:34:26 AM »
This IS the risk that the Mid-Lifers take... that, they do have an awakening but their scorched-earth policy has left nothing behind which a future R can be based on. There is too much old waste piled up...

It really is sad in a detached sort of way to see when (and if) they come out of it, the realization of exactly WHAT they have done hitting them between the eyes, if for no other reason that the knowledge that it was all SO unnecessary....

But, it all boils down to the fact that, at the end of the day, it is the LBS that calls the shots when the Mid-Lifer wants to return. We have been forced to move, to grow, to change... And whether or not the Mid-Lifer will have more than a superficial (co-parenting in some cases) role is really up to us to decide...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #36 on: November 22, 2017, 06:52:02 AM »
Thank you so much everyone for responding.  Without this forum and all of your guys support.  I don't know if I would have made it.  I was sure in a dark place for a long time, and felt like my world had ended.

She keeps on calling me.  And it's more and more frequent.  If I send a text like what time do you want to pick up the kids, she immediately calls me, instead of sending a one sentence reply.  She always makes the excuse well it was too much to text and it's easier to just call.  But the one sentence response leads to a 30 min discussion which usually ends in one of us pouring out our hearts to the other. 

She actually showed up at our house the other night to have a piece of bday cake with the kids.  She was here maybe 10 minutes and then the OM started to blow up her phone.  He kept on calling over and over and she is like I have to go. 

Then yesterday she showed up at my house again, same thing happened.  Her phone blew up within about 10 minutes and she practically ran out of here. 

This is the first times she has stepped foot in our old house in over 6 months I think.  She always said before it gave her a panicky feeling if she walked in.  Both times if the other man didn't blow up her phone, she would have stayed I think.  The OM is keeping a tight lease on her it seems.

I did message here after she left last night.  I told her it's been great talking to her and seeing her.  We have been talking at least an hour everyday for weeks.  But I'm starting to feel myself looking forward to her calls, and even starting to stare at my phone and checking all the time to see if she called.  She always called me, I haven't called her once in over 6 months. 

But I see myself starting to miss her again, so I told her last night I'm just not ready for this.  Not unless she is serious.  I need to set boundaries and I will not allow her to cake eat in anyway.  She's lonely and she misses me.  I can tell.  She just isn't happy and she is missing her old life and family.  But she knows she has destroyed so much and the required work to go back into her old life is like climbing Everest. 

I don't know, I will see how she responds to this.  But she's with another guy and I feel myself starting to get hurt again.  So I'm probably going to limit it greatly and may even go no contact again. 

If anything, if she really does have feelings for me, this might help her through the crisis faster.  I think sometimes us LBS enable our spouses by being there for them and not letting them fully hit rock bottom, and we prolong the crisis even longer. 

It just sort of stinks though, because I was to the place I really didn't think about her much.  But now I catch myself thinking about her and smiling.  I just can't do that yet.  She's with another guy. 
« Last Edit: November 22, 2017, 07:04:04 AM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #37 on: November 22, 2017, 06:58:33 AM »
Some good signs and im happy for you mate but please be careful. Your getting sucked in again... What are you going to be like if she doesnt call for a week or so? A puddle on the kitchen floor again probably.
Your doing nothing wrong imo but just look after yourself!!! Take it slow if anything, expect nothing and do not chase her!! Let her come to you..
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline gman242

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #38 on: November 22, 2017, 07:42:55 AM »
Quote
I think sometimes us LBS enable our spouses by being there for them and not letting them fully hit rock bottom.

I agree, especially with a wallower. We feel like it's reconnecting, but all we're doing is enabling them to get comfortable in a rut. We need to wait until we see consistent actions and even then.. keep waiting. Trust is the issue here and that will and should take a long time to rebuild.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #39 on: November 23, 2017, 10:44:06 AM »
Well I think I got fooled again.  I think she realized she was loosing me and that is why she did all she did.  She completely burned her bridge with me again last night when she called me and wanted her looser BF to come pick up my kids.

Long story short, she had a brain surgery years ago that she used as an excuse to go to the hospital to get pain killers.  They would usually give her a pain shot and some pills.  This was a go to source in the beginning of the crisis to numb her pain.

Well she did it last night again.  Which I believe is the first time in a long time, but honestly I don't know anymore.  She did this at the same time she was supposed to get the kids.  She even went to a hospital not covered by our insurance.  So she either was cut off at her main hospital or something happened there that made her go to a further one where our insurance won't pay.  Either way she hit this hospital out of desperation. 

But she called me from the hospital high as a kite, asking me to bring the kids to her in her hospital room.  I said I don't think that is advisable.  Not in the condition you are in.  She said ok, I will get them tomorrow then.

She then called back and told me she was going to send her looser BF to come pick up the kids and take them back to her at the hospital.  Of course even though she herself said he is a piece of crap, and everyone says not to let my kids around him bc he is such a looser.  She didn't see any problem with it.  And of course didn't see a problem with it after she poored her heart out to me for weeks on how much she misses me and regrets everything, and he is such a bad guy.

In short she played me again.  She's still in replay and her seeking pain medicine last night proves it to me.  Plus her stupid logic on why she thinks it would be ok for her bf to come pick up my kids.
 Which that is MLC in the extreme if she thinks I would ever let that happen. 

She probably was feeling really sad with the holiday today, and decided to self medicate by going to the ER and getting a pain shot and pills to numb her pain. 

I'm so mad at myself for falling for her crap again.  She might have got some moments of clarity but it was all a cycle in the end. 

I need to just forget about her, as hard as it is, and find someone else.  I deserve so much better than this!
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline bluerose

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #40 on: November 23, 2017, 12:46:04 PM »
      Dont be so hard on yourself. Dont blame yourself. It is very easy to sucked in when they start acting like they care. It happened to me last year and after a month os stringing me along he vanished. They will probably do it again so be prepared.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #41 on: November 24, 2017, 07:27:24 AM »
First off - she's an addict.... If she was so desperate that she drove to a different hospital because she got cut off, she's an addict....

2nd, if she's stoned out of her gourd, she is probably going to be saying ALL sort of loopy stuff... and may not remember half of it...

So, even if it was "just an anchor check" it must have been enough to scare the bejeesus out of her .... The boat is leaving the pier and she ain't on it...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #42 on: November 24, 2017, 01:19:57 PM »
I've read a lot of the forums and stories here.

If she feels you are moving on she could be waking up a bit, but as they wake up and come after you...they can take a few steps back...then proceed again.

So maybe it was an anchor check..but maybe she is actually following you more now.

Only time will tell. But I just wanted you to know that they do seem to take a few steps forward, then one or two back...

You are doing a great job, and being a great father. Keep that up and she is gonna be chasing you when the pills wear back off.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #43 on: November 25, 2017, 06:56:17 AM »
After the whole wanting her BF to come pick up the kids, the next day when I cooled down, I sent her a message saying it really felt like you were trying to reconnect with me calling me all the time.  But throwing your BF in my face especially after telling me how much you regret leaving me and wish you could do it all over again, I said that hurt and it wasn't right.  It also said it isn't right exposing your kids to a man who even you say is a piece of crap, and everyone tells me he should not be around my children.

I told her I have no interest in talking to you unless you have a sincere desire to try to reconnect.  And living with another man while talking to me is not sincere.  I told her please do not call me anymore even if it's about the children, text only, unless you are serious.  It isn't fair to me to be strung along while you are with another guy.

I don't honestly know if I want to reconnect with her or not.  That is a slippery slope that even I don't know how I feel about it.  One part of misses and longs for what we had and the family we were.  The other part of me knows she will continue to hurt me and probably even my kids for years to come, and I'm not getting any younger.  And maybe I could find someone who would love me and give my boys some kind of a mother figure while they are still young.

I don't know it's in God's hands I guess.  I need to stop trying to take control and I need to just let him take care of it.  But it's very hard for me to do.  Everything has always worked out for me in the end, I just need to have faith I guess.

But I haven't heard a peep from her since I messaged that.  She even didn't call the kids for a few days, which is unlike her now.  So she either was really hurt by it, or just pissed off.  Either way, I don't expect to hear from her a while.  If she calls to do her normal anchor check, she is admitting she misses me.  And she can't do that, bc then she realizes it didn't make her any happier to leave me.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Velika

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #44 on: November 25, 2017, 07:26:04 AM »
cpl, I can deeply relate to everything you have written. I admire you for saying what is on your mind.

I know what you mean about wanting a mother figure for the kids. This is such a loss for them. Thank goodness you have full custody!

I am like you, I think I put it in the hands of God/the universe. I try to think there is a bigger plan.

Big hug, stay strong! Good for you to stand up for your kids.

Online Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #45 on: November 27, 2017, 12:28:37 AM »
I agree cpl. Your a great dad and doing really well. Dont worry about her sucking you in, it happens.
You have been honest with your W and given her something to think about.
A normal person would come running straight back home after your text but we are dealing with Aliens here who have no idea how human Rs work.
Keep plodding on and journaling mate..
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Silver

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #46 on: November 27, 2017, 12:50:05 AM »

I don't know it's in God's hands I guess.  I need to stop trying to take control and I need to just let him take care of it.  But it's very hard for me to do.  Everything has always worked out for me in the end, I just need to have faith I guess.


Cpl, this is very hard to do as you said as it is our life in the game and the need of getting it under our control is obvious. Yet we need to do that, let it go, give it to God and focus on things we have control on and have faith we end where we are meant to end after this is over.
I feel for you, don't blame yourself about being used, that's what they do! You did good job setting very clear boundaries and are willing and cabable to keep them. Be good to yourself and to your kids and let go mate, you will know if you want her back or not when she is ready.
 
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #47 on: December 21, 2017, 06:12:19 PM »
Well today 12/21 she filed for bankruptcy.  I only know bc she had to have the last 2 years tax returns and I keep all the important documents.   So she had to contact me to get them.  She had 0 in debt the day she left and if I didn't get divorced from her, I would be living in the street right now with my kids and I doubt she would care honestly.

Even though I have told her not to call me anymore, she still tries.  It's like she can't go very long without trying to hear my voice.  It's like a addict in a way, and contact with me is the drug.  She claims she doesn't miss me and is so happy I'm gone.  But she makes up ever excuse in the book to call me over nothing.  It really seems she has to be able to hear my voice.  But I do my best to go no contact.  At least as much as you can go no contact with the kids.  But I don't want to talk to her anymore anyways.

She actually confronted one of my friends that is a girl this week.  Seriously no joke.  You can't make this crap up.  The girl said she came to her work and confronted her and told her not to talk to me.   I have no clue how she even knew I talked to this girl, or even knew her name.  She has to be keeping track of me somehow.  She's block on my social media.  So I don't know.  It's so weird.  She dumped me, but can't stand the thought of someone else having me. 

As for my stand, I'm going to officially throw in the towel.  It's will be a year in a couple weeks since I first saw she was in crisis.  I have done all I can think of to save my family, but I'm divorced now.  She has permanently scared my children and I'm just ready to find someone else. 

I've accepted it's over and no matter even if she comes out of this crisis years down the road, I don't think it can be repaired.  I have 0 respect or trust for her anymore.  And I honestly am forgetting even the good times.  All I remember anymore is the lies, and how much she has hurt my kids.

I've decided I will not wait for her any longer.  I'm not going to look for love as I want to to focus on my kids, but I no longer want, nor pray for my ex wife to come home.  Instead I pray for God to send me a nice Christian woman who will be a good wife to me, and a great mom to my kids.  I hope I can meet someone like that. 

I will continue to update every so often, because I think it's important as I remember all the stories I read when the crisis first started.  So I hope my story can be a comfort to someone. 

It was by far the worst part of my life, and I would rather walk in front of a bus then ever go through that again.  lol

But my life isn't over.  I have custody of my kids, and I hope someday God will bless me with a good woman someday.  :)
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #48 on: December 21, 2017, 06:47:15 PM »
Good update Cpl, sad your exW going through such a hard time, but good how you are coping through it. I am glad you have been protected from the financial stress. Your kids are lucky to have you. I do hope you find someone to share your life with, you deserve it. Re your exW confronting someone, maybe she has a fake Facebook account and can see you are friends or something like that? Maybe check your privacy settings on your account, have it so only friends can see your friend list etc? Wishing you all the best, happy Xmas to you and your kids 🎄🎄🎄
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #49 on: December 22, 2017, 04:16:20 AM »
I was thinking about CanLetGo's coment about FB...

A more likely scenario is that xW is friends of someone that you are friends with and if your settings are "Friends of Friends" that can go a long way down the pipe...

I know that when my xW1 had to file after OM left her holding a cosigned loan for his furniture, xW1 went absolutely stark, raving, monster bonkers mad... OF COURSE it was MY fault that she cosigned, it was MY fault that the ADOM dumped her (Hello! HE WAS 42 and living in his mom's basement!), it was MY fault she was broke.... blah blah blah....

Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #50 on: December 23, 2017, 03:41:45 AM »
I sort of thought I might explain a little more why I've ended my stand.  It isn't because I don't love her.  I honestly don't think I will ever love someone else as much as I love her.  I always thought she was my soul mate and even to this day the thought of her dorky little laugh she makes, makes me tear up and smile.  But anymore it's not about me.  I feel like I need to protect my kids from her.  If I didn't have them, or my kids were grown, I would probably not feel this way.

But she continues to hurt my kids.  Even if this is MLC, what she is doing to the kids is horrible.  She has said things to them and exposed them to things that will literally affect them their whole lives. 

My oldest son will tell me that holidays mean nothing to him anymore.  That holidays have no purpose after mom left.  He's 8.  My youngest son 6 will tell everyone he doesn't have a mom.  And he says kids make fun of him at school because he doesn't have a mom. 

I have story after story of things she said to them or done to them, and I've held them so many times as they cry themselves to sleep. 

I have both in counseling and do everything I can for them.  But I can't imagine being that small and having my mom leave and do the things to them that she does.

This is why I ended my stand.  It's to protect my kids.  I can't let her come back into my life and hurt them anymore than what is court ordered.  If I didn't stop her, she would be in and out of our lives all the time.  Each time bringing more drama and chaos and causing more damage to my kids.    And no matter if I love my Ex or not, my kids are too young to protect themselves from her. 

So I decided I need to be done.  My kids need a mom, and need a mom at home.  So in all honestly, any woman I would date, I would be doing it as much to find a mom for them as a wife for me.

I wish so much I could have made things work with my ex.  I will always love her.  But my kids will always be put before my own wants.  I will do anything for them, and right now I need to move on with my life without her and find them someone who can give them what they so desperately want from her.

I will sure miss her though.  She really was my best friend.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #51 on: December 23, 2017, 04:58:28 AM »
You’re a good man Cpl, you are putting your kids first and doing everything you can to protect them. I hope you find the right woman, but if you don’t I think you are more than enough for your kids at the moment.
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Online Treasur

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #52 on: December 23, 2017, 06:11:40 AM »
Ah, cpl - that made me tear up a bit. At what your kids have experienced. At what a great dad you are. And at how hard it is to miss your best friend.

I hope you and your kids have a good drama-free Christmas x
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Thunder

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #53 on: December 23, 2017, 06:56:23 AM »
Yes Cpl, I got a bit teary reading what your kids have said.  It's heartbreaking but thank God they have you.
Having them in counseling was the best thing you could do.  They are young enough that the counseling will do them a lot of good and possibly help them heal.

God bless you and your kids.  I wish you the absolute best!
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #54 on: December 23, 2017, 12:25:06 PM »
Cpl I have three the same age, and I know how hard the conflict is between what is best for them and what they are getting.

I wish you a good Christmas and I hope you find a kind woman who is good to you and the boys.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #55 on: December 25, 2017, 08:50:05 AM »
Well it's my first Christmas.  I have to admit it's pretty lonely.  I have my kids today and even though I didn't have to, I let her take them for 3 hrs because I know my kids wanted to.  Even though I don't think she is healthy for them, I don't want to alienate my kids, because then I'm no better a parent than her.

I have only dreamed of my ex wife once she left.  But last night I had the most vivid dream.  I used to call her "Kitty" because I could count on anytime I sat on the couch, she would crawl up on my lap like a cat and want me to play with her hair.  Which as much as I'm giving up my macho Marine image in saying this, those were the most special moments to me.  It was so intimate and I loved running my fingers through her long soft hair. 

But in my dream I sat on the couch and it was Christmas morning and she came up and layed down across my lap like she did a million times before and the kids were open presents in front of the fire.  And I remember she stopped and turned over and looked at me with her beautiful green eyes and she said I miss this.  With that I woke up.  Honestly with tears in my eyes. 

No matter if my stand is done, I will always love her and I will always cherish those memories.  I do sort of feel empty this Christmas not having her here.  Almost all my family has passed on and other than my kids, I will be alone this holidays. 

But I should be greatful.  Not many men who have experienced what I have can say they not only got Custody of the children, but they got to keep their house.  I am very, very lucky.  And I need to keep telling myself that.

I learned yesterday my ex wife is now living in a trailer home with the OM.  I had once told her he reminds me of white trailer trash, and she took that very, very personal.  And now I know why.  They are living in a crappy trailer. 

Our house that she gave me in the divorce is dang near a mansion in our area and she was always preaching to me about having a nice home for perception.  The reason I have this house now is because she wanted everyone to think we were rich.  So now I know why she makes sure not to tell anyone where she lives.  She has to be so ashamed.  Knowing her, she would rather be shot than have people know she lives in a trailer. 

I don't know.  This whole situation still blows my mind.  I talked to her mom this morning and both of us are just like we will never understand. 
« Last Edit: December 25, 2017, 08:54:16 AM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online Thunder

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #56 on: December 25, 2017, 08:59:02 AM »
When they affair down, everything goes downhill, even their standard of living.  Unreal.
He sounds like such a catch.   ;D

Yes Cpl, you are really one blessed man.  I'm sorry you miss her but look at what you still have.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #57 on: December 25, 2017, 11:06:19 AM »
You remain graceful and dignified in such a difficult situation Cpl, allowing kids to see their mum just one example of this. My day was just me and 3 kids, we had a great day, happy and relaxing, the best Xmas in years, wishing you the same.
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #58 on: December 27, 2017, 05:55:52 AM »
Cpl,

Mine are about the same age (6  & 10) but my Mid-Lifer is not, to the best of my knowledge not nearly so BSC (Bat-$#!t Crazy) as yours...

Your kids are blessed to have a father like you and you have done everything humanly possible so far to shield them from the fall-out of the Insanity

I do NOT want to come across as Dudley Downer -

You made a mention
Quote
My kids need a mom, and need a mom at home.  So in all honestly, any woman I would date, I would be doing it as much to find a mom for them as a wife for me.

I am not sure I think that this is a good idea.... Or maybe not as a specific "goal"or "criteria"  in any case.... I think I understand what you are trying to say here but you appear to be looking at the tactical victory without regard to the strategic objectives.... Win the battle but loose the war in a manner of speaking....

I only have my own observations and those of people I know to go on but if we go looking for a partner as a parent, we will get one... ne that wants to also parent US and not just the kids.... Someone that you find to be a good long-term match for YOU will also, by default, be a good long-term match for your kids... Keep in mind though that, at some point, the little rugrats are going to grow up and leave home... and then you will spend the rest of your life (hopefully) with this person... If the selection criteria is "good mom," what happens after that? the kids are gone, maybe there are Grandkids, maybe not.... How do you see that going forward?

On the other hand, because of who you are, you are not very likely to want to be involved with someone who does NOT do well with your kids and, quite frankly, the only way to know that is over time.... What may appear to be the greatest thing since sliced bread in the beginning may quickly devolve into a penicillin supply in a relatively short time...

When we, as humans, are searching for "that" someone, we often find them wherever we look. The human psyche has an amazing capability to see what we want it to see... whether it is really there or not....

I guess, in short, what I am trying to say is that a woman that you can relate to, feel comfortable with, can really envision grown old together with will, by default , be a good person for your kids as well... It is all part of the overall picture.... Conversely, someone who is good for the kids, may or may not be necessarily compatible with you, especially over the long term....

Does that make any sense?

I saw this in my own life as a kid.... My mom's H#2 was great in the beginning... I can not tell you how hard my brother and I prayed to let him be our father... 3 years in he had devolved into a real a$$hole and at 5 years and 2 moves, they got divorced.... My mom was so influenced by the idea of having a father for her sons that she ignored the obvious signs, ignored the things all her friends were saying, that all HIS friends were saying....

UM
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #59 on: December 27, 2017, 10:43:07 AM »
Ursamajor, I 100% agree with everything you said.  I'm in a tight spot as far as dating goes anyways.  I will not subject my kids to someone unless I really think something is there.  And right now with her only having the kids every other weekend, that only leaves me a couple times a month that I could even date.  So that will make it very difficult to build any kind of relationship with a woman.  Most likely I might date some, but will probably end up remaining single till the kids are older. 

Also I'm picky as hell after what I went through!  Also I only want the best for my kids.  I won't settle because I'm lonely. 

I've been on two dates since my divorce.  One the girl was about 30 and I swear listening to her, I already saw all the warning signs that she will go through a MLC when she is older.  So that pretty much killed it for me.  I don't want to ever be in that situation again.  Also she just wasn't that mature and she tried to play mind games with me.  After my by bat sh@t crazy wife,  I feel like a jedi master at deflecting any mind games or manipulation.  I don't fall for anything.  That is one thing I can thank my crazy ex wife for.    She put me through Delta Force training on how to deal with a crazy woman.  :)

The second one was very nice, she's actually older than me.  She's a sweetheart.  A hard worker, good mom.  I just don't feel anything but friendship.   

I have always been 100% honest with any woman I talked to.  Saying I am still healing from my ex wife and all I want at first is friendship and see where it goes from there.  And I want to take anything very, very slow. 


The second one did make me almost cry though.  We were just talking and she stopped and looked at me and said "It wasn't you."

I was like what do you mean.  She's like you didn't make your marriage fail.  She was like I can tell you didn't do anything wrong.  Your ex wife was crazy to leave a guy like you. 

I mean we all hear it on here, that it's not our faults.  That we didn't cause them to leave.  But it's hard to not take the rejection personal and think well maybe it is me.  Which I do know deep down I didn't do anything.  No one was perfect, but I gave my heart and soul to my ex and I would have done anything to make her happy.  She just never communicated any unhappiness to me and just snapped one day and left.

But she made me feel really good by saying that.  I do believe God sends people into your life when you need to hear or learn something from them.  And she did really help me at that moment when I was really struggling with the holidays.
« Last Edit: December 27, 2017, 10:45:07 AM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online Treasur

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #60 on: December 28, 2017, 12:09:19 AM »
That is one thing I can thank my crazy ex wife for.    She put me through Delta Force training on how to deal with a crazy woman.  :)
Well, we have to count our blessings, right! We should all be awarded a badge or a bumper sticker...

The second one did make me almost cry though.  We were just talking and she stopped and looked at me and said "It wasn't you."
And sometimes we need to hear this, to be reminded that we were collateral damage to someone else's crisis and choices, and just like we say here, it really never was about us  :(

BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #61 on: December 28, 2017, 01:14:08 AM »
Ursamajor, I 100% agree with everything you said.  I'm in a tight spot as far as dating goes anyways.  I will not subject my kids to

<...snip...>

But she made me feel really good by saying that.  I do believe God sends people into your life when you need to hear or learn something from them.  And she did really help me at that moment when I was really struggling with the holidays.

Oh boy.... OK, I could have written MOST of what you wrote here...

So, in other words, I was preaching to the choir...

Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #62 on: December 31, 2017, 08:09:10 AM »
Well yesterday my Ex turned 35.  I had messaged her a month ago saying if she would like the boys for a few hrs on her bday, I was ok with it.  I never heard a response.

The boys kept on asking her on the phone if she would spend the day with them.  She always changed the subject as far as I could tell.  And even days ago she told them the next time she would see them was past her Birthday.

Well yesterday on her bday she text me she was SOOOO sick and couldn't see the.  I was like whatever that is her go to excuse not seeing the kids.  I didn't say anything to the kids.

Well long story short, my oldest Son 8.  He called her without my knowledge and was like are you going to come get us.  And she told him she was sick.  Which my oldest son called her out.  He's like you aren't sick, it's just an excuse so you can spend the day with your BF and not us.  And then he told her he doesn't want to ever see her BF again and he doesn't like him.

Well my ex started to chew him out, saying how great her BF was to him, and he has never done anything to him.  Which my son said he's a big pile of trash mom.

SHE HUNG UP ON HIM!  So I spent the rest of the night talking to him and trying to get him to calm down.

What a B@tch.  How do you hang up on your 8 year old son?  I am so glad she is gone.  She causes nothing but damage to my kids the 4 days a month she sees them anyways. 

This is exactly why my stand is done.  No matter what I feel for someone, I will not let anyone treat my kids this way, even their mother.

And I do have to say one thing.  I mentioned earlier that I think God brings people into your lives that teach or say things to you, you need to hear.  I mentioned earlier the 2nd girl made me feel special by saying it wasn't me.  The first girl I met.  She was crazy.  I met her under the assumption we were just friends, and she still was just crazy.   It's a long story how crazy she was.    But she wanted to meet my kids and go do things with them.  And I was like in my head, no way in hell are you meeting my kids.

Well that got me thinking.  My ex would do way more damage than this girl ever would.  Why do I continue to want her to come home when I wouldn't even let this girl meet my kids.

It really woke me and made me realize I needed to do the same with my ex wife. 

So long story short, I met this crazy woman I think to learn to put my kids first, over my ex wife.  And actually I think it was 100% right!


« Last Edit: December 31, 2017, 08:10:50 AM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #63 on: December 31, 2017, 12:52:45 PM »
I posted this on my facebook, but I think it's appropriate here too. 


You know as I reflect on the past year, I can't say it was exactly the best year of my life. It fact, I would probably rate the beginning as one of my worst. lol But I can sit here today, almost a year later, and I can honestly say in a way, I'm thankful for what happened. From all the chaos and upheaval, today I feel truly blessed. Because I look at life so much different than I did before.

 I have met so many wonderful and amazing people this past year. Ones that have so positively affected my life, in so many marvelous ways. I could have never met these people if these things didn't happen the way they did. I have friends and family that before I was not close to, but today I consider them the backbone of my family and I will cherish their love and friendship always. I have discovered many new things about myself that I never knew and even re-discovered old hobbies and passions that I had long ago given up.

 Most importantly, I get the honor of not only raising my children, but I feel so blessed to be able to raise them in our old home, and to be able to raise them with the same love and direction my parents raised me. I know there are not many men in my situation that can say that, and I thank God everyday that I have this gift. Basically even though at the time, I didn't see the reasons why, I really honestly have a much happier and fuller life than I ever had before. And I cherish every single moment, everyday.

I do not know what 2018 has planned for my boys and myself, but I have high hopes. The cliche is "God works in mysterious ways." And even though I have always believed im this before, I firmly believe in this now. So here is to 2018. May God bless you, all my family and friends, and Happy New Year!
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #64 on: January 01, 2018, 07:04:22 AM »
So after my S8 blew up on his mom, 2 days ago, about not wanting to ever see her Bf again, because he thinks he is a pile of trash.

Guess what she did.  This is her weekend coming up.  She wants to take my son who just poored his heart out to her on the phone about not wanting to be around that guy, on a 2 day vacation and 6 hrs in the car!

I'm thinking she thinks if she forces them together, that my son 8 will just magically forget how much hurt he has, that his mom left him for this guy.

So for the first time in a long time, I messaged her.  I told her if he doesn't want to go.  He's not going.  Of course she told me, she's an excellent mom and she only thinks of her son first.  And he just needs to suck it up and realize this guy is in her life now. 

That could scar him, being forced on a vacation just days after he was crying on the phone to her, about not wanting to see this guy anymore.

She's sick and such a horrible mother.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #65 on: January 09, 2018, 05:45:09 PM »
Quote
Of course she told me, she's an excellent mom and she only thinks of her son first.  And he just needs to suck it up and realize this guy is in her life now.

Now there is the typical Mid-Lifer... Contradiction in terms in the same sentence....

She only thinks of her son but he's just going to have to suck it up? What is she thinking about her son? That he's some sort of freaking toy that she can play house with? Like a toy Chihuahua that one keeps in their purse to show off?

Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline rsajetpilot

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #66 on: January 09, 2018, 09:53:21 PM »
I am curious if you were able to talk some sense to her (sarcasm alert) or somehow was able to prevent your X to go on this trip with OM?  I assume when OM3, OM4, ect., comes into picture she will pull the same BS and just expect your kids to accept her rotating boyfriends?

I am so thankful my kids are old enough that my STBXW cannot force visitation.  On the rare occasions that happens it's on the kids terms.
Married 19 years
Together 21 years
M – 51
W (MLC) – 43
D – Now 16 (BD 14)
D – Now 18 (BD 17)
BD1 – Nov 2016 ILYBINILY
EA (OM1) – Nov 2016 to April 2017 (W wanted PA)
BD2 - May 2017 W left without D's
BD3 - July 2017 OM2 (on/off multiple break ups initiated by OM)
Aug 2017 filed for divorce so "I couldn't move away with kids" - no action since but lots of talk.
Standing but willing to move on.

Online Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #67 on: January 09, 2018, 10:26:58 PM »
These MLC Mams really are something arent they??
Mine told me that shes doing everything she can to mend the relationship with the Boys. A week later she couldnt meet S18 and she told him that she was going to see OM!!! S18 loved that... b*tc#.
She also said that he has to accept that she has a life too  :-[
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #68 on: January 12, 2018, 02:56:28 PM »
Well she didn't make him go, but she told him he needed to grow up and sit down with her, her BF, and they can talk it out like adults.  She also called him on her way home to lecture him on why she left me.  Because I was such a horrible husband and no one likes me.  lol

The next day after she spent 20 minutes reaming him on why I'm such a horrible person, and why she had to leave and go to the bars and fall on a bunch of D@cks.  My S8 went down to the school counselor and told her that he wants to die, and he doesn't even think his mother would care if he died.

So the school called me and told me, which he is in counseling so I got him a 2 hr appt the next day.  But I told them to call her.  And the School counselor and the principle ripped her a new one.  They told her my sons come down to them all the time and tell them they don't have a mother, and their mother doesn't love them or see them anymore.  And she only cares about her BF.

The principle was a victim of a MLC husband.  So she is very familiar with how they are.  And she has 0 sympathy for her.  The counselor just loves my kids and thinks my wife is a sorry excuse for a mother.  The counselor also knows the OM, and says he's a piece of crap.  And a sorry excuse for a man.

Well they said she was combative and not receptive to what they told her, but she must have at least thought about it, as she text me saying she thinks we should all go to family counseling together.  I was sort of shocked she said that.  But I guarantee in a couple days she will have forgotten all about that.

She then called me and begged and begged to be able to see the kids the next day (tonight), and said she would be even willing to come get them by herself, without her bf, for an hour.  So she could take them to Mcdonalds.  Because she was so worried about my Son saying he wanted to die.  And she wanted him to know how much she truly loves him.

She was supposed to be here an hour ago.  She called off once again.   She had plans with the OM tonight.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 03:11:27 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #69 on: January 12, 2018, 10:47:10 PM »
Bloody hell cpl, so sorry to hear this about your boy, so glad he has you, and it sounds like the school are very supportive too. And she seriously didn’t show up after what she has been told? Did she not just declare herself even more in this action? I’m sorry, but clearly just shows she’s got a serious issue at the moment, not think clearly at all. I wish you all the best in the coming days, stay strong for your lovely sons, as hard as it is. Thinking of you
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Online Treasur

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #70 on: January 13, 2018, 12:41:18 AM »
I'm so sorry, cpl - it is reassuring to see the MLC weirdness in all its' glory...but not when small people get hurt. Your W is obviously away with the MLC fairies in Me Me Land, but my heart breaks for your boy. He's at that funny age of old enough to see it and not quite old enough to easily process it. I'm so glad though that you and he have clear-sighted support from his headmistress and counsellor, and that it means you can 'delegate' the truth darts.

Following along
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #71 on: January 13, 2018, 05:19:01 AM »
Yeah you would think after you son told people he wanted to die, and he thought you wouldn't even care if he died, that you would maybe want to talk to your son?

The counselor told her this is her fault.  That she is why he is having these thoughts.  And that is what my son is telling her at school.  So you would think if she couldn't come see her kids to talk to them in person last night, bc she had other plans with her BF.  You think she would at least call and tell him that she loves him and blah blah blah and try to talk to him. 

She called last night and talked to him for a literally a minute.  Nothing was said about what he said.  She asked him if he would like a shark blanket. 

She doesn't talk about feelings, or saying she is sorry, or anything.  When this stuff happens she just goes out and buys them stuff and gives it to them the next time she sees them.

Here next time she sees them is next Friday.  And I guarantee she will show up with her BF in tow.  With a bunch of new stuff she bought them.  And she will not mention anything about family counseling.  Or even mention anything on what he said.

Hell honestly at this point, she might not even remember he said it.  She usually has about a 24 hr window she seems to remember stuff.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #72 on: January 13, 2018, 05:51:55 AM »
Ah...the old bag of sweeties to cure the absent parent routine.

Mine does that too.  ::)

I am really sad to hear what your son is going through. My oldest daughter will turn 8 this month, and the thought of her saying something like that is absolutely heart breaking. Pretty sure I would have a LBS monster to that one, so well done for keeping your emotions in check and not reacting.

But if things are affecting your son that much, that he is saying these things, then perhaps you do need to have a discussion with her. Even if it means she ignores you or screams or threatens...this....this might be one of those fights that you have to have. Perhaps think of a way to help your son. Maybe saying ''This is really affecting him, he is talking about suicide, and there are now officials involved. I know you are going through your own issues, but we have to sort something out for him. Perhaps you can pick a day, and EVERY WEEK you come to see your son. That day is just for him..no talks of BF, no cancelling on him...if you do not show up then ________________'' fill in whatever consequence you think would work.

I had to do something similar when mine was losing his temper and smacked my son. To be honest I had a LBS monster fit about it. Completely lost it. But basically ended up that since he couldn't control his temper or ''handle the stress'' his next few weekends with the kids were supervised by his mother. Probably didn't feel the best, but at the end of the day he can't behave that way. He has kept his hands to himself since then.

The rest of the crap I let him get on with it. If he wants to be a crappy parent...well that is on him...and will bite him in the a** down the road. But once it starts to really affect the kids...I will step in. Regardless if that means it screws up chance for Reconciliation later. Because I would rather move on with someone else and have happy healthy kids, then accept all his crap and damage my kids for life.

Offline bvFTD

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #73 on: January 13, 2018, 04:40:40 PM »
Dear cplnorton:

I think your wife is seriously sick. It is tragic that their empathy and deep love for their spouses who were their best friends and soulmates, and their cherished children are taken away from them. She has no feelings, as you said. Can you possibly imagine how cold and alone it must be to go through the motions of living, but not feel anything at all?

I think it would perhaps be more helpful if the therapist stopped saying your wife is at fault, and begin to let your child know that his mother is very ill, but would still love him if she could

Offline bvFTD

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #74 on: January 13, 2018, 04:56:31 PM »
I am trying to think of an example suitable for a child. Something like, there are people who are born with the inability to feel physical pain (CIPA), so they must be very careful when they cook or get hurt because they cannot sense any damage to themselves. You can use any analogy.

Many of our spouses, sadly, have a variation of that illness, so they can no longer feel emotion or connection with their loved ones nor when they cause us pain. And, yes, it is physical.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #75 on: January 13, 2018, 06:42:17 PM »
In moments of clarity she has told me she is numb and feels nothing for anyone.  And I believe that is how they feel.  Because nothing at all phases her.

Her dog which was basically her third child, was hit by a car and killed several months into the crisis.  I told her and she was like, "Oh Well."

I've told the kids she basically has Flu of the brain and that is why she acts so strange.  But it does little to help them.  They miss their mom so much.  She was actually much closer to them than I was pre crisis.   So in that aspect I'm glad this happened, as we have a unbreakable bond now.

Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline bvFTD

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #76 on: January 13, 2018, 07:39:05 PM »
We must shield ourselves and the children when our ill spouses lash out in despair, but try, as you did, to listen to them in their moments of clarity.

"Flu of the brain is perfect."

Offline Denmark

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #77 on: January 14, 2018, 10:33:42 AM »
Attaching

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #78 on: January 17, 2018, 05:04:54 PM »
Well my S8 didn't talk to her for several weeks, but has talked to her the past couple days.  She promised him that her BF will not be home this weekend and she will spend time alone with him.  So he agreed to go over to her house this weekend for her visitation. 

I think there is probably 0 chance she will keep her word as she may not even remember she promised him.  But I told him it's his decision.   

But I worry about him as I think he's just going to get hurt.  Because she will never keep her word.  I told him if he gets there and needs to leave.  Just call me and I will get him.

I'm trying to find him a new counselor.  I don't think the old one is doing enough for him, and I think he needs more help.  I'm hoping to find a new one that is Christian based.  The one now doesn't talk about God, and I'm thinking maybe that might help him some, as he responds well to religion. 

But I'm just worried about him, he's really depressed.

As for me, I'm at an awkward spot.  I really am sick of all her drama and lies and don't want her to come back.  But then I think about the task of meeting someone new, getting to know them, possibly getting my heart ripped out again, and dang I hate to do that too.  I just feel like I don't have the energy to put into building a new relationship.

Anyone else almost feel like just saying screw it and staying single?  lol  I'm turning 38 next week, so I'm still young.  I just thought I had my life figured out, and this should be really the best time of my life.  I had worked so hard all those years to be able to relax and raise my kids.  And now I'm back to working so hard and actually even harder than I worked earlier.  Just because she wanted to be a piece of crap child. 

I'm just sooo tired.  It's hard being a single parent, and I resent her for giving up on her responsibilities when I needed her help a lot.  And my boys needed her too.

I don't know, just venting.  I'm frustrated.  I'm tired, and dang at times, I feel like giving up.  lol

Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline bvFTD

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #79 on: January 17, 2018, 08:19:20 PM »
If you don't think your son's counselor is helping him then, by all means, do something else. You know your son better than anyone and know what is best for him.

Yes, I think a lot of us know how you feel. We thought we had our lives figured out, too, but never expected this great disruption. We worked so hard (too hard?) to get where we are, only to have it all go to sh*t. My husband was a great guy before he got ill. I believe you also had a fantastic spouse. I think most of us did. 

Offline Velika

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #80 on: January 17, 2018, 09:01:39 PM »
I can deeply relate CPL. This is horrible for our beautiful children. I often tell people that it is not so much the divorce but the personality change that has been so traumatic. It is like processing a death. An analogy is as if our spouse died and suddenly their nasty half sibling we never met and who looks a lot like them shows up with a repellant significant other and fights us over the estate and children.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I have an intuition you will find a good match. My former BIL, also an LBS, met someone about two years into this. He is really happy now. My feeling is that life/God/the universe has a bigger plan.

My mom and I talked tonight. Her close friend from college told her that her son is also an LBS. His ex left him for a valet at her workplace who is 20 years younger. My mom’s friend wanted to set us up. She said her son has been seriously put off women. I was actually thinking it could be nice to meet (as a friend only) because I’m not sure how to approach dating with my story. It would be nice to just talk to someone — a guy — without feeling I have to say, “It just didn’t work out,” until I can find a way to tell him in an undramatic fashion that my ex suddenly left me for a tantric sex worker, mentally unstable, collects guns, lives two blocks away, etc.

I’m glad you posted anyhow, as it is somehow often comforting to see another person struggle with this same issues and thoughts. Try to remember that your kids will look back and be so grateful to you.

Offline needinput

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #81 on: January 17, 2018, 09:18:08 PM »
Hi cpl, I post rarely on the forum as I have a vanisher and there is nothing to report. However, I do read often. My H's mother abandoned her three kids just like your wife did yours. Eventually, H's dad also left. H does not consider his mother "a mother" but a friend but tries to keep contact with her and be civil. Throughout our marriage he used to mention that he had low self-esteem due to his dysfunctional upbringing. He knew how much damage this abandonment caused him and started having resentment towards his parents. You are providing stability for your kids which is essential. Hopefully they will recover well although I am not sure if it is possible to completely heal from this damage. I don't think I will heal properly as irreparable damage has already been done.

I feel the same way about meeting someone new. I am 35 and sometimes I also feel like going solo is much easier. I don't have the need for another relationship. I had my future planned with H and it is pretty hard for me to put someone in his place. I still do cycle emotionally even 2 years post BD but I just try to focus on the moment and utilize my time as efficiently as possible.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2018, 09:20:51 PM by needinput »
Me 35, H 35 (vanisher)
Married 14 years, together 15
BD Jan. 2016
MLC onset 2013-2014
Alienator: OW1-3, PA

Offline bvFTD

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #82 on: January 17, 2018, 09:19:38 PM »
It's all around us. My dental hygienist told me about a patient whose wife of 3 decades suddenly, one morning, declared she didn't want to be married, and ran away. I told her to tell her patient to look into ftd. It's at least a start.

Offline Tyks

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #83 on: January 18, 2018, 04:00:05 AM »
Cp, I think we all feel like giving up at times. It is normal.   Thing is... and i know you know this... we have to keep on keeping on for ourselves and our kids.

It is daunting to find someone new and start building a new relationship. I am 48 so it is that much harder lol. I am on and off dating sites, they are really not my thing but at this age, besides meet up sites, there are not a lot of places to meet people.

Anyway, you are in a bit of a rough patch with your son but it will get better. It will ne ok bc you are the responsible parent and will do what needs to be done to help him :)

Chin up, it is another day !
Me 48
Him 48
22 years together - Married 20
BD1 - August 26, 2016 - ILYBINILWY
BD 2 - August 28, 2016 - OW discovered EA - Kicked him out - currently separated
D15 D18

April 2017 - Legal Separation Agreement
August 2017 - I filed for divorce

Offline gman242

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #84 on: January 18, 2018, 05:59:34 AM »
Quote
Anyone else almost feel like just saying screw it and staying single?

Yup....

Just me and my son right now. However, I do have a hobby filled life and I'm spending more time with family. I think while you still have kids and their young, it's best to focus on them and fill the gaps in your lives with things you wanted to do, but didn't for whatever reason or things just for fun.

I can also say and am sad to say, I can see why people date someone for 10 years then get married. it seems like such a worthless gesture, like does it even matter then? However, given all this MLC stuff, it makes perfect sense. I think it'd take me that long to know where i stood with someone else now too. I think for us LBSes, there was so much going on beneath the surface we weren't aware of for so long, we'd be really gun shy about someone else.

Online Treasur

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #85 on: January 18, 2018, 07:52:07 AM »
STBXH & me lived together for 6 years...just think there's no way to see the bats$it bus coming  ::)...but I won't remarry. Not even if my beloved makes a magical return in a couple of years, tbh. Which is sad because I liked my H, my M and I believe that M is an important bond...
« Last Edit: January 18, 2018, 07:54:58 AM by Treasur »
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Thunder

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #86 on: January 18, 2018, 09:06:49 AM »
Same here Treasur, we dated for 7 years before I married him.  Our age difference made me unsure but after 7 years it was pretty clear the age difference didn't matter.

We were married almost 21 years before his MLC hit.

We are together today but I will not remarry either.

Don't give up cpl, I've read through your thread and even though you have gone through a lot you are doing good.
Being a single parent is exhausting but very rewarding, too.

Hang in there.  Just have zero expectation she will do what she says.
Maybe it would be better for you and her to make plans with her meeting with him.  Leave him out of it.
That way he doesn't need to get excited about until you know she's on the way.  Don't even tell him about the plans until you know she's coming.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline needinput

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #87 on: January 18, 2018, 09:26:15 AM »

I can also say and am sad to say, I can see why people date someone for 10 years then get married. it seems like such a worthless gesture, like does it even matter then? However, given all this MLC stuff, it makes perfect sense. I think it'd take me that long to know where i stood with someone else now too.


I feel the same way. If one knows what can happen after 15 years into marriage (and for some, much longer) rather than feeling more secure in the relationship, one is now stripped of his/her identity and starts questioning that same scenario with the next person. It's impossible to build another relationship guarding yourself from future LBS pain. Also, it's hard to be optimistic in such a disposable society.
Me 35, H 35 (vanisher)
Married 14 years, together 15
BD Jan. 2016
MLC onset 2013-2014
Alienator: OW1-3, PA

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #88 on: January 18, 2018, 06:14:41 PM »
I can't thank everyone enough who responds.  It's always nice to hear from others and know you aren't alone.  Most of my family has passed away, so it's mostly my two sons and me.  I really have no one else.  Honestly my ex wife's mom is one of my best friends.  I talk to her usually every day.  She has been so awesome through this, even though I was only the son in law.  She has been my rock to lean on.  The only thing that stinks she lives like 2000 miles away.  :(

But yeah I waited 6 years to marry her.  She had a mini MLC around 21, and we had been together 2 years at that point.  We were split up for about 3 months.  She actually did exactly what she is doing now, just not to the extreme, and not as long.  But she did come home saying she didn't know why she left and then spent the next about 4 years begging me to marry her.  I kept putting it off bc I told her I was afraid she would go nuts again.  And she swore up and down, I was the only one for her, and she would never be that stupid to give me up again.  And here we are again.

I did try something new with her.  I used to have a lot of employees that worked for me.  And to get them to buy in on a project, I would make it theirs and delegate the project to them.  I thought this week, maybe my ex wife would be a better mom if I tried to include her.  This is the first time I have asked for any help since the beginning.  She had text me last week asking for us all to go to family counseling, after the school had told her my son wanted to die and it was her fault.  So I text her on Monday and asked her to find a new counselor for our sons, or a support group, or a christian counselor.  Anything at all.  She said she set up a meeting Thursday with the counselor the kids have been seeing and was going to try to find someone else for more help.

She said she would give me a full report today after she met her this morning.  Im going to bed in about 10 minutes.  Of course never heard from her.  Which I didn't really expert her to.  There was no way she could do this, without admitting she was some of the problem.  And I sort of had a hunch she wouldn't follow through.

She has said since the beginning that this will not affect our children, and they will be fine.  How anyone can think that this will not phase two small children.... 

Tomorrow she picks up my boys for the weekend, and promised my son that this weekend it would be just her alone.  No boyfriend.  Anyone one make bets on how long she keeps her word?  lol
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #89 on: January 18, 2018, 06:20:00 PM »
By the way I wish I could meet a LBS local to me to date.  You know I have thought a million times, you can only relate this to someone who has went through it.

Also We do about anything to try to save our marriage.  Now imagine if we put that effort into someone who is just as willing to be with us.

It would be an awesome relationship!  ;)
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #90 on: January 18, 2018, 06:54:24 PM »
Thunder,

Yeah I don't tell him she is going to come until she is usually outside our door.  The problem I have is she tells him.  :(

I've even told her not to tell him, because she doesn't show up usually.  But it never does any good. 

Poor little guy.  I grew up basically with the perfect parents.  So I can't imagine what he feels. 
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #91 on: January 18, 2018, 06:56:32 PM »
Your R with your MIL lovely, that’s great! She must be a good lady, I think many parents have rose coloured glasses for their kids, or just think blood thicker than water, stick by their kids right or wrong.

Hope the weekend works out ok for the kids, hopefully she has a moment of lucidity and does the right thing.

Re dating a LBS, I’ve thought the same thing. Although dating terrifies me, I’ve thought  maybe a widower might be a nice match, they know the pain of losing someone - I wonder how many men late 40’s out there are MLCers that I don’t want to get involved with! Ahh, kids and my dog...current single life much simpler 😊
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #92 on: January 18, 2018, 07:23:43 PM »
I've sort of come to the conclusion that single people at 40, fall into three categories.

1)  Never married, bc something is wrong with them.  Or they just love being single too much.

2)  They left their spouse to wh@re around town. 

3)  Their spouse let them to wh@re around. 


I want option 3).  lol  It's the only viable option for me. 

You know it will be weird.  I don't tell many people this.  But what the hell.  I've posted more personal stuff I guess.  lol

But  I waited till I met my wife and were engaged.  I was uber religious growing up, so I waited.  So going into dating at nearly 40 years old and being with only one woman.  It will be a big change for me.  The past couple girls I've barely dated, have already put pressure on me.  I declined and said I will not till I know it is something equally special. 

So I have about three strikes on me.  1) no time to date, bc I always have the kids  2)  I'm still leary of dating and halfway just want to remain single.  3)  I've been with one woman and it terrifies the crap out of me going through that.  lol

So yeah it will be interesting for sure. 
« Last Edit: January 18, 2018, 07:25:08 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #93 on: January 18, 2018, 07:28:52 PM »
I've been so lucky.  Her whole family sided with me. Brothers, mom, cousins, sister in law.  Everyone sided with me and told her she was stupid for leaving me.  And especially she was stupid for leaving her kids.  But she just wouldn't talk to them after they told her that.

She just wrote them off.  But yeah I have a big house, so they all come and stay with me for a week every so often.  I really love them.  I'm much closer to them now than before.  Because my ex was always on my butt to not get close to them.  For whatever reason.

But yeah I can never thank them enough.  I've told them a million times what it means to me they sided with me, and they actually still consider me part of the family even after the divorce. 

In fact her mom has told me, I don't care who she marries next.  You are my son in law.  Not that jerk.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #94 on: January 18, 2018, 11:30:16 PM »
Thats so cool cp.
My MIL has been a rock too, she understands me. She has "Tolerated" W since we split because she is her Mam and is afraid to loose her. She still Cooks for me and the Boys sometimes. She has tried talking to W but she just blocks her, MIL is ashamed of her.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #95 on: January 19, 2018, 06:22:25 AM »
CP, good luck on dating scene . I think most of middle age women are thinking the exact same thing as you. Yep, the exact same 3 strikes you are thinking.
Since MLC I have talked about dating issue early on with my BF, which is 44 and single.
He said it's not as easy as you think. Finding a middle age woman thats wants too hook up,  no strings attached isneasy. But finding one thats wants a relationship is hard. Its sad, but most middle aged women and men are dealing with same issues as you and I and a getting back involved in serious relationship is not what they are looking for.

Hope you can find a good one.

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #96 on: January 19, 2018, 06:26:37 AM »
Well if you think you have it bad..
I am 30, been with my husband since I was 16.

I have full responsibility of three small kids... and the age range of guys that I would be looking at are either
1. Wanting to just 'hook up' -riddled with who knows what
2. Never been in a serious relationship
3. not interested in 'baggage' ie.. my kids
4. older MLCers looking for a young single mum to save  ::)

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #97 on: January 19, 2018, 10:58:38 AM »
Bride, Lol , #4 is not the one you want.

Online Treasur

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #98 on: January 19, 2018, 11:02:43 AM »
How about a nice young LBS chap who is all fit and raring to go from the enforced MLC W exercise programme? Great fathers, loyal, strong loving men, maybe a bit sexually frustrated...what's not to like?  ;)
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Kitty

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #99 on: January 19, 2018, 06:02:30 PM »
Attaching

Cpl you're doing a fantastic job with your sons. I think that is one thing I'm thankful for in this mess is that H and I didn't have kids. Although now he feels like he wants to be a dad. ::)

I hope that with counseling and your influence your sons will come out of this without any long lasting issues.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #100 on: January 20, 2018, 06:15:39 AM »
How about a nice young LBS chap who is all fit and raring to go from the enforced MLC W exercise programme? Great fathers, loyal, strong loving men, maybe a bit sexually frustrated...what's not to like?  ;)

Is there a site for that?!  :o ;)

Online Treasur

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #101 on: January 20, 2018, 07:09:45 AM »
We could start one, Morte  ;)
Sorry for the thread jack, CP...Morte and me both obviously need to get out more  ;D
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #102 on: January 20, 2018, 07:37:12 AM »
Yes, sorry CP,  Treasure I think these kind of thread jacks help. Hell,  CP will get a little laugh from it and he can say, well I'm not alone in this crazy journey, there are people just like me. Getting out more wd help us all, especially with other LBS. Ha.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #103 on: January 22, 2018, 05:01:00 AM »
lol, I don't mind at all.  In fact one of the members here has even told me she would love to do a LBS dating website.  It's really a good idea in a lot of ways. 

I would love to meet a LBS woman that was local to me. 

As for me.  This was her weekend for the kids.  She had promissed my S8 that it would just be her and him.  And her BF wouldn't be involved.  S8 came home and said they were only alone a few hours for the whole weekend.  Her BF was there, just like I knew he would be.  My Ex bought him a bunch of crap as a bribe, so her BF could bet there.

One interesting thing.  When she came to pick up the kids from our old home together.  I always send them out and then I usually go in the back so I don't have to see her.  It's still just hard to see her bc it brings back a lot of memories that do me no good to remember anymore.

Well long story short she came in to look for me, to ask me about a violin she thinks is still here.  It wasn't about the violin.  Its I'm ignoring her.  I'm not interacting with her anymore and it's driving her nuts.  So the violin was an excuse to come in and see me. 

I told her I don't have it and she needs to go.  This isn't her house anymore.  She got really mad and left sort of reluctantly.   

On the Friday nights when she first gets the kids, she always calls me at exactly 6:30pm.  It's like an alarm clock goes off in her head to call me.  She always makes up some excuse on why we need to talk. 

Well at 6:30, a little over an hr after picking them up, and kicking her out.  She calls me.  I ignore it.  Long story short, she calls me 8 times in a row.  Then sends me a text that it's about our son and really important.  please pick up.

So she calls again, and I'm like ok, maybe I should pick up.  It might be an emergency or more likely my S8 wants to come home. 

No she was like sorry to bother you.  Do you know how to get 50 crystals for your S8's video game.  I don't play video games.  She does with the kids.  She knows I know nothing about all this.  But again it wasn't about the video game, it was an excuse to call and see where I was.  She was probably worried I was with a woman and wanted to see what I was up to.

I told her I don't know and I'm busy and have to go.  Everytime we talk, I make it sound like I'm busy and have to go. 

But it must have ticked her off I didn't talk to her, bc the rest of the weekend she was quiet and then I got full monster about I need to find her violin as she was having her BF drive the kids back home.  She was making threats on what she will do to me if I don't find the violin. 

I just ignored the monster texts as well.  When you really start to detach and stop interacting with them.  It just drives them nuts.

I just don't see the point in interacting with her anymore.  It just hurts me and does nothing for me.  So I've just let go of the rope.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2018, 05:05:31 AM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #104 on: January 22, 2018, 05:26:10 AM »
Post the violin to me... I have been looking into buying one because I always wanted to learn to play.  8)

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #105 on: January 22, 2018, 05:33:02 AM »
On a side note, she did hurt me sort of bad when the kids came home.  In two days it's my Bday, and she knows all my family is gone.  So it's just me and the kids.  She knows I won't get anything from anyone.  Not that I care about presents, it's just I always feel so alone on my Bday.  And she knows how I feel about this.  Especially this year as this is my first Bday divorced.  Even though last year we were barely together as she wouldn't talk to me.  I remember we took the kids to McDonalds and we sat across from each other and she told me she wanted a divorce.  :(  But I was in denial and didn't believe it could come true.

But she makes a huge deal out of Bdays.  That is one thing she always did.  It was the only day out of the year that she made me feel really special.  Which is really screwed up when you think about it.  But it is so true. 

Well this weekend, I just hoped maybe she would buy me a dollar card, or have the kids make me a card, or something.  Just something that made me not feel so alone.   I just wanted her to make me feel special this year.  It's been a tough year.

Her Bday was 3 weeks ago and I had the kids make her cards, and bought her just a fancy picture frame that you could put a collage of pictures in.  I printed out about 30 of the best pics of the kids for her, memories of them that she has missed for the last year of their lives.  I thought it would hopefully mean something to her.  And she did send me a nice thank you after she got it.

But the kids came home and didn't bring anything.  So I asked if mom talked to them about my Bday.  They were like no.

 She knows it's my Bday, and I know she knows it will hurt me, her not acknowledging it.  I imagine this is payback for not talking to her.  It's just damn I feel alone this year.  All I wanted want just a simple card.  She could have had the kids make one from printer paper.  It' s just the thought that she cared enough to have the kids do it for me.  They are little, they need someone to direct them to do it.  And especially 3 weeks after I did the same for her.

I don't know.  Even though I know I need to move on with my life.  I guess a big part of me wanted to know she still cared, and maybe just made me feel a little special on my Bday. 

I think psychologically it's bothering me so much, because for the past 15 years, it's the only day she ever made me feel special.  I guess I just have a scar from it.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #106 on: January 22, 2018, 05:39:19 AM »
Post the violin to me... I have been looking into buying one because I always wanted to learn to play.  8)

lol, that is the funny thing.  I have no clue where it is.  She plays the violin and it's something that at one time meant a lot to her.  But when she left, I cleaned out the house and gave her all her stuff.  I never found it.  I figured it was one of the first things she took.  Especially because she never asked for it.  She asked for so many trivial things that meant nothing to her.  So when she never asked for the violin and I couldn't find it.  I figured she already had it.

I know her mom and I have talked a dozen times over it, as her mom was worried she would pawn it for drug money when she first left.  So both of us sort of think she might have pawned it when she was really crazy and doesn't remember it. 

She did play it beautiful though.  She was always really good at music and I loved to hear it play it.  In a way I really wish I had it.  The only thing I have left of her is our wedding rings.  She left her's here when she left and then she later tried to get it from me.  I told her to kiss my you know what.

I told her I will never let go of that, no matter what her or the courts tell me.  At the time I told her I was saving it to put it back on her finger when she finally woke up and came home.  But now I hold onto it for the kids.  I doubt they will ever have much of their mom.  And I figure that is about all I have of her to give them.

It would have been nice to have given them her violin as well.  It was a big piece of her at one time.  Even though it does me no good.  Today I think of her playing the violin and I miss that. 

It's such a shame that it's all over.  I know it's over, and usually for the most part I'm ok now.  I'm realistic and know that there is very little chance she would ever want to come back, and even if she did, realistically I can't take her back.  But today with my Bday coming up and being alone, I guess I'm just struggling some.  I really do miss her today.  I would love to hear her play it and get a hug and just have her hold me a while you know.  :(

I get like this at times, but it will pass and I will be stronger after.  Today the sun looks like it's coming out and it's a new day.  I'm alive and I have custody of my two kids.  It will be ok.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2018, 05:59:08 AM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #107 on: January 22, 2018, 05:45:02 AM »
Oooooo....

Anchor-checking to the nth degree .... and she keeps pulling up the severed end of a rope....

Actually, with respect to the violin, she has been gone how long now? The divorce has been final for how long? Can you say "Abandoned Property?" OK, if you have it or know where it is, then it would be a nice gesture but by no means does she have the slightest legal ground to stand on if that is what she is threatening. Other than that, save the texts as they could come in handy in the future (restraining order, custody issues, etc.)

As far as the stupid (sorry, I can't find a better word for it) question about the Crystals, you were much nicer about it than I would have been.... HOW is this "important" and how does it affect S8? THAT really was a control call, nothing more... As you suspected...

Quote
She was making threats on what she will do to me if I don't find the violin. 

I just ignored the monster texts as well.  When you really start to detach and stop interacting with them.  It just drives them nuts.

Yes it DOES make them absolutely bat-snot bonkers... Because you are NOT filling YOUR end of the deal which is to be sitting around in a puddle of goo crying your eyes out and pining for them... It's like looking her in the eye and saying "Corporal Norton has gotten his marching orders and they are NOT coming from you. Private, you are DIS-missed!" (Can you tell I was in the US Navy for 10 years?  ;) )

Again, as far as the vilin, what is she going to do? Take away your birthday? It is probably long gone anyway.... Or stuffed in the attic somewhere.. Would be interesting to know why it is suddenly SO important... Again, my bet is on control....

Post the violin to me... I have been looking into buying one because I always wanted to learn to play.  8)

Mort, that is just evil... FUNNY but evil.. Anyone else who laughed when they read this is going to Hades...

Quote
She knows it's my Bday, and I know she knows it will hurt me, her not acknowledging it.

I beg to differ... She DOESN'T CARE! Monkey-braining about whether it is revenge or not is not going to help you because guessing reasons is like trying to taste green. I would almost prefer that to the fake caring and superficial "Dear UM, I hope that you have a nice year, All the best Mid-Lifer" $#!t I get from my Mid-Lifer...

Quote
lol, that is the funny thing.  I have no clue where it is.  She plays the violin and it's something that at one time meant a lot to her.  But when she left, I cleaned out the house and gave her all her stuff.  I never found it.  I figured it was one of the first things she took.

I know her mom and I have talked a dozen times over it, as her mom was worried she would pawn it for drug money when she first left.  So both of us sort of think she might have pawned it when she was really crazy and doesn't remember it.

Good Grief, I can't finish a reply before one of you replies already.....

I'm guessing that you are probably right in your assumption that she did take it and either hocked it or has it but doesn't know where she put it anymore or traded it off for something.... Regardless, you DON'T have it, you can't produce it, you haven't seen it and it wasn't there when you cleaned her stuff out so she must have taken it.... Basta, and of story...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

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Online Treasur

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #108 on: January 22, 2018, 05:45:58 AM »
Oh, sweetie...I get what you say about your birthday...I'm on my own too, parents gone too and everyone including my H used to make me feel really special on my birthday. It sort of rubs your nose in it that things are different now. 2016 I just moped. 2017 I treated myself to a nice massage and facial. Do something with your kids - after all, if you'd not been born, they wouldn't be here either  :) And we'll all cheer happy birthday, CP!

And Morte's quip about the violin made me RFLMAO  ;D....shame you guys aren't geographically closer!
« Last Edit: January 22, 2018, 05:47:41 AM by Treasur »
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
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Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #109 on: January 22, 2018, 05:55:34 AM »
We all need humor in this.  We really do.  It you don't laugh at how crazy this all is, well you know...  lol
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Kitty

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #110 on: January 22, 2018, 06:01:20 AM »

Post the violin to me... I have been looking into buying one because I always wanted to learn to play.  8)

Mort, that is just evil... FUNNY but evil.. Anyone else who laughed when they read this is going to Hades...

Quote

I laughed when I read it...but I just can't NOT laugh when something is funny, it's impossible. Consequences be darned.


Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #111 on: January 22, 2018, 06:14:31 AM »

I beg to differ... She DOESN'T CARE! Monkey-braining about whether it is revenge or not is not going to help you because guessing reasons is like trying to taste green. I would almost prefer that to the fake caring and superficial "Dear UM, I hope that you have a nice year, All the best Mid-Lifer" $#!t I get from my Mid-Lifer...

Yeah you are right.  They live for anything that might for a moment make them happy or make them forget the guilt.

She probably hasn't given me a moment of thought about my Birthday.  Or how it would make me feel.

She only cares what I can do for her. 

Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #112 on: January 22, 2018, 06:20:08 AM »
I laughed when I read it...but I just can't NOT laugh when something is funny, it's impossible. Consequences be darned.

You know I've been meaning to get some time and read your story Kitty.  When I saw your name the other day browsing on the forum, I felt an instant connection to you., just because of your user name.

My ex wife I called kitty.  In fact I never used her real name, I always called her that.  It's a nickname I made for her in the first couple weeks we were together.

Anytime I sat down, she always wanted to cuddle up on my lap like a cat.  So I started to call her Kitty and it just stuck.  lol



Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Kitty

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #113 on: January 22, 2018, 07:21:15 AM »
I read in your story of how you gave your XW her name. It was very sweet. It makes it so hard dealing sometimes when thinking of things like that, and then to see what they've become. The fact that my H doesn't Monster is kind of like a double edged sword. Because he's not monstering it makes me think that things will be okay. But then he treats me like I'm his BFF and therapist and it's a different kind of hurt.

My user name is actually the nickname of someone close to me who passed away 12 years ago. I'm not too worried about anyone I know seeing my posts, I'm just following the rules about no personal names and identities.

Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #114 on: January 22, 2018, 07:34:59 AM »
Yeah mine did that too, tried to be my best friend as she told me about the guys she was dating.  It damn near broke me. 

Yeah I don't care either if she finds me on here.  I haven't hid at all.  In fact, my pic in my avatar is really me. 

I've told her this before a dozen times, when she monsters at me.  What are you going to do?  Divorce me?  ;)

Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline gman242

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #115 on: January 22, 2018, 07:45:05 AM »
Kitty, I can relate. I the have / had the biggest BFF MLCer, yet, maybe?  :D It made things SO hard. I've just learned to back out and I think most importantly, they need to learn they gave you up. It was a choice, consequences have actions. Her and OM are so different.. she tried once to reach out to me advice. Mine was, you know what I think, you guys deal with. I don't know why you left me to be with someone with vastly different values from yourself.

The issue is, we're stuck with ALL of the burden. Not just coping with BD, the affair etc, but now boundaries, the false hope all of the close contact gives us. it was just to super hard for me, I couldn't heal until i got some space.

If anything, just know I sympathiize!

Offline Kitty

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #116 on: January 22, 2018, 08:20:53 AM »
Thankfully mine never talked about the OW in a relationship type way. He's only mentioned her in passing because she's a nurse and he is justifying his continued contact with her by saying that he needs her help in getting in touch with his doctor, and helping get appointments for tests quickly and all that. Although I'm sure her putting his file at the top of the pile is wrong somehow from a professional standpoint. I'm not sure.

I've told him I don't want to hear what he has to say about her. She was supposed to be my friend too. Turns out she's a professional homewrecker.

Thanks for sympathizing gman. I've tried to put as much space as possible between us with out going total NC. I'm waiting to see if OW pops up in FB pictures of him in Florida when he goes on vacation with friends next Friday. I know some have said you shouldn't go NC too early into replay, but if she's there I'm going to have to. For my sanity and his physical well being.

[quote author=cplnorton link=topic=9430.msg644661#msg644661 date=1516635299
 Yeah I don't care either if she finds me on here.  I haven't hid at all.  In fact, my pic in my avatar is really me. 
[/quote]

I know. I don't know if anyone else has done it, but I was able to find your FB page.  :)
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #117 on: January 22, 2018, 02:43:55 PM »
I know some have said you shouldn't go NC too early into replay, but if she's there I'm going to have to. For my sanity and his physical well being.

Touche... Man how many times was I glad he wasn't near me when I found something out.  ;)

Offline Kitty

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #118 on: January 22, 2018, 04:35:35 PM »
The morning I found out about the affair was the first time in 20 years that I've been furious. I almost forgot what it felt like. He kept trying to make me sit down so he could hold me, I told him to back off and when he didn't...it's a good thing I didn't break my hand when it made contact with the wall.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #119 on: January 22, 2018, 08:56:32 PM »
Hey if you want kitty add me on Facebook.  I'm friends with several LBS on here.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177


 

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