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Author Topic: My Story Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together  (Read 2194 times)

Online Treasur

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My Story Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #60 on: December 28, 2017, 12:09:19 AM »
That is one thing I can thank my crazy ex wife for.    She put me through Delta Force training on how to deal with a crazy woman.  :)
Well, we have to count our blessings, right! We should all be awarded a badge or a bumper sticker...

The second one did make me almost cry though.  We were just talking and she stopped and looked at me and said "It wasn't you."
And sometimes we need to hear this, to be reminded that we were collateral damage to someone else's crisis and choices, and just like we say here, it really never was about us  :(

BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #61 on: December 28, 2017, 01:14:08 AM »
Ursamajor, I 100% agree with everything you said.  I'm in a tight spot as far as dating goes anyways.  I will not subject my kids to

<...snip...>

But she made me feel really good by saying that.  I do believe God sends people into your life when you need to hear or learn something from them.  And she did really help me at that moment when I was really struggling with the holidays.

Oh boy.... OK, I could have written MOST of what you wrote here...

So, in other words, I was preaching to the choir...

Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #62 on: December 31, 2017, 08:09:10 AM »
Well yesterday my Ex turned 35.  I had messaged her a month ago saying if she would like the boys for a few hrs on her bday, I was ok with it.  I never heard a response.

The boys kept on asking her on the phone if she would spend the day with them.  She always changed the subject as far as I could tell.  And even days ago she told them the next time she would see them was past her Birthday.

Well yesterday on her bday she text me she was SOOOO sick and couldn't see the.  I was like whatever that is her go to excuse not seeing the kids.  I didn't say anything to the kids.

Well long story short, my oldest Son 8.  He called her without my knowledge and was like are you going to come get us.  And she told him she was sick.  Which my oldest son called her out.  He's like you aren't sick, it's just an excuse so you can spend the day with your BF and not us.  And then he told her he doesn't want to ever see her BF again and he doesn't like him.

Well my ex started to chew him out, saying how great her BF was to him, and he has never done anything to him.  Which my son said he's a big pile of trash mom.

SHE HUNG UP ON HIM!  So I spent the rest of the night talking to him and trying to get him to calm down.

What a B@tch.  How do you hang up on your 8 year old son?  I am so glad she is gone.  She causes nothing but damage to my kids the 4 days a month she sees them anyways. 

This is exactly why my stand is done.  No matter what I feel for someone, I will not let anyone treat my kids this way, even their mother.

And I do have to say one thing.  I mentioned earlier that I think God brings people into your lives that teach or say things to you, you need to hear.  I mentioned earlier the 2nd girl made me feel special by saying it wasn't me.  The first girl I met.  She was crazy.  I met her under the assumption we were just friends, and she still was just crazy.   It's a long story how crazy she was.    But she wanted to meet my kids and go do things with them.  And I was like in my head, no way in hell are you meeting my kids.

Well that got me thinking.  My ex would do way more damage than this girl ever would.  Why do I continue to want her to come home when I wouldn't even let this girl meet my kids.

It really woke me and made me realize I needed to do the same with my ex wife. 

So long story short, I met this crazy woman I think to learn to put my kids first, over my ex wife.  And actually I think it was 100% right!


« Last Edit: December 31, 2017, 08:10:50 AM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #63 on: December 31, 2017, 12:52:45 PM »
I posted this on my facebook, but I think it's appropriate here too. 


You know as I reflect on the past year, I can't say it was exactly the best year of my life. It fact, I would probably rate the beginning as one of my worst. lol But I can sit here today, almost a year later, and I can honestly say in a way, I'm thankful for what happened. From all the chaos and upheaval, today I feel truly blessed. Because I look at life so much different than I did before.

 I have met so many wonderful and amazing people this past year. Ones that have so positively affected my life, in so many marvelous ways. I could have never met these people if these things didn't happen the way they did. I have friends and family that before I was not close to, but today I consider them the backbone of my family and I will cherish their love and friendship always. I have discovered many new things about myself that I never knew and even re-discovered old hobbies and passions that I had long ago given up.

 Most importantly, I get the honor of not only raising my children, but I feel so blessed to be able to raise them in our old home, and to be able to raise them with the same love and direction my parents raised me. I know there are not many men in my situation that can say that, and I thank God everyday that I have this gift. Basically even though at the time, I didn't see the reasons why, I really honestly have a much happier and fuller life than I ever had before. And I cherish every single moment, everyday.

I do not know what 2018 has planned for my boys and myself, but I have high hopes. The cliche is "God works in mysterious ways." And even though I have always believed im this before, I firmly believe in this now. So here is to 2018. May God bless you, all my family and friends, and Happy New Year!
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #64 on: January 01, 2018, 07:04:22 AM »
So after my S8 blew up on his mom, 2 days ago, about not wanting to ever see her Bf again, because he thinks he is a pile of trash.

Guess what she did.  This is her weekend coming up.  She wants to take my son who just poored his heart out to her on the phone about not wanting to be around that guy, on a 2 day vacation and 6 hrs in the car!

I'm thinking she thinks if she forces them together, that my son 8 will just magically forget how much hurt he has, that his mom left him for this guy.

So for the first time in a long time, I messaged her.  I told her if he doesn't want to go.  He's not going.  Of course she told me, she's an excellent mom and she only thinks of her son first.  And he just needs to suck it up and realize this guy is in her life now. 

That could scar him, being forced on a vacation just days after he was crying on the phone to her, about not wanting to see this guy anymore.

She's sick and such a horrible mother.
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #65 on: January 09, 2018, 05:45:09 PM »
Quote
Of course she told me, she's an excellent mom and she only thinks of her son first.  And he just needs to suck it up and realize this guy is in her life now.

Now there is the typical Mid-Lifer... Contradiction in terms in the same sentence....

She only thinks of her son but he's just going to have to suck it up? What is she thinking about her son? That he's some sort of freaking toy that she can play house with? Like a toy Chihuahua that one keeps in their purse to show off?

Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline rsajetpilot

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #66 on: January 09, 2018, 09:53:21 PM »
I am curious if you were able to talk some sense to her (sarcasm alert) or somehow was able to prevent your X to go on this trip with OM?  I assume when OM3, OM4, ect., comes into picture she will pull the same BS and just expect your kids to accept her rotating boyfriends?

I am so thankful my kids are old enough that my STBXW cannot force visitation.  On the rare occasions that happens it's on the kids terms.
Married 19 years
Together 21 years
M – 51
W (MLC) – 43
D – Now 16 (BD 14)
D – Now 18 (BD 17)
BD1 – Nov 2016 ILYBINILY
EA (OM1) – Nov 2016 to April 2017 (W wanted PA)
BD2 - May 2017 W left without D's
BD3 - July 2017 OM2 (on/off multiple break ups initiated by OM)
Aug 2017 filed for divorce so "I couldn't move away with kids" - no action since but lots of talk.
Standing but willing to move on.

Offline Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #67 on: January 09, 2018, 10:26:58 PM »
These MLC Mams really are something arent they??
Mine told me that shes doing everything she can to mend the relationship with the Boys. A week later she couldnt meet S18 and she told him that she was going to see OM!!! S18 loved that... b*tc#.
She also said that he has to accept that she has a life too  :-[
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #68 on: January 12, 2018, 02:56:28 PM »
Well she didn't make him go, but she told him he needed to grow up and sit down with her, her BF, and they can talk it out like adults.  She also called him on her way home to lecture him on why she left me.  Because I was such a horrible husband and no one likes me.  lol

The next day after she spent 20 minutes reaming him on why I'm such a horrible person, and why she had to leave and go to the bars and fall on a bunch of D@cks.  My S8 went down to the school counselor and told her that he wants to die, and he doesn't even think his mother would care if he died.

So the school called me and told me, which he is in counseling so I got him a 2 hr appt the next day.  But I told them to call her.  And the School counselor and the principle ripped her a new one.  They told her my sons come down to them all the time and tell them they don't have a mother, and their mother doesn't love them or see them anymore.  And she only cares about her BF.

The principle was a victim of a MLC husband.  So she is very familiar with how they are.  And she has 0 sympathy for her.  The counselor just loves my kids and thinks my wife is a sorry excuse for a mother.  The counselor also knows the OM, and says he's a piece of crap.  And a sorry excuse for a man.

Well they said she was combative and not receptive to what they told her, but she must have at least thought about it, as she text me saying she thinks we should all go to family counseling together.  I was sort of shocked she said that.  But I guarantee in a couple days she will have forgotten all about that.

She then called me and begged and begged to be able to see the kids the next day (tonight), and said she would be even willing to come get them by herself, without her bf, for an hour.  So she could take them to Mcdonalds.  Because she was so worried about my Son saying he wanted to die.  And she wanted him to know how much she truly loves him.

She was supposed to be here an hour ago.  She called off once again.   She had plans with the OM tonight.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 03:11:27 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #69 on: January 12, 2018, 10:47:10 PM »
Bloody hell cpl, so sorry to hear this about your boy, so glad he has you, and it sounds like the school are very supportive too. And she seriously didn’t show up after what she has been told? Did she not just declare herself even more in this action? I’m sorry, but clearly just shows she’s got a serious issue at the moment, not think clearly at all. I wish you all the best in the coming days, stay strong for your lovely sons, as hard as it is. Thinking of you
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger


 

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