Author Topic: My Story How Far is Rock Bottom?  (Read 3625 times)

Offline stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3300
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2017, 09:24:36 PM »
Well, I'm just shocked that he didn't write back and tell you that yes, he realizes the big house and land certainly need to be downsized, as well as the fancy vehicles.  I was also pretty sure he was going to tell you that all the money he spends as a "sugar daddy" is going to now go directly to your S for schooling. 

Yeah......I was just so surprised when you told us that he just isn't going to be able to help out.    Ummm......NO....No I wasn't surprised at all.

It is nice to hear that your son is doing so well right now after the things he's been through and overcome in his life.  I'm sorry for him that his father can't seem to be a father right now and I hope that he doesn't let that negatively influence all that he's working on accomplishing right now. 

One thing I've been wondering about, Nah.  How can you see Leaver's bank balance??!  Does he know that you can see it??? 

 
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Online OffRoad

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2381
  • Gender: Female
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2017, 12:09:48 AM »
Jealous of your upcoming travel plans. All my favorite places.  8)

Anyone can do it.  Imagine, plan, do....  :D
You left out win the lottery/inherit lots of money/get a rich bf/gf/ get a good divorce settlement/some other source of money before "Do". Finding that money would likely  be in the imagine and planning phases...... I wonder if work would give me a six month sabattical.  That'd be cool.

Be sure to hit the zoo and Torrey Pines in SD, and if you road trip to SF, the butterflies in the Monterey area (Pacific Grove) are beautiful. And the elephant seals near San Simeon are awesome.

When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2100
  • Gender: Female
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2017, 12:24:54 AM »
Is this stuff legally enforceable, nah? Do you need to just go back to the L route?
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1312
  • Gender: Male
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2017, 12:40:04 AM »
Hi Nah, sorry about your Job, chuffed to bits about your Son and the Leaver!! What a tool.... downgrade and try to live as a normal human being would, ist not as hard as youd think....

I too am in the middle of packing, not nice...

IF you come to Europe (which isnt as small as you Americans think) then give me a shout if your around our way!!! A coffee or 10 Beers would be cool  :D
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Tyks

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1439
  • Gender: Female
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2017, 02:38:04 AM »
It is funny how they pay a decent amount of money for a bit and then make excuses. Even funnier when the house goes up for sale because it is a burden for us financially. My house is now up for sale and the day after he was emailing me wondering why it was listed so high and insinuating that I pulled the wool over his eyes with the separation agreement. They are always the victim and we are always the bad guy. Poor people.

A lot of stress for you right now, Nah, but the trqvelling will be worth it!
Me 48
Him 48
22 years together - Married 20
BD1 - August 26, 2016 - ILYBINILWY
BD 2 - August 28, 2016 - OW discovered EA - Kicked him out - currently separated
D15 D18

April 2017 - Legal Separation Agreement
August 2017 - I filed for divorce

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2017, 02:49:18 AM »
Following along Nah, why do all these losers want to back out from doing whats right re their children??? I guess they feel guilty  putting their kids before their 'soul mates' . ::)
« Last Edit: November 17, 2017, 02:55:09 AM by ChrissYAH »

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 15034
  • Gender: Female
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2017, 03:32:21 AM »
Nah, I'm just glad you divorced him while he had a good, high paying job. 
If it happened after his job "crash/karma" you'd be paying him.   :)

I know you can't make him man up and do the right thing (down size) but I did enjoy the truth darts.  ;D

I'm just glad your S is going to school and has a great mom to help him out.

How's the hunky bf doing?   :)
Sounds like he pretty much stays out of it but is great support for you.

Sorry about the job nah, but not about your exciting vaca plans.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online nahTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6150
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2017, 04:56:55 AM »
Is this stuff legally enforceable, nah? Do you need to just go back to the L route?

Wish I could.  Both of our kids were over 18 when we divorced....

AND....

Due to a big fat Karma stick hitting The Leaver between the eyes, I make about 3x's as he does, if anything they would make me pay.

How did this happen?

For over 25 years I supported every single decision The Leaver ever wanted,..INCLUDING divorce, I filed and handed it on a platter b/c if was what HE wanted.  He had all the women at his work calling me "The Lucky Lady", they all imagined that I was floating in a pool while he worked his @ss off.  I'm not kidding, it was what he portrayed.

The Truth?  Before kids I worked 2 full time jobs.  Men make more than women?  OK, I 'll do what men do, and did.... I worked at UPS when I was young and now Biotech manufacturing.  We BOTH worked our @sses off for many many years.  I was a stay at home mom for years (took in other kids among other things but we never used daycare) and then went to school about 15 years ago.  I could have picked something easy as The Leaver at the time would have supported us financially and I could have "floated in the pool" instead I took all math and science, the most difficult classes I could find,... BD time I was low on the ladder in the company as I was still learning, not earning much.  That's how I was the "Lucky Lady" as alimony was according to our income.

How I really got "Lucky"?  I was working 60+ hours a week in a high stress, physical and mental technical field.  I pushed and learned, took chances and earned respect even though I would often literally have tears flowing down my face while attaching viral carts, carrying stainless steel filter housings up ladders, evaluating chromatograms, leading men twice my size, yelling instructions over the loud pumps/alarms/pressure vessels.  Then I would put on a dress, wipe my face and go to technical meetings.  The promotions and the money followed.  I went from 40K at BD to about 120K now.

You left out win the lottery/inherit lots of money/get a rich bf/gf/ get a good divorce settlement/some other source of money before "Do". Finding that money would likely  be in the imagine and planning phases...... I wonder if work would give me a six month sabattical.  That'd be cool.


They are not letting me take a sabbatical, I was laid off.  Over 300 people laid off, all with degrees and experience, and I'm the only one taking a sabbatical.  That day the HR woman thanked me for being her only bright spot of the day.

What's really stopping them?  Fear.

I know this because I'm afraid too.  I'm selling/donating every single thing I own.  I keep telling my now ex-coworkers to watch for my resume in their new jobs b/c in about six months when I come back poor, homeless and single, I will seek them out.   ;D ;D

Lottery - never played.  Inheritance - pfft.  Rich boyfriend?  I dumped him, I prefer fun
Good Divorce settlement?  Well, yes I did ok, due to me alone, not my lawyer.

As for the hunky boyfriend?  :D

If he wants to be with me he has no choice but to come along for the ride.

Because this girl no longer takes a backseat.  8)
« Last Edit: November 17, 2017, 05:00:21 AM by nah »
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Online nahTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6150
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2017, 05:16:06 AM »
What a tool....

I use that very term all the time.  ;D ;D ;D


IF you come to Europe (which isnt as small as you Americans think) then give me a shout if your around our way!!!

I think it seems small b/c you can visit a lot of countries in a short amount of time.  I cruised around the boot of Italy a few years ago and LOVED IT!!!  That's when I was tipping my toes into traveling.  I'll be honest Germany wasn't very high on the list but it is now.  :)

I'm hoping to hit Europe early spring.  We don't plan though, so anything can happen.

A coffee or 10 Beers would be cool  :D

I might be the one American that doesn't drink coffee OR beer...

How about tea and martinis?
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Online nahTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6150
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: How Far is Rock Bottom?
« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2017, 05:27:25 AM »
One thing I've been wondering about, Nah.  How can you see Leaver's bank balance??!  Does he know that you can see it???

I love to share all my secrets in case it can help even ONE LBS.

No he doesn't know I can see his account which is hysterical b/c he has more than just a few times mentioned how I always "know everything".  ;D ;D  Over the years I always contact him when he get a "windfall" such as cashing in retirement or sell a house.  It's so funny that he has yet to put two and two together.  I have to say more than once it has been hard not to yell, "because I can see your account, stupid" when he tries to lie. 

He use to pay my alimony electronically which has his bank account number.  I called the automated line of all the local banks with his account number until it continued instead of a voice recording of "let's try again", once I found the right bank, all I needed was his social security number which of course I know by heart.

 8)

Boom, there it was.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2017, 05:30:49 AM by nah »
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher


 

Legal Disclaimer
The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.
Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.
This disclaimer is also included in the Forum's Registration Agreement.