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Author Topic: My Story Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same  (Read 935 times)

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starter

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My Story Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« on: December 27, 2017, 03:31:06 AM »
I might have even used this as a Subject line before but somehow, it seems appropriate for this time around...

Previous Thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9565

Maybe it is just me, maybe there is really something to it but it feels to me like a LOT of us who are going through Christmas #2 after... whatever.. D... BD... whatever... are just not able to get with the program this year.... It has gotten me to be wondering why that might be...

So, a not-so-brief recap.... In Germany, Christmas is a big deal.... The "main even" is really Christmas Eve or "Holy Night." That is when presents are exchanged, people actually GO to church, the big meals are celebrated, families come together.... December 25th is usually a "family" day that is relaxed at home, families play games and watch TV adn simply be together, maybe another big meal and if one spent the 24th with In-Laws <x>  then maybe the 25th with In-Laws <y> or other relatives... the 26th (Boxing Day) is usually visiting friends others... Now, depending on how Christmas falls, this means that the stores are all closed for anywhere between 2-3 days so there is a fair amount of planning and preparation that goes into the entire Christmas "event." This year, since the 24th was a Sunday, it was one of the 3 day closed years (the 25th and 26th are both national holidays whereas Sundays are always shops closed.)

So, on the 23rd S stayed with me and D with Mid-Lifer. We picked them up and went to the 11:00 Mass (since it was Sunday, the Children's Service took the place of the normal 11:00 Mass - Our Parish just is not big enough to have 3 separate services on one day). Both kids were asked if they wanted to take part in the play and both did. It was really cute and they enjoyed it. I took Mid-Lifer and the kids back to her place so I could go home and prepare the dinner, get the presents under the tree and all that.

Cue WTF Moment #1 - on the way back to Mid-Lifers apartment when she commented that the music was especially nice this year... I agreed with her while thinking it was pretty much the same as last year, right down to the timing of what song went where in the Pageant. And last year, she thought it was "Kitschy."

They all show up at 17:00 as I am finishing the dinner preparations .....

Cue WTF Moment #2 - The FRONT door rings... Normally Mid-Lifer just traipses through my backyard because it is close to the parking space and knock on my porch door....

and, of course, the kids go directly to the tree....  They get called back and told that they do have to  wait a bit which they did... Meanwhile, I am busy getting them something to drink and I asked Mid-Lifer what she wants....

Cue WTF Moment #3 - She says that she'll drink a glass of wine.... She has almost always hemmed and hawed and said that she didn't want alcohol, blah blah blah and then finally "acquiesced" into having a small glass of wine with dinner.... but otherwise it was water or maybe a tea....

Presents are then distributed and the kids get theirs opened in no time flat....

Cue WTF Moment #4 - Mid-Lifer hands me her phone and asks me to take a picture of her and D with D's present. While I was taking the picture, a Text came in from TF2 saying "Nonsense, you are not ..." (that was all that showed on the preview and I didn't read the rest) but it almost sounded as if Mid-Lifer was having a pity party and having regrets ....

I gave Mid-Lifer a present as well which is something I knew she liked but was not simply a gift card or something and she was flabbergasted.... She gave me a gift certificate to a local electronics store and a couple of chocolate things....

Cue WTF Moment #5 - She looks over and looks right at me, smiles and says "Thank you. You really do know what I like." I just replied "You're welcome. Yes, I did." and left it at that...

So, dinner is over, the kids are playing and I am cleaning up (BTW - NOT a WTF moment - Mid-Lifer forgot the dessert she was going to bring - good thing I had some things!) and Mid-Lifer said "You don't need to do that all now. You are not the kitchen slave." (I had used that term previously when she had invited people for dinner or whatever and did NOTHING to help with the preparation or the clean-up) ... Uhmmmmm ????? What am I supposed to be doing? I just said that since I was the only one living there, if I didn't do it, it was not going to happen, that I had invited them and I was almost done anyway by that time. I asked if she wanted something else to drink or if I should make a pot of tea (and named the ones I had - fruit teas of various types without caffeine). She asked if she had really seen a bottle of Bailyes in my fridge

Cue WTF Moment #6 - she asked to have some of the Bailey's... This coming from my Mid-Lifer that often gave me a ration of rubbish if I had 2 beers with dinner ....  ::) :o  By this time, we had already knocked back a bottle of Toscana Merlot and had popped the cork on #2.....

I then packed up the leftovers and put them in a bag so she could take them on the 26th to MIL's house (MIL is not doing to well at the moment and the dinner I made was from her recipe's). Meanwhile, Mid-Lifer is VERY busy on her phone - presumably with TF2.... I didn't bother to ask as I would not have gotten an honest answer anyway.... Mid-Lifer said it was TF2 anyway... And then TF1 had to send a picture of wherever she is int eh Canary Islands

Anyway, S decided he wanted to stay with me and D was going back with mom....  After I said good night to D, Mid-Lifer to S Mid-Lifer came to me (yes, SHE came to ME and

Cue MASSIVE WTF Moment #7 - She gave me a big hug and not just the A-frame pat on the back hug... And thanked me for making it such a nice evening....  ??? :o ??? :o

Who IS this person anyway?

<sarcasm on>
I mean, I have a very dim memory of someone like that.. Maybe 5? 6 years ago? but I can not remember for the life of me WHO that person was <sarcasm off>

The next morning when I dropped off S on my way to church again (I was serving on Christmas Day) everything was back to pretty much normal and we made plans for the dinner that evening as well... D had gotten a tablet that I had gotten set up the night before so I gave that to her. About 8 minutes later, I hear her whining and S comes out with it in his hands thrusts it at me and says "You set a log in password and she doesn't know it" I sniped back and asked why HE had it in HIS hands and why D was complaining about it... Mid-Lifer said that "he was just trying to help D." So I asked him to see what he was talking about... As it turned out, it was asking for a password for Mid-Lifers WLAN....  ::)  I told him he'd have to configure that too for his laptop.....

This time, the rabbit had disappeared back into the tunnel, she arrived an hour late with the kids for dinner, and all was back to the way it was... although she did have a glass of wine again with dinner... Dinner was nice, I got things cleaned up while she was sitting on the sofa on her phone and the kids were in S's room.... They left a bit earlier that evening because they were leaving for MIL's on the 26th.... I had, by that time, configured S's laptop and they took that with them too... On the way back to her place, the phone rings and S can not log into the PC... I told him what the password was and then I sent it to him via WhatsApp... Nothing worked so I got him into the default account that came with the PC. I was glad I hadn't deleted that account yet... About 20 minutes later, I get ANOTHER phone call that S is not able to log into the MineCraft game so I talked him through that.... I can tell he was with his mom because  as soon as something didn't work, he'd say it didn't work and that I had given him the wrong information (TYPICAL MLC saying) and I was NOT very kind in my response that I knew it worked as I had logged into the server with those credentials twice at my house and that he needed to calm down and enter the information like I told him rather than just expecting he KNEW what I as going to tell him and doing stuff.... As it turned out, he left his account logged in on MY laptop at my house so he couldn't log in on his....

But I kept thinking that I was hearing MLC-ness out of him.... And thinking I knew where that was coming from....

So, while I might have had a brief sighting of W, it was VERY short lived and temporary.....

And just to add to the weekend, I went to a small get-together of people form the church last night and on my way home got whacked by a speed camera... 43 in a 30 is my guess..... Merry BAH FIRETRUCKING HUMBUG CHRISTMAS.... so I'll get a fine of about $30 (25 Euros) but at least that evening was worth it and quite pleasant with good friends and good food (I made Chicken Enchiladas and Jalapeño/Cheese Corn Bread)

I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmastide ...

I'll start reading about it now in your other threads.... and lock my old one....
« Last Edit: December 27, 2017, 03:33:26 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2017, 04:17:07 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Bear.   ;D

Well, so a real W siting on Christmas Eve, huh?  I'm glad you had a good night with your family all together.
I'm sure it's something she will tuck away for later.

Now onto a great New Year!  I hope it's a happy one for you and your kids, UM.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starter

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2017, 04:39:04 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Bear.   ;D

Well, so a real W siting on Christmas Eve, huh?  I'm glad you had a good night with your family all together.
I'm sure it's something she will tuck away for later.

Now onto a great New Year!  I hope it's a happy one for you and your kids, UM.   :)

Real W? Who knows... I sure don't.... As OP is so fond of saying "Consistent actions are what count."

If she DOES tuck the evening away for later, I guess it all depends on what she decides to DO with it if and when she pulls it out... Toss it aside because of the load of guilt? Consider it?

Who knows... And with the TF Enabler/Accomplice Cheering section helping, I'm not convinced it will really matter... Until the other voices STOP yelling, she certainly will NOT be paying attention to the small one inside...

As a side note, again, when we went to the Mass, all of my "crew" were very nice, polite, and friendly to her.... just like every year.... so somewhere inside that whirling mess of Mid-Liferdom, there must be a part that recognizes that I have NOT demonized her to others like MIL did with FIL(RIP)..... So that doesn't fit the picture quite right.

And, while I am writing, I had another one of those "angry" dreams that involved a great deal shouting and W taking D away... S was nowhere to be seen. Mid-Lifer had made one of her "We" statements and I let her have it in no uncertain terms that it was ALL her choices and HER decisions from the beginning so she was just going to have to face that fact and be responsible for her choices and actions... Strangely enough, Dream Mid-Lifer did NOT take kindly to that...  :o ::) I guess that means that there is still something boiling around under the surface of my conscious mind....

I could really use a Happy Year that is MLC-free..... In ANY shape of form.... I have REALLY had enough... Maybe I should become a Monk.... or a hermit... <snort>
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Treasur

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2017, 04:44:48 AM »

I could really use a Happy Year that is MLC-free..... In ANY shape of form.... I have REALLY had enough...

From your mouth to God's ears for both of us, UM  :)
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline 1phoenix

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2017, 06:06:23 AM »
Hmmm, a bear who wants to hibernate in the winter?  Never heard of such a thing!

Maybe you need a break for just you to recharge?  Can you sneak in a day or two off of work when your W has kids?

Sorry, but there are no magic wants to turn a bear into a crab or fish😎(yes, really proud of myself for that one)

It is the time of year for everyone, with a conscience, to reflect.  How can you not have somethings unresolved with your W?

Froelich Weinnachten
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.  U2 "Grace"

We have all been dealt a hand of cards in this game of life.   Are you going to play or fold?

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starter

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2017, 06:25:15 AM »
Hmmm, a bear who wants to hibernate in the winter?  Never heard of such a thing!

Maybe you need a break for just you to recharge?  Can you sneak in a day or two off of work when your W has kids?

I wish.... When they come back, I have the kids for their 2 weeks of winter holiday while she works.... I at least am only working 6 hour days and covering the core time this week.... And my dinner plans have been moved to tomorrow or Friday so I will go home this evening and probably make an early night out of it...

Sorry, but there are no magic wands to turn a bear into a crab or fish(yes, really proud of myself for that one)

<snort!>  Inside joke, very good! 2 points to the lady in the pointy hat....

It is the time of year for everyone, with a conscience, to reflect.  How can you not have some things unresolved with your W?

Froelich Weinnachten

Hmmmmm ...



How could I not have some things unresolved with W......

I dunno... Maybe because she's a Mid-Lifer and .... OH LOOK! Green Dancing Llamas! ..... has the attention span of a turnip?  Reflection isn't listed as one of Mid-Lifers Strengths on the VIA Profile... PROJection maybe but not REFLection
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Mitzpah

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2017, 06:26:04 AM »
UM,

That was a nice Christmas, although I am astounded at the amount of food you cooked and delivered over the three days :o

Glad that you had a W sighting :) I think I did too, a little skeptical, though :P

Oh, to be completely free of this MLC nonsense - that would be something!!
M 56
H 56
S 25
S 24
D 22
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Online Treasur

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2017, 06:33:25 AM »
Attention span of a turnip made me laugh out loud, UM  ;D

No doubt about it, you're my favourite bear du jour!
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Never say never

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2017, 06:35:02 AM »
UM, well, whoever it was that showed up for that one day, I am glad it was pleasant.  Whoever it was probably surprised herself by drinking wine and Bailey's. 

You just keep on being that fuzzy warm bear that you always are.  Good things are/will continue to happen for you.

Here's hoping for a MLC-free Happy New Year ...

Offline Thunder

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Re: Thread 24 - The More things change, the more they stay the same
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2017, 06:47:35 AM »
Oh yeah, and what was the wine and Bailey's all about??

Maybe she has a twin who drinks.   ;D  A nice twin.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.


 

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