Author Topic: My Story Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces  (Read 1468 times)

Offline MourningDoveTopic starter

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My Story Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« on: January 02, 2018, 09:03:36 AM »
It seems fitting that the New Year is bringing some new pieces to the mix.

I am not sure where they fit, or how they fit.

The pieces of D's college choices are falling into place, now that we may have found the missing one that was hiding somewhere. That has not been resolved, but we should have those pieces to figure out what to keep and which ones to set aside by the end of the week.

S mentioned looking into his Spring classes and looking into transferring next year as well. He sounds ready and that is a good thing. I am glad he waited.

MLC derailed all of us and somehow it is falling into place now. S would never have survived the madness of XH moving out 4 days after S's graduation and then going off to college. It would have been a recipe for disaster. The past couple of years have helped S regain his footing and he has actually grown in confidence.

D's confidence in her F was shattered and it certainly affected her own self worth for awhile. She too has found that inner fight and is determined to move on.

I hope in the long run that the things that they have now accomplished somehow help to avoid their own MLC down the line. That is a fear I now have. I have no control over it, but it does sit out there in my mind.

All I can hope is that both kids have had enough love and support to not endure the fog their F has going on. I really cannot imagine what pain and suffering brings on such a crisis that it makes you not see the wonderful things in front of you, like two incredible kids?

They are not perfect and drive me nuts at times. They sometimes are whiny teenagers and self absorbed, but I also know the pure joy they bring to me and that they are something to be treasured.

My own life is now going to be very different yet again. I will admit being in an empty house will be strange. Yet, I am not looking at the moment they both leave with dread and not because I won't miss them. I will. But, I, like my parents, I suppose look at it with the idea that they need to fly on their own. It doesn't mean they don't come back to visit or to stay for a time. Some day maybe they too will have kids and I can be the doting "Nana" and then send them home when they drive me crazy - LOL.

My job as a M is not done when they leave, the role simply changes slightly. At least I have a heads up on this one - unlike MLC.

Now the question is, what pieces do I need to keep of my own and which new ones are going to show up?

Offline Thunder

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2018, 10:15:28 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Mourning.

Hope 2018 is a good year for you and your kids.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2018, 11:37:01 AM »
Well apparently this generation is the generation more likely to end up back at home with their parents...fingers crossed yours don't because they sound like amazing kids. But it would be nice to be the granny...get all the cuddles then send them on their way when they get stroppy!  8)

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2018, 11:54:20 AM »
Will continue with you, MD, and the kids into 2018. 

Hopefully D's #1 college choice thing will get straightened out. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2018, 12:11:16 PM »
Hi Dove—can’t wait to hear all about Ds college adventure. And yours too of course. Happy 2018!
Me 46
H 45
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Medusa

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2018, 01:07:23 PM »
Dove, my dear friend, who knows what new things are going to appear in your life. 4 years ago I knew X would be back. Two years ago I knewmy career would end in New York State. Hell, a few weeks ago, I knew I didn’t get my dream job! About an hour ago, I was pretty darn sure I was going to get whacked by a speeding snowplow!

I know you’re not focusing on what will happen since you already know none of us can figure that part out, anyway.

That said, I do know one thing: you will continue to move forward with the grace you’ve exhibited throughout this entire mess you’ve been put in.

And you won’t have a dopey dog swiping your shoes. 😉

Married 29 years. Divorced 12/7/16.
BD March 2013
D24, S22, Canine
Moved out November 2013
Bought townhouse for him and OW December, 2014
Mediation began April, 2014, completed June, 2015; round of mediation completed August 24.
My status: done and indifferent

That's was some f*cked up sh!t! I don't ever have to do that again!

Why are you holding on to that? How is it serving you?

One does not make the trip to he!! And back without acquiring transferable skills!

Offline heroIam

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2018, 02:10:20 PM »
Happy New Year MD.  ;)
Following along.....
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2018, 02:33:53 PM »
Welcome to your new thread, Dove, and to a new year full of possibilities.

SMH at the continuing saga of the "name" on the checks.  I did not realize that he fought you so much on whether you changed it or not.  Surprisingly, mine told me that I would always be a "_______" and never once thought that I would return to my maiden name.  I didn't really consider another possibility, as I have kids that have that last name, including my S17 who's name we had legally changed from my maiden name to my H's name when he was 2.  S17 has since wrestled with the possibility of maybe changing his last name, not without pressure from his F, I am sure.  His F has only daughter's with his W, and no one to carry on his last name.  S17 has thought maybe he would keep H's last name, but hyphenate it with his F's last name brought into the mix as well.  I told him that he had my blessing whatever he decided, but asked him to wait until he became an adult to do so.

I have read somewhere recently that keeping your married name ties you to the fate of your former H.  And that taking your maiden name releases you from their fate, but of course that is just someone's perspective, I'm sure.

My SIL harrumphed when I told her that he said I would always be an ______ and said "he can't know the future, you could re-marry and take on your new H's name."  I don't think she realized the depth of my feeling's toward remarriage, though again, like Medusa says, we cannot foresee the future.

I agree with her that you will continue to move forward with grace.

Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back

Link to my journey:

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Online Shocked

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2018, 03:04:36 PM »
Wishing you a much happier 2018!!!! And a lot less crazy!!!!
I care🤗
H 51
W 58
M 22 Years
2 AD both married from my first M
BD 12/15 moved out-in replay, vanisher, MOW in Atlanta
D 2/17

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Reassembling - a new year with new pieces
« Reply #9 on: January 02, 2018, 04:46:58 PM »
Attaching too....
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

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