Author Topic: My Story Only Time Will Tell  (Read 1150 times)

Offline Silver

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My Story Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2018, 11:56:22 PM »
Following along my friend,
Sorry about the rabbit's death and that you had to handle that situation alone.
I really love your starting post at your new thread, reading your thread always gives me a lots of hope, you have done so well and yet see that your journey is still on, work to be done and so on. Remember, the shield and the wall around hart are 2 different things. Imo we need that shield really but do not have to build a wall.
Sending prayers and strength.



"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Online Treasur

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Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2018, 02:19:20 AM »
I'm sorry - I think new griefs somehow tickle the edge of our bigger pain for a bit. It sounds as if you did everything you could with grace for humans and rabbit alike x
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Puzzled

  • MLCer Type: Low-Energy
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Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2018, 03:16:51 AM »
Sorry to hear about S12's rabbit.  It sounds like rabbit had a good rabbit life in your family.  You handled this difficult situation well, and your big heart shines through your posts! 
Me: 46 (43 at BD1)
H: 52 (48 at BD1)
D: 9 (6 at BD1)
Met in 1995, married since 2000
BD 1: August 2014
BD 2: October 2015, moved abroad

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starter

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Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2018, 08:15:52 PM »
Following along my friend,
Sorry about the rabbit's death and that you had to handle that situation alone.
I really love your starting post at your new thread, reading your thread always gives me a lots of hope, you have done so well and yet see that your journey is still on, work to be done and so on. Remember, the shield and the wall around hart are 2 different things. Imo we need that shield really but do not have to build a wall.
Sending prayers and strength.

Thank you Silver, good reminder about the difference between a shield and a wall.

I'm sorry - I think new griefs somehow tickle the edge of our bigger pain for a bit. It sounds as if you did everything you could with grace for humans and rabbit alike x

Yes Treasur, I think that's definitely it, the tickling the edges of the bigger pain.

Sorry to hear about S12's rabbit.  It sounds like rabbit had a good rabbit life in your family.  You handled this difficult situation well, and your big heart shines through your posts! 


Thank you Puzzled.

Today we had the burial for bunny.  My BFF stopped her painting to come help S12 and I to dig.  It took us an hour to dig his grave, but it went faster after nephew 16 came to help us.  Her D11 cried when hearing about S12's bunny, as she would always give him a bit of attention when she came over.  D15 must have shared her trauma with BFF's D13 as D13 asked if she was better today and they leaned on each other a bit.  They all came out when we were done digging along with BFF's S6 and I quoted a bit of scripture, the one about the sparrow and said a little prayer and then we laid him in the ground.  D15 and BFF's D13 took a handful of dirt and threw it in and nephew 16, S12 and I filled in the grave.

After that S12 opted to stay and play with her S6 while I took D15 and her D's to do a little retail therapy.  D15 spent some of her Christmas money and then we had some Starbucks gift cards so we stopped in there and got some refreshment.  Everyone seemed to be in good spirits and enjoyed each other's company.  We brought a Starbucks version Butter Beer back for S12 and BFF's S6 and a caramel macchiato for BFF.

We got back home just a few minutes after S17 got off work, so we are all back together for the evening.  The kids are watching Guardians of the Galaxy 2 on Netflix and all seems to be okay this evening.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9711.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline No expectations

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  • One day at a time. And time is my friend.
Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2018, 08:26:33 PM »
Faith,  I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your s's precious bunny.  I do agree, some of your emotional response may be attributed to knowing you had to be the sole strong parent through this.   

Sometimes I miss that person I had that would hugs me tight and let me that everything would be alright.
Married 10 1/2 years, together 17.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 49.  OW 23.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Offline moc

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Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #15 on: January 05, 2018, 08:58:27 PM »
Faith: thinking of you on the passing of your dearly beloved pet/family member.

Side note: as soon as I seen your title to your thread, the song played in my head even before reading the details.  I absolutely love ASIA.  Have been a fan ever since their first album.  Sad that one of their founding members passed on last year.  I would have loved to seen them in concert especially that they were touring with Journey. 

Bless you.
~ avoiding the Damn Foolish Idealistic Narcissistic Crusade ~ MLC

~ MLCers: one fruitcake short of a Christmas

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starter

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Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #16 on: January 05, 2018, 09:06:46 PM »
Thank you NoEx.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?  I do think that partly that is true.  Doing it alone was tough, but I am so happy that I did have the physical support of nephew 16 and some emotional and physical support from BFF.  And I feel, like with other tough things that we have to muster strength to do, that might have fallen on our spouse's capable shoulders before this, that I have come away from this situation feeling a bit more empowered, if that makes sense.

And I think that it is one more thing that has opened a doorway of sharing and bonding between S12, D15 and I.  S17 was pretty busy with work today and yesterday and wasn't as attached to S12's bunny as he found him a bit of a nuisance lol so he wasn't really emotionally invested like the rest of us.  But sharing the load and going through the whole process together helped bring us closer, which might not have been something we would have gone through had bunny just been whisked away by someone to be disposed of, or out of sight out of mind once the discovery had been made.  It was a bit somber knowing that he was in the vehicle with us as we drove (closed in his temporary coffin box), but probably a good bit of life experience for the kids to go through this process.

Just got off the phone with my Mama, who had seen the tribute on FB and was calling to send her regards.  She's been down with the flu between Christmas and New Year's but is feeling much better and got out today to go and swim with 2 of her sisters, so it's good to hear that she has bounced back thoroughly, as I was a bit worried about her.

Just went to post moc and saw that I had another reply.  Thank you kindly.

Ahh, sorry to hear that one of their members passed on.  Yes, a Journey and ASIA concert would have been awesome.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9711.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starter

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Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #17 on: January 05, 2018, 11:12:32 PM »
Continuing on from where I was going in this thread before loss of a pet derailed me a bit, I've been slowly working through my photos on my laptop.  After BD, I would use my cell phone a lot, and when things jumped out at me, whether it was a meme, or a phrase from one of my email devotions, etc., I would screenshot them, and slowly I am compiling them and adding them to a private photo album on FB.  I post date them and then, my "On This Day" memories flash them up for me, which I think is pretty cool.

Anyway, I came across this poem that I had saved in August of '16 and re-read it.  It really resonated with me, still, and I wanted to share it here in case someone else really gets something out of it.

"Wait"
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate...
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait?  You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened?  Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word."

"My future and all to which I relate,
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign."

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking!  I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run."

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint."

"You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence are all you can see."

"You'd never experience the fullness of love,
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart."

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask,
From an infinite God who makes what you have last."

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you."

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see,
That the greatest gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still....
Wait."

*bold added by me
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9711.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #18 on: January 06, 2018, 07:37:03 AM »
Sorry for the loss of the bunny, family pets are precious. I grew up in a very small country town, but have always struggled with nature. A fledgling came out of its nest here last week, and I protected it from my dog, but it unfortunately ended up in my pool. It was a big deal for me to get it out and dispose of it, very gross for me...but like you, no choice, had to step up and do it.
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starter

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Re: Only Time Will Tell
« Reply #19 on: January 07, 2018, 04:21:20 PM »
Thank you CLG.  I'm sorry to hear about the fledgling.  I have always been very sensitive to nature.  My brothers used to make fun of me because I cried when my F ran over a skunk.  My F hated skunks because they would break into his hives and eat the bees. 

But it didn't matter to me that he was a stinky animal, he was a living thing and deserved someone mourning over his death.

Journaling

So we are ending our Holiday break.  Tomorrow is the last day.  We have been having lots of rest and staying up late and sleeping in.  We all agreed that we need to get back on track and wake up early tomorrow to get our sleep cycles back in rhythm for school.  I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon.  A follow up from a few months ago.  Sadly, I received a letter from my doctor a few months back saying that she will be moving out of the practice and on to something else after Spring Break.  It seems this happens a lot with our school district medical office.  She is the 2nd doctor I've had since starting there in 2016.  I'm disappointed, but MLC has taught me "it is what it is."  I'm hoping that the new doctor they chose for me will make an appearance and introduce herself, as in the letter my doctor I have now said that she agreed to take up my health case.

I've applied for another couple jobs.  1 that would replace the one I have now and 2 others that would be supplemental to what I have now.

S12 seems to possibly be fighting off an illness.  We've been fairly lucky so far with our health this year.  He said he felt off last night and ended up sleeping in my bed.  He felt warm to me overnight when he would brush up against me, it seemed even his hands were warm, but he woke up today with no fever and seems ok, so I'm keeping an eye on him.  Leave it to him to be okay all of break and then miss school going back because he is sick lol.   We skipped Church this morning so that he could have a lie in and I was up and down throughout the night checking on him and a bit restless with him in my bed as I'm used to sleeping alone other than these random drop-ins that he does.  S17 thinks it's weird.  I have no problem with it because I know that soon enough he'll stop sleeping in my bed.  He's growing up, and he's my last.

D15 had her cousin 14 (MLCer's cousin's kid) over to sleepover last night, so they were all sacked out in the living room.

Our winter break has been great, a good balanced mixture of activities, with a lot of low-key staying home interspersed, and I've also been able to get caught up on some things that were lacking attention due to the busyness and reality of being a single mom with 3 kids.  It's sad to see it coming to an end.  Fortunately we get a bit of an ease into it as this week will be a 4 day week and next week will also be, due to it being MLK Jr. day on Monday.  We also have a few random days off in February, and then a week of Spring Break in March.  April is our longest month with no days off, but I have built up enough personal time/sick leave that I could take it (if I don't have a new job before then).  Before I know it May will be here and that's a huge month with S17's graduation, my 40th, and our impending cruise on which D15 becomes D16 and S17 becomes S18.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9711.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."


 

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