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Hi SavvyLady :)

Catching up on your thread and am very sorry to read that you have to go to court and see your H in this stage of his journey.  :(

I read a lot of Denjef's thread who was a MLCer herself and she gives very good advice about dealing with MLCers.  Making my approach to him different in court might help.  She tells us that the MLCers of partners who didn't want the divorce and wanted to help the MLCer, seem to do poorly when they see the MLC spouse as the they know we are waiting for them to get through the tunnel, and they have no reason to come through the process any faster.  I have always been super nice to my H when meeting him and gone out of my way to be nice and kind.  This time I am going to totally ignore him as Denjef says the thing they dread most is the LBS moving away from them emotionally and usually step the contact up again when they get worried.  Worth a try?

My $0.02 is for you to do whatever is going to be comfortable for you. No expectations! Be your wonderful Self with a plan to get what you need - the focus on the financials. Be kind and compassionate but detached. Your H may not remember this after he comes out of the tunnel but you will.

Standing behind you on the treadmill -- which is my usual spot when it comes to treadmills.  ;)

Peace and strength
HiLight :)

So Glad to hear your parents are doing better and praying for the weather to turn warmer for them soon, :)

You are so spot on here.
I will continue to trust my gut there and keep living my life and take it as it comes.

I believe that is THE major lesson for all who have had this MLC bombdrop in their lives. Living authentically. Belief in Self. :D you ( and so many others ) taught me that when I first came here shell shocked and not even understanding what "taking my power back" meant, because I didn't realise I had given away my power so long ago.

A thought on "the path of least resistance". It is not the easiest path. It is the most familiar. For someone who is in chaos from cognitive dissonance , what they choose in their regression to immaturity is what they are familiar with growing up.  They bend "logic/justifications" into pretzels so they can avoid looking at themselves in the mirror. What we think as an inordinate amount of energy spent keeping a dual life going is, to them, the easiest way to live with themselves, their MLC selves anyways. :(

Peace and strength and continuous warm weather hugs  :)

Our Community / Re: Is this a MLC
« Last post by Treasur on Today at 03:37:30 AM »
My best guess is that everyone becomes a cutout player in their drama - us, friends, OP - so it's about what they represent to MLCer. OP is 'nice medicine' because they represent a different lifestyle, a younger stage, unfinished business with another person/family member or they just say the 'right' things?
Our Community / Re: Dare You To Move
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 03:20:20 AM »

Congratulations on getting your masters.  That's a huge feat when you're going through all this.

Just shows the strength inside you.   :)

Sorry your W seems to be back peddling.  It's hard when that happens, but like you said, it may be because of something other than you, or your marriage.
Just leave her to it and continue on. 

You're doing real good.
Our Community / Re: Is this a MLC
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 03:03:56 AM »
I agree.  My alienator was his work.
He worked almost constantly putting in tons of overtime and volunteering to work holidays.   :o

Then he was too exhausted to think, which was probably his goal..   ;D
Our Community / Re: two MLCer colided
« Last post by Busy_Bee on Today at 03:00:49 AM »
Hi KIT, S66, cpl

So, the MLC tries to fantasize that basically by changing women that that may reshape their live the way the know it. In my case it's the High School sweetheart - interesting.
yes, but not just changing a women! The OP must fit some criteria the main one is to be emotionally unstable, needy or/ and immature. The rest will fall in places for them for a while.

May I ask one question- how after coming out of the fog did you realize that your H was actually your true love ?

I didn't realize that right away, but I did realize that I'm missing him. It's like i have been away for a long long time. It took me a few months to start thinking of strategies to repair just a communication with him. It was too late for me, but I think if he would be willing to do so at that time we would be very happy by now :)
Anyway, what I want to say is that it's not something sudden. But the decision to be his wife again was very solid, i just didn't know how to make that happen.
Our Community / Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 11
« Last post by Tyks on Today at 02:58:46 AM »
Calling heart, just curious why you felt the need to text that? Were you having a moment?
Our Community / Re: He's having a mlc
« Last post by Whyus on Today at 02:45:41 AM »
Telling the children is hard. I told mine about the Affair because they knew the guy from the Gym and I really wanted them to know what they're mam had done!! Why should they think shes so great and innocent when she was acting like a Gym wh*r^????
I am definitely NOT saying you should do that, my children were 17 and 18, alot older!!

But, no more meals for him!!!! What has he done to deserve you cooking for him?
He wants out then that includes stuff like cooking, Laundry... whatever!
Our Community / Re: Is this a MLC
« Last post by Whyus on Today at 02:38:43 AM »

From everything I've read the alienator is only a symptom of their crisis.
Most of the time the alienator is not as attractive as the spouse, usually it's the opposite.
Not even someone the spouse would ever have thought twice about in their right mind.

Im not being vain but OM1 and suspected OM2 are nothing compared to me and she really wouldnt have looked at these nerds 12 months ago!! Ok they are younger but thats it!!!
My Ws real Alienator is the Gym though and not the OMs
Our Community / Re: Is this a MLC
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 02:34:53 AM »
Help, you're right.  I really doesn't matter.

The OP could be younger or older.  The thing is, it's not about the OM, or about you or your marriage, it's about her having a crisis.  OM could have been anyone.

From everything I've read the alienator is only a symptom of their crisis.
Most of the time the alienator is not as attractive as the spouse, usually it's the opposite.
Not even someone the spouse would ever have thought twice about in their right mind.
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