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Author Topic: My Story Without Risk There Is No Reward!  (Read 1856 times)

Offline KeepItTogether

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My Story Re: Without Risk There Is No Reward!
« Reply #120 on: July 17, 2017, 06:22:05 AM »
Hi Tyks. Your H sounds much like mine in some respects. Mine ran away as fast as he could. And yet he always responds to texts and emails, even when no response is necessary. And I know if I ever needed anything (and actually asked him for it lol), he'd be there in a heartbeat. So I'm where you are in the confusion. Why did they run to begin with? Some days are definitely easier than others tho.

The dating site guy. Not surprised. I know there are good ones too but what happened to you is my biggest fear. Which reinforces the fact that I am nowhere near ready to dip into that pool. Just like my H's former colleagues asking him about whether he was on a "date." As if being a married man simply didn't matter bc he was no longer living in our home. Thankfully my circle of friends is in agreement with how I view this. But still.

I'm sure your office is lonely with just you there. I'd feel the same. Do you get out for lunch at all? Maybe force yourself to get out every often. You are really doing great Tyks. You remind me of me--onward and upward. We not not be fully healed, but we are definitely playing the part. 😜 Hugs

Online barbiedoll

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Re: Without Risk There Is No Reward!
« Reply #121 on: July 17, 2017, 03:19:24 PM »
Quote
Tykes, just because he signed a separation agreement doesn't mean anything.  Yes, yours is also a vanisher, still doesn't really mean anything.  This is about you.  I think our cycling still shows us that we are not ready to date yet.   You don't get over someone this quickly, not with how much time we had invested in our relationships.  Don't think for a minute that he doesn't think about you daily.  Look at how quickly he responds to you when you ask him something
.

I agree Bluebird3. Separation agreement really means nothing . If he saw the sep agreement as something " Tykes wanted and it would make it easier for her", I believe he would have signed it for no other reason but that. He did not pursue anything legal and if memory serves.. he was in no "rush". I do not believe they give this any big deep thought.. like we do. There are some that reconcile well after a divorce. We just don't know. And yes, I would believe he thinks about all of it every single day .

My husband also answered me immediately ( although I very rarely contacted him). He was told by family members that the roof was leaking and filling up a light fixture.. I never told him. He came within the hour . I asked him why he answered right away , especially since "he had been DONE for years". He said "I thought you needed something or you wanted to talk to me .. that you needed me".   Sooo confusing and simply insane .
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Without Risk There Is No Reward!
« Reply #122 on: July 17, 2017, 04:30:47 PM »
Barbie--my H does that too. If there are repairs or if I needed anything, he'd be there in a heartbeat. He would have driven me to chemo if I had asked. He wouldn't stick around to talk to or comfort me. But the things he could fix, he was all over. And still is. It really is such a strange state they are all in!

Offline TyksTopic starter

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Re: Without Risk There Is No Reward!
« Reply #123 on: July 17, 2017, 04:57:07 PM »
Kit, my office is right downtown near both courthouses and I have friends. But I find lately instead of meeting with them I leave the office and go home and wallow. I have to stop doing that.

Barbie, you are correct. He was in no rush to do anything. He just wanted to run and be free. I was told to protect myself financially so that is what i did. And it worked to my benefit. If I screwed it up so be it. I cant go back now. But I do firmly believe that he is done. Only time will tell if he is not and if I am not :(
Me 47
Him 47
22 years together - Married 20
BD1 - August 26, 2016 - ILYBINILWY
BD 2 - August 28, 2016 - OW discovered EA - Kicked him out - currently separated
D14 D17

March 2017 - Separation Agreement in the works
April 2017 - Legal Separation Agreement

Online stillbaffled

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Re: Without Risk There Is No Reward!
« Reply #124 on: July 17, 2017, 05:06:31 PM »
Kit, my office is right downtown near both courthouses and I have friends. But I find lately instead of meeting with them I leave the office and go home and wallow. I have to stop doing that.

This is where I wish we lived closer to each other so that we could physically offer support.  As in, we could go have coffee and visit.  Most of our RL friends are tired of hearing about MLC and so we don't feel like we can ever share some of what we're feeling and still going through.  If I had coffee with you, Tyks, you could honestly express yourself and have a true listening and understanding ear.  But yes, I agree.....we have to encourage ourselves to get out there and live life. 


After all, tomorrow is another day.

M: 57   H: 54
Together: 2000   Married: 2009
BD: 1/1/16
He filed for D six weeks later - D final 7/26/16
Became 5th Husband to OW - July 2017

Offline TyksTopic starter

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Re: Without Risk There Is No Reward!
« Reply #125 on: July 17, 2017, 05:11:56 PM »
Awe, SB, that is so sweet. And you are correct. That is exactly why I go home and wallow. I am tired of being depressed and telling my friends all about it. My bf says ahe doesnt mind but I do :(
Me 47
Him 47
22 years together - Married 20
BD1 - August 26, 2016 - ILYBINILWY
BD 2 - August 28, 2016 - OW discovered EA - Kicked him out - currently separated
D14 D17

March 2017 - Separation Agreement in the works
April 2017 - Legal Separation Agreement

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Without Risk There Is No Reward!
« Reply #126 on: July 18, 2017, 07:26:45 PM »
Hi Tyks! I am glad to hear that you have a separation agreement in place and that it is benefiting you.  Yes, it's sad that it has come to this, but you are doing a great job of dealing with it all. I hope that you do broaden your circle of friends. I know it feels like everybody is paired off, but there are lots of single people out there.

The dating sites are dubious, but I did meet my boyfriend online. We have been together for over 4 years now. He is absolutely wonderful. I did name one of my threads something about "Dented Cans". I can't remember exactly it was so long ago. I equated dating to shopping in the dented can aisle of the supermarket.  :P  It's all damaged goods. LOL  But there is also the saying the "everyone comes with baggage. Just find someone willing to help you unpack."

I also used to get out my anger by allowing the site users to chat with me. You can turn that feature on and off.  Most of them are scammers. You know you have one when they start out saying "Hello pretty!" Then I would jerk them around a bit. One guy told me his name was Obama. Then he asked me my name and I told him Michelle. ;D

At any rate, I did find some new friends. I found new things to do. I started horseback riding again. I would go to sleep listening to the radio like I always enjoyed, but xH never allowed it.

You will get there, but things are still raw and legal stuff is draining. You will be putting your world back together for a while yet. The key here is that you are doing it. That is no small feat.   
trying2bok


 

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