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Our Community / Re: Lanzo - MLC'er why still the anger at me.
« Last post by Watcher on Today at 04:44:56 PM »
Yes I love that explanation Orion.
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Our Community / Re: Barely hanging on
« Last post by UrsaMajor on Today at 04:43:41 PM »
Ursa,
Why would he want a carbon copy of me????

Seeshell,

This is the typical Mid-Lifer thing... They have to leave us but the AD that they hook up with ends up being forced into a mold that looks remarkably like us... It is like the Mid-Lifer knows what they are giving up and want to hold on to that for dear life but at the same time, they are hostages to their own FOO and project onto the safest place around... us.... So they want the same us only different...
3
Our Community / Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 15
« Last post by nah on Today at 04:25:52 PM »
So how do you define a vanisher?

Need InPut worded it perfectly....

Diana, your H could go through different phases as RP mentioned above or he could just maintain one phase. I think most vanishers have an on-and-off communication style but with much longer time period between contact. You will be able to better differentiate the styles in retrospect.

There are very few real true vanishers on this forum.  I think there might be 2 true LBSers of real vanishers that follow this thread.  A true vanisher completely disappears without any means of contact.  Years will go by and the LBSer really has no idea if their spouse is dead or alive... zero contact.

Like Need Input wrote, most of us on here have on-and-off communication style... I can message or call my ex-husband right now, and he will answer.  Still, I have not had any contact for about 4-5 months now, and that is normal for us. 

Its much too early for you to determine what kind of contact you will have with your husband and contact could change anytime.  I have had more contact and real conversations with The Leaver years after our divorce was final.
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Our Community / Re: Is this early-onset MLC or am I just insane!?
« Last post by DianaDeBelflor on Today at 03:47:19 PM »
There is something that has been eating at me today. And I can't stop thinking about it.

I do wonder sometimes if she really loves him and if I'm being a horrible person for doing things like blocking his credit cards and seeing a lawyer to make sure I get the best possible deal in divorce.

After all, he did promise that we would stay married until I finished law school. I know that technically, it's better for us financially, but still...

And am I a terrible person for wanting him to leave her and come back to me?
Are you crazy? (Wait, we went over that once already). No, you are not a horrible person for blocking his cards, you are a prudent person.

If he had behaved in a normal fashion, talked to you about this, told you that you "forcing" him to go to Officer's Candidate school, not having children when he wanted, etc were deal breakers for him, and you both could not come to a resolution and decided to divorce, then you might be a not nice person. But it didn't go that way. HE'S LOOKING FOR ENGAGEMENT RINGS WHILE HE IS STILL MARRIED!

Don't fall for the crazy.
He did tell me that he did not want to be there the night before his mom and I dropped him off. I convinced him to go. He called me crying that same night. I again talked him into staying. Then he failed his PT test and wanted to quit. I talked him into staying again.

He never told me that these were deal breakers... and what was I supposed to do? We gave up our house. I was moving to the other side of the country to go to school. If he had backed out months ago, he would have still had his orders to go to Fort Drum and I would have accepted an offer from Syracuse. But he got cold feet at the last moment. He would have gone back to a hell-hole where we lived before, his friends would have left, he would not have made deployment, I have no idea how we would have afforded two houses without the officer pay, and I would not have been able to come see him because there would have been no money. It was too late...

As for kids, I just asked for a couple of years after I graduate. He wanted us to start trying as soon as I graduate.

But no, he never said that these were deal breakers. If he did, maybe I would have acted differently.

He views this as a "contract marriage."
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Our Community / Re: Barely hanging on
« Last post by DianaDeBelflor on Today at 03:40:34 PM »
Have you considered just selling and moving? Why not give yourself a fresh start?
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Our Community / Re: Is this early-onset MLC or am I just insane!?
« Last post by OffRoad on Today at 03:38:23 PM »
There is something that has been eating at me today. And I can't stop thinking about it.

I do wonder sometimes if she really loves him and if I'm being a horrible person for doing things like blocking his credit cards and seeing a lawyer to make sure I get the best possible deal in divorce.

After all, he did promise that we would stay married until I finished law school. I know that technically, it's better for us financially, but still...

And am I a terrible person for wanting him to leave her and come back to me?
Are you crazy? (Wait, we went over that once already). No, you are not a horrible person for blocking his cards, you are a prudent person.

If he had behaved in a normal fashion, talked to you about this, told you that you "forcing" him to go to Officer's Candidate school, not having children when he wanted, etc were deal breakers for him, and you both could not come to a resolution and decided to divorce, then you might be a not nice person. But it didn't go that way. HE'S LOOKING FOR ENGAGEMENT RINGS WHILE HE IS STILL MARRIED!

Don't fall for the crazy.
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Our Community / Re: Is this early-onset MLC or am I just insane!?
« Last post by DianaDeBelflor on Today at 03:33:50 PM »
It doesn't matter if she loves him deeply and sincerely. He is your H and you also love him deeply and sincerely, you have history with him and plans for the future. She should back off. She has no business in your marriage. She is contributing to destroying your life. I do not accommodate anyone willing to destroy my life and cause me extreme trauma.
I suppose she didn't waste any time considering whether I love my husband or whether she should be getting herself involved. And yes, I suppose that she is trying to build her life on the ruins of mine... how do I even begin to fight that? I feel like I have been reduced to a spectator.

Quote
If you think you want to reconcile in the future, I would suggest not helping him pack and if he doesn't like living with you then he needs to leave.
Well, this is what I meant:

"I am going to secure all the paperwork from him that I need and if he even breathes that he hates living with me, I am going to ask him if he prefers his tough boxes of if he'd rather go upstairs with me and pick himself out a suitcase. He has no money. He has nowhere to go. We're renting on post - he has no right to kick me out... but I have every right to kick HIM out. I don't think he honestly believes that the little harlot is willing to wire him money so that he can pay for his hotel."

It's what I replied to Thunder.
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Our Community / Re: Man, dealing with an MLC'r is just brutal
« Last post by RiddleofSteel on Today at 03:17:49 PM »
Thanks Same33!
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Well here we go this is the last chapter ex husband has lost the business his company went under and that means he's not going to be able to send me any money and I have no idea how I'm going to live and how I'm going to pay for an apartment.


I will write more when I can pull myself together
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Our Community / Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Last post by KeepItTogether on Today at 03:04:31 PM »
Great job Kitty! And yes, definitely a silver lining. All part of our “work” I suppose. You are doing amazing!
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