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91
Our Community / Re: Don't know how I got here 3
« Last post by SavingMySanity on Today at 09:25:45 AM »
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Unfortunately I can say nothing. If I do it's pressure and pushes him even further away.

I know this very well.  Everything I said or did was pressure, even seeing me was pressure.  He has avoided me like the plague.  I represent guilt and he runs from me and stays gone.  This man who was all about looking people in the eyes, can no longer do that with me and like your H, mine was headed for the top of his career and fell flat, but this was his own doing.   
92
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by gman242 on Today at 09:17:19 AM »
Whyus, thanks man!

Thunder, I've reached a point of frankly I don't give a damn about W. It's not the the D that's the issue, it's her.. it's fearing standing up for myself and fearing the crocodile tears, the retaliations. I already told her about changing the language on the agreement to reflect S's discretion about the time he wants to spend with her, because I want to follow his wishes and I could be in contempt of court if she pulls something about him going over to her place. Which, by the way, in the past, she said she would come get him. Why? So I don't know where she lives? That ain't gonna fly.

It gives me anxiety, but I'm in the position that we're through and S needs to be protected and it's war baby.

She protested, said when have I ever pulled any thing!? You wanna list?  ::) I said it's just business, nothing personal. It's all FOO issues, knowing I'm right and backing down when someone just screams louder. Those days are over.

K.. is fun. We get along, we act like cute teens. But.. who knows. I'm not going to become emotionally involved until her focus gets clearer. Funny, how that's become a conscious decision now..

Yes, the right lady is out there somewhere.

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I believe you're at the point where the infatuation chemicals should be kicking in. If she's still hesitant at this point I wouldn't expect it to get any better.

Yeah I've turned off that faucet or pulled out the IV. Having been through this many times, in the past, I've blown it because I was clingy and co dependent and that gave them the excuse they needed to leave. Not that it's a game of course.. I don't expect much, but I'm playing it cool and keeping the focus on me. K in my experience though, is at the point when most women like her settle down.

We'd have to jump into the way back machine to a few of my posts where I mention the girl (like K and many others) who dumped me, by getting me kicked out of the mall and then tried to be my friend on social media for the next 20 years. Regrets, she's full of them and she's finally settled and married, all right around 40.. so many other girlfriends have followed that path lol. You could be right too, nothing will happen because she isn't ready or won't face reality.

Either way, I'm back in my own life, eyes open, head above water. And yes, I'll blog anything that happens! ha.
93
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by MyBrainIsBroken on Today at 09:16:06 AM »
I'm not pining for someone who isn't absolutely sure I am the awesome, rad dude I am and they want me 100%.

I agree. I don't think you or any of us should settle for less.

It's been a long time since I'm been at the beginning of a relationship, but I believe you're at the point where the infatuation chemicals should be kicking in. If she's still hesitant at this point I wouldn't expect it to get any better. If she has doubts now, I don't believe they'll ever completely go away. But that's just my opinion which is based on only a small amount of research and very little actual experience. And, of course, my INFP intuition. :D
94
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 09:09:14 AM »
Oh gman, I am praying you get that job!  It would be wonderful for you.

Yes, I believe you're right, your panicky type 4am awakenings are from her pushing for this D after all this time.
It gets scary when it starts to look real, but you are going to be just fine.

About K?  I don't know but I truly believe there is the right woman out there for you, you just possibly haven't met her yet.  You'll know when you do..and it will probably be after you get over your W.
Just my humble opinion.   :)
95
Our Community / Re: How to contact spouse when he is with someone else
« Last post by If_only on Today at 09:07:52 AM »
Thanks Milly:
I liked that answer as well from Thunder!  He doesn’t monster now or cake eat- I actually think he feels sorry for me if he feels anything at all.  I would rather that he doesn’t feel sorry for me but I do think he does. I don’t complain on anything no matter how bad it gets now! It does seem so phoney that you don’t talk about R and pretend you are doing finel when you are not.  It seems like a game - a really terrible game. But that seems to be what is needed to be done.
So I have a couple of questions if anyone has any advice:
- How do you handle your memories regarding your times together, your kids, your love for each other as all of this pops into my mind quite often.  I think I am the only one that has the memories between myself and h and I don’t really know how to handle them. I need to be able to tell myself something when they keep coming into my mind and move on.
- Anyone have any experience or advice on this link with regard to NC after 18 months or longer?
http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/communication/when-your-mlcer-is-the-pursuer-and-you-are-the-distancer/
Thank you ;  IF
96
Our Community / Re: Don't know how I got here 3
« Last post by cowgirlslayer on Today at 09:04:04 AM »
The thing is I can tell this is hurting him. It is weighing on his mind. You don't live with someone for 18 years and not know these things about them. The same is true for them. He knows what upsets me. Sometimes that stops him from doing something - sometimes it eggs him on.

When we have a good time together - he pulls away after. He forgets what is going on then he remembers and thinks about it.


Unfortunately I can say nothing. If I do it's pressure and pushes him even further away.
97
Our Community / Questions about cheaters
« Last post by Blinsided on Today at 09:00:29 AM »
My wife told me of her affair. She doesn't know if she wants to divorce or stay married.  At one point I asked her if she had considered divorce before the affair.  She said no, she hadn't.  Why then is she considering it now, the OM is out of the picture.    Is it guilt, shame and self loathing?  Did she taste freedom? I just don't understand why she is considering divorce, maybe I never will.

As far as cheaters rewriting the history of their marriages, when does this happen?  Before the affair, during the affair, or after the affair is discovered?  Is it different for every cheater?
98
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by Whyus on Today at 08:56:27 AM »
Good luck with the Job mate
99
Our Community / Re: THE TIME TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE IS NOW 2
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 08:55:32 AM »
I, for one, have never thought Watcher should move out and leave the boys with her.
I wish he could get her to move out.  She's the problem, not them.

I don't want to meddle in your business Watcher, you apparently have a plan, I wish there was some way you could get a legal 50/50 custody agreement, sell the house possibly so no one person gets to stay in the house, then both of you find your own place each getting 50% time with the boys.

It wouldn't be perfect but at least you wouldn't have to be forced to live with her (or her with you ::) ), you and the boys would have the freedom of being together and spending half their time with you were she has no say in anything they, or you do.  They would only be controlled by her half the time.  ha ha
You could even put up recent pictures of them on the wall.   ;D

Toxic energy would be gone and she could live in her fantasy as long as she wants.

Ok, that's my wish for the day.   ;)

Take care, Watcher.
100
Our Community / Re: Wife's MLC 10
« Last post by gman242 on Today at 08:44:31 AM »
Oh I just finished the application process for my boss' job.. the one I'm currently doing. It's the government so it was like a 3 hour process, everything in triplicate.

I hope I get this! 1. I'm already doing the job and a good one at that and 2. I will be absolutely secure in taking care of S by myself. Child support will still come in, but this really opens the doors to being independent.
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