Author Topic: MLC Monster LBS Stages 4  (Read 9078 times)

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Online MCSINME

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MLC Monster Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #40 on: January 12, 2018, 06:46:17 PM »
Is it possible to be in:

Denial
Anger
Depression
Acceptance

All at the same time?!?
Denial and acceptance are so opposite, not sure how I could be both at the same time, but in my heart I want to deny that things are so upside down, but in my head I accept that H is in MLC and I need to deal with the $hit associated therewith.

NO BARGAINING FOR ME!  I have no desire to plead, neg, negotiate or anything like that.  Because I understand that won't help anything.
M56
H57 - Live-in MLC
Met 1984
Married 1990
MLC Began after major move 12/2016
BD#1 EA 5/17 Found by accident, denial, lying
BD#2 EA/PA 11/17 Found by accident, still Denial and lying.  Currently at least one ow (39)

S16, S19, S22

"but those who have hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint"  Isiah 40:31

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #41 on: January 13, 2018, 04:18:43 AM »
I tend to cycle between:
Anger ''F him and his BS''
Acceptance ''Nothing I can do but focus on me''
Positive ''it will all work out''

Online MCSINME

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #42 on: January 13, 2018, 02:37:23 PM »
Bride:
That explains all your wonderful posts!
Keep focusing on yourself.  Your positivity is terrific!
M56
H57 - Live-in MLC
Met 1984
Married 1990
MLC Began after major move 12/2016
BD#1 EA 5/17 Found by accident, denial, lying
BD#2 EA/PA 11/17 Found by accident, still Denial and lying.  Currently at least one ow (39)

S16, S19, S22

"but those who have hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint"  Isiah 40:31

Online Treasur

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #43 on: January 14, 2018, 02:11:25 AM »
Is it possible to be in:

Denial
Anger
Depression
Acceptance

All at the same time?!? Yup...we all cycle as LBS...over time, the cycles are less sharp and deep perhaps.

Denial and acceptance are so opposite, not sure how I could be both at the same time, but in my heart I want to deny that things are so upside down, but in my head I accept that H is in MLC and I need to deal with the $hit associated therewith.

NO BARGAINING FOR ME!  I have no desire to plead, neg, negotiate or anything like that.  Because I understand that won't help anything.

I think bargaining can be an internal thing too...if I do x, then y might happen or if I think x, then I'll feel better. It's a sort of post-traumatic mental jelly-wrestling really.  :)
BD Oct 15,
OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17.
I hit my 'Meh' Done Line 5th Feb 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
Grace is...elegance, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online MCSINME

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #44 on: January 14, 2018, 12:08:52 PM »
Treasur:
THanks for your thoughts.
I think self-bargaining is what we want to do, to the extent of i.e., if I don't ask a lot of questions, I won't push him father away.  Or - if I don't follow him on social media,
I will feel better. 

What I meant is that I won't bargain with him - if you come back...

M56
H57 - Live-in MLC
Met 1984
Married 1990
MLC Began after major move 12/2016
BD#1 EA 5/17 Found by accident, denial, lying
BD#2 EA/PA 11/17 Found by accident, still Denial and lying.  Currently at least one ow (39)

S16, S19, S22

"but those who have hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint"  Isiah 40:31

Online ChrissYAH

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #45 on: January 17, 2018, 11:41:41 PM »
Update on what stage I've reached, met someone normal and am moving on  :)

Offline Anon

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #46 on: February 12, 2018, 01:07:50 PM »
From post #38:

Quote
I remember him saying he had a crush on her in high school but never had the nerve to ask her out. Does that count as MLC replay?

This seems to be a very common theme of who our spouses choose as the affair partner.   I've seen similar comments over and over on the boards.   In my own case, my H's affair down is with a woman he had a brief fling with in High School.   40 yrs later he attends his HS reunion and there she is.   The rest,,,well you can guess.   It's a very common theme it seems.

Any thoughts on why this is so common for MLCer's?


Offline Anon

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #47 on: February 12, 2018, 01:12:12 PM »
To add to that, if the AP isn't someone from high school, it's very often someone the MLCer knew from the past and has reconnected with via Facebook, or similar.  Why not someone brand new?  I'm guessing it somehow has to do with their regression to an earlier time.

Online Shocked

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #48 on: February 13, 2018, 08:00:04 AM »
I believe you are ready right! This replay is all about making up for the youth they believe they were cheated out of.
I care🤗
H 51
W 58
M 22 Years
2 AD both married from my first M
BD 12/15 moved out-in replay, vanisher, MOW in Atlanta
D 2/17

Offline Kitty

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Re: LBS Stages 4
« Reply #49 on: February 16, 2018, 03:55:06 PM »
To add to that, if the AP isn't someone from high school, it's very often someone the MLCer knew from the past and has reconnected with via Facebook, or similar.  Why not someone brand new?  I'm guessing it somehow has to do with their regression to an earlier time.

H always told me tattoos were a tun off (she has at least 2), he always said kids were a deal breaker (she has 3), and there is no way in hell he could ever date a smoker (she smokes when stressed).  So regression, and maybe the fact that she wormed her way in and validated him and made him feel good about himself when all my efforts failed, are the only reasons he could have chosen her.

Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi


 

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