Author Topic: My Story Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?  (Read 1505 times)

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Offline UrsaMajorTopic starter

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My Story Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« on: February 06, 2018, 03:04:41 AM »
Good Morning,

I noticed when I went back to give a brief update that I had hit 153 posts so I'll give the update here.....

Thread 24: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9683

The VERY short version is that Mid-Lifer has an appointment with a Lawyer on Monday....

She texts "it hurst me to hurt you but I think it is the best for us" but she's now sure nothing will change (Of course not because she doesn't want it to change.. That would mean confronting her demons.)

Then continues "As long as you and me agree we can work it somehow. And I would never do what xW1 did and take the kids away from you."

My reply was "Like I said before, I disagree that it best for "us" and I am sorry that you feel that way."

So, the wallower is no longer wallowing and, depending on what her L tells her as well as how long the whole process takes (I have no clue here) my 55th B-Day Present could be the end of the M......

S is going to be crushed but , well, he's just collateral damage in her MLC-ness...

Her fantasy of "We'll still be friends" and "We can still do family stuff" will come crashing down around her ears....
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline Tyks

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2018, 03:08:30 AM »
It is so sad how they continue to think that we are the problem and that their happiness depends on being rid of us for good.

How do you feel about the D, UM?
Me 48
Him 48
22 years together - Married 20
BD1 - August 26, 2016 - ILYBINILWY
BD 2 - August 28, 2016 - OW discovered EA - Kicked him out - currently separated
D15 D18

April 2017 - Legal Separation Agreement
August 2017 - I filed for divorce

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8823.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9005.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9120.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9279.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9649.msg635725#msg635725

Online Thunder

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2018, 03:23:16 AM »
Aw dang it, UM!!!
I was hoping she'd just go back to wallowing.  (grumble, grumble)

How on earth she feels this is the "best for us" is beyond me, but that's their mind set and you can't convince them otherwise.  Bull tweed, it's best for THEM, there is no US in there.

Well, I like what you said.
I'm sure she feels nothing will change.  She could be in for a rude awakening.

I'm sorry, UM.  I didn't expect this.   :(
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline Whyus

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2018, 03:29:16 AM »
Im sorry too UM, I didnt expect this either..
I sometimes get the impresion that the MLCer Needs the D somehow. Take a look at CLPs W. Divorced a couple of weeks and BOOM!!!! Shes blowing up his phone!!! WTF?

I feel sorry for your Kids UM, im sure this will be a shock but they are in good Hands with dad....


Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Online Helpingme!

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2018, 03:45:43 AM »
Sorry too hear this UM. Just dam sorry for you and kids.
UM, I didn't expect this at all. I was thinking she was bluffing.

Dam, MLCer mind is so messed up

Offline Treasur

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2018, 03:49:50 AM »
Sorry from me too UM...how are you doing?
BD Oct 15,
OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17.
I hit my 'Meh' Done Line 5th Feb 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
Grace is...elegance, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2018, 04:00:21 AM »
Been following along, but not sure if ever commented. I’m sorry to hear, I didn’t expect MLCer to follow through. I am getting almost the exact same messages now, they have escalated, and I am expecting the confirmation very soon. My replies are very similar to yours. I think the confirmation will bring me to my knees, but I will get up again. Thinking of you
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starter

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #7 on: February 06, 2018, 05:28:03 AM »
I'm waffling between "meh, heard this before," "It's a pity that she has to follow in her father's footsteps," and about 50 other states of mind....

I went and did an hour of Trampoline Aerobics  at lunch so got that part out of my system...

I guess I am not surprised... TF<x>  has been feeding her the "Well maybe someday you'll get back together" BS and I guess that  STBX is thinking that must be the case...   <Rude awakening #1 - Someone here said when their Mid-Lifer said that they told them they did not get married so that they could get divorced and then have the Mid-Lifer come back>

How am I feeling? I guess, when it comes down to it, if the current status quo is maintained, i. e. the kids (I pay no support as they are with me 50% and the costs are equal between after school care which she pays and their health insurance which I pay) and no spousal support (we earn within 5% of each other in terms of fixed salary. I occasionally get a bonus but that is not guaranteed but rather a function of the profit of the company) , I'll be OK.  It is a loss but there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it since SHE doesn't want to change it... The ever-changing Reasons Du Jour at the beginning were proof that it really has nothing to do with me or the relationship. So, there is a feeling of deep sadness mixed with a shot of indifference...

I expect when the papers arrive, it may change... It will be interesting to see what she uses s an excuse (don't know if that is needed in Germany or not).

Sad really.... Just sad.... a bit of wistful melancholy... a bit of compassion/pity because, when she finds out that she is not suddenly happy, I think it will all come crashing down....

I am not sure what is precipitating this - whether it is the inheritance  that she wants to protect - she made a comment a while back about "if we were still married and she bought a house and then we got divorced and I had a GF that would want part of those proceeds as it would be marital property" <Cue the WTF face - Projection anyone - this is EXACTLY the kind of thing FIL(RIP) would have done - that was the first time I told her that I am not her F> or whether she has someone on the side (it seems that woudl be a real possibility as 1) she is glued to her phone, 2) she is VERY anxious to get the kids and I out the door sometimes, and 3) she is very nervous when I am going to drop them off and wants a pretty definitive time although for her to drop them off to me could be anywhere in a 2-hour window)

In the end, it doesn't matter why she is doing it and I have better things to do with my time/energy than to try to monkey-brain that one to death...

The kids will be back with me Thursday night so it will be interesting to see what, if anything, that she has told them...

UM
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Kitty

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2018, 05:35:21 AM »
I'm sorry UM. Hopefully your kids will handle the news okay. :-[
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Online Bailmor

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Re: Thread 25 - The beginning of the end?
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2018, 05:40:28 AM »
UM, I know how you are trying to outlast this.  And as you have written, there is nothing we can do to change their perspective on this.  I have been there and am on the D end of all this now.  Not my choice but I made sure I protected myself and my girls. 

If it gives you any perspective, my XW has had several personal things that have happened since D.  XWs F passed awY, her M is now in a deep depression, XW was possibly diagnosed with breast cancer.  All of the#e things I would have loved to have been a support for her, but now, I say “ I am sorry” and leave it at th@t.  Now, OM can be that support, which I doubt.

All said, you are Handling this as best as you can at this point.  Concentrate on you and I know you will come through with flying colors! 

Feel free to IM if you need to chat!  Hang in there!
If you are feeling down, know that God Has always had a wonderful plans for you.  Unfortunately, there are things that happen and forces that work to try and keep us from reaching what He has for us.  The good news is that there is healing at work.  God is always working in and through your life to try to get you to where He wants you.


 

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