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Author Topic: My Story I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.  (Read 908 times)

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Offline KittyTopic starter

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Previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9786.0;all

So the titles to this thread and my last are lyrics from the song Maybe by Sick Puppies. I thought it was kind of fitting considering the song is about having the courage to make a change in your life no matter where you're at.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFhRowkNrTM

I know that I need to change, but I'm still working up the courage to do it.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2018, 10:35:01 AM by Kitty »
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline sampsed

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2018, 11:17:05 AM »
Following....you will get there someday Kitty....just keep moving forward a lil at a time!
BD 10 29 2017  Moved out same day to be with OW
BY 1966
H BY 1966
Married 32 years
Together 34.5 year
D - 1989 Married with 2 children, living locally
S -  1991 Professional School living across Country  - Still relies on us for support
3 Dogs - 1 was his baby that he left behind
Standing
No legal action yet

Online Helpingme!

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2018, 11:47:08 AM »
Following along Kitty

Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2018, 12:14:55 PM »
Thanks for following sampsed and Helpingme!

So I just got a text from H, it sounds like he's starting to self diagnose.

H - If you get a minute there is an article on ESPN about Johnny Manzel trying to come back to football. Read it and tell me what his symptoms sound like.
K - I'm sorry I just got your text a few minutes ago. (He sent it at 10 this morning.)
H - Oh, check it out sometime, it's interesting...

For those of you who don't pay attention to sports the head line reads: Johnny Manzel says he's bipolar, working on comeback.

I'm just going to reply that maybe he should bring it up with IC the next time he sees her. Although maybe I should throw in that most people who are bipolar don't feel like they don't have any attachment to their spouse, but I could be wrong.

I'll have to read up as much as I can in case he wants to talk about it.  ::)
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Online Treasur

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2018, 12:25:13 PM »
Or don't, let him talk and see where he takes the convo Kitty?
BD Oct 15,
OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17.
I hit my 'Meh' Done Line 5th Feb 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
Grace is...elegance, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Thunder

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2018, 12:26:51 PM »
Hi Kitty, what a great song!!   :)

Welcome to your new thread, and I have another song similar to yours.

Change by Above Only

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WmLYZaGlN0
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2018, 12:49:24 PM »
Hi Kitty, what a great song!!   :)

Welcome to your new thread, and I have another song similar to yours.

Change by Above Only

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WmLYZaGlN0

Thanks Thunder, I'll listen to it when I get home.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2018, 12:54:33 PM »
Or don't, let him talk and see where he takes the convo Kitty?

I could do that too. He's already been texting me after I told him to bring it up with his IC. He said "I just thought several of his experiences were similar to mine...not necessarily the same.

He is once again talking about how tired he is and how he doesn't know if he can continue like he is. I may post the conversation when I get to my place...he's still going.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2018, 05:15:49 PM »
So this is what I deal with almost daily. Does anyone else have an MLCer like this? Note: my thoughts are in parenthesis.

H - My body aches like crazy again today...it felt okay but not great on vacation. I could have never done a Disney Park day.   (Here we go... ::) )

K - That sucks.  :( Do you think it's from basically not taking your meds yesterday?

H - I don't know...I have a lot of body aches all the time. I just realized I forgot my mess this morning...my memory sucks!

K - That's not good. Maybe you should set a reminder on your phone.

H - I will get my routine back. I had to pry my ass out of bed at 7:15 today so I was in a hurry.

K - Oops.

H - I am getting really tired of feeling like $h!te...I had a good time on vacation but it should have been so much better...   (gold star for not asking if having OW there would have made it better)

K - I know you are. But you'll get through this and you'll feel better again. I'm sorry, I was hoping you would have been able to have fun.

H - I am having serious doubts about that!

K - It's easy to doubt when you feel like you do. But you are too stubborn to give up.

H - I am being tested to the limit and I don't know how much is left in me!  (Helllooo, what about me? :o)

K - It's going to take time and patience. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. Once you start working with IC and get to the root of your problem, you can then start on working on being happy with yourself again. Once that happens IT WILL start getting better.

H - I hope, but I am exhausted from fighting.  (Again, you're not the only one.)

K - You're stronger than you realize. You put up with me for 20 years right? That has to count for something. LOL. That was a bad joke, ignore it. Joking aside though, I and anyone else who knows YOU, knows that you are strong enough to get through this.

H - I may have been in the past, but I don't think anyone realizes how tired I am from all this!  (Wash, rinse, repeat)

K - You still are, because regardless of how tired you are, you are still fighting!! DON'T GIVE UP!!! One day you'll wake up and this will all seem like a bad dream.

H - I keep going and don't know how...

K - Don't know how...what?

H - I don't know how I keep going. I have no life in my body...

K - You keep going because you're a fighter. There is life in you, you just can't feel it right now. Your emotions are blocked, probably from the depression. (Or guilt, but you won't admit that)

H - We will see. I just want to be happy again.  (So would I)

K - Real happiness comes from within. Outside forces will bring you pleasure but not happiness. Once you become happy with yourself things will start looking up, I know it.

H - I hope you're right!!

K - I may not be batting a thousand anymore, but I still got a good average. (Yes, I am, but I'm not going to tell you about my snooping)

H - You do, and I really really appreciate your encouragement. You seem to be the only one who can cheer me up lately.  (Maybe because as your WIFE I know how to cheer you up when no one else can...suck it OW!!)

K - I don't like seeing you so down, I know that's not how you really are. You've cheered me up so many times before, I'm trying my best to return the favor.

H - Thank you!! I really don't deserve all the help you've given me.

K - You're welcome.  (Another gold star for not saying "no, you don't")

This is pretty much the same conversation we have every other day. This is part of the reason why I need a vacation. I'm getting one too, I talked to my aunt down in Florida and I'll be going down May 25th to June 2nd.  8)
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
MLC started 2015(??)
1st. BD 12/3/17 - H wants separation
12/21/17 - Separation agreement signed
2nd. BD 12/22/17 - I find out about affair after H told me there was no OW
12/22/17 - I moved out

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline No expectations

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Re: I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try.
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2018, 06:46:09 PM »
Hi Kitty,

I just found your thread.  Your h sounds like a great big wallower,  like mine.  It really is tough to find the balance with a wallower,  I want to be supportive but still focus on detaching. 

For someone so new to this, you sound like you're very strong.   I wish you well!

I'm glad you're taking some time for a vacation and taking care of yourself.   Where in Florida does your aunt live?  I'm in West Palm Beach.
Married 10 1/2 years, together 17.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 49.  OW 23.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."


 

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