Author Topic: My Story Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together  (Read 2268 times)

Offline gman242

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My Story Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #10 on: September 28, 2017, 03:57:45 PM »
I feel the same way. I still have my family and I'm sorry for your loss... But we grew up together. She was the person I fell in love with and wanted to do everything right with.

I have a bad right knee and bad left ear.

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #11 on: September 28, 2017, 05:29:20 PM »
Tonight she called for the boys, bc tomorrow she and her OM#2 are getting them for their 2 out of 4 days per month.  They plan on taking them to Chuckee Cheese like they are some big happy family.  :(

She told my S8 she went and watched the movie IT.  I don't know why but this really hurts.  I begged her to watch any type of scary movie with me for years.  She is so terrified of anything, she wouldn't even watch like goosebumps, the old TV show with me. 

Her number one fear is clowns and old dolls, and to know she went and watched a movie with this guy she has known a few months, when I asked her literally off and on for 15 years.  It just sort of hurts.

I was her husband and supposed to be the love of her life.  But she is doing stuff with a young guy that I could never get her to do with me. 

I just really wonder, did we have rose colored glasses on?  Am I just a Fixer, and saw what my spouse could have been, and not what they actually are?

I really wonder at times, was my marriage as good as I thought it was, or was I just in a fog myself?

I mean how could they literally change this much?  It just makes me question was I just blind to what she really was? 

This is just one of the many thoughts that go through my head when I feel all alone in the world.  lol
« Last Edit: September 28, 2017, 05:33:06 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2017, 05:49:07 AM »
Well she showed up at her former house last night to pick up the kids with the boyfriend in tow.

I don't know if she is just clueless to how disrespectful that is, or she intended it to be a slap in the face.  Or since I have went no contact with her other than very, very short text messages about the kids, she was hoping to get a rise out of me, and make me pay her attention.

The old me would have blown up her phone about how horrible that is, and how can she do this to our kids.

But I know there is nothing I can do.  I know she could care less about our family or our kids.  So I stayed inside, shut the door to her and just let her go.  I didn't text her.

On a positive note, I went to a church event last night.  There is a girl who I was good friends with back about 20 years ago.  She's a nurse and she just recently found me on facebook.  So we have been talking.  She invited me, and I didn't decline.  I actually had a good time.  We talked for hours about the old days and brought up a lot of memories I had forget.

I gave her a hug, which is the fist time I have even touched another woman since my XW left, and it felt sort of nice.  I had forgot even what a woman felt like.  lol

But it was a nice time.  It was totally innocent, but it was just nice. 
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline Velika

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2017, 07:49:33 AM »
I actually think you are doing an amazing job at detaching and seeing things clearly. I have to applaud you on how you are handling things.

I have also observed the dangling of the OP. My FH still thinks his OW and I will one day be friends. He made a statement to this effect in our coparenting session last week. He also articulated a wish that I can meet his unplanned baby with OW. He once CC'd me on an email to his HR department titled "Health Insurance for my Baby Girl."

Like you, I say nothing. I have also had long periods of wondering just what is going on behind his actions. If you read the memorizable How MLC is Like Depression, it notes that someone in this state will often do the same things with the OP as they did with the spouse. Sometimes they will encourage them to dress or act like the spouse. My FH took our son and OW to the same ballet I had planned for our family to see the year before. It was like nothing has any sentimental meaning to him at all anymore.

In my better moments, I can look at this as a radical exercise in detachment. After all, what part of "me" do I think is lost when this happens? I am actually curious to see (one day) how this experience affects me in another relationship. I wonder if I will be unphased by small issues or else on high alert as to early signs of mental instability.

It is great you are going out and meeting and reconnecting with people. I think you are doing amazingly well.

Offline gman242

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2017, 08:11:49 AM »
Velika, that keeps popping up in my mind too... As far as I can tell, W found a guy just like me. My W has been wanting my S to go over there and meet OM and act like a family. I think maybe she wanted me to meet him too.. I don't know.

Strange.. I think that's just how much and hard they resist growing. Find a new, fake family like the old one without the guilt. Some serious fatansy right there.

Offline Velika

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2017, 08:48:13 AM »
Velika, that keeps popping up in my mind too... As far as I can tell, W found a guy just like me. My W has been wanting my S to go over there and meet OM and act like a family. I think maybe she wanted me to meet him too.. I don't know.

Strange.. I think that's just how much and hard they resist growing. Find a new, fake family like the old one without the guilt. Some serious fatansy right there.

I no longer think of these relationships as falling within the same spectrum. I think whatever thinking pattern is going on, it is so unlike what we typically experience that it is almost impossible to imagine.

I actually don't think our spouses are resisting growing or feel guilt in the way that we would have this experience. I think whatever is going on has more to do with brain chemistry and function. (This is just my opinion, I know others disagree.)

I really think that although our spouses quickly "replace" us, this is done very unconsciously. I made a friend on the forum who doesn't post much anymore, also with a very extreme H. Her therapist said he (the therapist) also had a crisis and said that a person thinking rationally just can't imagine what is going on in the mindset of someone in this state.


Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #16 on: October 02, 2017, 04:56:20 AM »
Well she picked up the kids on Friday at 5, with her BF in tow.  :(

On Saturday I talked to the kids at 8pm to say goodnight.  My oldest S8 seemed off.  I even asked him several times if he was ok.

At 9:30, he called me on the phone and begged me to come meet my XW so he could come home.  So I agreed and drove to the pickup spot to get him. 

When I got there I didn't look at her, my son got out of her car and got in mine.  I glanced over and you could tell she was waiting for me to talk to her.  I just drove off.

I could see in my rear view mirror she just sat there.  She didn't move for a while. 

When my son got in the car, he was like I just can't stand being around the OM.  And staying at his house.  It really upsets me.  He's like I begged her to leave and she finally let me.  Event though my son said she was really mad that he wanted to leave.  And of course he said something to my XW about not wanting to be around the OM, and she didn't care.

The next morning I text her at 8am, saying to have my S5 contact me.  Bc he was still over there.  She never responded and he never called.  Probably bc she was pouting over the fact the S8 didn't want to be part of her family fantasy with the OM.

At like 3pm, I got a text from her asking me PLEASE to talk to her on the phone about selling her old car.  I figured this might be sort of anchor check after I blew her off at the pickup of my son, and her seeming to want to talk to me.  It might have made her think she is loosing me.  Bc the old me would have cherished the opportunity to talk to her.  I ignored it.  She has this OM now.  He can help her sell it. 

At 6pm she dropped my S5 off.  Of course with the OM in tow.   So even though my S8 had left her house the night before bc of the OM, she still brought him along for the dropoff.  My S8 went outside to see her.  She totally ignored him.  Probably bc she is still mad and she's like a teenager now.  If you don't do what she wants she does the silent treatment on you as punishment.

She also always calls at 8pm everynight to talk to the kids.   She didn't call last night.  My S8 was like she didn't call me Dad, bc she is mad at me I wouldn't hang around with the OM.  He's like honestly I don't care if she is mad at me or not.  It's wrong what she is doing.  I just want a mom and she's not acting like one.  This is coming from an 8 year old.  :(
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #17 on: October 02, 2017, 06:18:00 AM »
Aww cpl, that’s sad for your boy, it just shows they are just not in their right mind are they, I’m sure you know your old W never would have treated your boy like that. Amazing dad being there for your boy. His words were wise, but it’s stuff an 8 year old shouldn’t have to be thinking about. Hope you have a nice settled time with the boys back with you this week
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #18 on: October 03, 2017, 06:30:32 PM »
well today she text me at 6am demanding that I now let her have the kids 2 days every week on top of her every other weekend.  Or she would file contempt charges on me.  lol

She only has them every other weekend by court order.  So she can't do anything.  So my only response was I'm following the court orders.

She then threatened me again saying she can have what she wants and blah blah, blah.  I just ignored it. 

I'm not sure what her end game was in this.  I don't know if she is just cycling or I'm not engaging in the drama anymore, so maybe she is just trying to push my buttons.  I'm sure she is running out of ammunition of showing her boyfriend that I'm such a bad guy. 

Hard saying I guess.

« Last Edit: October 03, 2017, 07:08:51 PM by cplnorton »
Me   M  37
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Online Whyus

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Re: Divorced bc of MLC. Wife left me and the 2 kids, after 15 years together
« Reply #19 on: October 04, 2017, 04:44:31 AM »
You done the right thing by ignoring her. Your doing what the law wants so let her bla, bla, bla all she wants. All deserved consequences of her actions. Simple as!!!
Your doing great mate..
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0


 

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