Author Topic: My Story Just when I think things are getting better....  (Read 3591 times)

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
My Story Just when I think things are getting better....
« on: October 09, 2017, 08:28:41 AM »
I'm to a point that I wonder, how much more?? At what point are things going to start getting better and I'm going to stop feeling like I'm not the biggest loser in this whole mess.
This past weekend H moved OW to the town we live in, 30 miles from her town.  Our town has 3000 people in it and we have lived here 20 years, how does this tramp think she will survive here?  I am extremely involved in this community.  I have been a string firl scout leader for 11 years, doing a ton of community service,  I am greatly involved in our homeschool group,  this is my town.
Why do I feel like they are getting everything they want and I'm just the huge loser in all this????

Old thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9348.0
« Last Edit: October 09, 2017, 08:39:41 AM by Thunder »
:)

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2017, 08:37:09 AM »
I know how you feel SS. I too have felt like H and OW is having the time of their lives while I am trying to hold things together for me and the kids. You are not the loser, they are and eventually in time he will be able to see that one day. I think the emotional rollercoaster of it all is the hardest. One day we feel like we got this and the next day memories of our H will flood us and we feel like losers. Hang in there SS, we are not the loser. We are the prize! Hugs!

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Online Thunder

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 15039
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2017, 08:41:14 AM »
Hi Seeshell,

I linked your threads but please don't start a new thread until you reach 150 posts. 
Thank you.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline in it

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10339
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2017, 09:13:22 AM »
OMG Seeshell.

Hold your head high.

 Pay as little attention as possible to that relationship. It's doomed to fail built on lies and deceit it can do nothing but implode. Might take a few months.

Not easy I know. Just about the same thing happened to me in a village just as small. I was also very active in the community. The ex and I were divorced but is was very shortly after ( a month) he moved the exow into the family house.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2017, 11:11:02 AM »
Ok Thunder,  thank you.
Every single person I talk to tells me they will fail bit I'm just so afraid they will make it and be so gloriously happy together and I was a bad wife and she's his prize.
:)

Offline OldPilot

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11990
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2017, 12:12:42 PM »
I'm just so afraid they will make it and be so gloriously happy together and I was a bad wife and she's his prize.
NO way!
I will put money on that bet too!

She is the booby prize - that is about it.

Offline in it

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10339
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2017, 12:47:58 PM »
I'm with OP
just stay right out of the way.
Take the high road as much as possible.
Don't get dragged into any drama.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2017, 01:55:25 PM »
I agree with Old Pilot too. I keep telling myself that about H and his pond scum. There is no way that it will last, I just have to stay out of the way and let it crumble.  Hang in there!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2901
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2017, 02:41:15 PM »
I'm just so afraid they will make it and be so gloriously happy together and I was a bad wife and she's his prize.
NO way!
I will put money on that bet too!

She is the booby prize - that is about it.

Lol—the booby prize for sure!!!
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2017, 03:22:23 PM »
Thanks guys, that means alot to me. I take the high road except for in the divorice that he is pushing in full speed ahead.  I decided that if he is too g to put me through the wringer then I am going to get what I can.  And that includes exposing his affairs.  I hate it but I have no choice, he brought us to this place, he is torturing me and my children.
:)

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #10 on: October 09, 2017, 04:48:32 PM »
OW is moving to your town??

So she is going to have to deal with your shadow.

Take the high road and let the community do the rest.

H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #11 on: October 09, 2017, 05:05:30 PM »
Yes to a tiny town of 3000 people where I have been super involved in for 20 years!!
:)

Offline 31andcounting

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4821
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2017, 05:34:56 AM »
It's your town Seeshell7!!

Act like it every day! 
You did nothing to be ashamed of,  he did!
Own it, it is your town!

(hugs)
31
« Last Edit: October 11, 2017, 11:41:03 AM by 31andcounting »
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2017, 05:52:01 AM »
Especially in the early days the Leaver was angry b/c according to him I was making everyone hate him.

I had no idea what he was talking about.

Thing is, we were together for 30 years in a very small state.  We were both very active in the community, sometimes separate, sometimes as a team.  Hundreds of families felt close to us, hundreds.

I'm sure I only know a fraction of the stories...
Here's some...

A women saw the both of them at a restaurant, and loudly went to their table, swearing that he was now dead to her.  I hadn't seen or heard from this person in about 20 years, I still haven't.  They left the restaurant without eating.

Another woman walked up to him and said, "You're a fire trucking @-hole" and walked away.  Simple yet effective.  ;D ;D

He ran into our old friends and went to their table to talk to them, the wife refused to look up from her menu.

I had to beg one of his former friends to not "key" his truck.  He doesn't even know about that one.

At a hockey rink he was laughed at and called stupid by his whole team.  He left.

The Leaver told me this one and I don't know who it is....  "yeah well, I lost a good friend b/c his wife refuses to let him talk to me".  Maybe I'll find out some day.

I know of several that he saw them, and he literally ran the other way.  Maybe he was afraid of what they would say or do.

He tried to blame me in the early days, and then gave up.  I think even he now realizes that generally most people do not like his behavior and their reactions have nothing to do with me.
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Offline pacasam

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 885
  • Gender: Female
  • Deserted on 2/18/17
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #14 on: October 11, 2017, 06:21:00 AM »
SS7 sounds like he's going to be exposing his own affairs.  LOL so let him.  Like the others said take the high road and keep doing as you've been doing.  Don't change anything about what you've been doing.  People will notice.
:(
Me 53
H 58
No kids
known each other 29 years
Married on 10/19/1991
BD 2/18/17

Online OneHotMess

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 415
  • Gender: Female
  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #15 on: October 14, 2017, 11:48:43 AM »
I’m following along SS7. Let them ruin it for themselves. Continue to do you!!
M 39
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S12 & D7
BD  February 11 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #16 on: October 14, 2017, 03:44:00 PM »
So my attorney has enough to change the grounds of my divorce to adultry.   Texas is a no fault state and unless you can prove adultry it's 50/50.  But now that is going to change. My attorney told H s attorney and H started sending me texts wanting to settle.  Umm sorry, no.  You want the girlfriend,  you leave with nothing.  He's feeling the heat now.
My friends saw OW at our walmart last night at 8 pm.
She left her 2 kids in the car, they are 2yr old and a 5yr old.
She's a great mom.
But she posts on social media that I'm a narcissist.
:)

Offline Mae

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1408
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #17 on: October 14, 2017, 05:56:27 PM »
It will be good for you to get a settlement that is going to protect your and the kids financially, and if that means he will get less because of the adultery, even better.

Shell, pay no heed to OW's fakebook, you are not the narcissist, just a Mom fighting to be make sure her kids will be okay.
Me: 49
H: 40
S18, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Medicated & Zombie Like is NC

Offline stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3305
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #18 on: October 14, 2017, 08:10:21 PM »
SS7 - I so understand this business of OW "moving" right into town.  At least there are 3000 people in your town.  The OW in my case moved into our town of 350!!   :o   

I've been an educator here for 30 years.  Both my parents and MLCer's parents grew up in this tiny town.  I couldn't figure out how this crazy woman (fondly known on this site as Mrs. Six Surnames) thought she was going to ride in and take over. 

But in MLC land things are crazy and sure enough.....my MLCer married her and she's the new Mrs. Baffled!  Needless to say, my MLCer isn't nearly as brave as Nah's was.  For 22 months now he's stayed rather hidden at the love nest so that the people in this tiny town that want to throw a few truth darts his way have little opportunity. 

I was always very active in the community and after BD I became even more active.   I hope you'll continue to do all things you've always done.  As Nah has said, let the OW try to figure out how she's going to deal with your shadow! 
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline Silver

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #19 on: October 15, 2017, 01:31:08 AM »
It's your town Seeshell7!!

Act like it every day! 
You did nothing to be ashamed of,  he did!
Own it, it is your town!

(hugs)
31

I agree with 31 100% Seeshell!
Not a one reason for you to 'give up your town'.
It is yours.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline AleB

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 51
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #20 on: October 15, 2017, 02:02:11 AM »
Seeshell I agree with everyone here!
Keep your head up! They are doing all the damage by themselves!
The most effective way! Let them do it by themselves!

Online Thunder

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 15039
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #21 on: October 15, 2017, 04:40:14 AM »
I agree with everyone else, See.  Head high and completely ignore them.  Their not worth worrying about.

I'm also glad you can claim adultery, she needs to be named for her involvement with a married man and the break up of a marriage.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #22 on: October 15, 2017, 08:23:07 AM »
The really creepy thing is she looks very similar to me.
My attorney says his attorney said H calls him everyday and wants this divorce over as soon as possible.  My attorney who has been in practice for 25 years feels like there's something else we don't know about.
I have 3 proven cases of him cheating that will be coming out in court.   
H has no idea what's about to happen.
:)

Online Thunder

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 15039
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #23 on: October 15, 2017, 08:46:59 AM »
Yep, I agree with your lawyer.  Something is going on and he needs it done right away.

Maybe he or she is getting a big raise or something.  Something.  Hiding money?
Just take you time and make sure you have all his financials.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #24 on: October 15, 2017, 09:12:57 AM »
Mine wanted it done quick bc he was buying a house.
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Online OneHotMess

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 415
  • Gender: Female
  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #25 on: October 15, 2017, 09:44:55 AM »
In MLC something is always brewing. At least in my case it did. My therapist and my sons therapist say I can have my own movie on lifetime with my life this year. I think I pay them so they can catch up on my weekly episode of “what did your crazy MLCer do this week?” That is actually how my therapist starts out our session. lol!!

I document absolutely everything and give to my attorney. That is how I have been able to get as far as I have legally in my case. You need to do what is best for you and your kids. My h said he wanted the d over quickly but when it came to the proposal, it was the worst proposal ever. He wanted everything but the bills. Even added in that he wanted ow around the kids as of dec 1st. I took it as a stall tactic. Your h could be getting pushed by ow to get it over with.

You are doing great. Keep doing what you do. Let her post what she wants on Facebook. The people who know you will know the truth and see her for what she is.



M 39
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S12 & D7
BD  February 11 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #26 on: October 15, 2017, 11:03:53 AM »
I don't look at what she puts on social media, I have a few friends that do.  And currently she has things on there that might even be something I can file a civil suit against her.   Boy wouldn't that be something! Every post she has up has the F bomb in it, because she such a classy 31 year old like that, mother of 2. 
I'm not sure why H wants it over so quickly, we haven't even gone to mediation and now with the grounds changing, he's going to be losing alot more than he thought.  I think he wants it over because she keeps doing the dumbest things that make him lose more.  She's very immature and it really shows.  He's an ER Dr, and I know all she cares about is his $$$, but there won't be a while lot of that left when this is over.  Hope she really loves him
:)

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #27 on: October 15, 2017, 11:59:36 AM »
Seeshell7, you mentioned the creepy thing is she looks similar to you. My H's pond scum died her hair the same color as mine. I deactivated my social media but the kids creeped on hers and said "Mom her hair color is the exact same as yours. I was reminded of what another friend of mine said when the affair came out"She can never be you, but anybody can be her all they would have to do is lower their morals and standards."  That is so true. Hang in there SS, you got this. Oh and classy, H's pond scum had a picture of her on her social media flipping the camera off. You are right, they are so immature.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #28 on: October 30, 2017, 01:17:51 PM »
So H is in a super rush to get the D over with.  Now that he moved his OW to our town he spends lots more time with her and her kids.  He has our S14 around her which against the court orders but H doesn't care and H tells S14 not to tell.
H kept OW 2yr old at his hoise for 5 days, overnight too, on the weekend he had his own kids!!! And the 2yr old calls H daddy.  D11 came home so upset wondering why this child is calling her dad, daddy.
He is SO ANGRY at me.  My attorney filed the counter petition to change the grounds of the divorice to adultry.
And he thinks I'm trying to drag it out.  But now that the counter suit is filed, H is even more furious at me.  He HATES me.
:)

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2901
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #29 on: October 31, 2017, 12:50:48 AM »
He doesn’t hate you. But, there’s much anger in these MLCers, mostly aimed at the lbs. He hates himself most of all—your counter claim highlighted something he is very ashamed of. You are doing great. Protect yourself and your children as you’ve been doing and don’t second guess.
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Online OneHotMess

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 415
  • Gender: Female
  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #30 on: October 31, 2017, 06:29:18 AM »
So H is in a super rush to get the D over with.  Now that he moved his OW to our town he spends lots more time with her and her kids.  He has our S14 around her which against the court orders but H doesn't care and H tells S14 not to tell.
H kept OW 2yr old at his hoise for 5 days, overnight too, on the weekend he had his own kids!!! And the 2yr old calls H daddy.  D11 came home so upset wondering why this child is calling her dad, daddy.
He is SO ANGRY at me.  My attorney filed the counter petition to change the grounds of the divorice to adultry.
And he thinks I'm trying to drag it out.  But now that the counter suit is filed, H is even more furious at me.  He HATES me.

Unfortunately, I know this all to well. I had to file the suit to get the courts involved to keep the cousin away too. He turned it around that I am prolonging the d too. When I sent over a petition to end the divorce he sent back a horrible counter offer. Who is prolonging it now??

Stay strong!!
M 39
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S12 & D7
BD  February 11 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #31 on: October 31, 2017, 01:28:20 PM »
My H wants to settle, my attorney told his attorney if he wants to settle we will settle with 100% assets, 50% of his income for alimony and boom your divorce is over.
I don't think he's going to go for it though.
:)

Offline stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3305
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #32 on: October 31, 2017, 06:56:41 PM »
Look out for YOU, SS7.  I guess you'll find out how bad he really wants the D to be over. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #33 on: November 01, 2017, 07:59:06 PM »
I hate the cycling I do, one day I'm up in strong, the next day I'm down dragging myself along. I find that on the days I'm strong sometimes my children drag me down because of their sadness and Brokenness of what their dad is doing. I am in such utter shock and disbelief that the man who was an upstanding citizen of this community has moved his girlfriend of town openly dating her while we were in the middle of this divorce. And what he's doing to my kids is just unbelievable I'm guessing this is script midlife crisis, right?????
:)

Offline Silver

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #34 on: November 02, 2017, 01:32:45 AM »
Yes it is script Seeshell.
I am sorry about your bad days, we all hate cycling my friend but let me tell you this: it is all necessary for our processes! We couldn't feel healed one day if we didn't cycle trough all those emotions. It is the mechanism in our mind that has to be let to do it's work. If we didn't feel those emotions we would not work for ourselves.

Wishing a lot of strength to you, you are doing well even it may not feel like that when having a bad day but you have coped with this good.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #35 on: November 02, 2017, 03:43:40 PM »
Thank you Silver.  I have decided this year for Christmas I'm going to take my kids and head to Florida.   The thought of being here with H and OW in town makes me want to hard, so we are headed out.  I never realized how much H controlled me bit when I made these reservations I felt like I had done something wrong. 
How is it that a man who loved me for so long turn into to some who is so angry and hateful to me.
How??
:)

Offline Silver

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #36 on: November 06, 2017, 12:08:31 AM »
I feel for you Seeshell, we all do as we all have spinned that question in our heads.
It just so difficult to understand but trying to remember it is not about you may help you a little. He would feel like he is regardless of your actions. He is projecting emotions he can't cope in himself and you are the one he uses for it. It is our part but understanding that can give us more peace and understanding in it. Not saying you should accept his actions but to understand why.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #37 on: November 06, 2017, 07:44:54 PM »
Thank you again silver.

My husband's actions are just out of the realm of any reality possible.  I am shocked pretty much daily by the crap he does and says to our children.  He doesnt care about them, at all or their feelings. 
My question is..... how can anyone ever be normal or even semi normal after coming though the tunnel.  Will H see the horrible damage he has done?? Will there be anyway to repair it??
Helppppppp
:)

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2108
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #38 on: November 06, 2017, 09:57:00 PM »
Thank you again silver.

My question is..... how can anyone ever be normal or even semi normal after coming though the tunnel.  Will H see the horrible damage he has done?? Will there be anyway to repair it??
Helppppppp

Maybe that's a question for another time? Some do, some keep running...but it's not going to happen tomorrow from the sound of things so no need to figure that out yet.
Right now, it sounds as if protecting you and your kids is what matters most....
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Philadelphiagirl

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 337
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #39 on: November 07, 2017, 02:51:51 AM »
Hi, following along and sending support. I know what you mean about watching your kids suffer and them bringing you down (this sounds bad I know but I know exactly what you mean) when you might be feeling stronger. I am having the same issues here. Mine saw their Dad after 14 weeks last week and they are all over the place this week while I am still trying to sort out the mess that my H left. It is very difficult to keep going but we have no choice. Just sending you positive vibes and support, PG xxx 

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #40 on: November 08, 2017, 07:30:50 PM »
 so now that we are in the middle of our divorce and H has his o w living in town with us I'm starting to find out that he's had multiple Affairs over the last 6 years. 6 years ago he bought a Camaro had an affair I found out about it he was sorry went through counseling only to start another affair a year later and then more since then that I didn't know about. Now he's in love with a girl 20 years younger than him left the kids and I for her and is convinced that they are going to be together forever. My question is could this be replayed that's been going on for 6 years that maybe started with that first affair? Could he have been in a midlife crisis all this time?
:)

Offline 31andcounting

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4821
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #41 on: November 09, 2017, 06:13:39 AM »
Could be, he definitely was running and chasing "something"!

My H had "this habit"  with EA's and "friends" as he was avoiding dealing with his childhood abuse and other FOO issues!  He always felt " he needed something more"  needed  "a fix".  He grew up with an underlying depression.

Or is could be that your H is a serial cheater.   No way to know now.   Only in hindsight will you know and even then you will wonder????

(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #42 on: November 09, 2017, 09:07:03 PM »
For 7 months I have felt like I'm the failure, like I'm the one who made this marriage crash and burn, per what H told me.  I was a bad wife, so he had to get a girlfriend.   I didn't want to have sex 42 times a week......who does with 4 kids you homeschool???? I didn't do this right or that right, but I didn't cheat, and he did.  So I'm not the failure,  he is.  And he is losing me, and our family.  He found a new younger family so good luck with that at 50, good luck.
:)

Offline 31andcounting

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4821
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #43 on: November 13, 2017, 05:21:03 AM »
NEVER believe that you were the cause of this!   Do not !   Just like me, maybe you did a few things wrong in life but that only shows you are human!!

You are better than he is making you feel! Don't listen to him!  Get that out of your head!
(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4840
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #44 on: November 13, 2017, 08:19:20 AM »
What 31 said!

The lines your xH/stbx/H is feeding you are just that ... lines of BS... they do that in order to justify their actions to themselves and the world... That way they are not responsible for their actions.. It is ALWAYS someone else's fault....

<victim mode on>
Boo hoo hoo....



<victim mode off.... >
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #45 on: November 24, 2017, 12:43:09 PM »
Ok so I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind.  Recently the man I have been married to for 19 years who is currently divorcing me so he can marry is who 20 years younger than him is now his girlfriend's babysitter. He watches her 2yr old and a 5yr old for her whenever she needs him to and it's tearing my kids up.  He keeps them when he has his own kids and tells my kids the tramp doesn't have anyone else to help her.  Then why did she move to our town??????
H sends horrible texts to D17, because she won't have ANYTHING to do with him.  He trys to make her feel guilty.
He has turned into a monster to me and his children doing the most off the wall radical things. 
Am i CRAZY????? Because I'm not sure what happened???
:)

Offline Silver

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #46 on: November 27, 2017, 02:11:29 AM »
Seeshell, no you are not crazy.
MLC itself is pure craziness even though there is so logical and understandable reasons behind it.
We LBSs live in it and suddenly understand our life is one big mess b/c of our spouses' crisis. It is nearly (sometimes completely) too hard to understand and make us think if we caused it or something else like that. I was thinking just few days ago that MAYBE she (STBXW) is RIGHT in everything she said and blamed me about! That I caused the crisis in our marriage and was that bad H she just HAD TO found OM(s) and other crazy stuff like that.

I did not cause it neither did you, you are not crazy neither am I. They are atm.
Your confusion is very understandable. Try to remember what it is all about and look situation from further, you will see you are the one who is sane.

"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #47 on: November 29, 2017, 09:21:55 AM »
H is now monstering D17.  She won't talk to him, she won't return his texts.  Before he left he criticized her so much and she could never seem to do anything right for him.  When H left in March  he told all of us including his mother that he did not have a girlfriend.   D17 didn't believe him and when it came out that he did have OW she said, see?? And hated him for lying. D17 is a devout Catholic and takes her religion very seriously.   H called D17 a fake Christian for not forgiving him for his choices.  So now 8 months after he has left his family she still chooses to have no contact with him and it makes him so angry.  He spews horrible venom on her with his words, even telling D11 that even though D17 was a b*tc# he still loves her. D17 is so sad and so broken.   I ask her if she wants to try and sit down and talk with him butshe says no way and I'm not going to force her.  When he texts her he sounds like a 15 year old boy, seriously.
Anyone else had their MLCer treat their kids like this??
31??
:)

Offline 31andcounting

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4821
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #48 on: November 29, 2017, 09:57:57 AM »
Yes, my H and our D had their issues for sure!  D was old enough the first time around that she remembered our divorce and her dad coming back.  It took her a very long time to even begin to trust him.  But she did and they were close.  She was an adult when it happened again and she was furious and threatened that he would never see his granddaughter among other things!   It was rough for sure.  It took  a long time for me to help her understand MLC but once she did she began to have some compassion for him and even some sympathy.  She could see he was not quite right!   

They are very close now as he has shown her true changes also.

Have you tried to explain MLC to your D17? 

(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #49 on: November 29, 2017, 07:24:42 PM »
I have and like everyone else i try to explain it to she thinks it's crap and he's just a jerk.

Talked with my lawyer today.  My attorney told H attorney that's it's not ok that OW is doing her laundry at H house-its our rent house- and H attorney said to mine, " H has moved on and is a new relationship,  you guys need to get over it".
Wow, really??? We are still legally married!!!!
:)

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #50 on: November 30, 2017, 05:06:57 AM »
SH7 yes my xh who married the ow won't have anything to do with my 2 oldest because they won't accept what he's done, they know he's a nut job acts totally like a 15yr old, he occasionally speaks to my youngest who's 15 only because she's still a little young to fully get what he's done, he refuses to pay for her school fees,actually he refuses to pay for anything, he's angry that I have him paying child support, he recently emailed the school and told them he won't be paying next yrs fees, she's now ignoring him, all he cares about is his own happiness and the hag he married.  Expect anything and everything from these selfish child/men.

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #51 on: November 30, 2017, 05:16:26 AM »
I have and like everyone else i try to explain it to she thinks it's crap and he's just a jerk.

Talked with my lawyer today.  My attorney told H attorney that's it's not ok that OW is doing her laundry at H house-its our rent house- and H attorney said to mine, " H has moved on and is a new relationship,  you guys need to get over it".
Wow, really??? We are still legally married!!!!

Sometimes lawyers will try to throw you off with emotional bull$h!te, so, I believe, to drag this on and make more money.

For me, this was the hardest part, try to stay focused to what really matters.  Separate the divorce from your emotions.  You want this divorce to go quickly and quietly as soon as possible.  Honestly, who cares where she does laundry?  What you focus on gets bigger, focusing on the details of what she is and is not doing is just a distraction for why you are there.  Why pay the lawyers to talk about laundry? 

H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4840
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #52 on: November 30, 2017, 05:24:20 AM »
Quote
Why pay the lawyers to talk about laundry?

Nah said it all right here...

UNLESS YOU are paying the utility bills or whatnot (i. e.  it is costing you money), then letting the slimeballs write letters about it IS costing you money.... In the grand scheme of things, the sooner the Consequences bus runs over STBX and OW, the better...

Is it worth the time and trouble and cost to quibble about the fact that she's doing Laundry there?
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline 31andcounting

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4821
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #53 on: November 30, 2017, 05:27:42 AM »
D17 is obviously still too young to understand, be patient with her!

Don't try to stop the laundry legally.  H is like a toddler the more you tell him NO the more he will do!  Not worth your effort or your money!

(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #54 on: November 30, 2017, 05:37:01 AM »
Quote
She won't talk to him, she won't return his texts.

SS, my S16 does the same exact thing with his Dad. He refuses to talk to him and if he drops by he will make sure he is at a friend's house or he goes to the basketballl court. I asked him if he wanted to talk about things and his reply was "He left us for a drug wh*r^ and drugs, so I have nothing to say to him." I don't push but I told him I was there if he wanted to talk. Hang in there SS. Keep your head up, you are doing great!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #55 on: November 30, 2017, 05:49:45 PM »
We didn't spend any money on this exchange of information. It was just something my lawyer said to his in passing one another at the court house.
H is in a huge rush to get this divorce over.  I found out he has had several affairs over the past several years.  And I have not worked since we married 20 years ago.  So my lawyer is going to invite all his girlfriend's to the divorice called subpoenas.  I have 4 children, that H and I agreed that homeschooling was the choice we felt was best and I didn't spend 20 years of my life to give up everything he and I built together to give it to H and that tramp.   But my children deserve to finish what was started with them and considering H has literally lost his mind and acting like a 15 year old punk.
H baby sits OW woman's kids, which is weird but he does it when he has my kids.  Her kids are 2 and 5 years old.   They call H daddy, in front of my kids.  It's messed up on so many levels.
I'm going to do what I have to do to protect my kids.
:)

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #56 on: December 03, 2017, 04:48:43 PM »
H drops off S8 and D11 tonight.  D11 said H told her everyone thinks he looks 36 and that OW thinks that too and D11 need a to just get used to OW because she's not going anywhere.  H is going to be 49 in a couple months and doesn't look 36. 
:)

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #57 on: December 03, 2017, 04:52:38 PM »
H drops off S8 and D11 tonight.  D11 said H told her everyone thinks he looks 36 and that OW thinks that too and D11 need a to just get used to OW because she's not going anywhere.  H is going to be 49 in a couple months and doesn't look 36.

Lol, thats how old the x is, not sure how old the hag is my daughter tells me she looks like a much older aunt,hahaa anyway he dyes his hair, shaves his body, works out at the gym hangs around with young people the only thing missing is his red corvette and a brain.

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #58 on: December 03, 2017, 08:02:33 PM »
H drops off S8 and D11 tonight.  D11 said H told her everyone thinks he looks 36 and that OW thinks that too and D11 need a to just get used to OW because she's not going anywhere.  H is going to be 49 in a couple months and doesn't look 36.

Oh yes, very telling.  Mine too often talked about how he looked so young.  In his Sugar Daddy website ad he boasted how he looked "much younger" than his age of 50.

Just a few months ago he confessed to me that when he looks in the mirror all he sees is an old man.

Why tell his young daughter any of this unless he is obsessed with convincing himself?

Sad
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Offline 31andcounting

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4821
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #59 on: December 04, 2017, 07:20:38 AM »
OH so typical!!   My H "didn't look his age" either and his NEW job with his new young boss told him everyday how really important it was to look younger than his age!!  Then of course OW2 was 20 years younger and that is so important to a 50 year old MLCer!!

My H is very attractive and very personable and very outgoing, everybody loves him and loves being around him!  Always a good time!! It has always been that way!
So the thing to do is leave your wife and family and spread joy to everyone right??   

The OW or OM strokes the ego of the MLCer, fuels the flame I guess!
Eventually that stops and the MLCer begins to see clearly!!  It takes a very long time!

(hugs)
31   
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #60 on: December 04, 2017, 10:00:43 AM »
Well every day he does more and more That is just so ridiculous.  He is constantly telling D11 how happy OW makes him and how they are so in love.  This OW is a horrible human being who put a meam up on social media saying that she wouldn't have to swear so much if her kids didn't make her lose her sh!t constantly,  and sometimes kids are d!cks.  What??? That's how she feels about her own children that are 2 and 5 years old, how is going to feel about my kids who hate her.  Ugh
:)

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #61 on: December 04, 2017, 12:43:01 PM »
Oh geez, maybe he should step it up and talk about their sex life.  :P

Again, why try so hard unless he's full of sh!t?

Typical.
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2901
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #62 on: December 04, 2017, 01:15:49 PM »
Yeah I agree with Nah. When one is truly happy, they don’t need to tell anyone. They just are.
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #63 on: December 04, 2017, 03:48:56 PM »
 I agree with Nah and Kit. If it was all sunshine and rainbows then you wouldn't be trying to convince everybody. I think it has more to do with them trying to convince their self than anything. Hang in there you are doing good!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #64 on: December 04, 2017, 04:07:16 PM »
I guess that's what everyone keeps telling me. This OW puts on social media how much she loves my H and how much he loves her.  Who is she trying to convince. I don't get it because I'm an 80s girl who didn't grow up putting every detail of my life on social media but OW is 20 years younger and that's how they communicate.
Still it sucks
:)

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #65 on: December 04, 2017, 04:11:36 PM »
Yes, it does suck SS. Just remember looks are deceiving and social media posts are sometimes nothing more than smoke screens. Sounds like OW is trying to convince her self more than anything.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #66 on: December 04, 2017, 07:36:22 PM »
Sometimes I find myself thinking of how did this happen?
We had a beautiful family, we were a family of 6 with our 2 boys and 2 girls, and H lost his damn mind and walked away from it all for a nasty horrible person who is just about 100% everything he has always hated.   Yet now he is so in love with her and she is his soulmate.......really??
How did we get Here?  Is this honestly what he wants with the rest of his life??  And this tramp thinks she's going to live my life. Puke
:)

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2901
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #67 on: December 05, 2017, 03:46:50 PM »
Love...soulmate...nope. Not buying it. More like escape and avoid. And this OW is just allowing herself to be used. She will never live your life bc you are still here. Thinking about them and their OW is so destructive—trust me I know bc I do it alllllllll the time! All it does is drive us mad bc we think they are normal healthy people. But they aren’t. And nothing we did made them do this. I always go back to the one mantra when I start monkey braining about OW....”I am the prize.” We all are Shell. Someday they will get it. But will it be too late? Perhaps.
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #68 on: December 05, 2017, 05:40:13 PM »
Monkey braining, is that constantly thinking about H and OW and their wonderful beautiful life together?
Because if so, I'm guilty of that, ugh.
:)

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #69 on: December 06, 2017, 09:18:17 AM »
Kit and SS, I must confess that I am guilty of it too. I know that looks are deceiving but sometimes it seems like they are living a beautiful life, just as you stated SS. Even though we know they aren't it still crosses our minds.
t
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #70 on: December 06, 2017, 12:23:57 PM »
Kanvan
I think about H and OW all the time, it consumes my brain.
I think about how gloriously happy they are and they are planning their beautiful life together.  And I often wonder how the memories of the past 20 years don't haunt him like they do me.  To him it's as if it never happened.
:)

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #71 on: December 06, 2017, 12:46:44 PM »
Quote
I think about H and OW all the time, it consumes my brain.
I think about how gloriously happy they are and they are planning their beautiful life together.  And I often wonder how the memories of the past 20 years don't haunt him like they do me.  To him it's as if it never happened.

I think it is normal, it is an emotional rollercoaster that is so hard to get off of. Even though we know that it is not all sunshine and rainbows our minds try to portray it differently. We just assume they are having the time of their life but I do think in those moments of clarity that the past 20 years does surface and they try to push it back. That is what I think contributes to the replay and running behavior. If he can push it aside with OW when it surfaces then he doesn't have to deal with it. So, we pretend that we are living the high life because we both know they would never tell you about the bad. Hang in there SS, eventually he will have to deal with everything.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #72 on: December 06, 2017, 04:21:29 PM »
Monkey braining, is that constantly thinking about H and OW and their wonderful beautiful life together?
Because if so, I'm guilty of that, ugh.

Sh7 this is exactly me, and he married the ow. :'(

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #73 on: December 06, 2017, 06:22:04 PM »
Kvan  thank you for the encouragement. I fear that as a full blown narcissist he may just keep running forever. 
Chris, I am possitive H will marry OW, they are already planning it, puke.
I hate every single bit of this.  I wish there was a pill that could just throw me back into the matrix
:)

Offline stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3305
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #74 on: December 07, 2017, 04:22:35 AM »
SS7 - you will make it through this, even if he does marry the OW.  It was like another BD for me when I heard my MLCer had married but I am continuing on and you will too.  Sending support. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #75 on: December 07, 2017, 04:32:49 AM »
They're so sick! hopefully they come out of this and bomb drop their wh*r^s, only I will never take him back hell I don't even want to see him again let alone accept him back.

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2108
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #76 on: December 07, 2017, 04:52:24 AM »
SS7 - I suspect my STBXH will do this too soon, and his recent shift from inaction on the divorce to 'can I apply for the absolute this week' is about giving OW his divorce paperwork as a Christmas gift! (which hurts more than I have words and still shocks me because in my head he is my H)

I can't change it but I don't want to watch it because it will hurt me and I've been hurt enough. So, my boundary post-divorce is that I won't initiate any contact with him for any reason but I will respond if he does. I have cut or blocked every link or connection though.

If he becomes someone else's H, then I will not communicate with him at all, see or speak to him for any reason, even in 5 or 10 or 20 years. I won't disrespect someone else's marriage and life, even OW, in the way that was done to me. Not who I am. That's my boundary, if a sad one and maybe an unhelpful one for my H's potential recovery. But it is his choice and his consequences to live with.
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #77 on: December 07, 2017, 05:22:07 AM »
Quote
I hate every single bit of this.  I wish there was a pill that could just throw me back into the matrix

 One thing about it, nobody said we have to like this, thank goodness. Oh if it was only that easy SS, to take a pill and throw us back into the matrix. You are doing good, hang in there. Some days are just harder than others but you got this. Now adjust that crown and keeping walking with your head held high and show them who the prize really is! You go girl!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #78 on: December 07, 2017, 08:39:04 AM »
Treasur I totally get that and I already have almost no contact with H other than about our 4 children and that is mostly through the kids.  I can't be his friend, what he has done is just horrible and I can't even stand to look at him.
He however flies around just as happy as can be telling D11 tells us that H who is going to be 49 soon tells her that everyone tells him he looks 36.  SERIOUSLY,  that's great.
Kvan I'm trying but boy is it hard.  Thank you for the up lift.
SB I guess we have have no choice if they marry OW.
I have read that you have to stand by and watch H destroy himself and everything he had and loved.  This man, I have no idea who he turned into but he's a monster for sure.
:)

Offline Mae

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1408
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #79 on: December 07, 2017, 08:56:34 AM »
Shell I just find it easier to think the Hs we knew have gone, departed, died etc because it is hard to reconcile the Hs we knew with whatever they seem to be now.

I keep the happy and well H for many years in my heart, the other one gets a 'do not disturb' sign.

SS7 - I suspect my STBXH will do this too soon, and his recent shift from inaction on the divorce to 'can I apply for the absolute this week' is about giving OW his divorce paperwork as a Christmas gift! (which hurts more than I have words and still shocks me because in my head he is my H)
/quote]

Hijack to Treasur.....I'm so sorry to read this Treasur......must have hurt SO MUCH, devastating. That is not the H you knew and loved.

Shell.....it's horrible for our lives to be totally consumed by their crisis.....but this can't last and bit by bit our thoughts will be less fixated on them and more on ourselves....please believe that.
Me: 49
H: 40
S18, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Medicated & Zombie Like is NC

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2108
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #80 on: December 07, 2017, 11:18:00 PM »

I keep the happy and well H for many years in my heart, the other one gets a 'do not disturb' sign.



What a great way to put it, Mae!
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #81 on: December 08, 2017, 08:50:01 AM »
I am starting to realize that my H was a manipulating control person who controlled me and his children.
My therapist says that when I miss him to focus on all the negative that after 9 months post BD I'm finally starting to see.  I just have to release and let go.  I know so many of you have said this time and time but what other choice do I have?  The marrige and life I had is gone, my priest said it's dead. I have to accept the unacceptable.  It's so very hard
:)

Offline Silver

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #82 on: December 11, 2017, 08:54:20 AM »
Hi Seeshell,
I see it as inevitable progress, to look things from little further and to see all that stuff. It wasn't probably possible until now, you needed to go trough what you have to see that. Letting go is the hardest thing but we all are facing that sooner or later, leave they or not. I got advices from veterans as I struggled (I still am tbh) with dropping the rope that my M ended at the moment of BD. Doesn't mean it can't ever be rebuild but in a form it was it certainly died. So did yours my friend.
We need to believe we have a new life to build waiting for us, please believe that it brings you wonderfull things though it does feel anything but that atm.

Remember too that in MLC letting go is not the same thing than the end of story.

Sending strength to you.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #83 on: December 11, 2017, 02:14:52 PM »
Thank you silver.   In MLC, MLC..... all my friends tell me that's just an excuse.   An excuse?? Really?? He doesn't think he's in a MLC, I do.  He has done things that have literally blown my mind away to me and his children. And how many men do you know of that are not in MLC get a girlfriend 20 years younger than him and move her to the town you live in of 3000 people??? While we are still married???
And all this craziness he believes is ok, the 4 kids and I should just accept this nonesence and be ok with his decision for HIS happiness!?!?
MLC, it's not an excuse, it's just the fact, right guys??
:)

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2901
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #84 on: December 11, 2017, 05:03:21 PM »
Agree—not an excuse, but MLC is real. It is so hard to explain to others bc they all think they are offering solid advice. But the truth is, even absent MLC, I’m not sure I would ever advise someone to divorce their spouse. (Not that your friends/fam are doing this, but mine all have) Anyway, it’s all a journey—our journey too, not just the Mlcer. Yes they are crazy. We know this bccof the extreme departure of their former self. Maybe your H had controlling tendencies before. But that wouldn’t  explain his other personality changes. Or the fact that he has turned on his family and basically ran away. These people all lack basic coping skills and are liking to anyone/thing that can fix it. Unfortunately it often comes in the form f an OP—which is the most hurtful to us. But. It’s not personal. It’s not about us at all. Hard as it is to accept, they want nothing to do with us right now bc we represent their failures/sadness/depression—all that is bad in their lives. Except....when they leave us and still feel the same, the confusion hits. It is a serious struggle and they are in he!!. But again, not an excuse. As you said, just a fact.

Ok. I’ll stop rambling now. 
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #85 on: December 11, 2017, 06:22:42 PM »
KIT thank u for your wise words Im feeling really down today, we all need to hear that  :'( I won't ever see x again, he ran and married her, he's created an alterior life, my kids and i are history.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #86 on: December 15, 2017, 11:17:45 AM »
H tells my kids that he is so happy, happy, happy.  Yet D11 says he is so grumpy ALL the time.
D17 won't have ANYTHING to do with H.  She just wants him to leave her alone but he wants her to be ok with all he has done and constantly texts her with massive amounts of guilt.  And then loves to throw out scripture to put a cherry on top of all his crap.
Yesterday H told D11 he wasn't getting D17 anything for Christmas because he knows she won't be getting him anything.   So mature for a 50 year old man. 😨
It appears he has turned his monstering from me to her
:)

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #87 on: December 15, 2017, 01:10:54 PM »
Oh yes, scripture and manipulation....

 ::)

H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Online Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 697
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #88 on: December 15, 2017, 03:01:00 PM »
Perhaps she should text back some scripture about marriage and affairs.  ;)

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #89 on: December 15, 2017, 04:43:47 PM »
Mortesbride,   she does and he then calls her a fake Christian for not forgiving him.

Does anyone have their MLCer who is a monster to their children too?
:)

Online Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 697
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #90 on: December 16, 2017, 10:57:57 AM »
Yes. One in particular.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #91 on: December 16, 2017, 11:32:26 AM »
Mortesbride,  your H is a monster to your children?
:)

Online Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 697
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #92 on: December 16, 2017, 12:00:36 PM »
He was to one in particular. He said some pretty horrendous things to me about S(5) as a ''joke'' but with the dead shark eyes you know aren't a joke. He was screaming at him and got mildly physical. Then we had a big blow up about that, so now he gets them at weekends...supervised by his mom...

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #93 on: December 16, 2017, 12:28:37 PM »
Sometimes I just sit and look at all the other couples out there and wonder, what happened?  We had a beautiful family, 2 boys, 2 girls. I thought we were best friends , I honestly thought we had a good marriage and I was happy.
But apparently i was living a fake life.
This sucks.  My children are broken, I'm broken and my future I planned is broken.  He is a jerk to me and my kids.
Yet I find myself missing him and wishing he would just come home and beg me to forgive him and hold me close.  Bit instead he's planning a wedding with OW when our divorce is over.   I'm so sad
:)

Offline Macy

  • Mentor: 31AndCounting
  • *
  • Posts: 242
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #94 on: December 16, 2017, 03:40:06 PM »
Seeshell, hang in there. All of us experience the grief. We wonder how our H could do such horrid things. If I wasn't on this forum I'd think I was all alone and that MLC was just an excuse for men behaving badly.

I too long for my husband to turn up begging for forgiveness. Instead all he does is tell the kids that this marriage ended because of me. Obviously they are shocked because before bd he was always loving and affectionate: we spoke kindly to each other and remained like young lovers. IDK what happens to their brains but it sound like mental illness to me.

This is not your typical rocky marriage that comes to a natural end. They all follow the same script and I'd like to believe that likewise they will hit rock bottom and feel the misery. Hold on to that hope. x

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #95 on: December 16, 2017, 04:58:22 PM »
Macy, thank you.  I can only hope he does hit rock bottom.
Mostly I wish I could just let go and go on with my life but it's just so so hard to do.  I find myself feeling so jealous of OW.
:)

Online moc

  • Mentor: 31AndCounting
  • *
  • Posts: 613
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #96 on: December 16, 2017, 05:57:21 PM »
See: I think the weekends are the hardest as most people are off with family and no work.  I know that I am and sometimes it is hard to GAL with kids at home that we are 100% responsible for (not like the MLCer takes responsibility). 

Yet I find myself missing him and wishing he would just come home and beg me to forgive him and hold me close.

Agreed, but I think mostly, they don't come home begging.  It is a fantasy what we want.  I am sorry, not trying to downplay your pain because I want the same thing from my wife too.  To wake up and say "what the firetruck am I doing?"

Seeing other couple happy totally sucks.  We are happy for them but sad for us.  We want to run up to them and say: "hey, hold onto this.  Make everyday the best and work hard to enjoy each other"...and such.  Yes, he is a JERK.  They all are and sometimes I wonder if they are cowards.  Take care.
~ avoiding the Damn Foolish Idealistic Narcissistic Crusade ~ MLC

~ MLCers: one fruitcake short of a Christmas

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #97 on: December 16, 2017, 06:49:38 PM »
I find myself feeling so jealous of OW.

Sometimes I try to put myself into an ow's shoes.

There's only two ways to feel when you sleep with another woman's husband.  It either bothers you or it doesn't.

So if she is the type that it bothers her, she has to live with that feeling every single day.  I just couldn't do it, no matter how much I felt we were so so very much in love, it just wouldn't eat at me day in and day out.

The only thing worse than living with that guilt every single day is NOT living with that guilt.  Being so damn cold inside that destroying a family is not a big deal.  I think being like that would be worse.

Jealous?  No.  Luckily I don't have any feelings for those kind of people, if I did it would be pity.
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #98 on: December 16, 2017, 08:44:42 PM »
 Wow Nah, that sure puts it into perspective for me.
Thank you.  That's why I love this forum, the wisdom of those of you who have walked this rocky road.
It helps, alot
:)

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #99 on: December 16, 2017, 09:23:05 PM »
Why blame the home wrecker? I place all the blame on HIM, ball was in his court, wh*r^s just take what they can get.

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2108
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #100 on: December 17, 2017, 12:12:56 AM »
I don't think much about OW...partly discipline, partly because it isn't really the 'problem'...if OW magically disappeared, I don't think my H would be 'fixed'.

Like you, it seems a wedding is likely...the idea of my H saying those vows to someone else is inconceivable to me...but the truth is it won't be my H. It will be Mr MLC H...OW gets a broken shell of a man who blew up his life, is almost bankrupt, under psychiatric care and has already proven incapable of honouring those same vows. I got to marry a man full of joy and loyalty and deep love, who saw our marriage as a huge gift not a selfish escape from pain. I know which one I'd prefer.
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Macy

  • Mentor: 31AndCounting
  • *
  • Posts: 242
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #101 on: December 17, 2017, 02:34:29 AM »
I think the worse part of the OW is knowing that H shared info about the marriage with her. Sometimes I wonder what H told her about me, what kind of wife I was, that I didn't cook, keep the house in place etc. I also wonder what he tells her about the kids, his parents and his life in general. Sometimes I wonder what she sees in H apart from his looks. Do they realise these men are broken and insecure? Do they realise how much they loved us?

A priest who was seeing us before H left again told me that a man is only capable of loving one woman, afterwards they will only use the women who come into their lives, and often compare them to their wife. I find solace in his words and reasoning.

Have faith, that good will triumph over evil.

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #102 on: December 17, 2017, 04:07:43 AM »
X tells the world Im the best mother best cook blah blah worst wife, rolls eyes

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #103 on: December 17, 2017, 06:26:06 AM »
Do they realise these men are broken and insecure?

Of course they do, b/c these women couldn't get anything else.
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #104 on: December 17, 2017, 09:48:58 AM »
I think you guys are right.  He is a broken man. He is a horrible father, husband,  son, friend, ect.  He is not himself.
I'm going to just keep telling myself I deserve better.
The hardest part is to let go of the man he was.  I found a birthday card he gave me 3 years ago.  It was full of love and compassion.   Now he's gone.  I miss him.  I took him for granted
:)

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6155
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #105 on: December 17, 2017, 10:59:08 AM »
  I took him for granted

It's normal to beat ourselves up.  There was nothing you could have done to stop what is wrong with HIM.
H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2901
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #106 on: December 17, 2017, 12:22:55 PM »
OW gets a broken shell of a man who blew up his life, is almost bankrupt, under psychiatric care and has already proven incapable of honouring those same vows. I got to marry a man full of joy and loyalty and deep love, who saw our marriage as a huge gift not a selfish escape from pain. I know which one I'd prefer.

Exactly! Great perspective. And you’re right, the OW is just a symptom.
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #107 on: December 20, 2017, 07:16:08 PM »
So h is trying his very best to convince D11 that I have a boyfriend.  She told him that if I were to get a boyfriend it would be the worst thing in her life.  So now every chance he gets to make her think I have one he does.
What is wrong with this person??
:)

Offline Macy

  • Mentor: 31AndCounting
  • *
  • Posts: 242
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #108 on: December 21, 2017, 05:17:42 AM »
Seashells, I think he wants you to seem as bad as he is. They do that to even out the score. When I meet a male friend of mine, I always worry that H will find out because he will try and turn the kids against me, as in "you see even your mother is doing it." Little does he know that I'm dead inside.

Last year whenever he turned up and I was out he kept asking the kids where I was. Often they replied with 'I don't know'. Later he told me that he asked them because they were always on his case about where he was. Now I know it's because he had lots to hide and he was trying to get the kids onto his side.

Seashells sometimes I look back into the not so distant past and I see us all happy, H with a radiant smile, the kids relaxed and happy, me sitting on his lap. How did he forget all the good stuff? What a crazy ride.

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #109 on: December 21, 2017, 06:07:10 AM »
Do they realise these men are broken and insecure?

Of course they do, b/c these women couldn't get anything else.

Very true, mine married a spinster, pretty sure she's 55, no one else would have her, he was the only thing willing to have her, and she sucked him into it, I hope they're at each others throats both lunatics.

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #110 on: December 23, 2017, 08:55:22 AM »
I really do not understand why they do the things they do, SS. Hang in there, this too shall pass. They really are not their self.I looked at a picture of H from six months ago before he left and last time I seen him he looked awful. MLC really takes a toll on them not only physically but mentally as well. I believe that misery loves company and if they are miserable they want everybody else to be. Regardless of what they say, it is not all sunshine and rainbows with OW.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #111 on: December 23, 2017, 03:32:53 PM »
Here's my rant
My H is toxic right now, he has turned into a true monster.  This person is horrible,  to me and my children.
He feels that getting a girlfriend and babysitting her kids, they call him dad in front of my kids. He calls his D17 a b*tc# for not accepting his choices.  And we r in the middle of this horrible divorce.
I miss him. I miss they way he held my hand and snuggled me at night.
And I so want him to just come home.  Everyone , and I mean everyone tells me that H and the tramp won't make it.
My secret hope is that it fails, and he wants to come home.
Is that bad?  It's it a pipe dream
:)

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #112 on: December 23, 2017, 03:39:32 PM »
See, your H sounds just like mine, he's won't have anything to do with my older 2 because they won't accept wh*r^, and what he's done, and now he's married to her, whatever happens I'm not taking him back, and NO its not wrong for you wanting them to crash and burn, the op has something that doesn't belong to her, she has zero nudder NO rights to your husband she's a desperate home wrecker and in time will face the music as will he. x

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #113 on: December 26, 2017, 02:54:55 PM »
OMG I am never going to make it through this freaking nightmare that has become my life.  How has H just got a girlfriend and replaced me with her and my kids with her kids. Doing and saying the most horrible things to me and my children!!!
And all along I'm so afraid that H and this tramp are going to make it and live happily ever after!!!
Ahhhhhhh!
:)

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #114 on: December 26, 2017, 03:36:50 PM »
OMG I am never going to make it through this freaking nightmare that has become my life.  How has H just got a girlfriend and replaced me with her and my kids with her kids. Doing and saying the most horrible things to me and my children!!!
And all along I'm so afraid that H and this tramp are going to make it and live happily ever after!!!
Ahhhhhhh!

See I can understand your anger because Im the same (most days) Im getting better though these past few days Ive been very calm and positive Im trying to shift my focus and thoughts what u fixate and focus on becomes bigger its a FACT, IT IS LAW OF ATTRACTION the more u think about it the more scenarios u create in your mind thats what will manifest u get what u think about. hugs to u and your kids.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t41AHFbeXkE

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #115 on: December 26, 2017, 04:21:08 PM »
Chriss
Thank you.  I do obsess over them.  But I don't want to let him go. 
:)

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #116 on: December 26, 2017, 04:32:35 PM »
Chriss
Thank you.  I do obsess over them.  But I don't want to let him go.

U don't have to let him go See, the more u think he's gone the more he stays gone, let it go, picture him being with u, try and keep your mind busy try not to obsess about him, try and relax, the less u think about the situation the better things will get, the more u obsess about the situation the more momentum u create its all energy ALL of it u can bring him back with the thoughts u create! I hope u find peace I hope all of us will find peace, whether we want them back or whether we've moved on x.

Online OneHotMess

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 415
  • Gender: Female
  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #117 on: December 26, 2017, 06:53:11 PM »
SeeShell,

I know how you feel. I went most of the year obsessed with h and how to make life better for him. Yes, I felt so sorry for him that I tried to protect him from his stupid self. Life really has gotten better for me since I let him go. I feel I can accept that he is gone and that I can enjoy life again.

 I’m not saying to let him go for good but maybe need to let him go for now. I even had a former MLCer tell me that her husband truely letting her go is what helped her move on in her MLC. I believe the same went for my own MLC. My first awakening was 2 weeks before BD for me.
M 39
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S12 & D7
BD  February 11 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #118 on: December 27, 2017, 07:24:30 PM »
I guess it's just what I'm going to do is let go. It's so very hard but H has moved on with OW.  He has traded me and our 4 children in for newer younger models and I guess this makes him happy.  I want to be happy and stop hurting
:)

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #119 on: December 27, 2017, 07:33:57 PM »
See, I feel your pain my x married the wh*r^, the hurt is beyond anything Ive ever experienced, Im slowly recovering from the shock, I don't think I will ever recover 100% from it, but it is getting better.

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2901
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #120 on: December 27, 2017, 08:41:18 PM »
I’m so sorry you are hurting See. I think we all feel discarded and replaced. But the truth is that this is all a fantasy. A mirage. Our MLCers are like bing a temporary fantasy that will absolutely crash and burn eventually. Problem is, we have no idea when. And we cannot control the outcome. All we can do is turn the focus on ourselves. It is hard. And painful. But it does get better. One day at a time. Hugs
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #121 on: December 28, 2017, 11:27:13 AM »
I guess you guys are right but it sure is hard.  I don't understand how someone can love one you for so long, taking care of me and our kids, then one day he is love with someone else and her kids.  And it's as if we never existed.
It's so hard to cope with.
:)

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #122 on: December 28, 2017, 03:05:56 PM »
I guess you guys are right but it sure is hard.  I don't understand how someone can love one you for so long, taking care of me and our kids, then one day he is love with someone else and her kids.  And it's as if we never existed.
It's so hard to cope with.

Yup exactly that, See some days are worse than others try and keep your mind focused on good things distract yourself somehow xo

Offline Kanvan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 297
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #123 on: December 28, 2017, 03:29:20 PM »
SS, Kit spoke it the best
Quote
I’m so sorry you are hurting See. I think we all feel discarded and replaced. But the truth is that this is all a fantasy. A mirage. Our MLCers are like bing a temporary fantasy that will absolutely crash and burn eventually.
.
This is so true. Keep your head up, you got this girl!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing for my marriage

Offline 31andcounting

  • Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 4821
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #124 on: December 29, 2017, 05:22:22 AM »
Seeshell,

My H basically did the same thing, new younger OW with little kids (ours are grown) and an entire new extended family that loved him dearly!!?   He walked away from us (me and the kids) and our extended family (brothers,sisters,parents)

He was starting a new life, a do over!   Normal, healthy people don't do that!

(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3305
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #125 on: December 29, 2017, 07:09:38 AM »

He was starting a new life, a do over!   Normal, healthy people don't do that!


This is so true, 31.  It's like they think they can totally erase and wipe out their entire lives and have a do over.  So incredibly crazy. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #126 on: December 29, 2017, 08:56:02 AM »
31
H can't be normal, he allows OW s children to call him dad.  This horrifies my children.
He is a train wreck destroying so much.  I wonder if H will ever realize the damage he has caused
:)

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #127 on: January 01, 2018, 11:36:31 AM »
Honestly I just don't know how to let go. This month on the 12th is 10 months since BD.   
Would someone please tell me how to stop thinking about H and OW and how blissfully happy they are and how they are going to get married and live happily ever after......
PLEASE HELP ME!!!
:)

Online moc

  • Mentor: 31AndCounting
  • *
  • Posts: 613
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #128 on: January 01, 2018, 11:51:49 AM »
See: why do you think they are blissfully happy?  He is being controlled, he wants to be the Knight In Shining Armor to a Damsel in Distress.  She is a symptom of his even bigger problem of dis-ease and try not to take his MLC personal.  Not easy I know.  Do not give that OW any of your peace and thoughts.  It is not worth it. 

I know you are hurting, we are hurting for you.  We know your pain.  Detaching is not easy as we do understand.  What are you doing for YOU?  Are you eating properly, taking walks, visiting friends, etc.  I know these are somewhat of a distraction but they will benefit YOU and your healing.

If you were to look at your H right now, see who he is and what he is RIGHT NOW, would you even give him a 2nd glance?  The alien has taken over him.  Do nothing for him, he has to figure this out.  Remember the mantra when he does speak: "sorry you feel that way".  You will feel like a broken record but this does help to detach.

Any relationship built on lies and deceit cannot last.  Protect yourself and protect your children.  Set boundaries as needed for your protection, not to punish your MLCer.

Keep journaling, it does help to get the thoughts out to relieve your pressure.

Peace be with you.
~ avoiding the Damn Foolish Idealistic Narcissistic Crusade ~ MLC

~ MLCers: one fruitcake short of a Christmas

Offline Silver

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #129 on: January 03, 2018, 01:58:28 AM »
Seeshell, I am so sorry about the pain,

moc gave you very good advices. It is NOT easy, may feel even impossible, but the only way to take control of your life is to do things for you and accept that he is NOT who he was and that you probably really know nothing about how he actually feels atm. He is in a fog, he lives in it and all you can do is to protect yourself and your family and give him all the time he needs to maybe come out of it one day. You can wait that day to come if you choose to but you HAVE to do everything you can for yourself awhile. No matter how you feel, start doing things, activate, keep yourself moving. That's not denying your emotions, accept them too but don't let them take over you as your emotions and yourself are not the same thing.

So hard my friend, I know,  we are here for you so keep writing.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #130 on: January 04, 2018, 09:02:40 AM »
 I miss my husband, the man I loved.  This new guy is HORRIBLE.   Doing things I could never imagined.  He is destroying his life.  It's like he lost his mind, he has ZERO logic. He is doing things that no normal person would do.  D17 doesn't want anything to do with him so he just wrote her off. He didn't get her anything for Christmas because he was sure she wouldn't be getting him anything.   And he didn't!! He did not even text her merry Christmas!!! He doesn't ask about her to my other kids.
He is only focused on one thing........the tramp.
Nothing else.  I think he might be doing some kind of drugs.
I'm losing my mind.
:)

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2108
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #131 on: January 04, 2018, 12:16:57 PM »
Seeshell - I've found that the more I think about my H or try to make sense of non-sense, the crazier I felt...it's MLC, you have all your marbles in a bag and you need to keep them there. I don't know if drugs are involved - certainly I think my H added that to his playlist too - but you are not crazy. (Well, unless we all are  ::)  ;D)
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Silver

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #132 on: January 05, 2018, 12:55:01 AM »
Seeshell, trying to understand him as he is atm is no good. As you said yourself, he is the new guy now.
There is no logic in replay and as Tresur said they are the ones that lost their mind even without drugs.
You have to take control of your life now, my friend.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #133 on: January 05, 2018, 05:53:07 PM »
He is just so horrible to my kids too.  Last night he took my 2 boys into town and went to a restaurant where the tramp was eating dinner with her kids.  It was 28 degrees outside.  H went inside and sat down with the tramp and her kids while s14 and s8 sat in the car and waited on him for 20 mins. S8 said he could see thenbi the window and the tramps 2 yr old was jumping around. S8 said it made him sad.  Who does that????...
:)

Offline Mae

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1408
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #134 on: January 05, 2018, 09:37:54 PM »
I'm sorry that your kids are having a tough time of it and that they are suffering. It must make you boiling mad when they recount stories like that back to you.
Me: 49
H: 40
S18, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Medicated & Zombie Like is NC

Offline Silver

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #135 on: January 06, 2018, 12:10:15 AM »
Sorry to hear that Seeshell.
I feel for you, as parents we can deal better with our own pain than to see our kids suffering.
At least they have a good mother, that's the most important thing for them atm.

"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Online OneHotMess

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 415
  • Gender: Female
  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #136 on: January 06, 2018, 08:03:26 AM »
I feel for what you and your kids are going through. What your MLCer did to your kids was horrible. I got great advice from my therapist yesterday. She told me to talk to my kids and tell them that I am always here to listen to what they have to say but if they have a problem with their dad that they need to talk to him about it. Apparently, I get to emotional when it come to h and his actions. It has even cause it so that my son won’t talk to me about things. I spent most of 2017 trying to be the buffer between the kids and their dad so he didn’t hurt the relationship between them. That also meant I made it easier for my h to do whatever because I always protected him from that. I have decided now that he has to deal with whatever consequences hits him. I will no longer be that buffer. If and when they come to me then I will simply let them know that I am sorry and show them that I love them. Anyways, I wish I would have gotten that advice in the beginning of all of this. She said a string between me and my kids will help balance out what he does to them.

The sooner you stop trying to figure him out and focus more on you and the kids the more you will be able to detach.

Keep your head up and stay strong!!
M 39
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S12 & D7
BD  February 11 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #137 on: January 08, 2018, 09:07:18 AM »
Yesterday was my birthday and H brought the kids home early so they could spend the day with me which I thought was nice until I found out that he to the tramp and her kids to eat lunch at my favorite restaurant and took her kids to see a movie.  It made it hard to enjoy the day.  Now this morning he's trying to sabatosh me with out bank accounts. 
Guys, is this MLC behavior or is H just a prick
:)

Offline bvFTD

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 268
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #138 on: January 08, 2018, 12:03:28 PM »
Hi, Seashell:

Draining joint bank accounts, opening secret bank accounts, plundering retirement accounts, opening up lots of new credit card accounts, applying for loans and lines of credit, not paying bills nor the IRS are some of the shocking stunts they may pull.

You've started the divorce so your assets are considered frozen. Please tell your attorney your husband is messing around with the money. It's often a good idea to take 1/2 out of joint accounts once you, run credit scores and monitor retirement and bank accounts once you realize your spouse has changed into something unrecognizable. He cannot be trusted.

I read that you're in Texas and can cite adultery in the divorce. Please do so then go after all the marital funds he spent on the mistress.

Offline bvFTD

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 268
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #139 on: January 08, 2018, 12:17:06 PM »
Re: Your husband leaving your children in the car for 20 minutes in cold weather. Did he leave the car running so it would be heated? Besides the sheer rudeness and thoughtlessness of his leaving the kids so he could chat with his mistress in the restaurant, his behavior could soon start bordering on serious parental lapses. I am glad a 14 year old was in the car to keep the younger one company. Please keep notes of your husband's behaviors you find unacceptable when he has the kids.

Offline Mybeautifulfamily

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 339
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #140 on: January 08, 2018, 12:28:48 PM »
Even in my current situation, I have the same feelings. It is just so painful to feel not loved anymore after so many years. And even though I know my H is MLC (combined w alcohol abuse and now E and P abuse) because he checks every box- sports car, working out, tight clothes, lots if flirting and OWs, the list goes on, the most painful part is feeling like all we have been and done the last 2 decades is pretty much worthless to them that they are willing to throw it away. Even my D17 said something to that effect that the actions don't make sense that H would do things to throw away all we thought he held dear. And now there is some.crashing and burning. And I am still sad. For him, for.myself, for my kids, for the mess, etc.

Offline bvFTD

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 268
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #141 on: January 08, 2018, 03:34:09 PM »
It's a firetruck*ng tragedy, I Want Off. So incredibly sad and heartbreaking to see beautiful families destroyed in the blink of an eye. I am actually kind of thankful that my husband's illness has taken away his self-awareness because he would be inconsolable if he ever knew what he had done to us.

He always called me his rock. I won't let him down. I can't believe how tough we all are, but it must be done. Their true selves are counting on it.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #142 on: January 09, 2018, 05:23:04 PM »
Thanks guys. I keep a journal and log everything.  My attorney changed the grounds of the divorice to adultry and now it's getting ugly. 
Each day he seems to be getting more stupid and messy.
His OW got him a family sticker to put on the back of his truck with H, OW, my 4 kids and her 2 kids and underneath it says. My family.  We are not even divorced yet and he already has a new family!!! At some point is he going to realize what a giant douche bag he looks like??
:)

Offline bvFTD

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 268
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #143 on: January 09, 2018, 06:11:15 PM »
I don't know, Seashell, if he will ever grasp the pain he's caused. I almost hope he never will. But please intrude in their sick fantasy. You are a force, even if they think they can magically erase you through a stupid, immature family sticker plastered on a truck.

Take care, Seashell.

Offline bvFTD

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 268
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #144 on: January 09, 2018, 06:23:14 PM »
Please make sure your attorney doesn't allow your husband to come crawling back to court should his employment change. He may lose his job or quit his job. Make sure you are first in line should any liens be put on him. Please alert your attorney that yours is an abnormal divorce and you are dealing with someone who no longer respects the rule of law.

Your husband's lawyer will be alarmed over your husband's attitude and antics before you and your attorney are.


Offline missing pieces

  • Trial Subscriber
  • *
  • Posts: 14
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #145 on: January 09, 2018, 07:30:43 PM »
SS,

Today I saw a sticker on the back of a truck that said "my dinosaur ate your stick family".  Wouldn't it be great if the hungry dino just ate the OW sticker?!?!?!  Since we (and the dino) love innocent little kiddies we will spare her little ones!

It really is crappy that she tries to get at you with such malicious passive aggressive little actions.  It's like there is a class somewhere that teaches them how to push a good person's buttons.  You know, The art of being a PSYCHO SKANK 101.

Hang in there.  You aren't the only one who is shocked that her formerly wonderful stable H has gone off the rails. 

mp





Online Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 697
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #146 on: January 10, 2018, 04:16:02 AM »
Put one on your truck with your kids and then the open spot saying ''position available'', or with him and OW on the other side of window labelled dad and his ho.  8)

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #147 on: January 10, 2018, 12:12:39 PM »
OH my thank you for the laughs!! Those literally made me laugh out loud. 
I meet with my attorney today. H sent a list of discovery questions that are so off the wall ridiculous.   Like I denied him intercourse for up to a month to 3 months. So ridiculous.
We have4 kids and I lost 3 babies so guess what, we had sex.  And that was the almost normal question the others are just insane
Geez
:)

Offline bvFTD

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 268
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #148 on: January 10, 2018, 06:19:59 PM »
Remain calm and removed from his sick stunts. He is to be pitied.

Please make sure your attorney demands your husband pay for the divorce. If he is not required to then get discovery over with and quickly finalize the divorce ensuring you and the children are taken care of should your husband lose his job and get into debt. Make sure any life insurance policies keep you as the beneficiary.

Offline ChrissYAH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 895
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #149 on: January 10, 2018, 06:43:42 PM »
Put one on your truck with your kids and then the open spot saying ''position available'', or with him and OW on the other side of window labelled dad and his ho.  8)

Hahahaa might try those, one either side.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 224
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #150 on: January 11, 2018, 11:23:45 AM »
He has to pay for the divorice.  It's in the paperwork.
He now knows that I know about that 5 women he has had affairs with and that he got fired for having an affair with this current tramp.  He is an ER Dr so it's easy for him to find work.  But I know he's probably pretty fired up about me knowing.  Let the fight begin, I want 100% assets, 50 % alimony. 
:)

Offline bvFTD

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 268
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #151 on: January 11, 2018, 01:48:44 PM »
Great news he's paying for it! Yes, take him for all you can.


 

Legal Disclaimer
The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.
Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.
This disclaimer is also included in the Forum's Registration Agreement.