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Author Topic: My Story Just when I think things are getting better....  (Read 3591 times)

Online Treasur

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My Story Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #80 on: December 07, 2017, 11:18:00 PM »

I keep the happy and well H for many years in my heart, the other one gets a 'do not disturb' sign.



What a great way to put it, Mae!
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #81 on: December 08, 2017, 08:50:01 AM »
I am starting to realize that my H was a manipulating control person who controlled me and his children.
My therapist says that when I miss him to focus on all the negative that after 9 months post BD I'm finally starting to see.  I just have to release and let go.  I know so many of you have said this time and time but what other choice do I have?  The marrige and life I had is gone, my priest said it's dead. I have to accept the unacceptable.  It's so very hard
:)

Offline Silver

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #82 on: December 11, 2017, 08:54:20 AM »
Hi Seeshell,
I see it as inevitable progress, to look things from little further and to see all that stuff. It wasn't probably possible until now, you needed to go trough what you have to see that. Letting go is the hardest thing but we all are facing that sooner or later, leave they or not. I got advices from veterans as I struggled (I still am tbh) with dropping the rope that my M ended at the moment of BD. Doesn't mean it can't ever be rebuild but in a form it was it certainly died. So did yours my friend.
We need to believe we have a new life to build waiting for us, please believe that it brings you wonderfull things though it does feel anything but that atm.

Remember too that in MLC letting go is not the same thing than the end of story.

Sending strength to you.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #83 on: December 11, 2017, 02:14:52 PM »
Thank you silver.   In MLC, MLC..... all my friends tell me that's just an excuse.   An excuse?? Really?? He doesn't think he's in a MLC, I do.  He has done things that have literally blown my mind away to me and his children. And how many men do you know of that are not in MLC get a girlfriend 20 years younger than him and move her to the town you live in of 3000 people??? While we are still married???
And all this craziness he believes is ok, the 4 kids and I should just accept this nonesence and be ok with his decision for HIS happiness!?!?
MLC, it's not an excuse, it's just the fact, right guys??
:)

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #84 on: December 11, 2017, 05:03:21 PM »
Agree—not an excuse, but MLC is real. It is so hard to explain to others bc they all think they are offering solid advice. But the truth is, even absent MLC, I’m not sure I would ever advise someone to divorce their spouse. (Not that your friends/fam are doing this, but mine all have) Anyway, it’s all a journey—our journey too, not just the Mlcer. Yes they are crazy. We know this bccof the extreme departure of their former self. Maybe your H had controlling tendencies before. But that wouldn’t  explain his other personality changes. Or the fact that he has turned on his family and basically ran away. These people all lack basic coping skills and are liking to anyone/thing that can fix it. Unfortunately it often comes in the form f an OP—which is the most hurtful to us. But. It’s not personal. It’s not about us at all. Hard as it is to accept, they want nothing to do with us right now bc we represent their failures/sadness/depression—all that is bad in their lives. Except....when they leave us and still feel the same, the confusion hits. It is a serious struggle and they are in he!!. But again, not an excuse. As you said, just a fact.

Ok. I’ll stop rambling now. 
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #85 on: December 11, 2017, 06:22:42 PM »
KIT thank u for your wise words Im feeling really down today, we all need to hear that  :'( I won't ever see x again, he ran and married her, he's created an alterior life, my kids and i are history.

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #86 on: December 15, 2017, 11:17:45 AM »
H tells my kids that he is so happy, happy, happy.  Yet D11 says he is so grumpy ALL the time.
D17 won't have ANYTHING to do with H.  She just wants him to leave her alone but he wants her to be ok with all he has done and constantly texts her with massive amounts of guilt.  And then loves to throw out scripture to put a cherry on top of all his crap.
Yesterday H told D11 he wasn't getting D17 anything for Christmas because he knows she won't be getting him anything.   So mature for a 50 year old man. 😨
It appears he has turned his monstering from me to her
:)

Offline nah

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #87 on: December 15, 2017, 01:10:54 PM »
Oh yes, scripture and manipulation....

 ::)

H-52
me-50
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...vanisher

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #88 on: December 15, 2017, 03:01:00 PM »
Perhaps she should text back some scripture about marriage and affairs.  ;)

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #89 on: December 15, 2017, 04:43:47 PM »
Mortesbride,   she does and he then calls her a fake Christian for not forgiving him.

Does anyone have their MLCer who is a monster to their children too?
:)


 

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