Author Topic: My Story Just when I think things are getting better....  (Read 1679 times)

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

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My Story Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #70 on: December 06, 2017, 12:23:57 PM »
Kanvan
I think about H and OW all the time, it consumes my brain.
I think about how gloriously happy they are and they are planning their beautiful life together.  And I often wonder how the memories of the past 20 years don't haunt him like they do me.  To him it's as if it never happened.
:)

Online Kanvan

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #71 on: December 06, 2017, 12:46:44 PM »
Quote
I think about H and OW all the time, it consumes my brain.
I think about how gloriously happy they are and they are planning their beautiful life together.  And I often wonder how the memories of the past 20 years don't haunt him like they do me.  To him it's as if it never happened.

I think it is normal, it is an emotional rollercoaster that is so hard to get off of. Even though we know that it is not all sunshine and rainbows our minds try to portray it differently. We just assume they are having the time of their life but I do think in those moments of clarity that the past 20 years does surface and they try to push it back. That is what I think contributes to the replay and running behavior. If he can push it aside with OW when it surfaces then he doesn't have to deal with it. So, we pretend that we are living the high life because we both know they would never tell you about the bad. Hang in there SS, eventually he will have to deal with everything.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017

Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #72 on: December 06, 2017, 04:21:29 PM »
Monkey braining, is that constantly thinking about H and OW and their wonderful beautiful life together?
Because if so, I'm guilty of that, ugh.

Sh7 this is exactly me, and he married the ow. :'(

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #73 on: December 06, 2017, 06:22:04 PM »
Kvan  thank you for the encouragement. I fear that as a full blown narcissist he may just keep running forever. 
Chris, I am possitive H will marry OW, they are already planning it, puke.
I hate every single bit of this.  I wish there was a pill that could just throw me back into the matrix
:)

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #74 on: December 07, 2017, 04:22:35 AM »
SS7 - you will make it through this, even if he does marry the OW.  It was like another BD for me when I heard my MLCer had married but I am continuing on and you will too.  Sending support. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #75 on: December 07, 2017, 04:32:49 AM »
They're so sick! hopefully they come out of this and bomb drop their wh*r^s, only I will never take him back hell I don't even want to see him again let alone accept him back.

Online Treasur

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #76 on: December 07, 2017, 04:52:24 AM »
SS7 - I suspect my STBXH will do this too soon, and his recent shift from inaction on the divorce to 'can I apply for the absolute this week' is about giving OW his divorce paperwork as a Christmas gift! (which hurts more than I have words and still shocks me because in my head he is my H)

I can't change it but I don't want to watch it because it will hurt me and I've been hurt enough. So, my boundary post-divorce is that I won't initiate any contact with him for any reason but I will respond if he does. I have cut or blocked every link or connection though.

If he becomes someone else's H, then I will not communicate with him at all, see or speak to him for any reason, even in 5 or 10 or 20 years. I won't disrespect someone else's marriage and life, even OW, in the way that was done to me. Not who I am. That's my boundary, if a sad one and maybe an unhelpful one for my H's potential recovery. But it is his choice and his consequences to live with.
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband
OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorce almost done.
Standing for me and my own treasures

Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, an extended period for payment granted as a special favour, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Kanvan

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #77 on: December 07, 2017, 05:22:07 AM »
Quote
I hate every single bit of this.  I wish there was a pill that could just throw me back into the matrix

 One thing about it, nobody said we have to like this, thank goodness. Oh if it was only that easy SS, to take a pill and throw us back into the matrix. You are doing good, hang in there. Some days are just harder than others but you got this. Now adjust that crown and keeping walking with your head held high and show them who the prize really is! You go girl!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017

Offline Seeshell7Topic starter

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #78 on: December 07, 2017, 08:39:04 AM »
Treasur I totally get that and I already have almost no contact with H other than about our 4 children and that is mostly through the kids.  I can't be his friend, what he has done is just horrible and I can't even stand to look at him.
He however flies around just as happy as can be telling D11 tells us that H who is going to be 49 soon tells her that everyone tells him he looks 36.  SERIOUSLY,  that's great.
Kvan I'm trying but boy is it hard.  Thank you for the up lift.
SB I guess we have have no choice if they marry OW.
I have read that you have to stand by and watch H destroy himself and everything he had and loved.  This man, I have no idea who he turned into but he's a monster for sure.
:)

Offline Mae

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Re: Just when I think things are getting better....
« Reply #79 on: December 07, 2017, 08:56:34 AM »
Shell I just find it easier to think the Hs we knew have gone, departed, died etc because it is hard to reconcile the Hs we knew with whatever they seem to be now.

I keep the happy and well H for many years in my heart, the other one gets a 'do not disturb' sign.

SS7 - I suspect my STBXH will do this too soon, and his recent shift from inaction on the divorce to 'can I apply for the absolute this week' is about giving OW his divorce paperwork as a Christmas gift! (which hurts more than I have words and still shocks me because in my head he is my H)
/quote]

Hijack to Treasur.....I'm so sorry to read this Treasur......must have hurt SO MUCH, devastating. That is not the H you knew and loved.

Shell.....it's horrible for our lives to be totally consumed by their crisis.....but this can't last and bit by bit our thoughts will be less fixated on them and more on ourselves....please believe that.
Me: 49
H: 40
S18, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Medicated & Zombie Like is NC


 

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