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Author Topic: My Story Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....  (Read 3788 times)

Offline serenity

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My Story Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2017, 10:25:12 AM »
Following along h & f,

I think you're doing amazingly and I bet your piercing looks really pretty.

Sad to read your H continues to say idiotic stuff but hopefully he's still progressing

X

Online CanLetGo

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2017, 11:00:30 AM »
Following Hope 😊
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline No expectations

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2017, 02:19:46 PM »
 Following along, Hope.  Love the idea of a new piercing!  I've decided on a couple new tattoos.  Just need to find the time.
Married 10 1/2 years, together 17.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 49.  OW 23.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Offline hopeandfaithTopic starter

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2017, 02:27:06 PM »

H  is still unsure " if we got back together people will think you have rocks in your head"
Silly H doesn't realize WE ( LBS) don't care what people think!!!


Yawn!  Wake me up when you want to say something different H.

Serenity - I do like my nose piercing.  It is delicate and pretty and both of my girls are in the process of getting one too so it's meaningful to us as well.

Noex - hope you find the time for your tattoo's.  I read about them on your thread.  Girl power  ;D

I didn't see a lot of H over the weekend because he worked and took S14 away camping.  The camping expedition was just what the Dr ordered for S14 and H sent me videos and pictures of them attaching an old 2 stroke motor onto a really old little boat and then boating around a tiny dam.  Real 'boys will be boys' stuff that got them out in the sunshine and being creative instead of planted in front of their devices.  H stayed until after 11pm last night and was vague about his work plans for this week so that probably means he is going to OW's town.

I was just reflecting on the fact that I am not following any of the 4 agreements at the moment and I have a pretty strong desire to hurt H or at least be snarky at the moment.  I got a text from an energy healer this morning that I have been going to see saying that she'd been thinking about me which is funny because I had a dream about her last night.  Me thinks it might be time to make an appointment so that I can get my little ducks in a row a bit more.  This funk is definitely sticky even though intellectually, I knew to expect it  ::)
BD's in May 09, Sept 12 - suspected OW
Left home Jan 12 2013
OW confirmed Feb 2013
Moved home April 11 2014
BD again in April 2017 - clinging. 
Moved out July 2017
D17, D15 and S14

Now offering Coaching to LBS at http://clarebrownlifecoach.com.au/
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Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #14 on: November 27, 2017, 04:52:32 AM »
Following along, Hope.  Love the idea of a new piercing!  I've decided on a couple new tattoos.  Just need to find the time.

The tattoo idea has occurred to me too a lot lately. I got a VERY nice Phoenix done a couple of months after the house was sold and I had to move... And I have been thinking about a couple of other motives...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
No legal action to date

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline handpuppets

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2017, 01:35:17 PM »
Attaching, H&F.

I, too, have been eyeing a new tattoo (a small one). Love the idea of a nose piercing.

I'm sorry that things feel like they are in limbo again. I think the funk is making the rounds. Take care of yourself.
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott

Offline hopeandfaithTopic starter

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #16 on: November 27, 2017, 05:41:44 PM »
Handpuppets,  I have noticed that the funk is making the rounds.  Kinda comforting really but I don't wish it on anyone else either.

UM, the tattoo thing seems to be really popular and I can definitely see why.

Bit of a rough 24 hours in my household.  S14 ran away from home late last night but luckily, D18 noticed him gone within about 15 mins and we were able to find him within an hour.  He had been dropping hints earlier in the day so I asked him if he was planning to run away and he convinced me that he wouldn't because its stupid, too far, no money etc etc.  He also told me that he had fantasised about it and would have probably headed for the hills rather than our block.  I found him on an unlit country road heading to our block.

He had a terrible day at school yesterday and earned himself 2 detentions.  He basically got kicked out of every class he attended and was disrespectful and arrogant - even when he text me to tell me about it.  H got a phone call from the school and I rang them also to talk about S14's grades and teacher selections for next year.  He is not on their radar as a problem student despite the fact that he is trying very hard to get on the radar! The year level coordinator was going to follow up and have a supportive conversation with him today but I have decided to keep him off and take a day off work as well.  He has been grounded and his phone and computer have been taken away from him.  He was warned about this and handed them over without a fight.

I am grateful that the drama of last night, which included being found by the police before I found him, seemed to crack his tough exterior and I got a tearful but more available version of him when we got home.  He is sounding very depressed and confused but he has started talking to me so I will keep that going.  I have been doing some research online about what other support is available and will share that with him too.  There are a lot of good websites available that also have forums and web chat options.  I think this will be a good first option for him because he is not yet ready to ask for help.   The similarities between S14 and H are too numerous to mention and even the management of the 2 situations have similarities in so far as making sure that S14 has some space, privacy and his feelings are validated.  My need to ascertain his safety by grounding him and taking away his computer etc is actually isolating him at the moment but I need to really get the lines of communication open between us and metaphorically hug him hard.

H is away at the moment and isn't supposed to be home until Friday.  He was very available yesterday and encouraged me to call him if I needed him at anytime - even when he was locked in the simulator.  He asked if he should come home today and I discouraged it because I know that S14 DOES NOT want to take any advice from H.  H has since text me to say that he is coming home on the first flight tomorrow morning.  I don't want S14 to be aggravated unnecessarily so I will try to help him see the love in the actions without feeling compelled to take advice from someone who is clearly not walking the talk.  Its kinda like watching a train crash in slow motion and I am walking a fine line between letting it play out but also protecting S14 and throwing H a few tips, which he always gratefully receives.

I am grateful that he is stepping up in the only way he knows how and I am super proud of myself for not taking the MANY opportunities to throw truth darts.  For example, S14 said that it broke his heart when he left last night and when I told H, he said "so why did he do it then?"  Good question H, I woulda thought you might be able to answer that one  ::). S14 also said that he just needed to go and that he thought he would feel better but now he feels trapped again at home.  He said that he can't make any decisions but the ones he does make are all bad and self destructive.  S14 can see the similarities between himself and H and is worried about it.  I told him that the major difference is that he is supposed to be going through this now and not when he is 44 and it blows up his family.
BD's in May 09, Sept 12 - suspected OW
Left home Jan 12 2013
OW confirmed Feb 2013
Moved home April 11 2014
BD again in April 2017 - clinging. 
Moved out July 2017
D17, D15 and S14

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Online CanLetGo

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #17 on: November 28, 2017, 05:06:11 AM »
Sigh, parenting teenagers, it’s great isn’t it 🙄 I went down this road with my boy, similar age. He’s lucky he’s got a good mama there for him (and dad, who despite everything, and being in another state sounds like is doing the best he can too, and working with you), you’ll get him through. Maybe enough of a wake up call to get H in a new headspace re his family, would be a welcome byproduct of difficult situation 😊
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #18 on: November 28, 2017, 06:10:07 AM »
I am so sorry h&f!

There is no doubt in my mind that s14's acting out is all caused by his father!
Amazes me that "dear old dad" can't see it!  Good that you withheld your answer from H by phone but I am thinking that maybe a face to face once H is home might be good!
His actions are not only affecting himself they are affecting all of you!
S14 is proof of that!
He (H) has been at this a long time and actions have consequences! I know you can present the "facts" without pressure or blame!  Think about it!

Maybe its time maybe its not, only you can decide and I count on you knowing when it's right! 

You are the strong safe consistent presence in everyone's life!
(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Treasur

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Re: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
« Reply #19 on: November 28, 2017, 06:23:22 AM »

You are the strong safe consistent presence in everyone's life!
(hugs)
31

Which is another good reason to make sure you look after yourself too, h&f  :)
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
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