Author Topic: My Story What do you want for Christmas?  (Read 2456 times)

Offline DumbfoundedTopic starter

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My Story What do you want for Christmas?
« on: December 08, 2017, 01:58:10 PM »
Ahhhh... the start of a new thread. Time to pause, review and set some new goals for myself. 

We are now 21 months post BD. Around the 18 month mark I began to feel my strength coming back. I am now more able to deal with the MLC storm that rages all around me. I get up most days now determined to take my life back and kick the sh!t out of Option B. I still have my moments.... I cycle back, fall into negative self talk, throw myself a pity party. But most days I am just trying regroup and decide what I want this brand new life that was forced upon me to look like.   

Yesterday was hard. I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Everything around me seems to be in turmoil and I called BFF on my way home to vent. BFF told me that she had just spent the entire day sitting in a leadership conference. She said DF, they promised me that if I fix myself... really work on fixing myself that all the people around me will be magically fixed and I won't have to lift a finger. So, after further discussion we decided that what we needed to do was to go underground for awhile and leave everyone to their own messes and work on fixing ourselves and see if that helped to fix everyone around us.

My MIL has made a grave blanket for my Dad's grave every year since my Dad died in 2008. When I arrived home last night there was a grave blanket on the front steps.

Later last night, I got a text from Leaky Bucket saying he had asked the kids what I wanted for Christmas but they didn't know. Could I let him know what I wanted for Christmas? Really?  How about a divorce, custody of my kids, my home, to not live in fear? I ignored the text. I have no good answer because there is nothing he can buy me that can make up for what he has done to our family.

My GF said maybe he wants to be friendly. I spat back... we are not friends. I told her it takes a lot of piss a Scorpio off but when it happens revenge is inevitable and usually legendary. Today she sent me a mug that says "Not today MuggleF*cker"  - a nod to my love of Harry Potter and my bada$$ self.

This weekend I am rigging up the lights. 

     

       




http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9456.0;all
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline handpuppets

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2017, 03:35:59 PM »
I know all about that Scorpio urge for revenge. Though I'm confident that in your case, you will rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

I hope you get everything your heart desires for Christmas, DF. <3
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott

Online stillbaffled

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2017, 05:03:13 PM »


We are now 21 months post BD. Around the 18 month mark I began to feel my strength coming back. I am now more able to deal with the MLC storm that rages all around me. I get up most days now determined to take my life back and kick the sh!t out of Option B. I still have my moments.... I cycle back, fall into negative self talk, throw myself a pity party. But most days I am just trying regroup and decide what I want this brand new life that was forced upon me to look like.   

I'm at 23 months post BD and what you wrote is pretty accurate for me as well, DF.  We're making progress! 

My MIL has made a grave blanket for my Dad's grave every year since my Dad died in 2008. When I arrived home last night there was a grave blanket on the front steps.

That is so thoughtful.  I enjoy reading about MILs who continue to treat their DILs with the love and respect they deserve.  Your MIL sure came through with the grave blanket.

Later last night, I got a text from Leaky Bucket saying he had asked the kids what I wanted for Christmas but they didn't know. Could I let him know what I wanted for Christmas? Really?  How about a divorce, custody of my kids, my home, to not live in fear? I ignored the text. I have no good answer because there is nothing he can buy me that can make up for what he has done to our family.

This blows my mind.  All that has transpired over the last 21 months and his focus is on what to buy you for Christmas?!   :o   Wow. 

This weekend I am rigging up the lights. 

Fabulous plan.....and I'll be putting up the tree, decorating it and doing some Christmas baking.  We've got this, DF! 

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9456.0;all

Welcome to your new thread!
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline StoneFrog

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2017, 12:02:37 AM »
Attaching. A lovely gesture from MIL.

I love that you are getting so confident and strong. Go you!

Online Never say never

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2017, 05:13:12 AM »
Attaching, DF ...

How thoughtful of your MIL.  Just imagine how bad she must feel, knowing what her son is doing.

Your bada$$ self is doing just great!!

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2017, 05:23:44 AM »
Following DF x
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline 1phoenix

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2017, 05:28:47 AM »
It is amazing how the world changes when one decides to 'fix' themselves.

The colors of the world change as well as everyone around you.  It can be done, it takes time and patience with yourself and everyone around you.

Are you up to that internal challenge?  It might take away your anger and need for vengeance. 

Can't wait to see your progress.
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.  U2 "Grace"

We have all been dealt a hand of cards in this game of life.   Are you going to play or fold?

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline DumbfoundedTopic starter

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2017, 11:37:18 AM »
Thank you all for joining the crazy MLC Christmas ride my cyber friends.

I have gone and sent myself down the rabbit hole this weekend. I know it is not what is happening around me that controls my emotions but but my thoughts about what is happening...  but yeah I went all monkey brain and now I am feeling the Christmas MLC blues.

I went out Friday night to do some Christmas shopping while H took the kids out for dinner and Christmas shopping. I guess it was too much for Leaky Bucket
because S ended up having basketball practice from 6:30-7:15 and D texted at 8:30 they were home. I stayed at S's practice until 6:50  I am trying to understand basketball so when S talks to me I can understand what he is talking about) and no sign of H. When I got home at 10:30 D was sitting on the couch eating what appeared to me to be a whole sandwich from the local pizza place.   ???  I stopped asking questions because the answers never make any sense anyway.

Then I get a text from H that he needs the kids at 10:00 Saturday morning for Christmas shopping. D is totally annoyed because she works Saturdays and S just hates shopping. So, I ask.... who are you shopping for?  You Mom... and maybe H's Mom.  D asks me for list. So I make a list of small suggestions of things I want for Christmas socks, a sweatshirt, earrings... and then I included in my list a little bit of hidden evil because I know H will see the list.

Three years ago the kids and I wanted a puppy. Actually not true.... the kids and I have wanted a puppy for years.  H did not want a puppy and kept saying that we could get a puppy when the kids were older and could help take care of it.  Three years ago the kids were 12 and 8. I decided the time had come... it was now or never as D would be off to college in less than 5 years. H threw a fit. He told me he would not have any responsibility for a dog. So, I saved up, did all the research and just before the kids turned 13 and 9 we brought home a puppy. She is the world's best dog. I mean we could not have asked for a better puppy experience. Everyone loves her... well except H. In hindsight, I guess she took up a piece of H's attention pie and added another layer of responsibility onto the house.  H never bonded with the dog and would sometimes say we didn't have time for her and should consider re-homing her which was laughable as she laid in a pile on the floor with the kids watching tv.

I include pet expenses as separate line item on the divorce worksheet for alimony and I snicker.

Anyway, I was careful making my list as I didn't want to give H too much of a glimpse into my life. I was also annoyed because the kids and I had planned to put up the outside Christmas lights Saturday and now H was taking them off Christmas shopping. This meant I was stuck doing the lights by myself - and it was supposed to snow Saturday.  So, when I got the bottom I added "a puppy" to my list and I snickered.  I would love to have another dog. But financially it is not feasible right now. Then I texted my list to the kids. As expected, they went crazy over the puppy idea.  Really Mom? A puppy? Are you serious?

So, Saturday morning I went off to yoga at 9:00 a.m. to try and mentally prepare myself to do the lights alone in a snowstorm. I ran a few errand and when I got home at 11:22 both kids were home, miserable and starving for lunch. Apparently, the puppy idea didn't go over with Dad and they got yelled at for even talking about it. Snort. So, the kids and I went off to lunch and got a new blow up for the front yard. We came home and spent 3 hours in a snowstorm putting up the outside lights. We joked with each other about putting too much snow in places and making it look fake. I only dropped the f bomb once and we all came inside for hot coco to warm up and wait to see if the timers we installed worked at sundown.

There was a big whoop of joy when the lights went on at dusk and we ordered pizza to celebrate.

Then I get thinky - I just don't understand it. How can H pull up to the house on Friday night to pick up his kids and see it all dark and all the neighbors houses all lit up. How does he not feel bad that the house his kids live in doesn't have any Christmas lights? How can he not be here to see the whooping of his kids when the lights all come one? How can he not be here Christmas morning? How can he just walk away from all of our traditions and the things that brought us joy this time of the year?  How do you look yourself in the mirror every morning knowing how much money you make and not offer one cent to make Christmas morning happen for your kids? What is he doing that is more important than his kids? What is wrong with this person? Who does this? And down the rabbit hole I went.....         

         

       

   

 
« Last Edit: December 11, 2017, 11:53:17 AM by Dumbfounded »
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Online stillbaffled

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2017, 06:27:16 PM »

Then I get thinky - I just don't understand it. How can H pull up to the house on Friday night to pick up his kids and see it all dark and all the neighbors houses all lit up. How does he not feel bad that the house his kids live in doesn't have any Christmas lights? How can he not be here to see the whooping of his kids when the lights all come one? How can he not be here Christmas morning? How can he just walk away from all of our traditions and the things that brought us joy this time of the year?  How do you look yourself in the mirror every morning knowing how much money you make and not offer one cent to make Christmas morning happen for your kids? What is he doing that is more important than his kids? What is wrong with this person? Who does this? And down the rabbit hole I went.....         


I think it happens to most of us, DF. 

The nice thing about the LBS rabbit hole is that there are several of us down there at any given time and we do a nice job of encouraging each other to get the heck out of said hole! 

Nice job on the lights, my friend.  I'm so proud of myself for just having gotten the tree up yesterday.  I plugged that beauty in when I got home from work tonight and just stood all by myself enjoying how pretty it looked.  Too bad for you, crazy MLCers. 

And hey.....that puppy scenario was my laugh for the day.  Thanks for that!   ;D
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: What do you want for Christmas?
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2017, 04:35:18 AM »
Re the puppy, so naughty DF, but so funny 😂

Well done on the lights, a big achievement. I don’t get how they can miss out on this stuff either. But, I guess in some ways we are the lucky ones, we do still get to enjoy all of this stuff with our kids. Enjoy your yard, again well done 😊
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger


 

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