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Author Topic: My Story Divorce  (Read 1851 times)

Offline SilverTopic starter

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My Story Divorce
« on: December 26, 2017, 05:34:19 AM »
My previous thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9592.0

I have no strength atm to make a summary about my story more than:
Being together almost 12 years, married 5, kids D9 and S4.
BD at oct 2016. After that a hellish year with rapid cycling and following script, pure replay with FA, EA, not sure if PA. Several OM:s anyway.

Today, she posted the final D papers. I didn't sign anything but it is not needed in my country as 6 months thinking time is over.
Takes perhaps 1-2 weeks to get a letter from officials stating that I am legally divorced.
It is my 2nd divorce so I guess I am a veteran already and get over this too.
Feels just so very bad atm, really need to breathe and gather my strength to start making necessary practical stuff for the house and all that.

Her? She seems to be calm and happy having to made her mind up finally, which hurts me at least as much as the D itself.

This, my friends is my dark moment, not first of them but the worst as LBS definitely. Too much in me atm to put it here more than this.


"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2017, 05:46:14 AM »
Oh Silver, a dark day indeed, so very sorry. But, as much as it is a milestone day and overwhelming, also I do see it as script, and not necessarily the end of your journey together, unless you choose for it to be. Your W still running, running, and she must think this will make her feel better somehow. I think she will find out she is wrong. However, for now, please keep breathing, do whatever you can to get you through this very hard time, it will pass and you will start to feel equilibrium again, soon I hope. Thinking of you, take care
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Online Treasur

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2017, 06:08:40 AM »
I'm so sorry, Silver. You're in my prayers tonight x
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Mitzpah

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2017, 06:09:55 AM »
Silver,

I am sorry - I hope you find some peace.
M 56
H 56
S 25
S 24
D 22
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Online Thunder

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2017, 06:17:11 AM »
Darn it, Silver.  I'm so very sorry.  I think you knew she was going to finally do it, but when it happens it is very hurtful.  Almost like a bd all over again.

I felt the same way.  Not shocked just terribly sad.

Just know Silver, none of this has to do with you.  She is in her own little La La Land.
Where nothing is real it's all a great fantasy.  Fantasies don't last.

I am divorced twice too, that's why I will not get married again.  No more.

Sending you a GIGANTIC, warm hug!  I wish I could give it to you in person.
Talk to us when you're ready.  We're here for you.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline Acorn

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2017, 06:32:11 AM »
O Silver...
This is really a punch to your gut even though you were realistic about it. I so wish we could all jet over and form a protective ring of empathy and friendship around you.  Since it is not possible to do that, please come here and rant when you feel up to it.  We are here for you.

I must also say that you fought a really good fight to keep your M.  You put everything into it.  Despite all that, D has come to pass.  This shows you that her MLC had nothing to do with you or your efforts. In a normal situation, when one person puts in so much effort into R, his partner would respond likewise.  This is nothing but ‘normal’.  Please keep in your mind that you put in a heroic effort to make your relationship work.  Nothing was good enough for her because it wasn’t about you. 

Thinking of you and praying that God will carry you...

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Feb 2015: H has a Nuclear meltdown.  A tear-fest.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Still home

Offline Mybeautifulfamily

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2017, 06:33:30 AM »
Silver I will pray for you today. I'm sorry.
Me: 43
H: 43
M: 19 yrs
T: 25 yrs
S19 D17 S15 S11 D6
BD1 06/16
BD2 10 or 11/17
OWs: multiple all very short lived

Online stillbaffled

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2017, 07:40:42 AM »
I certainly understand the darkness you feel yourself in right now, Silver.  I'm so sorry. 

You know that we are here and willing and ready to lend support and encouragement.  Lean on us. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline SilverTopic starter

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #8 on: December 26, 2017, 07:56:13 AM »
Thank you all from my heart my friends, your compassion really brings tears in my eyes today.
Yes you are a protective circle Acorn, all of you and yes all the support has found it's way to me.
God bless you all, I will journal more maybe tomorrow or day after.
Thank you all so much.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Online Thunder

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #9 on: December 26, 2017, 08:00:36 AM »
Just take it easy today.  Be very kind to yourself.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.


 

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