Author Topic: My Story Divorce  (Read 1849 times)

Online Treasur

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My Story Re: Divorce
« Reply #20 on: December 27, 2017, 11:21:33 AM »
No 2x4s, you lovely man. I'm crying a bit for you and in awe of your strength and integrity. Like you, I wrote a goodbye letter to my H. I needed to, as you did. With God's grace, 2018 will be a year of getting unstuck from the dark and finding a way to move forward to better sunnier days. x
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Acorn

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #21 on: December 27, 2017, 04:18:34 PM »
Dear Silver,

You’ve been very gracious to your STBXW with that email.  The descriptions of her reaction and yours brought tears to my eyes.  It is so heartbreaking...  All those tears had to come out just as you said.  Yes.  How true.  Bottling up inside never did anyone good.  Just ask MLCers.

I wish you much strength as you work through all the practical details related to D.  I’m sure you will be very busy for a while.  Please don’t forget to look after yourself.  Eat right, get enough sleep and relax with a beer now and then.  O dear I sound like a big sister!

Thank you for sharing your story, even though it must have been painful to write.
Come here and vent whenever you need to.  There is always someone here to respond.
(((((HUGS))))))

Feb 2015: H has a Nuclear meltdown.  A tear-fest.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Still home

Online Thunder

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #22 on: December 29, 2017, 08:06:17 AM »
Hi Silver,

I hope you're feeling a bit better. 
Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.

I hope you can have a peaceful New Year.

Hugs
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline SilverTopic starter

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #23 on: December 29, 2017, 11:14:42 AM »
Thank you Treasur, Acorn, Thunder and to you all who have read my thread.

I am ok taking account the situation.
You know, I just don't have anything to say atm.
Like I don't know what to think, I am trying to put things back into their places and I am not sure how to do it.

I need to process things a little but I will be back soon journaling.

Love to you all, I can't tell you how much I need and appreciate this place.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #24 on: December 29, 2017, 11:19:43 AM »
It’s a shame your country’s divorce is as quick/easy Silver as it doesn’t allow the time needed in mlc.

Keep being strong 😉
Rose 🌹
Me-46
H-46
S-13
D-11
Married 1999
BD1 - Oct 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
Physical affair with MOW Sept 2016-Jan 2017
Emotional affair with same MOW from Jan 2017 until now - due to geography!
Tried to work through it living as a family and not telling anyone! Not easy with a lying cheating monster, he left Oct 2017 to stay with his parents and 'isn't putting a time limit on it'

Offline FamilyIsMyGoal

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #25 on: December 29, 2017, 11:27:38 AM »
Just read this thread and wanted to send hugs and prayers.  You sound very brave and courageous.  I'm going to follow your journey and hopefully be able to offer some support.  Lots of love to you. 
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Physically separated - he's 15 miles away
Two Teenage boys
Me: 54
H 58
OW? I don't know - probably plural

Offline SilverTopic starter

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #26 on: December 30, 2017, 02:43:47 AM »
Rose & FIMG, thank you for your support,

I will catch up some threads myself soon, right now I just have too much to think, so I am sorry for being lazy of commenting and supporting you others atm, but I will change that my friends.

Last few days have been strange in a way. I really have a lot of going in my mind and I am trying to spot on what and even what my emotions are atm. After wednesday, as we hugged and apologized from each other and cried together, I have felt strange peace and serenity. What I believe it is, comes from acceptance, a feel of finally dropping the rope. I am sad, of course. My family is splitting up and I can't prevent that to happen. I am disappointed, I failed twice now in my life: 2 marriages & 2 divorces. Would be a lie to say it didn't feel like failure. I feel sad for kids, they would have deserved a family that stays together no matter what happens. I am disappointed my STBXW breaking all the principles she had, like putting family first and building R on trust. It is all gone, she is not the same woman I married or started to be with at first place. I am trying to accept that people change, MLC or not. Nothing is sure, never in this life. There's absolutely nothing to take for granted. I felt overwhelming hate and anger, rage, against STBXW and everything that happened. I spilled it all out I think at tuesday. Words I really had to apologize later and I did. After that, I haven't felt any anger.

All in all, my emotions cycle as they should in this situation, but what is somewhere deep inside me is trust and confidence, peace and serenity, I think it is something built inside me during this year and during my mirror work, therapy and all that stuff. And because of God, who hasn't been in my life this way ever before, I just feel I am not alone and trust on Him, that He showes me the paths to walk whenever I need guidance. I do the walking but He definitely is somewhere near to help me.

Don't know about tomorrow, next week, next month. A lot of hard things coming, like selling the house and finding new home. All that stuff. But what I just don't feel is fear, not today, didn't yesterday either. It is gone, probably not for good as it shouldn't as it's very natural emotion, but I am trying to see every moment I live without fear and anxiety as gift and build my life on those moments little by little. I trust myself and that is something I am very greatful about. I am going to pass this dark phase in my life with the feeling that I still can look myself at mirror and even like what I see. Not sure if STBXW can but I do.

I also signed up for a divorce seminars which start in three weeks. It is based on Bruce Fisher's method (which I explored by myself at time of my 1st D) and includes 11 evenings as a group of divorced people. Looking forward to it as I want to handle this process as well as I can. Still I do understand: There is nothing I can do to rush my process, only time will do that in the end.

Love and prayers to all you brave LBS's, please believe yourselves no matter how you may feel right now. We are not alone.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Online Treasur

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #27 on: December 30, 2017, 03:00:45 AM »
I wonder if you feel less fear because you have grown more confident in your ability to accept and cope regardless, Silver? Following along with you xxx
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Acorn

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #28 on: December 30, 2017, 03:24:47 AM »
All in all, my emotions cycle as they should in this situation, but what is somewhere deep inside me is trust and confidence, peace and serenity, I think it is something built inside me during this year and during my mirror work, therapy and all that stuff. And because of God, who hasn't been in my life this way ever before, I just feel I am not alone and trust on Him, that He showes me the paths to walk whenever I need guidance. I do the walking but He definitely is somewhere near to help me.

Bravo, Silver!

What you describe above shows how much you have grown through your experience in the MLC mess.  You have been extraordinarily proactive about helping yourself cope with the situation and the results are plain for all to see.  I’m convinced that we grow through adversities, and not so much through soft easy life.  No challenges, little growth.

I’m glad that you have signed up for a D seminar.  Good for you!

Living without fear and anxiety is truly a gift.  Looking at your reality right in the eye and accepting it paid a huge dividend...

(((((HUGS))))), Silver, as you navigate the next stage in your life.
I wish you much strength as you set up your own dwelling.  That is always a lot of work. 
Feb 2015: H has a Nuclear meltdown.  A tear-fest.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Still home

Offline Albatross

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Re: Divorce
« Reply #29 on: December 30, 2017, 04:21:45 AM »
I am so sorry Silver. But keep in mind, you lost battle, but not a war...


 

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