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Our Community / Re: Surviving
« Last post by Mitzpah on Today at 11:22:26 AM »
You are sounding good Schratz66!

I am glad you are finding you again - it is good to remember our many blessings :)

Although I always knew that bad things happen to good people, I found that this has helped me to be more empathetic with other people's losses and griefs. Oh, it has really fixed the fixer in me!! and that is a relief :)

I am more stable financially nowadays. My children have my full attention when they need/want it. I am really coming full circle in that I have redeemed my core person and made certain changes that reflect who I am and what I believe without compromising to please others. More maturity, maybe?

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Our Community / Re: Man, dealing with an MLC'r is just brutal
« Last post by In the valley on Today at 11:11:38 AM »
Hello Riddle,
I'm also a man dealing with a woman in MLC.  I'm newer and not as active as some others.  I'm sorry you're dealing with this but you're not alone.  I'm right at 6 months post BD from when I discovered the whole "master plan"  I will say I've really noticed an improvement recently.  I don't think everyone deals with this on the same time table and I still have a ways to go, but if you told me I'd feel this good a couple months back, I never would have believed it.  Hang in there!
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Our Community / Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Last post by sampsed on Today at 11:04:25 AM »
Catching up Kitty!  I know things have been tough but you are also one tough lady and all this is only making you a much better and stronger person.  Stinks but we will all be ok!

I agree that you should let him and the next time he offers make some concrete plans!  Then wait and see what happens!  Sometimes you have to extend that olive branch and do things on their whims! 
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Our Community / Re: The Best Revenge
« Last post by Mitzpah on Today at 11:00:52 AM »
Velika,

Lots of awesome practical advice! I remember that one that Song&Dance learnt and shared with us.

I have often used the mental arithmetic to calm me down, it is something that came naturally to me and I find it very calming. As for the singing, I used that a lot when my son was a newborn in intensive care - I sang/hummed in English and the language here is Portuguese, however the song for me was calming and I found myself going around to other babies in the intensive care and doing the same (the doctor's let me - I don't know what they thought of me :P). I still hum to myself a lot when I am tense.

Yes, choose joy, laugh, smile... I can be very tense but I call to memory a good remembrance and smile at it, just feeling the sun on me will make me smile :) - I find it difficult to laugh at comedy skits but I watched animal planet ad nauseum and would laugh at the animal funny stories. Here in Brazil, there is a Roman Catholic priest who is a celebrity (he is a talented singer) and has his own instagram - he puts great motivational quotes on there but the best for me are the funny animal stories which he makes up - they are hilarious!


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Our Community / Re: Man, dealing with an MLC'r is just brutal
« Last post by RiddleofSteel on Today at 10:58:16 AM »
Journaling- Man, I'm so angry this morning. I'm in a really good heart space and don't really feel hurt or anxiety anymore.  I'm kind of the perfect state of detachment without being completely closed off to my W.  This morning though, I just couldn't sleep any longer and got up before my wife and sat outside to enjoy a cigar.

During the dark times, when I would do this, it would mean I was hurting and was outside thinking. My W came down before she left to work this morning and asked me why I was up so early, and I told her the truth, where I just couldn't sleep any more and had been tossing and turning. She got this pained look on her face and wished me a good day and then left. It didn't dawn on me until after she left that she probably thought I was up early because I was hurting.  I wanted to shout at her retreating car and say, "No seriously, it has nothing to do with you!!!!"  Pfft!
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Our Community / Re: Thread 28 - Well, THAT didn't take long.....
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 10:56:02 AM »
Aw I bet your beat.

Get some rest.  I suppose you on early tomorrow.
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Our Community / Re: Reassembling - is there a manual?
« Last post by MourningDove on Today at 10:55:30 AM »
Mortesbride - that was very well done. Duly noted. LOL

UrsaMajor - thank you for that laugh. LOL. That about sums it up.  ;)

Savior Faire & Treasur - yup - we have a whole group of MLCers that seem to hover in monster land. And it is about control. They need control over something. Futile thing is a good name, although my XH fell under several names yesterday afternoon that were not nearly as kind.

His need to control, I am sure is in part due to the fact that his eldest B is not doing well. We knew this was happening, but it is just a matter of time, so of course XH needs to find something to try and control. Lucky us.  ::)

Last night S informed me that XH referred to me as the "devil woman" but on the flip side XH was also very upset I didn't say hello to him and chat in the parking lot when he dropped off the money. S was shaking his head in a WTF manner and saying his F has clearly lost his marbles. So, now I am sure the world will hear what an awful woman I have become, blah, blah, blah. I am not too worried about his opinion or those who believe his stories.

This morning I was at class and I was a bit frustrated. The mural project had a snag. The administrators wanted to see this happen, but as usual the original idea hit the desk of the one person who does not embrace the possibilities and while some of his concerns were valid, we had a couple of options. It had to do with cutting out certain parts of the mural and requiring using power tools. His concern was the kids using the tools. I had to laugh, as they are in high school and we would be monitoring them. But, okay. My coworker and I decided we would ask the tech teachers in the main high school if they would be willing to get their students to cut the pieces out for us. It was a perfect solution for a variety of reasons. Again, the administrators thought this was a fantastic collaborative effort and saw merit in it. I know both tech teachers extremely well and S's project blue prints are on the wall as examples - they adored him and I knew I could call in a favor. But, again we were stonewalled by the same administrator. I looked at my coworker when the students started to just give up. We were ready to take the boards home and do it ourselves. He laughed when he noticed a gleam in my eye. He said he knows that look - the look of "eff this - I will get around this". He was right.

Now, I do not do things to break rules. I will adhere to things that make perfect sense or are valid arguments. What I don't like is "stupid" and things that impede the success of the students. I won't do anything to get into trouble, but I will not back off of solving a hiccup like this. This administrator is just one of those that likes to flex their muscles and when a project is done he will take credit for it. I don't care - he can have his photo op, but I was not letting this go. My students have worked far too hard to be stopped by something that makes no sense. They needed a solution and to be shown how to think outside the box. (They had no idea what the true hiccup was - all they knew was we couldn't do it the way we had planned - we were careful enough not to throw politics into the mix. The kids would have shut down and felt they had no voice at all). I told them we were going to have to think outside the normal "box".

It happened quickly and I didn't give anyone a heads up. I had a lightbulb moment. I grabbed my phone and texted my S's boss. My coworker was cracking up and wondered what I was up to. This will get done come hell or high water.

S's boss has a special cad machine for cutting out wood forms for his cabinetry. I was willing to bet I could take my sheet of plywood over there and get it done with little effort. His boss replied within seconds. I am meeting him this afternoon. My students looked at me with big eyes and were shocked. I said that is why you keep your networks guarded and you don't abuse them. They asked if I knew he would say yes. I answered that no, I did not, but what harm did it do in asking? What they don't know is he will probably do it for nothing for me, but I will make sure he gets at least a case of his favorite beer out of it.

I stopped at my parent's house for a cup of tea. My F was off with another artist. They were delivering artwork to a gallery that represents them both. My M had taken D to PT yesterday for me and M wanted to share the conversation she and D had. She said D was very talkative on her way home. My M was pleased. D and my M have a tough relationship. They love each other, but are quite similar, so they butt heads. My M had been of the mind that D is part of the problem, but after hearing D say what she did, my M now sees that XH is destroying his relationship with D. D said she has come to realize she may have to cut her F out of her life, at least in the short term. She said that his mental games are going to derail her life and she won't allow herself to be sucked into his choices if it means it is going to affect her this way. She expressed some compassion for her F and his crisis, but she said he is being mentally abusive and she has worked too hard to get this far. She said that just because he is stuck and refuses to acknowledge his problems does not mean the rest of us have to be stuck too.

M said she did not really realize how much this has affected D. D is not one to express these things to others. I hear about it, but she is very private most of the time. She releases her frustrations and will eventually talk things out, as she knows it is not healthy to hold it in. However, she also is not one to share everything with just anyone. She told my M she will not be a victim of her F's crisis any longer.

I think my M finally gets how painful this is for D and maybe now sees how holidays, etc are a tough thing for the kids. D may be stoic, but she has a huge heart. Her F has continued to stomp on it throughout this crisis.

What the little exchange in the car with my M tells me is D knows who she can rely on. She knows, in spite of she and my M butting heads, that my M is one of the biggest supporters she has. That "confession" to my M - I also know XH, who my M thought of as a S, just lost the one person who would have maybe given him a chance if he did some work. I think now that she has seen the true depth of D's loss XH has sunk his ship with my M.

If you think a mother is protective - there is nothing that compares to a grandma whose grandchildren are screwed with.

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Our Community / Re: Keep Your Face Always Toward the Sunshine
« Last post by Dumbfounded on Today at 10:54:18 AM »
Hey Kanvan. I have a suspicion that I looked like a 47 year old Mom wearing her D16's clothes because nothing else was clean.  ;)

The single Dad is a controlling hothead. If that is how he acts in public, I can only imagine how he treats his women in private.  I am not his type - I don't put up with that crap.

Nothing much to report. LB has been totally MIA. D is home sick with a fever. S has basketball tonight.

I am still chuckling about MOW2. The more I think about it the funnier it gets. What could LB possibly do to sooth her hurt feelings that she didn't get invited to BFF's wedding? Tell her how awful we all are - the people she wants to be seen with?  There is no winning this one for LB  - he doesn't have an in with this crowd - they are my and BFF's peeps.  Did MOW2 think if she took LB my friends would all follow her?  LB is hiding under a MLC rock in the tunnel of fog.  So she sends her brother to DEMAND she be invited to a wedding. Oh, I am sure that is going over well with loads of people. People who demand to be invited to things are usually well liked and admired.

This thinking is beyond my wildest imagination of crazy town. I guess MOW2's brother could always take MOW2 as his date but at that point what would the people at the wedding even think of her having bullied her way into the wedding?  It is all a scream with no winning. Checkmate!!   

Look at all the lies, betrayal and deception she has masterminded - not to mention the law school tuition bill and she is still not even close to being me. 



         
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Now for me!   I hate what we have been through.  Hate what has been done and hate that we still don't know what the future holds.  However,  I have made some friends on this forum that I would never have met.  I have lost weight.  I have addressed all my health issues that were scaring me.  I am more confident again.  I realized I allowed myself to get lost in my family.  I lost me and I have found me and love who and what I am again.  I am ME...I am no longer H's wife or D and S mom.....I am ME again and it feels good.  Am I finsihed?  Heck no...but I make a huge dent in things and I have a promising future.  Hoping it will be with H cuz deep down I am still in love with him and I am willing to be patient and move through this with him for both of us.  He has to do his work, just as I have to do mine.   Time will tell and I know now that time is my friend.

Saved the best for last. You're doing great in so many ways. But the last paragraph is the MOST IMPORTANT part of it all. Time.....we can love and hate that word, but it is what our lives revolve around, ultimately. When we are using that time right, those final paragraphs become more and more amazing. And your personal story is proof positive. Keep up the good work!
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Our Community / Re: New and not even sure if it's MLC
« Last post by Zodiac24 on Today at 10:50:34 AM »
Thanks- I just replied saying I need some time to not have to think about any if this.
I have spoken to my solicitor re finance package but not going to contact him until I can think straight
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