Author Topic: My Story D&J 4 or 5?  (Read 1427 times)

Offline Devastated DadTopic starter

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My Story Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #20 on: April 11, 2018, 05:43:16 AM »
Whyus, I think I have the bed back.  I have slept in it the last two nights.  The problem is I think I was actually getting stronger sleeping on the couch.  The last two nights I've been in bed she has been snuggling against me, wrapping her legs around me, and being loving (maybe she is half asleep and thinks I'm OM LOL).  Sleeping on the couch I felt there was a clearer division between us, and I was actually sleeping without the aid of sleep medicine.  The problem with sleeping in bed with her is it confuses me.  I forget for a moment what is going on and I hug back, automatically say I love you, and slip back into what was our normal pattern.  When I wake up fully it dawns on me that this is all still going on, and nothing has really changed.  I still want my family together, but I have started to develop a strong opposing feeling of wanting to be away from her.  If you all remember I could barely make it to work, or through a work day a few months ago, my job was in real jeopardy. The last few weeks I have actually looked forward to going to work, have been getting a lot done, and they have stopped approaching me about my issues at work.  I have even found myself laughing at work, which I haven't done in 6 months.  So, I know things are changing for me mentally, which could be the result of my medicine finally kicking in, but I'm somewhat afraid of being so close to her again in the bed.

As far as the OM, I still cannot understand her attraction to him.  When they first started seeing each other I discovered a note from her to him saying she was dissatisfied, that she thought he would be different, romantic, and do things with her in public.  Here we are 6 months later and he still doesn't want to be seen with her.  If I told her I didn't want to be seen in public with her, but I wanted to shag her late night anyway, she would smack me in the face and walk out the door.  Her chasing him, giving him what he wants, and allowing herself to be abused is not her.  I guess this isn't really my problem anymore.  I guess I need to be looking for a way out.  She is definitely clinging to my finances and house as she has nowhere else to go.  Last night she was talking about getting botox for her forehead wrinkles.  I'm thinking how are you going to do that when you cant even get an apartment.

Online Treasur

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #21 on: April 11, 2018, 05:49:29 AM »
Do whatever works for you, DD.
But I'd make sure that you're not paying for her botox  ::)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Thunder

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #22 on: April 11, 2018, 07:00:11 AM »
I agree, what ever makes you more comfortable, do!  You have the bed back but not by yourself.  Not so good.

She apparently thinks nothing of cuddling up to you.  No feelings there.  It's really sad.  Any woman KNOWS what that does to a guy, so don't let her fool you.  She's trying to make you weak.

So as much as we hounded you to take back your bed if it's really better to sleep on the couch alone then fine, better than sleeping with her like that.  Hopefully she isn't going to hound you about being on the couch.    If she does..remember just..."whatever" turn around and go back to sleep.  Ignore

This is all about you and the kids now, Dev. 
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline The Navigator

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #23 on: April 11, 2018, 07:06:06 AM »
DD,

Really sorry you're facing this.  I've cut and pasted the following from your very first thread:

Quote
Since the end of January we have been living in the same house, have the same bank account, have sex on a regular basis (the sex is better than ever), and spend our free time together going on dates, hanging out with the kids, and just laying in bed talking.  It's weird because it's like nothing has changed, except she says that she still wants to live separate, raise the kids, and live in the same house for at least the next two years.  She is also sporadically talking to the OM.
Script.

I could have written it during my own situation and probably did.


Quote
Her friend also told me that J admitted to not having an orgasm with the OM, that he had health issues which prevented him from getting an erection sometimes, and that she has only had an orgasm with me
The exact same was so in my situation.

We also did everything together.

Very likely an MLC.

What was her upbringing and family environment like?
Bomb & Separation: 28th January 2008
Moved in with OM for 5 months
EA/PA persisted from 2008 to 2010
Kids: DS ( 8 ), DD ( 7 ) confirmed mine with paternity tests
Another DS born April 2017
MLC lasted 6-7 years

Online Helpingme!

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #24 on: April 11, 2018, 07:15:29 AM »
DD
I agree with Thunder. I remember telling Thunder my W was using her body and womanly charm too suck me back in.
I didn't even think my W had that in her too tease a man. Oh well, wrong again.
DD, I slept on that couch too,  just made it easier. As Thunder said, she then ask me too come back too bed, ha.
Do what makes you feel good. All that matters.
I remember telling Thunder it felt like my W was having an Affair with me, DD all sounds familiar and thinking back. Was she using me as OM,  probably so.
As you said, it's majes you sick why they let someone use them like that. They are not themselves DD. That is not your W as you know her.
I feel for you my friend. Thus stage is so hard. I got 2 small comforters on our bed DD. It's a King bed, but made it seem like 2 doubles. She may sneak over and snuggle up, but just wrap up in YOUR covers and turn your back too her.
It will get easier DD. Just hang in there jeep going.
You said work us better, that is a sign you are moving on.
Botox??? Lord help her. Just a temporary fix. Please dont waste you money on it.

Online Helpingme!

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #25 on: April 11, 2018, 07:19:53 AM »
DD,
W saying she didn't Orgasm with OM. Ha. I think they are all the same. Crazy ass Fruit Bats. All I said was Oh really, sounds like you picked a winner!!

Offline same33

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #26 on: April 11, 2018, 07:20:52 AM »
Botox for the forehead wrinkles....Mine wants that too. And a tummy tuck....and a breast augmentation.....and....the list goes on.....
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018
Standing for my marriage

Online dogwalker

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #27 on: April 11, 2018, 07:25:06 AM »
Hi DD
My ExW did all that. She even sneaked out once on our anniversary for a romantic lunch. I felt confused. Then that evening I cycled "she may just want some time but i can deal with this while she works out how to leave him" and then the next day i dound out she went out for dinner with OM and spent £80 on a it too. Guess who'd paid for lunch?It took another 6months for me to understand the term about MLC wears masks.. Once I understood when she was with me she wore the mask that I knew and heard all the things I wanted to hear. But is was just BS. Its all script. The boob job was another expence along with paying £75 and hour for a PT at the gym. She earns £110 per week. Pure Madness
You have come along way in a short time mate. Well done for that.
DW

Online Thunder

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #28 on: April 11, 2018, 07:27:46 AM »
Helping, what a good idea.  2 blankets, one for her, one for you.  Or use a sleeping bag.  ha ha
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online Whyus

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #29 on: April 11, 2018, 07:46:34 AM »
One of the first Things w done After BD  was Swap our King Size Quilt for 2 Single quilts. That was Evil and chewed me up bigtime...
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

 

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