Author Topic: My Story D&J 4 or 5?  (Read 1349 times)

Offline rsa

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My Story Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #60 on: April 14, 2018, 09:19:14 AM »
I know you cannot control you MLC wife, but please encourage her to hang in there with her current job unless she has another one just a good lined up.  You don't want her to be out of work if she goes down the path of divorce as she could then attempt to burn you for spousal support/alimony.  They get very greedy when they are in MLC.  Mine makes almost as much money as me and wants spousal support.  It defies logic in my mind.  W left the marriage, spends more than she makes because MLC cannot control their spending, and W  wants the responsible one, me that has 100% custody of the kids, to pay spousal support to continue W new lifestyle?  In my mind W is asking to take money away from the kids.  It will be fun watching how this works out in my pending divorce. 
Married 19 years
Together 21 years
M – 51
W (MLC) – 44
D – Now 16 (BD 14)
D – Now 18 (BD 17)
BD1 – Nov 2016 ILYBINILY
EA (OM1) – Nov 2016 to April 2017 (W wanted PA)
BD2 - May 2017 W left without D's
BD3 - July 2017 OM2 (on/off multiple break ups initiated by OM)
Aug 2017 filed for divorce so "I couldn't move away with kids".
March 2018 - Proceeding with divorce.
Ready to move on.

Offline Devastated DadTopic starter

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #61 on: April 16, 2018, 06:45:06 PM »
Update... Job is now forcing me to take a psychological evaluation.  Wife has not been talking with OM, she actually blames him even though we don't know who is making the allegations, but I did catch her creating a profile on a dating website.  So, it appears she has gotten over the OM, but is seeking out another man.  What I have failed to mention is my beautiful wife probably won't be so beautiful much longer.  She has uncontrolled diabetes with blood sugars over 500.  Although she is in her 30's, she is already experiencing some pretty severe pain.  I signed on to take care of her, even if she loses her legs.  My sister says that I am winning the lottery as I won't have to take care of her when shes sick.  My daughter is begging me to move.  Just a few weeks of school left.  My W is still clinging on to me and the house, despite looking for another man.  Am I wrong for wanting her to find another man and move out?  What's really sick to me is her dating profile didn't even mention her kids.

Offline bvFTD

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #62 on: April 16, 2018, 07:15:53 PM »
Dear Devastated Dad:

Everything will be okay. You may not realize it, but your wife disrupting your stable, happy little world traumatized you and your children. I think you have behaved admirably and honorably, but the shocks we have been forced to endure take their toll.

We all know it is your wife who sorely needs mental status testing, but fine, your work is probably a little concerned by your grief and just wants you to get this little routine evaluation over with.

After you get over this little hiccup then you can step back, reevaluate and deal with your wife whom you love so very much. But first, please clear your mind, enjoy your children and nature that is all around you by taking walks without your phone if you can, and be calm and strong.

If your work asks why it appears you haven't been sleeping or have been distracted, please let them know you are very worried about your wife.

Offline bvFTD

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #63 on: April 16, 2018, 08:24:33 PM »
If they want you to take the psych eval because of more allegations and not because you are distracted, exhausted and heartbroken, then you know that someone has embarked on a campaign to assassinate your character. It started with accusations of drug taking then escalated.

I am sure you know which reason it is. I am asking you to please let work know.


Offline Devastated DadTopic starter

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #64 on: April 17, 2018, 04:21:17 AM »
It is at the point that someone is out to destroy me.  My w believes it is the OM and has since stopped talking to him, but I did find her on a dating site, so this tells me she still doesn't want her family.  I guess she is only back living with us for financial reasons, but doesn't appear to have any love for me, which is hard, because some part of me still loves her.  I know she is hurting to some extent also, because she stayed up all night, then went to work.  Maybe she is grieving the loss of the OM, I'm sure its not the loss of me.  I will say everyone who said letting a MLCer come home and live was a mistake, is right.  Everyday is painful as it is a reminder of what is being lost.  The monstering is terrible as well.  There are a few more weeks of school left for the kids, at that point I may try and leave, as I can't take this anymore, serve her an eviction, then sell the house.  She says she wants to live together until the credit cards are paid off.  That would require at least a year, I don't believe I can make it that long, especially through another holiday season at the end of the year, last Christmas almost killed me, literally.

Online Whyus

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #65 on: April 17, 2018, 04:35:08 AM »
Dev, it surely cant be that diffecult to find out who is trying to destroy in this day and age. If you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to fear....
As for your W, im really sorry that she is back home and on Dating sites. She is clearly checked out and still in Replay. Sometimes ending an Affair too quickly can backfire....
I hate that my W is with OM, I hate this guy with such a Passion you cannot imagine!!!! BUT, the thought of them not being together and W being "Single" and out with the happy meal gang is even more sickening. I would rather she had one MLC Affair than 20 One night stands any day...

Stay strong and try and Keep away from your W. She is home now, make the best of the Situation and find a safe Zone/room in the house where you can escape to. Lock it if you have to.. All the best.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Devastated DadTopic starter

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #66 on: April 17, 2018, 05:53:02 AM »
Whyus,
 They won't tell me who the reporter is.  We are pretty sure its the OM.  I am surprised at my W's response toward the OM.  Although she clearly doesn't love me (she is on a dating site), she did care enough to get angry and stop speaking with him thinking he is the one who initiated all this.  I don't have anything to worry about, it's just troublesome to have someone out to get you.  I think my W is more suddenly concerned about the kids.  She knows if I loose my job she will be responsible for taking care of them on her salary, a very difficult task.  Maybe she is more concerned about having to take care of them, I don't know.  I am trying to distance myself from her mentally and physically, but am finding it difficult.  Obviously with her being on a dating site she has no respect for me, but everytime I see her, I see the old W and want to take care of her.  The mentally draining part for me is that I fluctuate back and fourth.  There are times I want to be with her and see her, then there are times I cant stand being around her.  I am all over the place mentally again, but I  am making it to work, which was a nearly impossible task a few weeks back.  I don't see an end in sight either, which is difficult.  I have to wonder how dating will work when the people she wants to date find out she is living at home with me and the kids.

Offline Schratz66

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #67 on: April 17, 2018, 05:58:55 AM »
Have you told her that you know about the dating site?
To me, that would open up a conversation about boundaries and suggesting that she needs to move out.
Clearly she has no interest in you, the kids or your M, so you really are just a free room and board with plenty of spending money.
This is not healthy for your kids at all.
Don't worry about the eval at work or who reported you - could be OM, could even have been your W - who knows.
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Online Thunder

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #68 on: April 17, 2018, 06:35:08 AM »
Isn't it unfair just anyone can make an accusation like that, but you can't be told who did it?
How in the world do you defend yourself from lies. if you know nothing?

Oh well, I'm sure you'll be just fine.  Maybe they can tell you afterwards so this person can get in trouble for lying to them.
I mean look all the time this is wasting for you and them.

I'm kind of the same mind as S66, I'd have to tell her you know about the dating site, even if she Monsters at you (which she does anyway), she will know you know what she is doing....and maybe she'd leave. 
If she gets mad you snooped on her you can just say...yes, I did and this is why.   But that's just me.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline Devastated DadTopic starter

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Re: D&J 4 or 5?
« Reply #69 on: April 17, 2018, 06:45:44 AM »
She is aware that I know about the dating site.  She says were not together, that we are living strictly as friends, so the kids can remain in their schools, keep their friends, and we can pay off the bills.  This is the same thing she said last Nov when she BD'd me.  If you recall she told me last November she would move out by this May and have the bills paid off.  Obviously that has not happened.  When she first made that statement things were hot and heavy with the OM.  She was in love and thought she had found "the one".  She said she was head over heels for him, he was so nice, he listened to her, he was the man of her dreams.  This was the same time that she essentially left me and the kids.  Her things were here, but she wasn't.  I remember asking how she could be so happy, while we were so sad, and she didn't care.  She said horrible terrible things and told me to get over it.  Now, the other show has dropped and she caught the OM in all kinds of lies.  She also realized that she was a booty call and the OM didn't really want any kind of relationship with her.  Then there is what I am going through at work.  She has become sad, can't sleep, and monsters at the kids. She has parked herself here, is pretty clear she doesn't want any kind of relationship with me, but doesn't have any plans to leave.  Now she is saying she will stay until the credit cards are paid off, which will be at least a year.  This is why I feel when the kids are out of school I have to take the leap and move.  Once I am in an apartment maybe I can get an eviction and sell the house.  Maybe I'm looking too far ahead and should go day by day.  I think I should take her at her word that we are done.  When people are done then they can move on right?

 

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