Author Topic: My Story My Spouse Has Moved Out  (Read 184 times)

Offline intown28Topic starter

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My Story My Spouse Has Moved Out
« on: April 16, 2018, 06:11:44 AM »
Starting A new Thread I want to thank you Barbie for the 180 Link you sent me It's really helping me every time I have the Urge.

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

Here is a quote I saw this Morning and wanted to share

(The Mind Replays What The Heart Doesn't Forget.)


Previous thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9888.0
« Last Edit: April 16, 2018, 06:24:04 AM by Thunder »

Online Thunder

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2018, 07:17:03 AM »
Attaching intown.

Reading through your thread I see you said your H got physical with you in August and had to move out.  Then was back in December.
May I ask if you had to make a police report and have him charged at that time?  Also did he need to attain anger management classes and therapy at that time, in order to come back home?
Did they get you some counseling also?

I ask because it's very important that you got yourself some help to understand what DV is.  How to spot abuse and how it escalates.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline seahorse

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2018, 07:26:13 AM »
Welcome to you new thread IT28!
Attaching...
Seahorses have one mate for life...

Offline intown28Topic starter

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2018, 07:48:20 AM »
Yes thunder I had to make a police report and the court ordered him to stay away until December. And I am going through therapy for women who have had domestic violence its a great program and its free for victims... He is also doing anger management he was not ordered to do so but was asked of him so he is doing it willingly.. thanku sea for welcoming me to my new thread

Online Thunder

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2018, 07:51:37 AM »
Ok, that's good to hear, Intown.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline barbiedoll

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2018, 07:00:13 PM »
Intown ..you are welcome for the 180 link. It is very helpful as a guide to follow when trying to communicate  ( or not) with a spouse in some sort of crisis. I printed it off and hung it on my fridge..as a reminder.

I must say Intown that it was very concerning to read that your spouse has been charged with DV 3 separate times and finally ordered out of your home by the courts . This situation is far more serious than MLC in my opinion as it is a serious threat to you and your daughter . It seems you do not really take this as a very serious issue and I really am curious about that . This behaviour is not a deal breaker for you ... but I am wondering what will happen if he becomes violent with you again. When is it intolerable treatment to you ? Do you feel afraid of him?.

In December he was allowed to return to the home ... but he left again in December ? What happened that made him move out again?  Intown, is it true that you attend therapy for domestic violence victims ? Is this weekly? Is it a group or one on one counselling ?   I guess it is a little confusing ..." he is allowed to come to the house , but not reside together " . Is that right now or that ended in December?.

He may well be in MLC that is for sure, but the far bigger issue is safety, the environment your daughter is in and receiving support and therapy for victims of domestic abuse . Certainly this is the priority and I am not trained to provide such important and vital direction about a spouse with anger and violent behavior . Tell me about the counselling or support you get for this issue . I also wonder about his anger management program and if he attends or not. How will you know this issue can be resolved enough to even want a reconciliation ?.

I am very concerned about your situation Intown . MLC and DV is a very dangerous mix . You need to set your highest priority on this more pressing issue of safety , therapy and guidance in making solid decisions.
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

Offline intown28Topic starter

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2018, 01:46:20 PM »
Yes he goes to his anger management every Friday..He came back in dec we went on a week trip then we got back and he moved back to his pad the social worker said we can not reside until june...I also had a argument with him last night he isn't here that much comes to eat or hang a bit but i'm cutting that out ......I don't feel my safety is at risk for D also...I also think he is angry at a lot of stuff he has done...he gets upset when i ask him to many questions but not violent his behaviour over the past couple of years have been really strange ....very moody and he blames everything on me ....he says i drink way to much which maybe in the past I have always having people over but cut lots of that out so now if i get angry with him he thinks i have been drinking and that is not the case at all i will have a vino on the occasion or out at a resto or sometimes on the wkend but that's about it he finds any little thing to use on me...to blame me...i am detaching slowly but surely.....its hard at times

Online Thunder

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2018, 01:54:56 PM »
Well hon, maybe it's a good thing he has to wait.  Gives him time to maybe work some of the anger out of him.  I hope he gets something out of his classes.
MLCer's are volatile enough without getting violent too.

We just want to safe, intown.  As long as you keep talking to us and let us know how things are going so we don't worry about you. 
One thing is if he does get angry, over anything, just stop talking to him.   :-X

Hugs
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline intown28Topic starter

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2018, 02:26:41 PM »
Thanks thunder

Offline barbiedoll

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Re: My Spouse Has Moved Out
« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2018, 07:10:14 PM »
I agree that him staying out of the home until June ( or whenever)  is a very good thing indeed. It gives everyone time to calm down and do some work on themselves. Attending anger classes might be the best thing he can do right now and it certainly cannot hurt . Thank you for explaining your situation . Thunder is 100% correct . MLC men are volatile enough without adding anger issues on top of it . Safety just simply must be the highest priority for both you and your daughter . Continue to post Intown , read all you can and look after YOU.
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

 

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