Author Topic: My Story New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!  (Read 1539 times)

Online FamilyIsMyGoalTopic starter

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My Story New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« on: February 28, 2018, 06:09:21 AM »
This is a link to my previous thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9666.0;all

I saw my H yesterday for the first time since October (he monstered at me so badly, that I couldn't handle seeing him anymore) and he looked really bad.  His hair was weirdly long and he looked like an old man. 
 I had to see him at the lawyers office.  We had a conference with our two lawyers and a divorce "coach".  I'm pretty sure he was stoned on pot and he seemed insane.  He was even insulting and condescending to the lawyers (my lawyer shut that nonsense down quick!).  
He is textbook MLC.  He can't take responsibility for anything.  Everything is everyone else's fault and he is the victim.  
I feel stronger.  Lots and lots of prayer and I am honestly grateful for the pain these past few months, because I am truly beginning to feel a much stronger connection to my Higher Power.  I prayed a ton yesterday before going in.  For healing for all of us.  At one point in the middle of the conference, when others were talking, in my head I was visualizing a healing blue light around all of us - a silent prayer, and he turned and just stared at me.  
When he said he wanted a divorce in August, he was quite euphoric for several months.  That was so incredibly painful for me.  He was really delusional about how great everything is going to be.  Now he is definitely in the depressive phase. When I think how he was just less than a year ago - jeez - the change is unbelievable.  
So I continue to cultivate my own life and my own personal growth.  That's all I can do.  It was a relief to see him doing so poorly honestly.  Maybe that's not so nice of me, but it would have been so much worse for me to see him looking really good, confident and sane.  I will continue to pray and to be good to myself.  This is some journey!
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Physically separated - he's 15 miles away
Two Teenage boys
Me: 54
H 58
OW? I don't know - probably plural

Offline MCSINME

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2018, 06:14:50 AM »
FMIG:
Great posting for a new thread.
The power of prayer is amazing.
It seems as H is progressing through his tunnel, maybe even hit rock bottom?  Who knows?
I understand how it would make you feel better to see him struggling than doing well because it makes you realize how broken they really are, and that life isn't all that great without you.
Keep doing what you're doing and working on you.
Hugs  MCS

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2018, 06:37:48 AM »
Following along - it is pretty telling when our Mid-Lifers go to hades in a handbasket and look like 10 miles of Bad Road that all is not well in schmoopie land... 
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Schratz66

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2018, 11:42:28 AM »
Hey Fam,
Following you along. I was thinking about you all day yesterday and hoped you would be okay.
I think it helps to see how even physically they look different when their mind is off their rocker.
Isn't it sad how a year ago our lives and our H were so different ? Like what the heck happened.
You do sound amazingly strong and like you have found your groove.
Hugs
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Online FamilyIsMyGoalTopic starter

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2018, 06:13:35 AM »
Thanks so much everyone!  
Just an fyi as to how deep in the tunnel he is; he's blowing off the kids this weekend because he's flying out to Denver to get involved in a medicinal pot business.  That's what he wants to grow up to be.  A pot salesman.  And if all goes as he wants, he will be spending a significant time in Denver which is 3 time zones away.  So much for the kids I guess...
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Physically separated - he's 15 miles away
Two Teenage boys
Me: 54
H 58
OW? I don't know - probably plural

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2018, 06:47:59 AM »
Thanks so much everyone!  
Just an fyi as to how deep in the tunnel he is; he's blowing off the kids this weekend because he's flying out to Denver to get involved in a medicinal pot business.  That's what he wants to grow up to be.  A pot salesman.  And if all goes as he wants, he will be spending a significant time in Denver which is 3 time zones away.  So much for the kids I guess...

"Medicinal Pot"... In Denver.... where pot is now legal... 



Nothing "medicinal" about it.... Going back to Wayne's World times... 
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online nah

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2018, 06:56:31 AM »
A pot salesman.  

Cool.  A sixty-yr-old pot salesman.  

The Leaver and I quit drugs in the late eighties.  Last year he told me he tried "edibles", I thought he was talking about underwear as I'm so removed from that scene now, nope.... pot.

WTF??  :o
H-53
me-51
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher

Offline Schratz66

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2018, 07:10:36 AM »
Wow - his life dream - a pot salesman
How old is he again ?
Bless your heart Fam, I can only shake my head.
Thankfully the kids have you
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline MCSINME

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2018, 08:21:27 PM »
FIMG:
Following.  Amazing the things they do...
MCS

Online FamilyIsMyGoalTopic starter

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Re: New Thread: He is deep in the tunnel but I'm getting stronger!
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2018, 06:28:52 AM »
Yay! I'm back!  We lost power for about five days after a winter storm. I did learn a lot about generators and how they not only need gas, but oil as well!  Who knew?  H used to take care of all that stuff, but not a word from him.  As I mentioned he is off in Denver on some pot investment/job, etc.  Not once did he check in with me.  He could have checked in with the boys, not sure.  Anyway, it all served to build my confidence that we can survive just fine without him.  I was really grateful to friends and neighbors who all offered to help in a variety of ways.  About half my town had some sort of power, and the other half didn't.  We have another storm coming tonight - but I am prepared!

His indifference really freaks me out.  Sometimes it's hatred, sometimes it's indifference. Sometimes it's a bit of caring.  Idk. The abrupt change is really hard to comprehend.  I know I keep bringing this up, but I just can't wrap my head around it yet.  I guess I have to give myself time and space and just focus on what's in front of me.  My mind keeps wandering back to that though.

Well, I'm just glad to be back and I really missed you all!
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Physically separated - he's 15 miles away
Two Teenage boys
Me: 54
H 58
OW? I don't know - probably plural

 

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