StillBaffled, I totally agree with you. This is the safest place and I get the best support here. Nobody understands like you guys. My friends are absolutely wonderful, but it's great to have a team of us going through this supporting each other.
Silver, Thanks, for me I think exercise and crying is best . There's a place I can walk where I'm usually the only one and I walk and cry and pray for an hour. That was really my most cathartic time last fall. The weather has been difficult, but I should be able to do that again. Thanks for your support. Honestly, it does mean a lot coming from the male species when my H has painted me as too horrible to have to live with.
As usual Schratz, your gentle loving support is so healing! And I love that you're getting mad at my H! Why is it so hard for us to get mad at our own H's? "He is getting what he wants, destroying people on the way and then does not even have the decency to show up sober and clear headed the few times that serious issues regarding kids have to be discussed?" I mean, right?!!! But sometimes it's hard for me to see. I make tons of excuses for him in my head. Plus somehow figure it's my fault. I must be so awful, etc. I'm so sick of internalizing that crap.
FearNot, thank you again for your support. I love that I can count on my peeps. Screaming in my car is another good one! Lol, I do live in the country where everyone has a gun, so I have to be careful! I don't know Rage Against the Machine, but I might have to start listening to that when I walk.
It's a rough road, but it is eye opening. In limbo, I got to deny to myself that my H has some real problems, whether MLC, substance abuse, mental disorder or whatever. But seeing him face off against lawyers, psychologists, etc with his craziness really makes me go hmmmmm.....
Debra McCleod says that most MLCers do eventually come to their senses, but the ones who don't tend to be the ones with previous narcissistic tendencies. And the thing with the not providing a home for his boys sort of speaks to that. He has always assumed if he is feeling something, then everyone must be feeling it and gets upset when others don't jump on whatever bandwagon he's on.
I don't know though, everything feels like opposite world now. I guess in several years I will be able to unravel this all better. But for right now, I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other in the best direction I can figure out. I pray a lot for guidance and I am grateful for that. You all are awesome and thanks for cheering me on!