Author Topic: My Story Snuff 2  (Read 1817 times)

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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My Story Snuff 2
« on: February 28, 2018, 07:06:00 PM »
      This is like the 3rd or 4th time i have started this thread this week. Heres hoping it works.


Previous thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9583.0
« Last Edit: March 01, 2018, 03:57:48 AM by Thunder »

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2018, 08:00:52 PM »
   It worked!!!!

    It has been a very long week. Last wednesday evening d13 and i were sitting at the table talking about depression. We both have it. She acknowledged that the coward has it but also thinks that he is just a d!ck. Her words. 
       She then opened up to me about something she was hiding. She doesnt open up very much and i let her do this at her own pace. She told me that after the parenting time assessments were over she almost committed suicide. I was at work and s20 wasnt home yet. She wrote a note and was going to drown herself in tbe bathtub. I always thought that after the cutting this was a possibility but having her actually say it took the breathe right out of me. I asked what stopped her. She said that she realised that it wasnt the answer. Thank you god. She made me promise not to tell anyone. I think that she doesnt want to disappoint anyone especially her brothers. I told her that she is a beautiful, smart, talented, caring, kind and amazing young woman. Nothing she could ever say or do would make me not love her or walk away from her. If she needs me, im there. No matter where i am or what im doing she is top priority. She cried. I asked her if she needed to hear that. She said yes.
      I did talk to my best friend and my sister about it. I had to. I need to handle this in the best possible way. I need help keeping an eye on her.  My best friend told me that she knows all that but reassuring was good. She has trust and abandonment issues. She needs to hear it from someone else though. Someone else being the coward. She told me that maybe i should let him know. I cant. He doesnt care. He would just do what he did when she td him she was cutting berself. Run. Its to much guilt for him. I will let him keep walking around happy and blissfully unaware and believing in his own warped mind that he is a good dad. How sad. As for me, i will carry d13 for as long as she needs me to. I have enough strength for both of us as well as my boys.
      The coward did come for his visitation this past sunday. First time in a month. He was on time but only spent 3.5 hours with her.  I noticed he pulled up closer to the house this time. He hasnt done that in a long time. Its funny what you notice. Just before all this blew up he started filing his nails. He has always been a nailbiter. D13 daid he bought emery boards for his nails. I have never known any guys that filed their nails. Maybe its just the kind of guys i grew up with but still weird to me.
      He never texts her or calls during the week until sunday just before he picks her up to askif he is picking her up. He blew up her phone a couple of times when he wasnt seeing her. She said that he wanted to know if she was okay and if everyine else wad alright. He didnt specify who everyone was, just said everyone. I thought that was interesting. She told me that on valentines day he texted her"Happy Valentine's day. Your father loves you". That wasnt him. I think we all know who it was. He doesnt talk like that.
      She told me that during their visit sunday he apologized if the divorce caused her any depression or anything. I asked her if the apology was heartfelt. She said it was empty. I asked her if he seemed happy. She said that it seemed that he is trying real hard to hide that he is upset. 
       This probably all means nothing but it does get your mind thinking.

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2018, 08:37:11 PM »
BR - so hard to have to hear something like that from anybody.  I can't imagine how you felt hearing it from your lovely D.  Does your D have a counselor or therapist she can talk to?  I know you'll do the best you can for her, BR.  Sending support.  
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline Treasur

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2018, 02:04:48 AM »
Bluerose - I've had suicidal thoughts at times on this horrible path and the first thing that struck me was how brave of your D to tell you and how much she must trust your love and wisdom to tell you. Often, voicing these dark things - and feeling truly heard - is a healthy bit of sunlight. When I did it, it was odd...it made it more 'normal' in a good way, less scary to just tell someone. It must have been tremendously hard for you to hear but it sounds as if you are supporting your D well.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Whyus

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2018, 02:14:44 AM »
Bluerose - I've had suicidal thoughts at times on this horrible path

I think most of us have had such thoughts if we are honest, even if only for a short time. I found my selfish sat on my motorbike at a railroad crossing at 2 in the morning watching the Trains go by. If I didnt have my Boys faces in my head at that time I may not have made it home. IDK, BD and discovering a PA is the absolut worst Thing !!

Your D really is a hero for talking to you about this blue...
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2018, 03:52:04 AM »
      Still,
       It was very hard to hear. This kid has had to take to much and unfortunately i can only protect her from so much. I cant control what he subjects her to. Yes, she does have a counselor. 

 Treasure,
        She is very brave. I think that it would be difficult to admit that about yourself to some one. I think most people especially in our teenage years have like that.

  Whyus,
       I had suicidal thoughts as a teenager but during i think i have prayed to god just to take me instead of thinking about doing it to myself. You know how much your kids need you through this so how could you abanfon them in that way. It would be selfish and your not.

Online Thunder

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2018, 04:11:16 AM »
Blue,  13 is a very vulnerable age.  Teens are dramatic by nature anyway, then toss in this mess and it can be overwhelming for them.

My 13 year old granddaughter went trough the same thing after her parents divorced.  First the cutting, then she apparently had been journaling about suicide.  One of her close friends went to my dil and told her, thank God.
They took her to a crisis center for teens and she got a lot of help and counseling, even family counseling.
The doctor there told my son almost all the kids in there were between 13 and 15.

I know you're there for her Rose, but you may want to look into some counseling for her too, just to sort herself out.
She's going to be dealing with her dad for a long time.
Big hug to you, Rose.  You're a good mom.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2018, 04:17:14 AM »
     Thank you Thunder. She does have a counselor that she seems to like very much. 13 is a hard age but so is 45. 

Online Thunder

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2018, 04:31:32 AM »
Ha ha, yes it is.

I'm glad to hear she has a counselor.  : )
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline Schratz66

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2018, 09:43:04 AM »
Blue,
I was suicidal when my father left when I was 14 and chose not to have any contact with me or my brother. He turned down any visitation rights in the divorce, and so I not only lost my dad but his parents followed suit with not wanting any more contact with my brother and I. My mother started drinking excessively and I was in charge of running the household. I did not want to live any more, so I understand where your D is at.
Let me give a ton of respect to your daughter for confiding in you - that took a lot of guts on her part and you handling the situation was simply amazing.
Unfortunately you cannot make her dad care or be concerned, but I think she will be okay as long as she knows you are there for her and that you love her unconditionally. Just keep reassuring her that we go through tough times but they don't last and that she will love life again.
She is so lucky to have you
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

 

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