Author Topic: My Story My story isn't over yet!  (Read 1575 times)

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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My Story My story isn't over yet!
« on: March 12, 2018, 08:21:11 PM »
Welcome to my new thread! This is the song that I have been listening to lately, once again, not everybody's genre but it speaks to me! Warning it's long :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvjph0gOKO4

I chose the line for my title from the lyrics of the song, because my story isn't over yet! Really, it's only the beginning, because the marriage I once had is no longer. And the man I love is no longer, that man, but the ending hasn't been written yet. I don't know how this will turn out, but I do know that I am stronger than I was a couple months ago. My faith has grown tenfold and I have already experienced some of the good things that this has brought, along with the heartache. Often when I listen to this song, I think of it as a prayer. My SIL sent it to me on one of my rough days!!

Thank you all for the support on my last thread!

Link to previous thread http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9789.0


Thunder-"If he wants to get a D, just do absolutely nothing to help him.  Nothing!  But prepare yourself."  This is absolutely my plan!!

If-  "Now looking back I think I moved too fast and even with just an agreement I can tell h thinks that is permanent!  Once h got that in his head - he feels free to do what he wants. That’s just my opinion and the way I’m seeing things.  I listened to everyone who kept giving me horror stories on the worst that could happen financially- but I think I could have protected myself better with a few smart moves and waiting it out.  My lawyer was not pro marriage and I’m glad you will be speaking to one that may be. " - Thank you for sharing your experience. I do feel that it is a bit of a gamble. I feel like if I drag my heels a little on this, it will buy me time. H will be getting very busy with work shortly and be away a lot. He won't have the time to put much effort into this for a few months and that will just benefit me.

"I see FN being presented with similar challenges to me and I want to protect her like she was my daughter lol - trying to give her a fighting chance for a future with her h. Not that I do not think you are capable FN - I think you are doing an amazing job with your actions and your GAL! I’m just letting you know what happened to me in case you wish to do the opposite for better results - although nothing is guaranteed. I too am a better person since this has happened so God works in mysterious ways." - Thank you so much for this! I can't even express what I felt when I read this. God does work in mysterious ways, cuz he brought you too my thread  :) I am truly blessed to have cyber friends that care this much!! Big Hugs!

Family- It always helps to hear what others have been through and try to learn from it. There is no right or wrong here, just trying to make the best decisions we can for ourselves. It helps to hear that others felt the same pressure that H is putting on me. Thank you for sharing.

Treasur- some things I pick up quick, other things... not so much. Lol!! I'm trying though, and there has been such a wealth of knowledge shared on here as well as your own thread!!

Update

I had my half hour phone consult today and I think it went pretty well. The lady I spoke with was very upfront about the reality of the situation, finances etc and gave me some good information. Her opinion is too let him file as well, ride it out. Although if certain things happen, like not paying bills etc. or massive spending that it would be time to put the wheels in motion. She said mediation is a possibility but that I want to be sure that I have legal counsel before agreeing to any of it. Even though H thinks it's very simple (just deal with the house) it is far from that. There are many factors that come into play. I felt good about talking to her,  and am glad that she is not pushy at all about retaining her, and filing for D.  It certainly brought up some emotions. I never thought that is a conversation I would ever have to have, let alone the ones that might follow. But the reality of the situation is, it could very well happen. It was a bit of a rough day thinking about that, but like my title says... my story isn't over yet!

Thank you all for for the positive support about my convo with H, even though R talk isn't suggested. Thank you all for the candidness about what you have experienced about dealing with separation and D and your thoughts in the aftermath, on both my thread and your own.

Hugs and Prayers
FN
« Last Edit: March 12, 2018, 08:24:26 PM by FearNot »
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Thunder

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2018, 09:58:34 PM »
What a beautiful song, FearNot.

Attaching.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline If_only

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2018, 11:04:25 PM »
Attaching and always supporting!

Online sampsed

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2018, 04:20:21 AM »
Still following your story. You are doing well. Keep your chin up
https://affaircare.com/the-180/

No matter what....find a positive...no matter how small it is there is always a positive.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out same day to be with OW (EA become PA approx. 2 mos prior)
BY 1966
H BY 1966
Married 32.5 years
Together 35 years
D - 1989 Married with 2 children, living locally
S -  1991 Professional School living across Country  - Still relies on us for support
3 Dogs - 1 was his baby that he left behind
Standing
No legal action yet
3/5/18 OW moved to another State  H moved in with F  
3/19/18  H moved home and is living in spare room  Reason:  Wasn't happy living with F and had an urge to want to be Home.  OW moved out of State.  They are still communicating.

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2018, 04:15:31 PM »
Thank you Thunder, If and samsed!!

Today was a good day! A busy one but good. Work is getting really busy for me, which is a good distraction. I am going to wait until the end of March and see what comes of H's situation. See if actually moves out of our buddy's place. I am good with the information I received yesterday and am going to keep as a tool in my toolbox. As of right now, I am not going to file for separation, as I feel that might cause him to think that I am on board with his decision to separate and eventually pursue divorce.

Off to get some work done!!

Hugs N Prayers
FN!
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Kitty

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2018, 07:35:18 PM »
Tagging along FN. You sound like you've got your ducks in a row. I'm still curious to see if your H moves back in despite it being awkward. Hugs!
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 - Legal separation signed, and I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Online sampsed

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2018, 08:19:18 AM »
Hoping today is another good day for you!  Take care of you!
https://affaircare.com/the-180/

No matter what....find a positive...no matter how small it is there is always a positive.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out same day to be with OW (EA become PA approx. 2 mos prior)
BY 1966
H BY 1966
Married 32.5 years
Together 35 years
D - 1989 Married with 2 children, living locally
S -  1991 Professional School living across Country  - Still relies on us for support
3 Dogs - 1 was his baby that he left behind
Standing
No legal action yet
3/5/18 OW moved to another State  H moved in with F  
3/19/18  H moved home and is living in spare room  Reason:  Wasn't happy living with F and had an urge to want to be Home.  OW moved out of State.  They are still communicating.

Offline If_only

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2018, 09:15:14 AM »
Keep up the good work FearNot!  I just read once again from one of the blogs of a MLC expert to keep your house no matter what if possible and offer him a room - just like you have done!!
I guess financial considerations must be kept in mind as well though,   Anyways sending support to you!
Hugs: IF
« Last Edit: March 15, 2018, 09:45:20 AM by If_only »

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2018, 07:31:56 AM »
Hey Peeps!

Quick update! The week has been a busy one putting in OT! I had messaged H on Monday as I needed some account information regarding a bill to be paid. I finally managed to convince the company to provide what I needed so that I could set it up for online banking, when I didn't hear back from him. Yesterday afternoon, I had come to the conclusion that he had  left the "couples" app that we use. Lo and behold, 3 days later, he actually answered. Told me that he didn't get the message until then  :o. Okaaay?!?!?  But yet again, I got caught in making an assumption, and was wrong! Still working on that! We had a casual chat about how our days were going and that was that. I'm good with that. At least it wasn't the spewing that I have mainly received  :)

I had a visit with SIL...more about that later.

Today, I am working a half day, then heading with a friend to a fundraiser at an NHL game tonight. It's for woman, includes dinner, champs, guest speaker and the hockey game. It should be a good time!! Looking forward to a little road trip . Hope everyone is doing ok. I think of you all often throughout the day, but haven't really had a chance to pop on and see what's up! Much love and big hugs. Hope you all have a good weekend, and I'm going to try catch up on everyone later this weekend.

Hugs N Prayers, FN
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Kitty

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2018, 07:59:11 AM »
Enjoy your ladies night FN. I only watch hockey when my N9 is playing it, although I might have to pay more attention since it seems he is really getting into it. ;D
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 - Legal separation signed, and I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

 

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