Author Topic: My Story My story isn't over yet!  (Read 1618 times)

Offline Kitty

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My Story Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #20 on: March 22, 2018, 08:49:18 AM »
Glad to hear you had a positive chat with your H, FN. You handled the interaction fantastically. Take the good days as they come, and keep kicking butt. ;D
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 - Legal separation signed, and I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2018, 11:54:22 AM »
Hey my HS Peeps! This week has flown by and I haven't had much of a chance to be on here. I miss it!

Glad to hear you had a positive chat with your H, FN. You handled the interaction fantastically. Take the good days as they come, and keep kicking butt. ;D
Thank you Kitty your support is always appreciated!

Good for you FearNot!  You kept your composure, your cool and I'm sure your emotions were roiling.  It is extra hard when our old H returns and it feels like old times.  For me that's the most difficult to recover from.    With my marriage there was a lot of negative stuff going on as well as the positive so it's different. But it sounds like you are on the right track. 
I was kind of taken off guard by it, as I am more prepared to deal with the H I don't know, then the one I do!! I was a little surprised by the mixed emotions I felt from it. I always thought I would just be happy if I could just see some of the old H.

It's interesting, my H has never really talked at all in depth about his father.  But from what everyone says he was a real jerk.  And he died when my H was around 30.  You would think after all this time, H would have learned to forgive him and have some compassion or something, but he just says negative things about him. Which leads me to believe there was a lot more going on than I ever realized.  I find it so strange when people are not willing to talk about stuff and really come to terms with FOO issues.
Forgiveness is a tough thing. It took me a long time to forgive my Dad after he passed away, for the issues from childhood. It was a long tough road, but I'm glad I made it. I don't get why people won't talk either, but it seems to be the norm. It certainly doesn't benefit them in the long run!!

I'm so glad your work is busy and you're getting the big bucks!  More trips to Mexico, maybe?  8)  Yay!  You sound great xoxox
I hope so and thanks Family!


Hello FN. I'm continuously surprised by the information and encouragement coming from my SIL. She has filled me in on more and more of their childhood which is making so much sense to me now. I know that W has not dealt with any of that as she never brings it up. She's never wanted to discuss anything other than, "my father was an abusive @$$hole" and that is that. It's certainly nice that you have reassurance from H's family. We know it's not us. But it's still nice to hear, right?
I couldn't agree more. Yes it is nice to hear for SIL and have her support and encouragement, especially when the rest of the family seems to have written me off for the moment. I kinda feels like grade school in a way... I can't be friends with you, because your friends with blah, blah, blah. I know it's more complicated that, but it "feels" like that to some degree. That's awesome that you are receiving support from your SIL as well!


FN,

Hope things work out and H comes home.  Saying my prayers!!

My H is trying a trial return home right now.  It is a different type of stress and anxiety right now.  I am the one walking on egg shells but that is my choice for now.  I am working on my confidence given the change of events that brought him home. Caught up on your thread! SO happy for you and proud of you. You're doing awesome.

Start to mentally prepare yourself in case he does come home....also in case he doesn't. I think I am more mentally prepared for the not coming home, than for the coming home. I actually try to not really think about it. If it happens, God will give me what I need to figure it out, not without struggle I'm sure though.



Update

Not much to report really. Still working like mad. Haven't had a chance to spend much time here, or really think much about my situation. I did remove myself from our joint Auto insurance policy, as H requested. Texted to let him know it was done, and he said thanks. That's about all that's happened with him this week. I have finally received what I need for him to do my taxes, but I haven't let him know that yet. Not sure why I'm stalling. (Ok truthfully, probably because it's the only reason I have to contact him, and I don't want to use it up right away.) :-[ Planning to catch up with more of you on the weekend! So many new threads!!

Hugs N Prayers
FN
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #22 on: March 28, 2018, 11:18:28 AM »
So today H messaged that he was coming to pick up the package he received on the weekend. He was going to be at the house this morning while I was at work. ( Not sure why he wasn't going to be at work). According to our handy dandy alarm app (now being used to my advantage  ::))the house was disarmed at 9:20 AM. He opened the garage door at 9:25 and closed it right away. At 9:30 the front door is opened and closed right away. Then at 10:30 the door is opened and closed right away. He leaves at 11. I have know idea who or if he really let anyone in and I am trying really hard not to make assumptions about this ( I really am trying 1P  :).) But my monkey brain is creating a number of scenarios on who exactly he let into our house and what transpired.  :o. I have been saying my prayers... I really don't want to go home and find any evidence that he had the OW in our house for a rendezvous.

He then messaged to comment on the stew recipe I left on the counter!?!? I messaged back saying "Yup looking forward to trying it. Got everything you needed this morning?" Haven't received a reply.

Just needed to vent.
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Schratz66

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #23 on: March 28, 2018, 11:46:05 AM »
Hmm...that is odd, but I wouldn't waste my time on figuring out who or what was there.
Maybe he just stepped outside for something and came back in. Do not assume that the OW was at your house until you have concrete proof. It's not worth your peace of mind fear.
But, I am glad he had time to check around and notice a stew recipe :)
Loved your reply to that

 
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Kitty

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #24 on: March 28, 2018, 12:25:28 PM »
This is where I'm kind of happy I'm the one that moved out. It's bad enough to know Grumpy has had the OW at the house since I left. But I think if I had to think about him bringing her to the house and he had moved out and I stayed...



It's best not to assume anything FearNot. If it bothers you that much, maybe you should get a nanny cam or something. And your comment to his message about the stew recipe on the counter was good.

Stay strong FearNot!
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 - Legal separation signed, and I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #25 on: March 28, 2018, 04:43:49 PM »
Thanks S66 and Kitty! You are both right that it's not worth the peace of mind. No point really in a camera, those are images that I just don't want to see! Lol! Still no reply on my message  ::). Love the meme Kitty! It was absolutely perfect!! I needed that!

There wasn't any clues besides my slippers being moved at the front door so someone could put their shoes on the rug and new fingerprints on the glass kitchen table. My next best guess is that he perhaps had a realtor in for an appraisal but I don't know that for sure. It certainly doesn't look like anything else transpired. A few more clothes are gone from the closet, but that's it. Everything else is in it's a place (bit of a neat freak, so easy to tell if things were moved).  :)

Guess I'll see if he ever answers the text.

Time to let it go and let God and get some more work done.
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline If_only

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #26 on: March 28, 2018, 10:07:50 PM »
FN. -  every time I see a new post on your thread, I am always hopeful.   Hopefully, he didn’t get a realtor in but they do some very underhanded stuff you would never expect since you knew them in their past life. This is a whole - not-so-whole- different person.
I’m sure you will hear something soon.

Hugs
If
« Last Edit: March 28, 2018, 10:08:52 PM by If_only »

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #27 on: March 29, 2018, 09:24:44 AM »
So he did bring a realtor in for an appraisal as per his return text this morning. I replied " I figured as much. Any particular reason you felt I shouldn't be included in that?"

H response " Because you specifically told me that you didn't want to be involved and I have to do everything. I've been trying to get you to participate  but you have been adamant about me having to do all the work. That is why"

I have yet to respond. As a typical MLC'er he has skewed what I said to meet his needs. I haven't come up with a way to explain to this to him that he would get. Yes I told him it was up to him, but being shady, knowing full well why H was going to the house, was just a d@ck move. Does he not realize that I would have to be involved with selling the house? That because I put it back on him, he therefore no longer needs to communicate what he is doing regarding it? Childish!
 
Grrrr. Any advice or wisdom is welcome. I'm waiting to respond.
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline If_only

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #28 on: March 29, 2018, 09:48:52 AM »
FN that is what my h did in the beginning and I ended up signing over to him which I do believe was not a great move. I hope someone with some knowledge can help you with your response as actually you don’t have to sell unless specified by a separation or  divorce agreement I do not think.   I wouldn’t want to say that either as it may push him to get that done. If you can financially hold on to the house yourself - that would be great!  He may be able to force the sale eventually but it gives you TIME for now.  They always think they know what hey want but if you go along with it - it just lets him withdraw quicker in my view.

Good luck and Big Hugs : IF
« Last Edit: March 29, 2018, 09:49:54 AM by If_only »

Offline Schratz66

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Re: My story isn't over yet!
« Reply #29 on: March 29, 2018, 10:15:00 AM »
Well, at least it wasn't the OW - sorry, Fear - just trying to see the bright side in this mess.

I would wait a day and then if you still need to reply, just say, "I think I would like to be involved in the sale of the house as I need to protect my financial interests. I apologize if there was some confusion about that"

Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

 

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