Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses

Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: Milly on May 10, 2018, 12:40:26 PM

Title: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 10, 2018, 12:40:26 PM
Hello all and welcome to my new thread. BD this month 4 years ago. I never thought I'd still be here 4 years later. I thought if I could make it through 1 year, I'd be all better. And yet 1 year seemed like millions of months away. These 4 years passed fairly quickly. I'm going to say for newbies reading, that you sort of get into a rhythm, and life goes on.

Recap:
Married 1989, together 4 years before that.  3 kids: D23, D20, S13
H started becoming horrible about 5 years before BD.
I didn't know what was wrong with him. I knew it was a mental problem but was looking up psychopath. He had withdrawn from us, no longer spending time with us at the weekends, going out with his buddies drinking, became very angry, scary angry, anything would have him shouting his head off. I was scared, so were the girls.

He lost his F, with whom he had a bad relationship, 5 years before BD, then his M the following year, and then his sister 7 months before BD. 2 years before BD, our oldest D went off to school. I think my H really suffered when D went away, and that's when the EA started.  I believe it became PA soon after his sister died.

H is still with the alienator although they live in different countries so they don't live together. They take turns going to each other's country. H is still in replay but beginning to bear the consequences of his bad decisions and over spending. I am suing him for not having paid us maintenance since July 2015. He has many debts and continuous to add to them by living a crazy, single man's life.

Close friends of both of us have told me recently that he often cries in front of them. He's crying because he feels life has been unfair to him. He complains to them and me that he has nothing. He means no money. He has been awful monster again lately and used the threat of D as a means to upset me.

None of my kids like the OW. D23 is the one who is closest to H, D20 refuses to speak to her dad since he and OW are suing her and me for an event last August. (news on this to follow).

S13 hardly sees his dad. H comes and goes out of S's life. Sometimes he contacts and takes him out to dinner, maybe once a month, then S doesn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. We never know if he's in our country or gone.

I sold our family home and business last October. I now live in a small rental in Florence with S13. I have started working for the new owner of my old business.

Gosh, I was planning on making it a quick update. Sorry.
I'll post this and the links and then tell you my news.

Previous thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9885.0
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: serenity on May 10, 2018, 01:44:06 PM
Hello Milly

Welcome to your new thread.

Sadly your story has many similarities to mine. My H started changing about 4 years before BD. It’s hard to witness and of course we haven’t a clue at that stage what’s going on!

It took me quite a while to cotton on it really wasn’t about me at all!

I have huge regrets about not going after my H with a solicitor over finances. I was very foolish and lost so much!

Hugs

X

Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 10, 2018, 03:02:11 PM
Hi Serenity, thanks for joining my new thread and I'm sorry you lost out financially. I think we all lost in this way, some more and some less. It hurts to reach this point in life and not have financial security or what we should have had after all the years of hard work and sacrifice.

So, I feel I might have raised all your expectations and you might be thinking I've either won the lottery or found the new love of my life. I wish (the latter)! No, it's simpler than that.

So earlier today, at lunch time, I posted on other threads but didn't want to write on my own for fear of jinxing myself. At 3pm I went to an auction. This is the 4th auction I've been involved with and they never went right for me.

I met up with the auction agent half an hour before the auction and she told me to be prepared to bid quite a bit, that the property market is moving up rapidly and there is a rush to buy at auction, so much so that it's reaching regular retail prices.

I know this is true, as this has been the problem in the previous auctions. Today, I was resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be buying anything. The previous times, I had a bottle of prosecco in the fridge all ready for my purchase. I'd shown everyone photos and had planned the furniture. This time I convinced myself that I didn't even want the place and unless it went for it's base price, I wasn't going to bid at all.

I have to say that I am worried that the house market is turning here and I did sell at the bottom of the market. I feel this need to buy at the bottom too otherwise the money I made on the sale of my home and business will be worth very little.

So I go into the auction hall, there are a few people, but not a lot. 12 properties were being sold at 3pm. I told the auction agent that there weren't even 12 buyers present. When I went to visit the property, half the village had turned up to view it, which had worried me.

We're sitting there and the solicitor running the auction calls out my name and asks me if the base price is ok for me. I say yes. He knocks the thing and tells me it's mine. That's it! 5 minutes and I'd bought myself a property (albeit a little one), mortgage free, in a very desirable location, at way under the market value! I can't believe it!

I didn't expect to get it at all. Neither did the agent. She told me to prepare myself for the price to double and to buy it anyway. She is 44 and also has a broken marriage. She told me she lost absolutely everything 4 years ago. This is a fairly new career for her and I'm her first full client that she's followed from scratch so she was so excited. I took her out to a lovely bar in the center of Florence for a Prosecco to celebrate.

I can't believe I was given this opportunity. I feel so empowered. I feel like I earned this, which I did I know, but this is a biggy and it's all mine, in that I own it and it's all due to my credit. No one can take it away from me.

The apartment is in the village where my old house and business is. I intend to rent it out to tourists on a weekly basis and then I'm going to take out a small mortgage and buy something else.

I have this sensation that my life is going to change in a big way in the next 5 years. This frees me up to make choices that are not long term. I don't need to buy the house for grandchildren right now. I can play around as if I were young and un-attached. All I need for now is enough room for me, S13, and my Ds when they visit.

S13 went home after school by himself, quite a long trek, bus then tram. He sent me a message at 3.30pm in English: what append? I hadn't realized that he had had expectations of the auction.  I had barely mentioned it because I hadn't wanted to disappoint him again.

I couldn't wait to get home to tell him. He was asleep when I arrived because he is a little sick. When he woke up I told him. I saw his face lift. He hasn't seen it and asked me to describe it. I said to him 'When I won this auction I felt like.....' and he finished my sentence, 'you succeeded.' I said, yes. He was so happy.

When I walked out of the auction room, I thought of H and what a miserable, lonely, sad man he's become. My MIL once said about a truck driver who honked at her for driving badly, that he was dust to the wind. She meant he was long gone in the distance and she couldn't care less what he thought. Today I thought of my H as being so far behind me. It felt good. That Karma bus, as they keep telling us, has already left the station. Today I felt it found its way across the ocean and up a windy road to the top of a hill in Tuscany.

Today was a great day for my family.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Strongcurrent on May 10, 2018, 06:03:59 PM
Lovely post Milly - congratulations your are paving your way forward for you and your children - congratulations !

SC x
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: stillbaffled on May 10, 2018, 08:22:18 PM
Awesome news,  Milly!   ;D

I wish I could see pictures - I'm happy for you and the kids.   You must be on cloud nine!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Upintheair on May 10, 2018, 11:04:46 PM
Milly, it was very pleasant to read your update! Congrats! Path to a new bright light, I am happy for you :) !
Upintheair
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Whyus on May 10, 2018, 11:20:07 PM
Great News Milly, im so Happy for you..... i may be interested in a week in 2019 if its ready.
Things are looking up
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: CanLetGo on May 11, 2018, 12:48:02 AM
Great news Milly, so very happy for you, go girl!!! x
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Keep believing on May 11, 2018, 01:48:02 AM
Milly, i felt your excitement. Its great news. As for your recap, its exactly mine.  These hs just wont go there.( liminiality) .  Now ,i just want to you to be careful. Can your h claim your new property if you get d? Believe me , i hate d but sometimes you need to protect your assets.  Talk to someone to keep it secure for you especially if it will double in price!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Treasur on May 11, 2018, 03:45:11 AM
Lovely news, Milly - is it to live in or just as a rental for income?
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Acorn on May 11, 2018, 04:16:35 AM
I’m grinning from ear to ear about the fantastic news re the auction! 
Now that you have this property for rental, I might even consider a trip your way.  Always loved Tuscany...

Keep Believing brings up an important legal point.  Your H is broke, out of his mind and under the influence of a master manipulator.  Nothing is sacred in their eyes.  Just make sure they can never ever put their dirty little paws on YOUR property!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Antigone on May 11, 2018, 04:28:29 AM
Totally exciting!
Very happy & proud of you.
A new place for your new life.
I actually feel giggly. Evviva!!!
Antigone

Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: dogwalker on May 11, 2018, 04:33:43 AM
Fantastic new Milly. I have followed your storys since I "joined" 2.5 years ago. Its sooooooo nice to hear the sun is shineing on you and it all down to you. The best of luck in your new home.. 
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: No expectations on May 11, 2018, 04:40:20 AM
Oh, what a wonderful update.! As you know, I don't get on here much right now, but I'm so so happy to read your news! What a feeling of accomplishment. You did this all by yourself! Leave h to his tears, and just keep doing you. You do it wonderfully ;)
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: forthetrees on May 11, 2018, 05:47:29 AM
Woot Woot. Love the idea of prosecco for its bubbles and the light and bubbly feeling this must bring to you and yours. Nothing like financial security to serve as a comforting blanket. The Universe is spinning in your favor!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: FamilyIsMyGoal on May 11, 2018, 06:07:50 AM
This is great news!  Fantastic!  And like many others here, I'm thinking about visiting.   :D  Are you going to put it on Airbnb?  Good luck with everything.xoxo
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: 1trouble on May 11, 2018, 02:25:20 PM
Milly I am so happy to read your update


I can't believe I was given this opportunity. I feel so empowered. I feel like I earned this, which I did I know, but this is a biggy and it's all mine, in that I own it and it's all due to my credit. No one can take it away from me.

I have this sensation that my life is going to change in a big way in the next 5 years. This frees me up to make choices that are not long term. Today was a great day for my family.

I have picked out the quotes above from your latest post, I want you to remember the feelings they encapsulate this is in essence what you need to do to carry on being successful...if you can call on these happy feelings and optimistic feelings going forward it will mean you will get what you are feeling over and over again..............it will also mean you will give out a very positive confident self assured energy to all you meet and there is nothing more attractive and engaging than someone who looks and acts like they know what they want in life, where they are going and what they deserve...

you deserve this so enjoy it xx
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Thunder on May 11, 2018, 03:47:00 PM
Milly, this is the bestest darn post I've read in a long time!   :)

I am so proud of you and so very happy for you.
You have come such a long way and deserve every single good thing that happens in your life.

I'm sorry, I don't usually call these MLC spouses names, but your H is a complete IDIOT letting you go.  He will SO regret this.   ::)

Congrats!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: hopeandfaith on May 11, 2018, 04:20:43 PM
You know when you watch movies where the heroine finally breaks free from her chains and comes into her own power and the audience is gleeful.  We feel this win with you Milly.  Woohoo!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 12, 2018, 02:30:01 AM
Just a quickie to thank you al for your lovely, affectionate posts. There are so many of you to thank (yes, I'm giving my thank you speech for winning my Oscar!) and I mean it from my heart when I say that I loved reading all of your posts. You guys are the best!

Just a few answers to some of your questions:
I am protected legally, H can not get his hands on my property.

Yes, this is a rental, not for living in. I will be up and ready to rent by this summer, so if any of you should be interested just pm me. It's a new apartment in the middle of the village, so not out in the country if that's the style you prefer. But it means people can just walk out the door and go for dinner and coffee and ice cream and take the bus into Florence instead of driving.

1trouble, really great advice regarding holding onto to the happy feelings in order to be able to reach them at any time. Love the idea of giving off positive ATTRACTIVE energy!

Love that I appear like a heroine breaking away from my chains.

Yes, bubbly moment in my life! Reminds me to buy some Prosecco for tonight!

Dogwalker, thanks for reading my thread all this time.

Thunder, love that I got you to call my MLCer a 'bad' name! Thanks for the compliment!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Keep believing on May 12, 2018, 04:33:41 AM
Thats even better news that your protected legally with your property!   How exciting!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Mortesbride on May 14, 2018, 04:44:51 AM
Just catching up, attaching, and hope you enjoyed the gift basket from the Karma bus!  8) :-*
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 14, 2018, 02:58:42 PM
Thank you, Keep, for thinking about the stuff that could really get me in trouble. Morte, like I said, your 2018 production at the Karma Factory is totally sold out!

I'm lurching and reading peoples' posts. Sorry if i'm not finding the energy to put in my 2 cents, I'm knackered tonight. Got a lot on work wise but positive, but leaving no time to write.

Someone please remind me to update on the suing business between H, OW/psycho witch and me and poor, lovely, sweet, caring, wonderful D20.

Was out at my old business/winery all day today getting prepared for my first tasting of the season tomorrow. Place looked like absolute crap this morning, builders and cement mixers, bits of plastic, tubes, awful total mess everywhere. Worked all day with the lovely lady who had worked for me since S13 was born. Scraped fresh paint off the floor of the sales room with my nails. Just repainted them.

Told the new owner, when he asked for info on stuff tonight, that I was exhausted and could not answer for a couple of days. That me and the lovely lady had been two Cinderellas today. He did answer in a caring way. He said he was sorry to hear this and that he did hope I would be getting to the ball. It gave me a good laugh.

Tomorrow morning, shower and hair, then jeans and trainers to go and finish setting up the tasting. Around 1.30pm, I will do a Wonder Woman spin and change into 'fancy' clothes to welcome my first tour of the season as if nothing unusual has happened since last October.

Tomorrow night, Prosecco!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: CanLetGo on May 14, 2018, 03:54:31 PM
Sorry to hear so tired Milly, you have such a strong work ethic. Good luck with the tasting, hope it is a great success, wish I was there!

Would love to hear an update on the case when you have the time/energy! I hope it is good news! 🤞
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Reallytrying on May 14, 2018, 04:06:40 PM
Congrats! Sorry you’ve been tired but I hope the tasting went well.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: stillbaffled on May 14, 2018, 07:18:05 PM

Tomorrow morning, shower and hair, then jeans and trainers to go and finish setting up the tasting. Around 1.30pm, I will do a Wonder Woman spin and change into 'fancy' clothes to welcome my first tour of the season as if nothing unusual has happened since last October.


I would love to see this! 

I hope all goes as you would like.   

Update us on the suing when you catch your breath. 
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: UrsaMajor on May 15, 2018, 06:52:38 AM
Sounds a bit like someone at the Winery forgot the P7 Principle (Proper Prior Planning Prevents Pitifully Poor Performance ) and you pulled off another miracle... I mean, seriously, who has cement mixers and tubes 2 days before a big event?

The property sounds great. I know enough about that area to be able to imagine roughly where the flat is and that is such a wonderful area... I have a lot of great memories of a couple of summer vacations in Tuscany but it may take me a while to go back because they all involved STBXW...

Getting it at auction for base price is a GREAT thing and I am REALLY glad for you... It gives you a base to start from to grow your empire!

Baroness Milly... I like the sound of that.. ;)
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Mitzpah on May 15, 2018, 11:52:27 AM
Milly,

Just catching up! Lovely news!!! So glad you were able to get the place at base price, the sun is shining!!!!

I agree that having some financial stability really boosts our morale ;)

I hope the tasting goes well.

Congratulations
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 15, 2018, 12:18:29 PM
Aww, guys, you are just so sweet that I have to thank you CLG, Really, Still, UM, and Mizpah. The tasting did go well. The place was stunning by the time the 'people' arrived. Just gorgeous, straight from a magazine. I took before and after pictures for the new owner.

It was really crazy until the last moment. It poured during the whole tasting but everyone was happy. Once they left, I came home and lay down never to move again!

I'm posting from my bed, something I never do (unless I'm on holiday). I am EXHAUSTED!!! Not too exhausted to drink, though! The little TV's on, making noise behind my PC screen, S13 brought me a big glass of white wine and a bowl of soup.

And so the tasting season begins. I make money on tastings on top of my salary so I really want it to go well. I do enjoy them though, it's not just about the money. The people are fascinating and are so grateful to be taught about wine in a way that makes it less scary.

UM, If you've been to my area, you probably do know my village, it's the main one in Chianti Classico. If you don't know my village, you know the one beside it and it's the same thing, basically. Thank you so much for saying I worked a miracle. YESTERDAY morning: corrugated tubes everywhere, cement mixer as you say, junk, wires, buckets of rubbish, large black bin bags of 'stuff', piles of cement bags, large wood planks for scaffolding on the ground and against the walls, the whole tasting area covered in thick paper, painters walking about dribbling cream paint, painty foot prints following them, sales room not even painted yet never mind having wine in it, no furniture unpacked yet, no plants set out, NO GRAVEL, ie the outside floor - just mud! Large tools, large plastic coverings in piles, tiny bits of coloured plastic everywhere, cigarette buts, where the grass could it grew knee high between stuff. No furniture, no accessories in the rest room - couldn't be done earlier since the builders still needed to finish it.

I don't know how we did.

I had brought my make up and hair curler in a little paper bag. 5 minutes before they arrived I did my hair and reapplied my make up. Walked outside with my jacket on and big scarf wrapped around my shoulders. I was there waiting for them as they drove up as if I had had nothing to do.

UM, thanks for the knighthood! Baroness Milly, that's cute!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: FaithWalker on May 15, 2018, 05:46:25 PM
Catching up Milly.  Wow!  That's incredible! 

Also super thrilled to hear about your property blessings.  Yes!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Keep believing on May 16, 2018, 02:40:04 AM
What happened with your ds job through your h ?
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: UrsaMajor on May 16, 2018, 03:01:01 AM
Milly, the time I spent in that area was in the area around Tavernelle and Marcialla so that gives you an idea...
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: CanLetGo on May 16, 2018, 04:22:54 AM
You’re a miracle worker Milly, no wonder exhausted, lovely son looking after you. It must be a bit strange going to the winery with all the changes, and it now being your workplace for someone else, it was your home for so long.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 16, 2018, 11:08:32 AM
Faith, thanks for the good wishes for my property!

Hi CLG, it is funny to be out at my old winery and have it belong to someone else. While it was being refurbished it looked like such a mess that I was totally ok about it, but like today while I was there waiting for my tasting clients to arrive, I felt like an intruder sitting in the living room.

UM, I'm in Greve in Chianti, about 20 minutes from Tavarnelle. Did you come visit my village while you were here?

Keep, thanks for asking. H is in contact with D20 about the summer job. I can see her emails, she doesn't know, and I saw that he has been communicating about dates and accommodation. I don't want to pressure her by asking her if she's in contact with him, I'm sure she'll tell me when she's ready. I used to ask her all the time if 'Daddy' had emailed her and I sensed it was getting too much for her, so I've stepped back. The job training is supposed to happen at the end of June when she gets back. I am a little surprised that H is carrying through with this. I thought he would disappear.

So because of Keep's question I've remembered to tell you the latest on H and his psycho witch suing D20 and me. When I saw my lawyer last week I think it was, she told me that my suing L had been notified that the PM as it's called here (public minister/officer) DA maybe in English, sent a request to the judge for H and OW's case to be closed. Basically the DA thinks that H and OW don't have a valid case, or the DA thinks that pursuing this will cause more harm than good. The judge has the last word but my L says that it's very rare for a judge to insist on going to trial for a case the DA thinks is not worth doing.

Of course D20 and I are very relieved. D20 doesn't want to get too excited until she sees the notice from the judge confirming this. You know how this MLC makes us all wary of the unexpected. Still, if the DA had pushed the case on that would have been horrendous. The good thing is that H and OW don't know this news because their L didn't ask to be notified at every step. I do wonder whether their L did this on purpose. Anyway, if the judge confirms the shutting of the case, H and OW have 15 days to appeal. We are hoping they are not going to know in time. So fingers crossed there.

However, D20 and I are countersuing H and OW to protect ourselves. Following my L's advice, we decided to do this to give us bargaining power, which didn't work any way. Last December we offered to drop our case if they dropped theirs. H and OW refused to drop theirs and wanted it to go all the way. I don't want to jinx myself by saying anything karma-like yet.

So because D20 and I also have suits against H and OW, and since we have not had notice that the DA has asked for our cases to be dropped, our cases are going ahead. How bizarre is that? Basically we would never have sued if H and OW hand't sued us, and it turns out that our cases have validity. Obviously a dad being aggressive to his child is very serious. I am suing OW for defamation as she told/shouted at everyone in the street that my H left me not because of her but because I didn't have sex with him for 3 years. Ooh how I would love to win that case against her and have her pay me compensation!

But I have no plans to reach that point. As soon as the judge confirms the position with H and OW against D20 and me, we will then drop our cases. I do not want to be attached to H and OW over stuff that the OW can use to lure my H even more towards her. I want her out of my life.

For any newbies reading, don't insult the OW in public or in writing because these people are vicious. They don't just want your spouses, they want to destroy you. Don't let them have this power. Plus, as they tell us and I ignored, if you are mean to the OW, your H will have to man up and be the knight he gave the OW the impression he was. He will have to allow her to speak badly about you. My H allowed the OW to speak badly about his D! And he allowed her to demand he sue his D! You don't get worse people than that.

So, although I'm still dealing with lawyers over this suing business, I'm hoping that by the end of summer, or at the latest by the end of the year, this is another thing we'll be able to put behind us. H, on the other hand, is losing any sympathy we might still have. He's digging himself a giant hole. I use the imperfect form of the verb 'to dig', because I'm sure H has plans to increase his hole. I'm not sure that came out right!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: 20thcenturygirl on May 16, 2018, 11:39:19 AM
Milly, I am so pleased to hear that the ridiculous case against you and your D will probably be dropped. 

Quote
For any newbies reading, don't insult the OW in public or in writing because these people are vicious. They don't just want your spouses, they want to destroy you. Don't let them have this power. 

This is such great advice and I am going to try to remember this.   I am so intrigued by the OW I almost got in touch with one of her ex H's (who had custody of the kids and will not be in the same room as her) .  I managed to stop myself and I really have to remind myself to be the bigger person.  Thank-you for reminding me again! 
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: KeepItTogether on May 16, 2018, 12:01:31 PM
Excellent news about the case Milly!! That the MA didn’t want to pursue, and yet still allowed your counter suit, is pretty huge. Karma bus anyone?

And I have just the biggest smile on my face thinking about you and your sweet boy talking about your new property and how he knows you so well he finished your sentences. Love!!! And him bringing you soup and wine. What a gem!

I’m so happy things are going well Milly. You deserve all this good fortune and much much more.

Hugs friend!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: CallingHeart on May 16, 2018, 01:00:54 PM
Wow - You are brining up some very fond memories!!

Tuscany is so beautiful and indeed you are blessed with your properties!!

Hwow and I stayed at Poderi Arcangelo farmhouse near San Gimignano for part of our honeymoon.    Rome, San Gimignano, then Florence.   
(we never could figure out how to say the name of that town, but we had so many laughs driving around and seeing the signs and saying Poggibonsi)
I always wanted to go back to see the sunflowers.

Ahhh I was just about to let go of those two lamps I had custom made out of our pictures from Poderi Arcangelo, but now... the great memories are seeping in and I want to hold on to them.
(I want to hold on to both the memories and the lamps  :'(  &  :'( )

O WAIT...   As I was lost in all these heart-felt memories, I almost forgot our marriage was so horrible.
At least that's what Hwow changed to the story to  ???
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 16, 2018, 03:40:23 PM
Oh you guys are great and funny!

Kit, I knew I could count on you to provide the legal terminology! and the fact that you think the reaction of the MA is huge makes me feel even better! And thanks for getting it about my boy. You have one, too, and they are our saviors, in that the love they show us reminds us that we are and were good mothers, that our boys are sensitive and altruistic. There is hope for them.

20th, I'm so glad some of my experiences are useful to you. Please remember my post when you're tempted to get close to your H's rotten OW. I was fascinated by my H's OW, too, so I completely understand you. I learnt the hard way, but it looks like I'm going to get a break. Don't risk it. These women are lunatics, but dangerous ones. They have no scruples of any kind and unfortunately our Hs are totally brain washed by them. You will not win if you play their games. They love drama. She loves drama because it keeps her in control. Forget what your H was like with you. He is now the opposite. If she's like my H's OW, she has total control of his life. Stay away from her. That is the best way to get to her. If you want to stand, and you do so gracefully you will be the biggest, most dangerous threat to her fake relationship with your H. And the more graceful you are, the more she's going to want to destroy you. That is a sign that you are a real threat, that she knows you're very worthy as a woman, person, history, values, and she knows she's below you. If you feed her drama, she will convince your H that you are a witch (sounds like beach!) so don't give her that power.

Calling, San Gimignano is about an hour from me. When you want to pronounce it, think of Jiminy Cricket, San Jiminyano! My S13 was born in Poggibonsi. Small world! And about the lamps, yes your H destroyed the marriage, but while you were in Tuscany, it was a good marriage and he can't change that or take it away from you. You have those lamps to prove it!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: UrsaMajor on May 17, 2018, 03:30:20 AM
Milly,

No, I don't think we ever went to Greve. We did a Day trip to Florence and one to Siena... and I too had to laugh about Poggibonsi...

That really is good news that the MA is choosing to recommend dismissal of H / OW's case while retaining yours.. With any luck, (and two functional brain cells, they will either not be notified of the dismissal or they will not try to appeal it...

What you wrote about the AD (OM/OW) is SO true... They really are like toxic slime that attaches itself to the Mid-Lifer, sticks their little tentacles in and starts controlling their ...... brains...
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Treasur on May 17, 2018, 03:52:45 AM
Lovely news about the legal case, Milly, for you and your daughter both.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: forthetrees on May 17, 2018, 04:09:34 PM
Aw c´mon, you could feign ignorance about the dropping of their suit and the continuance of yours- for just a little while at least. They live on drama so you could let them have a bit of an adrenaline rush.) Fingers crossed that the tick tock of time runs out on their 15 day appeal window.

You sound SO strong and energized.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 18, 2018, 01:03:25 AM
Thank you, Forthetrees! Yes, once those 15 days are up and D20 and I know for sure that we're safe, I would like to let my case go ahead for a little while longer.........!Just torture them for a while and give them more time to bond while they speak badly about me! They're so silly. That's what they're starting to look like to me, H and OW= stupid.

I was thinking in the car this morning as I was driving back from dropping S13 at school. What helped me reach this point of thinking of my H as pathetic, and thinking of OW as an inferior creature? For me I think it's the combination of two things: lack of pain and gaining of personal strength.

I still get sad at times, or maybe a lot, but it's not that piercing pain I had at the beginning. It's a sadness or regret that I don't have the family life I created, but it's tolerable. It's a very dull ache.

Personal strength is a combination of having survived emotionally and technically without my H for so long, and the work I've done on resolving my own issues. I had those FOO issues, too. I've been working on them with the help of an IC for over 3 years. I like myself so much more now and I would not compromise for a man ever again.

So there are things I won't tolerate any more and others I'm much more relaxed about.  Now I don't care if my man leaves his underwear on the floor, I mean I do but it's not a biggie like it used to be for me! Stuff like that doesn't matter to me anymore . But I would never put up with a partner who insulted me, hid things from me, lied daily, was financially irresponsible, and who didn't want to spend his free time with me, at least in part.

My D23 called me yesterday morning, our relationship has been growing regularly. She's also maturing. It's been a year since she broke up with her negative boyfriend. She was co-dependant like me. She's finally strong without him. I don't mention her dad or our breakup because that's something that triggers her anger immediately.

She asked me why I don't date. I said, so if I don't fancy anyone, I should go out on a date with them anyway? This is something she's been pushing me about regularly. I wonder if her and H talk about me this way and think their lives will be so much happier once I find a man, someone I will be having sex with to take H's guilt away and make OW feel a little more secure with my husband.

D23 was talking about boys flirting with her but her not caring for any of them. I said, you see, as you have become stronger in your own skin you realize you have choices. I told her it's the same for me. I  will not take less than what I believe I deserve.

And another thing, I was thinking of the kind of person OW is, a bad girl, the equivalent of a bad boy, which I have to say I used to be attracted to. All those naughty boys with all their pushiness and bravado and usually good looks, treat others badly. At first they made a big deal of me, showed me off, made me feel special. When they treated me well, I felt like the chosen one, but they would quickly treat me badly behind closed doors. It's the memory of that 'chosen' feeling that would keep me addicted to these naughty boys. I do wonder if my H had always secretly desired the 'naughty' girl and that's what he found in his OW, psychowitch.

I find now that a naughty boy is the most unattractive man to me. When I see one, I think he's slimy. I look at intelligent, gentle male faces and desire someone like that. I don't care if they're bald, have a tummy, whatever else a man might think is an issue for us, I'm looking for something in their eyes. I think that this is also a sign of my growing up. Shame I didn't do this when I was 20. 
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Tyks on May 18, 2018, 04:03:58 AM
Milly,  you are sounding really good. 

Quote
.  I still get sad at times, or maybe a lot, but it's not that piercing pain I had at the beginning. It's a sadness or regret that I don't have the family life I created, but it's tolerable. It's a very dull ache   

This is what I miss,  not my h.  I realize now what a sham of a marriage we had.  We were best friends but no romance or passion.  We built a great life together but he wanted more in the end.  Can't really fault him for that but the way he went about it was just wrong! 

Keep up the "happy" Milly,  you will be better for it :)
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Acorn on May 18, 2018, 05:35:15 AM
I find now that a naughty boy is the most unattractive man to me. When I see one, I think he's slimy. I look at intelligent, gentle male faces and desire someone like that. I don't care if they're bald, have a tummy, whatever else a man might think is an issue for us, I'm looking for something in their eyes. I think that this is also a sign of my growing up. Shame I didn't do this when I was 20.

What a silver lining of MLC that is, Milly, to learn this essential lesson of life!  Beauty within...  Integrity, wisdom, kindness, faithfullness, empathy.  These are the characteristics  of a person that I appreciate as well.  Good looking? Pffff!  He didn’t earn it.  Acting cool ? - What insecurities are you trying to cover up?  Bad boy? - that’s as superficial as it gets. 

About the ‘underwear on the floor’.  Yeh, that, too.  I get it.  Don’t sweat the inconsequential small stuff. 

You’ve done a lot of mirror work, Milly.  Your post really resonated with me.  Thank you...
((((((HUGS)))))))
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: No expectations on May 18, 2018, 06:00:40 AM
Milly,

You sound so much more secure and strong than before.   You've created your own life, and you know who you are. That takes a lot of mirror work,  and you have definitely done That!
Such good news about the lawsuit.   And the fact that you now see h and ow as sad creatures.   That's a great step forward.

I'm eager to follow the next steps in your story!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 18, 2018, 05:07:07 PM
Tyks, thank you, and what an interesting thought you pose. You were great friends with your H  but your H wanted more.  The way they go about it is more than 50% of the cause of the devastation for us. If they had been considerate, we might all be ok by now.

Acorn, don't sweat the small stuff! Absolutely, this is such small stuff to me now. I wish I had realized it before but I'm glad I am now.

Handsome/good looking? Well, I'm going to say I wouldn't mind a bit of handsome, but it's just not enough. If a good looking person opens their mouth and they're an idiot or nasty, they might as well be the ugliest man in the world.

If a man is bald, plumpish, and anything else he thinks is a problem to us ladies, which it is not,  but he's intelligent, altruistic, responsible, and caring, he's sooooo handsome. Looks are a combination of looking after yourself inside and out.

I don't care for the 50 year old man who thinks he doesn't have to make an effort. I see many men like this in the tennis world. I say 50 year old, because I notice that men in their 40's still look after themselves and that is very attractive. It's got nothing to do with money or the gym, it's a little personal respect and respect for the woman/man they expect to want to be with them.

 The average 50 year old man I see wears big, loose t-shirts, their hair and beards, if they have them, are all scraggy, messy, wiry and growing in all directions. I don't want a man to die his hair, but I would like him to keep it nicely looked after/cut.  If the hair is short, it's attractive. If it's scraggly, it's a little like Santa, and I don't want to sleep with Santa.

 I like a man in his 50s who is well cropped, hair and or beard clipped, eyebrows not too animalistic. I don't mind casual clothes, but don't wear a nighty, put on a nice sport's shirt, nice sport shoes. Go to the proper shops, not the discount left over places. Dress up for me when you take me out.

NoE, thank you so much for reading and posting! I know you don't come on so much any more. I'm improving, it's not perfect, but it's one step at a time in the right direction.

Which brings me to the reason I thought about coming here to post tonight. I got an email from the L from the H and OW suing me and D20 business from last August. The judge has closed the case definitely.

H and OW's case has been thrown out, what a relief! I made a mistake in handling that situation. That disgusting, b*tc# OW pushed my buttons. She's as rotten as the plague, but us nice people can't beat fungus at its own game. Like tennis, a bad player might win because a good player can't play that crappy game.

Stay clear of these OP. They are venomous, experienced, bacteria creating species. We are not, so we will lose if we try to fight them. Our best chance is to stop them from playing their game by walking away, by ignoring them, by being elegant, by looking down on them. They don't know how to play our game so this is how we win.

Next week, I have a meeting with the L from the suing business to decide how D20 and I proceed with our cases against pathetic H and his schmoopie-love of his life, selfish, marriage breaking, vulture, parasite, BPD, penniless, wannabe, lying, conniving psychowitch.

Morte, thanks for the bus! It arrived on time!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: shopgirl on May 18, 2018, 05:26:51 PM
What a happy post!  I wish I could see pictures! 
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: riverbirch on May 18, 2018, 07:47:01 PM
I'm so glad that case is closed. She will be seething. Haha too bad. Yes they are venomous,vile nasty creatures. That hag ,ex gf my h hooked up with was a piece of work. She said I was turning my kids against him for one thing! What a joke. She also said I was jealous and a few other nasty things. Like I shouldn't have been upset at the a$$ for abandoning us and all the other crap he did. I'm sorry to say it but I hate her.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: CanLetGo on May 18, 2018, 09:13:49 PM

this! That’s what I say to the man I am seeing - he says how do you choose miss universe when they are all standing there looking beautiful and the same - I say when they smile or talk, then you know who is truly beautiful! I don’t care how good looking a man is, it’s much more than that that attracts me! Want me to send you a photo of the lovely Italian man I have met? If things were to keep going (such very early days, am getting ahead of myself) I’ll bring him to meet you one day!

Handsome/good looking? Well, I'm going to say I wouldn't mind a bit of handsome, but it's just not enough. If a good looking person opens their mouth and they're an idiot or nasty, they might as well be the ugliest man in the world.

If a man is bald, plumpish, and anything else he thinks is a problem to us ladies, which it is not,  but he's intelligent, altruistic, responsible, and caring, he's sooooo handsome. Looks are a combination of looking after yourself inside and out.

I don't care for the 50 year old man who thinks he doesn't have to make an effort. I see many men like this in the tennis world. I say 50 year old, because I notice that men in their 40's still look after themselves and that is very attractive. It's got nothing to do with money or the gym, it's a little personal respect and respect for the woman/man they expect to want to be with them.

 I like a man in his 50s who is well cropped, hair and or beard clipped, eyebrows not too animalistic. I don't mind casual clothes, but don't wear a nighty, put on a nice sport's shirt, nice sport shoes. Go to the proper shops, not the discount left over places. Dress up for me when you take me out.

love ya Milly, great words 😂

Next week, I have a meeting with the L from the suing business to decide how D20 and I proceed with our cases against pathetic H and his schmoopie-love of his life, selfish, marriage breaking, vulture, parasite, BPD, penniless, wannabe, lying, conniving psychowitch.

Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Acorn on May 19, 2018, 04:15:04 AM
Case definitely closed.  YAY!!!!!!
I know what you mean about untidy men, or women, for that matter.  It’s not so much what you see with your eyes but what the lack of self-care implies: little self-respect. 

You are right.  OW are not worth keeping the ground they stand on, much less a tiny speck of space in our minds.  They are not worth one ounce of our mental energy.  Anger against them is the energy that could be used for our own wellbeing.  (Anger is one of the most mental energy draining of all the emotions...). Make an effigy of her, stick some big kitchen knives into it and let her depart from your mind, Milly.  She does not deserve anything from you, not even 1 second of your thought. 

(((((HUGS))))))
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: stillbaffled on May 19, 2018, 01:33:11 PM

 The average 50 year old man I see wears big, loose t-shirts, their hair and beards, if they have them, are all scraggy, messy, wiry and growing in all directions. I don't want a man to die his hair, but I would like him to keep it nicely looked after/cut.  If the hair is short, it's attractive. If it's scraggly, it's a little like Santa, and I don't want to sleep with Santa.

This made me laugh!

H and OW's case has been thrown out, what a relief!

This made me let out a huge cheer!   ;D

Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: forthetrees on May 19, 2018, 04:14:50 PM
Oh my goodness- you have so much to celebrate this week. The Universe is a smilin´on you. Soak it up!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 20, 2018, 01:31:36 PM
Forthetrees, Still, Acorn, CLG (yes send me a photo of your lovely Italian, and I hope you can come together to see me!), Rive,r and Shop thank you so much for your happiness at the case being closed, and laughing at my descriptions. Huge, huge relief that this awful weight on our shoulders this year has ended in a good way for us. I can't quite believe that. I have learned my lesson though!

So, I'm posting because I just received this offensive message by text from an English phone number:

You are a firetrucking b*tc#. You Little pice of $h!te. I feel really sorry for you. You are absolutely worthless. Poor little Milly. Who is worthless even as a mother. Who's only objective is to ruin people's life. Who would want your kids. Thanks you are actually doing me a big favour. You firetrucking b*tc#

I sent a message back asking who it was. The answer was : You firetrucking b*tc#

I did copy the message and sent it to H and asked him if he knows who sent it to me. I wish I hadn't. I'm thinking it's either H, but he wouldn't say:Who would want your kids. Or it's OW and they're fighting and he's saying something about our kids.

The only contact S13 had with H today after several days, was S sending a photo to H of his maths homework asking him to check it for him by tomorrow. S has not had an answer from him. I'm wondering if OW is annoyed that H has to correct the homework, could that really get her so mad? Or what is it?

She has never contacted me. Or is this my H? Any ideas?
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 20, 2018, 01:37:33 PM
Just got another message: You c*nt

This has to be OW. H would never use that word. How I wish I could reply and say something about being his wife. But I shouldn't right? This is the drama I must participate in because I will lose?
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: forthetrees on May 20, 2018, 01:55:07 PM
Does not seem like your H would have used the phrasing "your kids." I would assume it is OW or a friend of hers. Block zee number and don´t give the satisfaction of responding OR... screen capture it all with the dates and let it join the lawsuit that still stands. Maybe this means that OW now knows that the judge threw out her suit and is rippin´mad at you and "your kids".

Anywho- do not respond with even a speck of ire as that could be used against you. These texts ARE traceable and could result in a restraining order against her that could apply to your kids as well. That would mean your kids would not have to be near her. Maybe, if you can handle the spew, it´s better to capture them all and let her fire away as in the end it helps your cause of not having her near you or the kids.

Think: light and lovely bubbles of life and love and laughter.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 20, 2018, 01:56:56 PM
Thank you for answering right away Forthetrees, your reply makes me strong. I'm going to follow your advice. Wow, what crazyness.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: hope on May 20, 2018, 02:39:28 PM
Oh Milly! Do not reply. Not 10 days ago you were walking on air with your news. If it's OW or H or wrong number, what do you care? Whoever it is, they're unraveling. You on the other hand are not! Hope x
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: 1trouble on May 20, 2018, 02:54:22 PM
Milly

Stay calm and serene

If this is the OW and it is very likely it is...then this is because she is losing the plot and also maybe she is losing her power....there maybe a sea change

I said on someone else's thread a few days back that I always knew, IF my H's OW sent me anything I knew it was a good sign...

Ignore and do not react and don't send anything more to your H just sit back and watch and BE YOU...the successful property owner and vineyard hostess and great mother and lots of other wonderful things x

Leave her to be desperate manipulative abusive and needy xx
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: riverbirch on May 20, 2018, 03:00:54 PM
Oh yeah,that's definitely her. She must know about the suit being dropped. Haha too bad for her. Now he gets to see her true colors. I would definitely keep those. Maybe she'll hang herself with this one.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Mitzpah on May 20, 2018, 03:11:04 PM
Milly,

Do not answer. There is no need for you to descend to that level.

How sad that people resort to this kind of immaturity. Neither you nor your kids deserve this >:(

I had the ow attack me a year ago because my h. came near me during the loss and funeral of my dear father, so I know they are capable of anything. Just ignore it.

Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 20, 2018, 03:21:31 PM
Thank you so much Mitzpah, 1T, River, and Hope. You guys are helping me stay grounded. Hope thanks for reminding me of the great stuff that has happened to me lately, and Mitzpah so sorry you had to get one of these messages on such a sad day for you.

River, I trust your 'sense' of who wrote this message and love the idea that she might hang herself with this one.

1T,  I hope this means bad stuff is going on between my H and OW. In the 3 years since BD, she's never felt the need to write to me.

Of course now I can't get to sleep. This all just landed out of the blue.

Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: hopeandfaith on May 20, 2018, 03:41:04 PM

1T,  I hope this means bad stuff is going on between my H and OW. In the 3 years since BD, she's never felt the need to write to me.


Exactly!!.  She is desperate.  If you think back to any of the times you have wanted to give her a piece of your mind, you would be able to trace it back to when you felt emotionally unstable and feeling great loss.

Silly woman.  She will totally be digging herself a very big hole with the legal system and I suspect, your H.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: CanLetGo on May 20, 2018, 05:13:27 PM
So sorry Milly you have received disgusting messages, although am almost not surprised, ow has shown her true colours before that resulted in the charges (her bad behaviour), their R is far from a normal R, hence her desperation and spew. I would guess she is mad about the charges. Although it is very upsetting, hold your head up high that you wouldn’t behave like that, she is awful, it’s more proof your H is having an affair down. You’re awesome Milly x
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Treasur on May 20, 2018, 11:06:49 PM
Milly, yup has ow written all over it...sorry that you've received such nastiness. I got anonymous death threats and nasty letters for over 18 months, off and on. My best advice....do not respond at all. Block the number. Print them out and file them and/or let your L have a copy in case you need them as 'evidence'....but do not engage with pigs in mud because they like it and are better at it. See it from as distance as just another bit of evidence that ow is not a sane, healthy decent adult, nothing more. Almost definitely it's her reaction to the dropping of the L case...and her opinion of you as a wife, mother and human is a) irrelevant and b) not reality or about you. I suspect she is just p**sed that her L attempt to attack you and 'prove' herself publicly has failed spectacularly so she is coming back for another go at provoking you. Like a fart of disorder. Do not let her do so, do not feed the crazy people.  ::)  ;D

Your H probably didn't know she sent them but will also probably not care or believe you or might even blame you for receiving them. (I know, loopy  ::)...but that's what my H did, and ow is trying to triangulate you in their drama so you win by shaking your head and refusing to feed her.) Too sick, too stupid, too insane for you to even waste a minute of your precious Milly-ness on it IMHO.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Trustandlove on May 20, 2018, 11:30:28 PM
Just concurring with the advice to ignore, ignore, ignore.   Just to not engage, do not even acknowledge such behaviour. 

I had one communication from OW4 I think it was; a text sent to me meant for my H "by mistake".  As if she would have my number to even make a mistake with......

I ignored, didn't ask my H, didn't do anything.  That relationship broke up very soon afterwards.

Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 21, 2018, 01:11:02 AM
Thank you so much Trust, Treasur, HF, and CLG. Great words of advice and words that give me pleasure. Thanks for grounding me and making me realize how much more superior I am for not answering her.  Only a year ago, I would have answered immediately, I would have spewed back. So great I counted to 3 and came here to ask you guys.

Trust, as you say, how do they have our numbers if not because they're watching us (the OW that is).
Treasur, sorry you got nasty messages, too. I will print and keep in the 'for evidence' folder. I do like what you say about her trying to prove herself publicly having failed. I'm enjoying that thought!
CLG, glad it proves she's an affair down. It helps to see it in writing though. I guess that's the upside of it!
HF, great words of comfort to me. When I wrote to her almost 3 years ago when H brought her to our home town, I was scared, desperate, and losing my H. Thank you so much for putting it that way. Yes, she must be not only angry but scared. Hurray!

I know I would have told another LBS to not answer but when it happens to you, it's so unnerving. I got shaky, disbelief, confusion, monkey braining. And since I have had basically NC with H for the last couple of months, I don't know what he's up to, what he looks like, how undercooked he is. Although I guess he did monster me two or three weeks ago with the emails about D.

So couldn't sleep until 3am last night. Monkeys in my brain. What does it mean? Told myself first no expectations,  but I also had feelings of glee, fear, and felt totally destabilized. Told myself make no assumptions.

Probably doesn't mean anything huge, but it is movement. What it tells me is they are fighting. I know they've fought in the past, my IC tells me they probably fight all the time as this kind of R is based on fighting and making up. But OW message shows great anger so that has to have been a whopper fight. That pleases me immensely. Surely I'm allowed to enjoy their bad schmoopie times.

What I also think, without having any expectations, it that their R is possibly heading to another break up or a definite breakup. My friends in London told me in February that H is getting sick of her. They do tell us that between the MLCer knowing there is no future with the OP and actually getting the strength to leave them, takes lots of time.

Sunny here this morning. I have lots of work to do. Sunbathing on my balcony with coffee and toast. I've already dropped S13 at school 30 minutes away, took his tennis bag to his tennis school, had a great conversation with the main coach about how to feed S better to get his physical strength up, which the coach said will also help his concentration. Let my doggie run around the tennis school like a rabbit. Ran a bit myself (like an old lady). Came home and here I am on the forum.

Will give myself another 30 minutes at the most before I get to work at my desk.
I will update if I get any new info.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Treasur on May 21, 2018, 01:55:45 AM
Thank you so much for putting it that way. Yes, she must be not only angry but scared. Hurray!
Yup, completely predictable and clear to see all is not well in her/their world or why would she even give you a moment's thought?

I know I would have told another LBS to not answer but when it happens to you, it's so unnerving. I got shaky, disbelief, confusion, monkey braining.
It's like a psychic attack really, Milly, and it isn't normal. It is abuse and your body and mind responds accordingly. Normal grown ups don't rant by text and call a virtual stranger a c**t, and we've all spent years not receiving this kind of abuse from anyone probably.

Sunbathing on my balcony with coffee and toast. I've already dropped S13 at school 30 minutes away....had a great conversation with the main coach about how to feed S better to get his physical strength up, which the coach said will also help his concentration.
Sounds lovely. Great idea for your son's wellbeing, maybe not a bad idea for you too. Let the toxic crazy people spin and shout and abuse each other...while you and your kids stroll along on the sunny side of the street with a fine cup of coffee and your head held high.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: riverbirch on May 21, 2018, 02:14:09 AM
Yes definitely give them to your lawyer. He may be able to find out where they came from and add that to her case. She should be careful of what's she's doing before she gets more charges against her. Harassment is a good one.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Treasur on May 21, 2018, 02:53:18 AM
I agree with river about maybe giving copies to your L, Milly, but also think there is a difference between doing what you need for healthy protection vs going in to battle and more drama. Both MlCers and ow/om do seem to like drama and feed off it.

If it escalates, if ow does worse, or if there are future L issues, your L has the info to protect you or a trail that the police could use for any restraining order....but engaging actively with it (maybe because a bit of you understandably hates this woman and wants her punished for her behaviour) feeds the disorder, and there will be a bit of ow that likes that and will use it. The thing that will hurt her most is seeing how insignificant she is.

If your H raises the issue, I'd simply say that you don't intend to discuss it, that your L has copies and if ow ever contacts you directly again you will simply follow L advice to protect you and your kids. If he rants or tries to blame you or justify it, just repeat...unacceptable, won't discuss it with you, if it happens again will do what my L suggests. Basta.
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Chookie on May 21, 2018, 03:15:44 AM
Totally agreeing with all the great advice you've received, Milly. No one deserves any of that rubbish!
I also had ridiculous texts from OW. I have screen shots of all of them and also gave my friend a copy for safe keeping. Giving your L a copy is even better.

Although it is disconcerting and unsettling to hear from the OP, especially using language like that..all class!  ::).. I like the idea that she is reacting this way..she's lost the plot!  ;D You hit a nerve and got the best reaction, by doing nothing! That's how insecure she is!

 More power to you, Milly!! 💪
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Acorn on May 21, 2018, 08:55:09 AM
You are the queen, Milly, and the queen doesn’t get involved with an insecure mud-slinging lowlife.  Wow, I didn’t realize how low people can go...  It sounds like whoever wrote that message is a typical high school b**** that everyone stays clear of because you can’t argue or debate with that kind of nasty person.

Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: Milly on May 21, 2018, 11:05:48 AM
Thank you all, Acorn, Chookie, Treasur twice, River, and pm friend. I love your thoughts that the OW/psychowitch has lost the plot and I am looking goooooood! I also thank those of you who have had this experience already and are asking me to keep some evidence.

I happen to have an appointment with my suing L this week anyway, unfortunately for OW, and will be bringing copies of the texts for them to keep if needed.

Treasur, I agree with your advice, nothing to achieve by going after the OW, more court, lawyers, agro, stress, attention to her. So I will only use the texts if she were to get worse as you very wisely are forewarning me. I've also memorized 'your' answer for my H if it comes up. Brilliant!

Acorn, she has really shown who we all already knew she was. They tell us to not worry about them, they are affair downs, they're bat $h!te crazy, they'll be fighting in schmoopie land, but it's hard for us to think that until the stupid OP makes a false move and bham! it's so clear what a rotten, nasty, selfish, lowly, classless, human she is. And to think she thinks she's so superior to me. Stupid again.

I worried so much about her because she's an ex model, tv presenter, has a fabulous extra skinny boyish body, I thought she was in her 30's, I turned 50 a few months after BD. But now I've discovered she's a lying 51 year old, horrendous, vulgar, conniving, sham of a woman, and yes I hate her but I'm getting such pleasure out of ignoring her. THank you all so much for responding quickly so that I am here today feeling refined and untouchable.

River,  I think our OW came from the same batch.

I have heard no more but wanted to come and thank you so much for protecting me by keeping me grounded. Oh how I wanted to write back to her but I would have lost. Now she has nothing, except maybe a little shame at revealing her vulnerability to me, or regret that I might have some ammunition to use against her. And she should worry!

When I see my L this week I'm going to ask for them to drop our cases (me and D20) against H and OW.  I want no connection to this tarantula. Basta!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: KeepItTogether on May 21, 2018, 12:09:44 PM
Oh Milly—how horrific to read such vile things! It must have been so unnerving. But I agree with everyone else when they say this shows her desperation. And we know, as LBS, one of the worst kinds of “response” is none at all. You go girl!!

Shine that crown my queen. Looks like there is a category 5 storm happening in schmoopie-land right about now.

Stay strong friend—you are amazing!
Title: Re: H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!
Post by: No expectations on May 21, 2018, 07:28:43 PM
Hi Milly,

You are handling this admirably.  Just ignore, keep your L in the loop. If it keeps up, block her.  She obviously is feeling the effects of her actions.   The karma bus has another victim!!

You are doing great,  my friend ♡