Recent Posts

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Our Community / Re: Helping Me in this MLC
« Last post by Ropeburn on Today at 06:04:15 PM »
   You are sounding good just enjoy

   Hugs RB
Our Community / Re: The Sun II
« Last post by 1phoenix on Today at 06:03:18 PM »
(tears gently falling from my eyes)
If I could reach through this screen and hold you I would.  I have missed you my bantering friend.  How we have hopes and wished things would be different.

You are an amazing lady.  Companionship will be forthcoming, when you least expect it.  Your work on you will show and blam someone will be right there...actually lining up.

Glad to see you.  Keep the strength and faith.  With that, all things are possible.
Hugs and love to you.
Our Community / Re: Growing
« Last post by Acorn on Today at 05:59:36 PM »
Hey, Thunder, the ‘oldie’!  ;D. Thank you very much for chiming in to respond to the query about standing. 

Truth be told, my H always knew that I was not leaving him but he was also told in no uncertain terms that I had no hesitation in letting him go his way if he didn’t want to stay.  I never breathed a word that I believed in my M vow and I wan’t going to be the one to break it. He knew without me having to tell him.  If he wanted to depart from me, it’s no brainer I have no control over it at all.  He was free to leave and I told him so.   He was stunned to hear that...   Whether all this makes me not a stander, I don’t know. 

Sorry, Seahorse, if I hijacked your thread!
Our Community / Re: Still rising
« Last post by Ropeburn on Today at 05:57:45 PM »
 Thank you hon and just received his offer from his lawyer via my lawyer
  He has agreed to everything I asked for and more . He actually wants to make alimony 500 a month instead of the 300 I asked for . But totally said no way to his 401k . So I get to keep house him pay for it my car him pay for it so I'm ok with him keeping his 401k that he insists he does not have lmao
     I may be burning myself but I'm ok with all this I just really want it over and done

   Hugs back my friend
Our Community / Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Last post by OneHotMess on Today at 05:37:57 PM »
So I just took the kids to the counseling. The ex demanded to go. I got the inside look at what couples counseling would have been like. When I called the hotline for domestic violence last May, she told me that what he was doing was a bad case of  gaslighting and to never do counseling with him because he would use it to hurt me. Well, this was just us talking to the therapist and he managed to get out that I cheated on him with Walmart, the tv, my phone, and misc others. When she asked how we coparent he said she weaponizes the kids against me. I just answered her question of  why did the marriage end with his cheating with his cousin and commented that all marriages have rough patches. That we both had hard times since the deaths in our families. He told her that I didn’t know how to parent and always undermined him. I started to justify why I was easy on the kids but then stopped, took a deep breath and said “ I will not play this bashing game with him”. I have a feeling that she will be ordering us into coparenting therapy and do not believe that will be a good idea.
Our Community / Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Last post by Helpingme! on Today at 05:27:41 PM »
Hang in there Rose. One day, those dates will mean nothing.
You have done good, keep it up.
I am getting stronger and healthier because i am doing it for me.  I still have pains. I fight down times. I question in my mind if he is being honest or not when he tells me things.

For me i hope for the day to trust again. Not blindly trust but just trust him. He is being more open and honest with me for the last few weeks. I know the ow is still there. I dont say anything and neither does he.

Right now i am biding my time and still taking steps to improve me. All i can do right now until he deals with his $h!te. 

I will tell you things are decent but i dont expect it to last.  He is not right. The more time i  around it the more i see it.   I miss his fun side and the banter but since this is started i also wNt him to dinish a d not get stuck. That is my greatest fear...he will be stubborn and get stuck and never dinish.
Our Community / Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Last post by KeepItTogether on Today at 05:14:37 PM »
Beautiful letter T. I can’t imagine this will not affect her, though she may not be in a place to respond just yet.

Loving your garden. Amazing what you’ve already accomplished.

Our Community / Re: Growing
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 04:59:41 PM »

That's a good question and very hard to answer.
Your H found this site a knew you were standing.   Mine, and most of them don't, so your situation is a little different.

I just stopped acting like I was standing.  I was kind and friendly, but that was it.  I went about my life and let him think I was done and letting go, I guess.
Our Community / Re: Cognitive Dissonance
« Last post by Anon on Today at 04:54:39 PM »
Does that mean that because the OW/OM relieves the symptoms then they will always remember the LBS causing their feelings of dying and the AP relieving them ?

In the beginning, yes,, but not always.   During replay, affair or no affair, the MLCer will project their unhappiness onto their spouse.  Rather than look inside themselves to find the source of their unhappiness they project it outward onto the person that is most central to their life (spouse, usually) and believe that happiness can only be found by leaving.  They are 'greener grass' seekers and may continue to bounce around from external solutions (affairs) always seeking that greener grass and that elusive happiness.   Eventually most of them get it, that the solution is within them and they start working on their issues.  They might also start to realize that their spouse really had nothing to do with these issues. 

Doesn't mean the affair ends instantly but if the LBS has let go of their spouse, worked on self improvement, and kept their eyes OFF the spouse and his antics, then the green grass dynamic may change.  Now YOU appear to be the greener grass, not the OW and your H may turn back towards you.   This all can take a very long time - patience is a must. 


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