Author Topic: My Story Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.  (Read 1843 times)

Offline KittyTopic starter

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My Story Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #90 on: May 14, 2018, 07:02:41 PM »
Thanks FN, Helpingme!, and seahorse.

It was rough, but it’s an LBS lesson learned. 

My hair appointment went great, I love my new ‘do. I’d post pics, but I am having trouble doing so on my iPad. They come out huge and I don’t know how to shrink them.


Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 12/22/17 - Day after legal separation signed, I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline If_only

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #91 on: May 14, 2018, 09:10:20 PM »
Hi Kitty:

So glad you love your hair!😊

I know memories are so difficult after many years of having your h to lean on. It’s those moments which put us back but then we have fewer moments and we let it go. Very difficult losing your mom. ☹️

Sending you lots of hugs.

IF

Offline Acorn

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #92 on: May 15, 2018, 06:48:46 AM »
They say one of the things we need to do as LBS's is to become comfortable with ourselves, I thought I was doing pretty good with that until yesterday.

Fortunately today seems to be a better day. I've got an appointment for a cut and highlights tonight. Maybe I'll post some pics so you can see the difference.

You are still so fresh from BDs...  No wonder you have weepy moments.  Shucks, I’m 3+ years and I get those down moments now and then.  You are doing so well this early after the BDs compared to me.  I was a total mess at the same point in the timeline!   

Good for you that you have a strategy (hair) to lift yourself up.  You did have the option of mulling over something you can do nothing about and feel sorry for yourself but you didn’t take that option.  You got up, dusted yourself off, and did something positive for yourself.  Hooray for Kitty! 
Feb 2015: H has a Nuclear meltdown.  A tear-fest.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Still home

Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #93 on: May 16, 2018, 07:02:35 AM »
Thanks If_only and Acorn.

If_only - It was hard dealing with that on my own, but I was able to get through. It helped that it was Sunday and and I didn't have any plans that day.

Acorn - I replied in Silver's thread to a post you had made about leaving the MLCer alone. I found that leaving Grumpy alone, and not letting myself get sucked into his issues has helped me. I still have moments where I monkey brain a bit, but it's no where near what I use to. My whole family seems to be wired the same, look at what you've been dealt, and deal with it. Crying over spilled milk will get you nowhere. Once I was able to really see what I had to deal with and determined the best way to deal with it, it just kind of sorted itself out.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 12/22/17 - Day after legal separation signed, I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline Acorn

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #94 on: May 16, 2018, 07:17:08 AM »
I found that leaving Grumpy alone, and not letting myself get sucked into his issues has helped me.

Yes!  I initially left H alone as a means of ‘helping’ him with his MLC journey.  Yes, I’m admitting it here.  Go ahead.  Arrest me!  ;D
Even though the motive was wrong, I found myself to be the first and foremost beneficiary.  It was such a relief to give up my itch to fix, meddle and bear the burden that wasn’t mine, and to just look after my own side of the street.  You understand this unshakable truth already and are doing wonderfully, Kitty. 

look at what you've been dealt, and deal with it. Crying over spilled milk will get you nowhere. Once I was able to really see what I had to deal with and determined the best way to deal with it, it just kind of sorted itself out.

You are my kinda gal!  If you think about it, how useless is stewing over the past?  I haven’t met anyone that could change it.  So, why waste your time and energy over something you can’t change?!  You are going to be ok, no matter what happens with your H and M.  I can totally sense it.  Good for you, Kitty!  I’m in your cheering squad, waving pom poms.

« Last Edit: May 16, 2018, 07:18:28 AM by Acorn »
Feb 2015: H has a Nuclear meltdown.  A tear-fest.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Still home

Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #95 on: May 16, 2018, 12:07:05 PM »
Thanks Acorn. I've been cheering for you and your H as well.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 12/22/17 - Day after legal separation signed, I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #96 on: May 16, 2018, 12:18:19 PM »
Kitty that’s been a struggle for me too—coming to terms with the fact that we can’t just reach out to our MLCers when we need comfort. So very hard especially when it is about the loss of your mother. Hugs friend.

But wow, you lifted yourself out of that funk quite well, which is amazing considering how recent your bd was. Truly amazing!

I agree with Acorn (I mean who wouldn’t? She’s pretty wise!) I believe you are going to be ok-better than ok.

Stay strong Kitty.
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #97 on: May 17, 2018, 03:31:03 AM »
You are my kinda gal!  If you think about it, how useless is stewing over the past?  I haven’t met anyone that could change it.  So, why waste your time and energy over something you can’t change?! 

Have you not met MLCers Acorn!? They have the magical powers to rewrite history into anything they want. Then the use hypnosis to spread their story around, because that will in fact change history in everyone's minds...and then their mission will be a complete success!  ::) 8)


Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #98 on: May 17, 2018, 08:48:50 AM »
Thanks KIT, and Morte.

I could use some magical powers too, something along the lines of the ability to smack Grumpy upside the head from anywhere.  ;D

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Journaling

Speaking of my clueless Grumpy, I had a visit with him today. He brought me some lasagna his mom made, my MagicBand for my Disney trip, and a necklace of mine that I was going to toss because it was all kinked up, but he told me he would have it fixed.

While sitting in the truck visiting he told me that he needs to figure out what to do with his shoulder. He fell back in January, and finally just got it checked out. He broke it originally when he fell, he also has a partially torn rotator cuff, and a torn labrum? They were going to do a minor procedure next Friday to remove bone fragments from the break. So now I will be taking myself to the airport next weekend. But they need to schedule a date for the major part of the surgery.

Of course Grumpy is sulky because bowling has been taken away from him because of this. He needs to get it fixed, but doesn't know if he wants to. :o

He also told me that he's been keeping away from me because he doesn't want sympathy, he doesn't want to lead me on, and he doesn't know how he feels about us. He says that there are a lot of things he didn't like about our past R and M, but wouldn't say what exactly, and that he is trying to move forward without recreating the past. He says that he's scared what rock bottom is going to look like if things are this $h!tety for him now. He was deep in victim mode it seemed like.

You know, typical MLC script. I didn't react I just listened, and gave the standard I'm sorry you feel that way.  When I really just wanted to take off my wedding band, set it on the console and tell him to grow up and get his $h!te together, and to call me when he's ready to be my husband again.

I'm thinking about going NC until I get back from vacation.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 12/22/17 - Day after legal separation signed, I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline FearNot

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Re: Or, roll your eyes and think WTF.
« Reply #99 on: May 17, 2018, 08:58:10 AM »
Kitty,
I wish I could grant you that power!!

I honestly don't know how you do it! Having contact on a fairly regular basis, dealing with his victim mode, and not losing it on him. You have such strength and grace!!

I really hope you enjoy your vacation! You deserve it. Take a break from this MLC garbage.

You'll know if NC is right for you. You seem to make such sound decisions and be in a really level headed place. It's admirable  :).

Hug!
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

 

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