Author Topic: My Story H is moving forward with OW,But there is unfinished business with me 2  (Read 1360 times)

Offline waiting4Topic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
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  • Gender: Female
  • Tomorrow is another day..
  New thread .... new month ... MLC continues...


Previous thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9926.0
« Last Edit: May 01, 2018, 06:30:58 AM by Thunder »
Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35 ( our only child)
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD July 2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old Peruvian with a 67yr old son
H- moved out of our home in Oct 2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- Jan. 2017 he visits a fertility clinic.
 H - stopped seeing me in 2017.except for 3 emergency situations
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 H- told me that OW does want him to divorce me and they have talked about getting married.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 H & OW moved into a huge single family home in May 2018
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

Offline waiting4Topic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
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  • Posts: 535
  • Gender: Female
  • Tomorrow is another day..

Thunder can you attach my old thread please.. :)

Done.
Welcome to your new thread, waiting.   :)
Thunder
« Last Edit: May 01, 2018, 06:31:58 AM by Thunder »
Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35 ( our only child)
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD July 2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old Peruvian with a 67yr old son
H- moved out of our home in Oct 2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- Jan. 2017 he visits a fertility clinic.
 H - stopped seeing me in 2017.except for 3 emergency situations
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 H- told me that OW does want him to divorce me and they have talked about getting married.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 H & OW moved into a huge single family home in May 2018
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

Offline xyzcf

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Welcome to your new thread waiting. On your last thread you wrote:

Quote
He IS BAITING ME  this morning.

It sure seems like that. He may not have "liked" your one word response to him and your lack of interest as to what this certified letter could be.

Let him stew.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

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Offline heroIam

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Attaching, waiting.
Hope you are feeling better today.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline FearNot

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Attaching!
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Rippedapart

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Hi waiting 
I am heading into my fifth year of MLC H. 

I have been where you are re: jeckyll and hyde.

I was you......always polite, obliging etc.,

I have had a quiet time since last September...my H was doing his utmost to have me help him sort his pension.  I eventually had to be very blunt and say no...u need to sort it yourself.  MONSTER appeared, I ignored, he is baiting you waiting, only respond to the part you know to be true.  My H is now almost N/C since January this year, I am slow at learning lol and I refused to let him stay here for a  couple of days as he has ow2 which he is in denial about.  He was not happy but for the first time in 5 years I honestly believe he heard me, he respected me and stayed away, I am vetting the hang of boundaries....better late than never.  I am not pursuing, by them asking us questing and us responding i do believe they see us as persuing even thought they made contact first.  My new logo is ...Less is best.  Hang in there it will get better.

🙃

Offline Kanvan

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Following waiting and keeping you in my prayers.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
Divorced 4/10/2018
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing although divorced

Offline waiting4Topic starter

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  • Tomorrow is another day..

Thank you to everyone that is following along, your support means the world to me..

So H sent a text this morning in regards to our cabin  ??? I have  2 thoughts about it because there is really no reason for him to contact me.. we have a website for our cabin and we see the same things  ::)

1. he is baiting me: i am doing my best to back off and get on with things . He brought up divorce last month and i have not mentioned it or asked him about it at all.. so he could be trying to get a fight started to justify him bringing up divorce again..
      I am controlling myself in this now and I'm not giving him any more rope to hang me with.

2. He is initiating contact with me now and simply testing the waters..probably has no plans to change anything just keeping the lines of communication open..baby steps to see if we can have just a normal conversation..
      This could be a good thing as long as i can control my emotions.and just let things happen naturally.. he stopped initiating contact at all in the fall 2017..

I will respond to his direct questions.. bascially mirror him.. I will not respond immediately..He is now offically at the 3 year mark with OW..

I realize there is no sense of urgency in this.. its his crisis , his mess ...I feel  most of what he does is to get a reaction out me and stupidly i fall into the trap.. Im a reactive person and he knows this..he can poke at me all he wants and if i take the bait there is no one to blame but me.. i am responsible for how i react/respond to anything that happens in my life

His text to me today..

H- (pet name) did you see the message abouth the cabin
H- Also, why is the rest of May then all the months after blocked out. I thought we talked about that.

I replied a few hours later

M-I just saw the message about the cabin.
M- I believe each month has 2-3 weekday/weekends avaliable. I am there the week of mothers Day. The end of the month is blocked for maintance . D is staying for 2 weeks in June with grandchildren.

H- Ok ( pet name)

So two days in a row of contact for really no reason as far as i can see.. He has made no other mention of Divorce and is now back to calling me by my pet name..everything from him has been strictly business..


Truly no expectations on my part .. its just another MLC cycle.. where he is in this crap i have no idea.. where he is with OW  I have no idea.

I am still married.. I am still in my home.. My bills are paid..I am healthy.. I have family and friends..

I hope all i share during this crazy ride is of some benefit to newbies.. Standing is not for the faint of heart..


Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35 ( our only child)
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD July 2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old Peruvian with a 67yr old son
H- moved out of our home in Oct 2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- Jan. 2017 he visits a fertility clinic.
 H - stopped seeing me in 2017.except for 3 emergency situations
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 H- told me that OW does want him to divorce me and they have talked about getting married.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 H & OW moved into a huge single family home in May 2018
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

Online Treasur

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Waiting, you have picked yourself back up really well and should feel proud of looking after your needs and emotions so well.

What else is going on in your life that feels positive too?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline waiting4Topic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
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  • Posts: 535
  • Gender: Female
  • Tomorrow is another day..
Waiting, you have picked yourself back up really well and should feel proud of looking after your needs and emotions so well.

What else is going on in your life that feels positive too?

Thank you Treasur.. I'm doing ok.. I think the best any of us can do is take things one day at a time.

I have some travel planned .. family trips,  8) my nephews graduation  :)I am busy volunteering  at a local animal shelter  :D I have volunteered to help at vacation bible school  :D The weather is improving so I'm getting out in my garden now  8) my daughter is home for 2 weeks, its nice to have her here to baby  ;D
Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35 ( our only child)
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD July 2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old Peruvian with a 67yr old son
H- moved out of our home in Oct 2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- Jan. 2017 he visits a fertility clinic.
 H - stopped seeing me in 2017.except for 3 emergency situations
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 H- told me that OW does want him to divorce me and they have talked about getting married.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 H & OW moved into a huge single family home in May 2018
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

 

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