Author Topic: My Story H is moving forward with OW,But there is unfinished business with me 2  (Read 1358 times)

Online Thunder

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I just saw this waiting...CONGRATULATIONS!!!   ;D

I'm so happy for you.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Well then. Guess you just proved that prayer works! Congrats
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline waiting4Topic starter

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                                                        MAY

   It is turning out to be a very busy month..Lots of travel this month, starting a new job..getting more involved in church activities , spending more time with girlfriends...

 I'm moving forward with things that are good for me.. and I'm starting to sleep through the night. at times I feel my confidence coming back, Its a slow process but I think I will get there .

On the H front.. I had to contact him on a matter with the HOA... no change with him.. His view of me is still very negative, he continues to curse me and make reference to me acting like I'm his mother or that I act like I own him.. He now tells me he cant stand me..HMMMM, that comes across to me as very teenage type comments .. very rebellious...

He also continues to make comments about him working .. " I HAVE A JOB" ... "I HAVE TO WORK WHILE YOU DO NOTHING " " OW AND I BOTH WORK" ...I cant figure out why he feels he needs to say these things to me..

He continues to NOT ask about my life, ( what im doing , how i am, if i need help with anyhting )

I have made a point now of not putting up with his profanity.. when he starts i tell him using profanity is not neccessary, and that i do not appreciate being spoken to like that.. he will stop but immediantly trys to justify it.. i simply say " im sorry you feel that way "

Something interesting .. at one point when i said something he didnt like he threatened to block me.. I said  " go ahead , you dont contact me anyway unless you need something" he seemed to back down some..  when he used profanity with me i told him i was not going to put up with him speaking with me that way and if it continued i would block him.. He backed down and stopped cursing ..

I have noticed that when things escalate , if i change the subject and thank him for something he did he calms down .. so anything negative in any way shape or form brings monster out..but praisng him and stroking his ego calms the beast..which leads me to wonder,,, is OW subservient ? does she just walk stroking his ego? and if she is .. how on earth would a MLCer ever come down from that kind of high ? and  how can anyone continually praise someone ? maybe its just me.. but thats not natural in my opinion..

Hope everyone has a good Monday.. praying for us all...XXX



« Last Edit: May 07, 2018, 06:45:35 AM by waiting4 »
Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35 ( our only child)
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD July 2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old Peruvian with a 67yr old son
H- moved out of our home in Oct 2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- Jan. 2017 he visits a fertility clinic.
 H - stopped seeing me in 2017.except for 3 emergency situations
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 H- told me that OW does want him to divorce me and they have talked about getting married.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 H & OW moved into a huge single family home in May 2018
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

Offline Milly

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Good point Waiting. I wonder. We hear from others who hear snippets from schmoopie land that the OW is often  a screamer and a dictator. But maybe she ultra strokes his ego the rest of the time? Or maybe it's a combo of the stroking and reppresenting something totally new without the responsibility that we represent?

Teenagers hang out with the bad crowd and are rude to their parents when they feel bad about themselves and want to push life to the limit.

I hate it when our MLCers are so rude to us. Sorry to hear this.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Kanvan

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waiting4, as the old saying goes "All good things must come to an end". If OW is stroking his ego all the time at some point it will come to an end. Rest assured that relationship is not all sunshine and rainbows as they would like for everyone to believe. The devil never presents anything in its ugliness in the beginning or we would reject it immediately, instead he presents it as everything you think you wanted. Hang in there, you are doing good. I have heard by my H and others that his relationship is not what it is cracked up to be but in the beginning they could not take enough pics of each other and post them on Facebook and talk about how great the relationship was, now things are not that way at all. Hang in there, you are doing good.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
Divorced 4/10/2018
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing although divorced

Offline sachat3

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Following along

Your doing great.

Online Thunder

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waiting, what is a HOA?
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Good point Waiting. I wonder. We hear from others who hear snippets from schmoopie land that the OW is often  a screamer and a dictator. But maybe she ultra strokes his ego the rest of the time?

Well, she's probably stroking something the rest of the time...  ::)  But that too will come to an end and it won't be a happy one..

Yep, I'm goin' to Hades....

@Thunder - HOA is normally Home Owners Association... a bigger pack of ASOCIAL people you probably won't find than the people who run those things... Have you ever seen "Over the Hedge" (the movie?)
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Thunder

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No, I haven't but thank you for the explanation.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline heroIam

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Hi waiting.

Remaining calm and letting him know what you will/will not accept is a good way to handle his monstering.
And, simply, you just don't deserve to be spoken to in that way. 
Who cares if OW is subservient.  If she is, she has bigger problems than we think!  lol  :o
Good for you......
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

 

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