Author Topic: My Story H is moving forward with OW,But there is unfinished business with me 2  (Read 1361 times)

Offline KeepItTogether

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I agree with UM and Thunder, especially UMs “translation” of Hs text.

I’ve been reading “The Prodical’s Perspective”. It’s written by a reformed Mlcer. A really good read and great insight as to what they are thinking while doing pretty terrible things. Anyway, one thing he said was that if an Mlcer ever says anything about “never coming home” to be grateful bc really this is them assuring themselves that their decision to leave was valid. And, more importantly, it shows that indeed they are struggling with that decision (both in leaving and staying away) bc they feel the need to make such a proclamation.

Anyway, it was something I thought of as I read your Hs text.

Stay strong friend. He’s a monstery monster indeed!
Me 46
H 45
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline waiting4Topic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
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  • Gender: Female
  • Tomorrow is another day..

  Hello HS family..I've spent a few days at our cabin and  its been the best few days I have had in a very long time.. I threw myself into working ..I decided to tackle some of the grass cutting  on my own. I got the tractor started and knocked out 2 acres..I then called a local landscaper and met with him, telling him what I needed done and I made some serious decisions about the property all on my own, never once having H cross my mind..

I am exhausted.. every muscle in my body aches and I know for the first time in a very long time I will sleep soundly tonight.

I never once looked at my phone and it felt as if a weight had been removed from around my neck.

I joined the womens bookclub at church and we are reading  ' The Screwtape Letters"  by CS Lewis.  it is a good read and I have actually been able to focus  and I feel the passion I once had for reading is returning..

Ive been planning my nephews Birthday/graduation party.. I am going all out for my one and only nephew and I'm looking forward to this huge family event

I am now on the hosting/ greeting committee for our women's ministry at church, and I'm going to be  teaching Vacation Bible School .

I have a Kenny Chesney concert coming up soon , then a Jason Aldean concert to attend..

I take a photography class one evening a week. and my new job is working out great with 2 days a week.

I am also stopping by a local animal shelter when I can to play with the cats and take some fur babies on a walk..

I am getting on with life..i am tired of being sad..Nothing with H has changed, but I cant let his craziness destroy me.. I do not believe anything he says, weather its about him, OW or me.. if his lips are moving he's lying..if he comes home  he comes home, the door is open, I'm just not going to stand in the doorway looking for him anymore..

KIT.. I've been reading "the Prodigal's Perspective"...very enlightening ...

Daughter went in to talk to medical professional today.. she will meet with a new GP next week and a psychiatrist.. she really needs to just get all this out .. 

Keeping you all in my prayers  XXXX
H - 55
Adult D- 35 ( our only child)
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD July 2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old Peruvian with a 67yr old son
H- moved out of our home in Oct 2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- Jan. 2017 he visits a fertility clinic.
 H - stopped seeing me in 2017.except for 3 emergency situations
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 H- told me that OW does want him to divorce me and they have talked about getting married.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 H & OW moved into a huge single family home in May 2018
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

Online Thunder

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Hi waiting,

You sound so good, getting on with your life.

I'm so proud of you.   :)

You are not letting your MLCer, dictate your life in any way.
His miserable life is his to own.    :)

With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline Milly

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Following, Waiting, you seem to have made some great plans. I'm so pleased to hear you tackled the grounds work at your place without even considering your H. I think that's when we really begin to detach and it becomes about us, when we no longer include them in our decisions.

I hope you slept like a log!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline FearNot

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Good for you Waiting! You have so much to look forward to and I am so glad that you have found some peace!
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous


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