Author Topic: My Story My Story Isn't Over Yet 2  (Read 550 times)

Offline Whyus

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My Story Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #30 on: May 14, 2018, 11:01:49 PM »
Hi FN,

when I found out that BIL had met OM I was devistated. I felt so betrayed all over again. Its been 6 months since I found out and I have only exchanged "Hi's" with him since. It is such a shame because we got on really well for over 20 years, he was great the first 11 months after BD. This is my Problem alone but its how I deal with it. I have always been able to just "drop" People who have done me wrong in the past without hesitation, why cant I just do that with W???

I few weeks back W dropped OM on the Family at S20s birthday, her plan totally backfired on her and she has done even more damage to her R with her Boys/Parents. I totally lost it when I found out and couldnt get out of bed the next day. She can be glad that S18 and FIL werent there, it may have got messy.

I dont know what im trying to say but having Family members "Support" the BS is heart breaking, its as though they give it theyre Blessing and confirms to the MLCer that he/she did the right Thing ... its a difficult one for sure.

I love that you started playing golf again... your doing great... I packed Ws stuff in black bags too  :o
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #31 on: May 15, 2018, 07:56:36 AM »
Thank you IF for your continued support!! Big hugs to you!

Whyus- Thank you for your support! It does feel like a betrayal and it is heart breaking to have their family member that has supported to you to a fault, turn tail and meet the OP!!  I am so very thankful that it hasn't occurred as of yet, and I am praying about  God's plan in it and the strength to deal, should it happen. I think that sometimes their family might find it easier to just accept vs. stand up for what is "right" for fear of losing the MLC'er completely. I am sorry that you lost your BIL over this, maybe down the road there is hope for a R with him. I wish I had an answer as to how to "drop" the W! I guess that's what happens when we love and are committed to the bat snot crazy MLC'ers  ;). At least her plan failed at the birthday. I think we are all familiar with the feeling of being so lost, overwhelmed and saddened that we shut down for a day  (sometimes more). I think we need to do that once in a while. The key is not to stay there! Hang in there Whyus! I'm rooting for ya!

I think perhaps we should come up with a line of LBS branded things. LBS packing boxes, black garbage bags (these seem like they'd be a top seller), maybe a magic 8 ball to give to the MLC'er since they can never make a decision? Maybe a can of room spray to cover up the smell of BS, that tends to take over sometimes? I am sure there are a ton of products we could come up with. Lol.  Feel free to toss some ideas out there! I am sure there are some good ones  ;D

Journaling/ Randomness

Not much to report here. I have been hanging with my cousin. Helping her out with a few things. Work has slowed down a little. Allergies are killing me. Tis the season. I'm thinking I should start watering the lawn, while H is still paying that bill. It only makes sense, should it come down to selling, we would want a nice lawn ::)

It dawned on me the other day that I have not seen H since January! Perhaps I have a vanisher on my hands? I haven't heard from H as of yet regarding his separation agreement, nor has he made contact to pick up his mail. I count these as  blessings, since everyday that passes is a day I spend in our home, one more day my flowers get to grow, one more day that I get to grow and one more day of MLC passed.

Hugs and Prayers my fellow HS peeps!
FN
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #32 on: May 15, 2018, 12:31:53 PM »
Attaching FN.  It takes me a while to get caught up, but I always do!   ;D
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9907.0#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #33 on: May 15, 2018, 02:07:13 PM »
Hi FW! Thanks for attaching! It's tough to keep up with it all!

So once again H has decided to come get the mail while I am not home. Surprise! Surprise! Lol. Avoid much?

I am preparing myself for the possibility of H being a little upset by his stuff being placed neatly out in the garage  ::). I guess me not being there will give him the opportunity to go see his half of the empty closets and drawers, as well as the changes in decor.

Makes me sad that he puts so much effort into avoiding me, but that just makes him a normal MLC'er.  :-\
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #34 on: May 16, 2018, 08:16:20 AM »
So I received H's idea of the separation agreement that he (OW) drafted up an hour after he picked up his mail from our house. My initial thought was to send it to the lawyer but it is so ridiculous that I'm not sure I want to start dishing out money paying for a response to this nonsense, which he wants a response to by Friday. It is a internet document that the blanks have been filled in on. In his email he states that he doesn't include the pensions etc, we can deal with that later. He also "forgot" the down payment AGAIN. Lol. His separation agreement has him taking on the full mortgage and the line of credit, but he withholds the amount that would be my half of the line of credit from his pension to cover it (yes, the pension that is not listed in the document). Initially in the email he refers to himself as I and by the end of it becomes "H". They clearly forgot to put it into first person throughout, when OW wrote it.  ::)

I did glean a little info as to his debt, which is good, IF he's being truthful.  ::), it's better than I was expecting. He asks for what a 16 year old would like when moving into a home. Leave the appliances, Surround system, a Big TV ( All 3 are big in my opinion), chairs to sit by the fire, patio umbrella, and his Pampered Chef Bamboo Cutting board that I bought him for his birthday at least 8 years ago ???. Oh Ya.. and his tools and sporting equipment. So... I guess he wouldn't want knives to go with said cutting board, or the BBQ, his smoker, maybe the lawnmower for taking care of the property? It honestly is laughable. <Shaking head>

He also mentioned that he wants to sit down in person to discuss this! His words were "in person discussion so we can get this settled the most amicably and expeditious way possible." ( those are words that H would never use, lol) I would be willing to do this. I have not seen him since the beginning of the year, and I feel like it is very easy for him to do this without having to look me in the eye. Perhaps it's time for a reminder of what your W looks like?!?! I would rather speak with him in person, without the OW, yakking in his ear, and editing his responses. I highly doubt that he will follow through in meeting me, but who knows.

He also threatened that he will no longer be paying the mortgage as of June 30. I highly doubt this will all be in place prior to June 30th, and if he stops paying the mortgage, he can kiss his delusional dream of taking on the mortgage alone, good bye!! That will definitely ruin his chances.There is the possibility that my cousin needs some where to go. If that happened, I could scrape by on the mortgage etc. It's just a unstable situation there as well, but maybe it's supposed to be the answer. I really don't know.

It's like he never read the email that I even sent him regarding what would need to be in place. We're just back to the bullying, and get out of my house. Lol.

Any words of wisdom out there?
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Thunder

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #35 on: May 16, 2018, 08:42:06 AM »
Maybe you could send a letter saying..Please let my husband know he forgot to have you include my down payment money on your proposal.   ;D

Kidding.  Man, he just keeps going around in circles, doesn't he?  All it was, once again was a bully type letter and get out of the house, you're right.

How do you even respond to that?  Maybe just forward it on to your lawyer, let him deal with it.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #36 on: May 16, 2018, 05:47:05 PM »
Ugh.  Definitely reeks of OW touches, doesn't it?  Yes, how does one respond to such a weak agreement?

Shows that he does not have legal representation though, if they wrote it up from the internet.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9907.0#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #37 on: May 16, 2018, 07:06:23 PM »
Thunder- Man, I wish I could respond like that!

FW- It does reek of he and it really does show he hasn't talked to a professional.

ATM- we are negotiating a time to meet tomorrow night. We'll see if H follows through.
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Thunder

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #38 on: May 17, 2018, 08:08:53 AM »
Fear, do you think he will come alone if he shows up?  I would certainly insist on that.
Maybe show up a little late and if she is there, turn around and leave.

Are you just hammering out the settlement?  How's he going to do this without her?   ;D
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #39 on: May 17, 2018, 08:36:22 AM »
He is coming to our home, so I would hope that he would not be bringing her. He's coming straight from a work site apparently. He made the plans last night, while working away, and I don't think she was actually there. I am fully expecting her to kibosh them!! If she shows at our home, she's not allowed in. She can wait outside, off the property.

It is to talk about the settlement! I'm not sure what he will do without his armchair "legal team" present to guide him into utter ridiculousness.  ::) I expect lots  of  squirming, no eye contact, most likely some anger, when I yet again mention the "down payment"  and he finds out that I haven't agreed to a buyout, and that he needs to come up with a much better document because this is a waste of my lawyers time (I probably shouldn't say that part)::).

I am going to put on my best Oscar winning performance. Light, lovely, no anger, no tears, no accusations, throw in as many "I'm sorry you feel that way", "I'll have to think about that", etc as need be. I am saying my prayers that God will guide me, shut my mouth when it needs to be shut, show him as much agape love and forgiveness as possible and God's will be done.

I do think I will give him his special cutting board tonight when we are done. I really don't need/want it! We don't even need to mark it down for "valuation with the lawyers for later" (as he stated in his email) ;D.
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

 

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