Author Topic: My Story It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.  (Read 862 times)

Offline Anjae

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My Story Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #60 on: May 16, 2018, 06:03:29 PM »
I'd be lying if I told you that I know what to do here or what the right thing is. Right now I can't turn or lift my neck without pain and my vision is a little off. It could just be from dry contacts and no sleep or it could be from last night.

I understand this. I have been there, after BD, nearly 12 years ago.

Have you been seen by a doctor? If not, please go see one. You may have internal damages in the area you were attacked as well as in your brain or nerves/muscles that connect to the brain.

Are you home or with your friend? Is there somewhere where you can stay at until your husband leaves?

I think that it is far beyond MLC. And I do understand that the best thing for me is probably not the best thing for anyone who is deploying with him. But if I report and they don't lock him up in time or let him go too soon, should I be the one to pay that price? Because I will be and God only knows what he will do to me.

It may not be. Some MLCers do what your husband did. Some of us have spouses who did it and have never done it before MLC. But, it does not matter if it is MLC or beyond.


I am trying to think what you could do that would allow you to report him and be safe. Report and go elsewhere? Like Phoenix suggested, look for some organization that works with domestic violence? For example, one with a shelter for abused women?

After what you wrote, I also understand why you would like to tell OW. But, do you think she would believe you? Did your mum believe what was said about the guy she married? Wouldn't telling OW also be dangerous for you? 

You are studying to be a lawyer. Are there any colleagues or professors you can ask for advice?
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline DianaDeBelflorTopic starter

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Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #61 on: May 16, 2018, 10:26:20 PM »
I understand this. I have been there, after BD, nearly 12 years ago.

Have you been seen by a doctor? If not, please go see one. You may have internal damages in the area you were attacked as well as in your brain or nerves/muscles that connect to the brain.

Are you home or with your friend? Is there somewhere where you can stay at until your husband leaves?
I hope the memories fade after 12 years. I really do...

I have not been seen by a doctor. Which, again, I should know better. I know that even though I did not pass out, I could potentially die of traumatic encephalopathy within a couple of days and never see it coming. This morning I was lying to myself that it wasn't so bad... and for the first 10 hours or so it wasn't. Now it hurts to turn my neck.

I am going to go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow. It will be nice and anonymous.

I could stay elsewhere, but there'd be problems with that.

1. I do not yet have all the paperwork/access that I need from him.
2. If I come back to my in-laws early, I'll have to answer questions. I'll have a hard time fielding them as is.
3. He might get suspicious/anxious. He had been talking big about kicking me out or leaving himself, but it is very obvious that this is not what he wants.

I went out to a brewery for a pub quiz with some guys from my hiking group and had an absolute blast, but I wasn't sure what I'd be coming home to tonight. It's not as bad as I might have thought. Not great, mind you, but not violent and right now I shall take what I can get.

He seems subdued now, at least.

After his little nap in the master bedroom this morning, he decided that that's where he is sleeping again... With me. He woke up long enough to tell me "welcome back" and "did you have a good time" and went back to sleep. I believe that cray-cray is the technical term for this phenomenon.

It may not be. Some MLCers do what your husband did. Some of us have spouses who did it and have never done it before MLC. But, it does not matter if it is MLC or beyond.
Fair enough. MLC or no MLC, he never did this before, but I can certainly expect this going forward.


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I am trying to think what you could do that would allow you to report him and be safe. Report and go elsewhere? Like Phoenix suggested, look for some organization that works with domestic violence? For example, one with a shelter for abused women?
If I do that, I will not finish out this year. I am at 22 credit hours between my classes and ROTC. I may be selling my soul for this, but I think I have to buy myself this year.

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After what you wrote, I also understand why you would like to tell OW. But, do you think she would believe you? Did your mum believe what was said about the guy she married? Wouldn't telling OW also be dangerous for you? 
That's the thing: my mom did not know. His ex wife was not from our town and their married life was not in our town either. Everyone knew only what his friends and family fed them. If my mom had even a hint of trouble, she would have ran the other way.

But will this girl believe me? I don't know. She blocked me on Facebook before I ever learned that she exists. She is carrying on an EA (and possibly a PA) with an emotionally-unstable married man (she may not know the full extent, but come on). This is not what you'd call a nice girl. She may measure everyone by her own yardstick. I think I'm just going to tell my mother-in-law what I am concerned about, give her the girl's phone number, and let my mother-in-law decide whether she wants to contact the girl.

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You are studying to be a lawyer. Are there any colleagues or professors you can ask for advice?
There are. My girlfriend is another law student. She thinks I should stay quiet till he leaves. I will also reach out to a retired colonel who wrote my JAG recommendation and ask him for advice on what to do about my husband and whether I should contact his leadership. That will have to be after he leaves, but I can reach these people if need be.

Offline DianaDeBelflorTopic starter

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Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #62 on: May 16, 2018, 10:33:04 PM »
Okay, so this is random, but I just went onto my Google activity page to clear out anything I don't want him seeing popping up in his feed (like my Planned Parenthood search, for example)... and he's looking up anime porn (pornographic Japanese cartoons image search).  :o

Is this like a Tinder alternative for losers with no social graces?  ::)


I FIND SH!T ABOUT HIM THAT BLOWS MY MIND EVEN WHEN I'M NOT OUT LOOKING FOR IT! Jesus Christ!

At this point, his sh!t finds me...

Online Treasur

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Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #63 on: May 17, 2018, 12:26:19 AM »
I've been reading your posts, Diana, but stayed away from adding to what others have said.

The good news is that you are feisty and smart. The bad news is possibly that you are in danger of focusing that on things that don't serve you, and failing to see the serious wood for the trees. Please don't underestimate just how much the shock of all of this is a mindf**k in its' own right. All of us ahead of you remember how it stops even the smartest of us thinking clearly sometimes or knowing what to do, and how exhausting and confusing our own emotions are. It also sounds as if you have some tough family history of your own which will be creating your own habits and mind monkeys perhaps. And from my perspective you are still young and evolving, a lovely work in progress. Some of your anger, actions that look like 'game playing' drama as Anjae said and your responses to your H's behaviour. And every time you find a bit of solid ground, your H brings more crazy.

Your girlfriend said something like you are not prioritising yourself enough and, as an outsider, she seems to be exactly right...so it's time to use that smart head, break it down like any good legal brain does and set some firm priorities. I would suggest that these are, in order, a) your physical and mental safety, b) your financial safety, c) your own life/work/friends etc.....then a pretty big gap before d) your practical obligations with a military spouse about to be deployed, e) your emotional obligations to a mentally ill spouse in crisis and finally (and IMHO so far down the list that you're unlikely to have space/time right now)  f) your obligations to any strangers in his life who are enabling him which includes ow.

Another good thing...the universe is physically removing your H in a couple of weeks by deploying him for 9 months. And you have a new job in another location right? That is a blessing and a real gift of time to breathe, think and decide about things that you do not need to action right now. Any wise service person knows the cost of spreading your resources too thin and the importance of picking your battles.

I don't know you or the history of your marriage. I have made a ton of mistakes in my situation and failed often to prioritise wisely. But I am old enough to be your mother and if you were my daughter, I would want you to use your feisty, smart, disciplined self to put you at the top of your short-term list as your girlfriend lovingly suggested and:

- go to a doctor right now to look after yourself physically and establish an objective record of your injuries

- trust in your deepest gut that no reason is good enough to excuse someone trying to strangle you and no reason is good enough to stay in a situation where you are exposed to the risk of it happening again.

- you are not responsible for making your abuser 'feel calmer'...put simply, you should not be sharing a bed or living space with someone who has physically attacked you. Full stop. Life and mental illness are not black and white, but that is and you need to feel it and say so to your H. What he did was real and it is not ok, never ok. If he won't leave for the next few days, you need to do so.

- you have made wise choices on protecting yourself financially from what I can see, but you are being much more cavalier about your physical and emotional health. Only you know why that is...but you are smart enough to know that in the history of human endeavour, no drunk, addict, mentally ill, violent or unfaithful spouse has ever stopped because their wife has made them feel better, stroked their brow, made them jealous or sorted out their love life with an ow. You are smart; you know this...and you are not responsible for any bit of your H's behaviour, not one bit. He is a mess but he is an independent adult in all his glorious f**kedup-ness...you simply cannot fix him. Keep focused on A, B and C...keep asking yourself 'how does this choice serve ME?'...and if it doesn't, consider doing nothing.

- if/when you feel you have A, B and C appropriately covered THEN with a spare 10%, consider D onwards. I don't know if you should report his mental health and behaviour as a military spouse given his non-combat role, or report him for DV either, but I do know that you need to focus on you first. Don't waste energy thinking about divorce and anything post-deployment...you can get to that when you need to...but if you're choked to death in the next few days or beaten to a pulp or infected with an STD or have a mental breakdown, doesn't really matter does it? And I'm pretty sure that ow's feelings or relationship with anyone, including your H, is not your job. It is a fake bit of twisted control against chaos to think that it is surely?

I'm not sure if your reaction to this will be the same as your reaction to Anjae's post. I can see how tough and smart you are, and I really hope that you will bite the bullet and see that this is not ok, not normal, not ignorable and that you need your fighting energy for you first now. Let everyone else, and everything else, take a ticket and stand in line...and if they don't like it, and some won't probably including your H, f**k 'em.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2018, 12:33:54 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline DianaDeBelflorTopic starter

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Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #64 on: May 17, 2018, 08:33:40 AM »
I've been reading your posts, Diana, but stayed away from adding to what others have said.
Thank you.

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The good news is that you are feisty and smart.
You know, when I read this my first thought was "and that is exactly what he stopped liking about me." For the last year and a half, he has made be feel bad about both, in one way or another. If I respond to him sarcastically, then I'm a "b!tch." If I tell him that I'm not really into a certain type of show, then I have a stick up my a$$ (and maybe I do, but some humor is excessively crass, some cartoons are too childish, and some satire takes it so far that it loses its point and becomes stupid--I should be allowed to express that and I happen to like standup, cartoons, and satirical productions as a general rule). If I use big words to build complex sentences, I'm, apparently, "using those SAT words."

I never told him that he was too stupid for me and I never felt that he was, but then again, maybe I didn't have to. He surrounds himself with people who are flaky, immature, unambitious, callous... He is older than them, better educated than them, has more "stuff" than them, is more established than them, and has more money than them. There is nothing necessarily wrong with any one of those things, but when they're consistently together in every person he has around him, it begs a question, no? This is a 30-year-old man whose average friend is around 23, no family, no long-term relationship, hazy long-term goals, unfinished education or education with no practical use (be it higher education or technical education), messy apartment with hand-me-down furniture, and a habit of drinking to excess. One of his buddies is in awe of the way my husband talks and always tells him how smart he is. You can't get that kind of admiration from a Sargent with a wonderful family and a glowing career ahead of him--that friendship didn't work out (but a Sargent who got out of the service to be a full-time pothead is aces in my husband's books). You also cannot get that from a fellow Lieutenant who, along with her husband, tried several times to get closer to us and have us over for dinners. You also can't get that from me--I love, I respect, and I appreciate, but I do not fawn over anyone.

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The bad news is possibly that you are in danger of focusing that on things that don't serve you, and failing to see the serious wood for the trees. Please don't underestimate just how much the shock of all of this is a mindf**k in its' own right. All of us ahead of you remember how it stops even the smartest of us thinking clearly sometimes or knowing what to do, and how exhausting and confusing our own emotions are. It also sounds as if you have some tough family history of your own which will be creating your own habits and mind monkeys perhaps. And from my perspective you are still young and evolving, a lovely work in progress. Some of your anger, actions that look like 'game playing' drama as Anjae said and your responses to your H's behaviour. And every time you find a bit of solid ground, your H brings more crazy.
You know... the fog has lifted.

When he came home remorseful, I though maybe, just maybe it was all a mistake. People snap sometimes and do things that they would have never done otherwise. He seemed so shaken up that I reverted to my default, which is to take care of him. But then he went back to blaming me for what happened and the timeline of the events snapped into place and the picture is so, so clear.

He beats me and tells me that he should have choked me out => Goes back to texting his ex => Tells me I was the catalyst when he wakes up => Comes home remorseful and is reassured and comforted => Gets a "be a better man" talk from his wife and reverts to blaming her for his beatings => Is comforted again and becomes subdued => Does some tending to the wife's injuries in such a detached way that you'd think someone else did this => Spends the rest of the day in constant communication with OW like nothing happened => Looks at some snapshots of porny cartoons and goes back to sleep in the marital bed.

This whole thing is completely outside of normal human behavior and response.

This morning when he came home I was still sleeping. Instead of closing my door and turning the TV on low, he left my door opened and watched subtitled Japanese cartoons at full volume--it's subtitles and Japanese voice acting so turn the TV down!

When he heard me showering, he came in wanting to know whether I was going somewhere. I told him not yet, but I did not shave my legs last night so I wanted to do that. And I thought he left to go downstairs. Nope! I get out of the shower and he's still sitting in the bedroom playing with the cats. He wanted to chat with me. My responses were short. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him that my neck was still incredibly sore. He reassured me that it will pass in a couple of days and told me that the only thing he can think of is more ice water.

Well, looks like someone has completely detached from what he has done! He's at the gym now, thank God!


So yeah, no - the fog is gone. This is a monster.

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Your girlfriend said something like you are not prioritising yourself enough and, as an outsider, she seems to be exactly right...so it's time to use that smart head, break it down like any good legal brain does and set some firm priorities. I would suggest that these are, in order, a) your physical and mental safety, b) your financial safety, c) your own life/work/friends etc.....then a pretty big gap before d) your practical obligations with a military spouse about to be deployed, e) your emotional obligations to a mentally ill spouse in crisis and finally (and IMHO so far down the list that you're unlikely to have space/time right now)  f) your obligations to any strangers in his life who are enabling him which includes ow.
I think I'm there now, Treasur.

The physical and mental safety was not a priority before, but then again, I never thought he'd beat me... Of course, I never thought he'd get a mistress either. Lesson learned!

A wall is up. I want nothing to do with him and I will do everything I can to stay safe.

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Another good thing...the universe is physically removing your H in a couple of weeks by deploying him for 9 months. And you have a new job in another location right? That is a blessing and a real gift of time to breathe, think and decide about things that you do not need to action right now. Any wise service person knows the cost of spreading your resources too thin and the importance of picking your battles.
Well, my school is in another state and, after I graduate, I will be moving states again (to JAG school for 6 months) and then I will move states yet again to go to my first duty station. So yes, I will be worlds away and I think that for as long as I have to give him any mailing information, I will keep a PO box.

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I don't know you or the history of your marriage. I have made a ton of mistakes in my situation and failed often to prioritise wisely. But I am old enough to be your mother and if you were my daughter, I would want you to use your feisty, smart, disciplined self to put you at the top of your short-term list as your girlfriend lovingly suggested and:
Thank you again.

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- go to a doctor right now to look after yourself physically and establish an objective record of your injuries
Going to Planned Parenthood as soon as I am done typing this.

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- trust in your deepest gut that no reason is good enough to excuse someone trying to strangle you and no reason is good enough to stay in a situation where you are exposed to the risk of it happening again.
Oh you're right - he has no excuse. But I will stick it out until he leaves. If he tries anything again, he will find out just how hard I can fight back and how quickly I can call 911.

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- you are not responsible for making your abuser 'feel calmer'...put simply, you should not be sharing a bed or living space with someone who has physically attacked you. Full stop. Life and mental illness are not black and white, but that is and you need to feel it and say so to your H. What he did was real and it is not ok, never ok. If he won't leave for the next few days, you need to do so.
No... I am not responsible for that, you are right. But I am safer if I do. There is nothing to be gained right now by insisting he gets his skanky wife-beating a$$ out of the bedroom.

Smile. Bide my time. That is what I am doing.

And maybe this is the feisty side of me talking, but I will never again be put out of my own house like I was when he flew his skank down here. I will be leaving this house last. I know this isn't wise, but I need it for my sanity, for my pride, and for my self-respect. He leaves first.


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I'm not sure if your reaction to this will be the same as your reaction to Anjae's post. I can see how tough and smart you are, and I really hope that you will bite the bullet and see that this is not ok, not normal, not ignorable and that you need your fighting energy for you first now. Let everyone else, and everything else, take a ticket and stand in line...and if they don't like it, and some won't probably including your H, f**k 'em.
You know, according to my husband, I'm week and needy. Alternatively, I'm an evil conniving monster.

I'm starting to think that he might be projecting. Just a tad.  ::)

You're right, of course. I will do what I can for him, but I come first. He'll learn that when the time is right.

Online Thunder

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Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #65 on: May 17, 2018, 09:25:02 AM »
This is probably too late, but I heard the police department has defensive training for women.

You sound good Diana, and I don't believe you will put yourself in harms way anymore.
If things ignite, you leave the house immediately.

Let us know how Planned Parenthood goes.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online Treasur

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Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #66 on: May 17, 2018, 11:07:16 AM »
Diana, I have no right to be, but I'm smiling a little with pride here. I can see the shift and you're worth you fighting for...your H right now, not so much. You must call it as you see fit and for your needs and self-respect...but if there is one more bit of violence, I'm trusting you to call 911 as you say. And if you don't I'll fly over there and shout at you like a good mother, then hug you and feed you cake  ;D
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline DianaDeBelflorTopic starter

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Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #67 on: May 17, 2018, 03:13:44 PM »
Awwww! Ladies! Thank you!

This is probably too late, but I heard the police department has defensive training for women.
I took martial arts for a year in high school, actually. I'm also 5'7, 155 lbs, and well muscled. He's considerably bigger than I am, but I can and will fight back. I will not have an out-of-body experience like I did before.

That said, I fought back even in that out-of-body experience. There is a nasty scratch on his forearm, which he was boo-boo faced about this morning. I asked him about it because I did not remember scratching him and he told me it was from me. I rolled my eyes and told him that next time I'll try not to fight back when he's strangling me. But I do distinctly recall slapping him in the face and punching him in the groin several times during the incident. Hope those hurt.

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You sound good Diana, and I don't believe you will put yourself in harms way anymore.
If things ignite, you leave the house immediately.
The plan is to go to my car and call the cops  8)

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Let us know how Planned Parenthood goes.
Well, Planned Parenthood, sadly, does not do neck exams. I had to go to Urgent Care. There is considerable swelling around trachea, larnyx, hyoid, and the carotid, but nothing seems damaged although my movement range is significantly reduced due to pain and swelling. The doctor suggested muscle relaxants, but I pointed out that those may not be the wisest choice in my situation and he agreed. I'll be taking anti-inflammatory meds for the next 10 days and he told me that I should be symptom-free in 2 weeks.

TWO WEEKS!? How hard was he strangling me!? Jesus Christ!

I'll be sure to come back for the full medical report. While I asked them not to file a police report, I want the full medical report... for my records.

Also, I shall revisit Planned Paranthood in a couple of weeks for a confidential STI test... Just in case.


Diana, I have no right to be, but I'm smiling a little with pride here.
You have every right and thank you!

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I can see the shift and you're worth you fighting for...your H right now, not so much.
You know, I thought about him a lot this morning. I care about him. I always will, but the way you do about a sick household pet or a demented relative. It's not romantic love anymore.

Sex that he and I had up to now is just that - sex with someone whose body I know very well. He was losing his mind during it. I wasn't.

This morning we had the following text exchange:

Me: "Why were you in my closet yesterday."
Him: "I have stuff in there. Cause I wear your dresses when you're not looking and keep my urine jars in there. Duh!"
Me: "You're too fat for my dresses. Would you like me to move your clothes so that you have an easier time packing it? If not, I can pack it for you in July."
Him: "I'll just put it in the box at this point. You can pack the urine jars. I'm gonna rearrange your sh!t just to mess with you now."
Me: "Ship those to your mistress. She is used to picking up castoffs."
Him: "I'm not fighting with you, find someone else to put up with your temper tantrum."
Me: "It's not a tantrum and I'm not fighting with you. I asked a question. You got stupid. My response is the consequence of that."
Him: "Uh huh."
Me: "If I wanted a fight, I would have said 'refuse.'"

He came home quiet like a mouse and jumpy at every noise. I gave him a hug, which he seemed to have eagerly wanted, and comforted him. (You have to reward good behavior with small children.)

He made sure I had the paperwork I asked for, asked me if I was coming for dinner, and wished me a good time at my volunteer event (I'm off making blankets for the homeless this evening).

Yup! I'm his mommy now! Well, whatever it takes. Right now he wants my approval? I can use it.

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You must call it as you see fit and for your needs and self-respect...but if there is one more bit of violence, I'm trusting you to call 911 as you say. And if you don't I'll fly over there and shout at you like a good mother, then hug you and feed you cake  ;D
Oh I will! Can I still have cake? (After I pass my Field Training, of course)  ;D

Offline DianaDeBelflorTopic starter

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Re: It's probably early-onset MLC. He's the crazy one.
« Reply #68 on: May 18, 2018, 06:09:05 AM »
Update:

So, I had a very good time last night and got an invitation to a game night tonight. I'll definitely be going because I have absolutely no wish to stay at home.

When I came home, I was still on the phone with a friend. To some extent that irritates my husband, though he will not say it. I've made a choice long time ago that I will not be hiding my texts or my calls from him because I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and refuse to sneak around to talk to friends like I am doing something wrong. In spite of everything that happened, he continues to try and hide his communication with the OW from me. At this point, I think he's seeking secrecy for secrecy's sake. At least to some extent that seems to be a necessary relationship component for them.

At the same time, he claims that he doesn't care if I sleep with someone else - he just doesn't want to hear about it. While he's doing that, he keeps asking every day when I am coming home so that he doesn't have to call the police to look for me. Last night those questions/comments were so back to back that I finally understood what it meant. He made some comments about me having a boyfriend and then told me to let him know when I wasn't going to come home to sleep so that he'd know not to call the police. So... he asks me when I'm coming home to gauge whether or not I'm leaving to have sex with someone else. Dear lord, WHY!?

After a while I went upstairs to shower and was stunned by what I saw. My bruises are coming in quite nicely! Now I know why my right breast was hurting so much. About a quarter of it is a giant, dark blue-green bruise. I went downstairs and showed it to him. He seemed truly horrified and couldn't even remember punching me there. Well, hon, you did! He apologized again and gave me a hug. I told him that I couldn't believe that he has done this and he said that he couldn't either and added "well, in 10 days I won't be your problem anymore." Yes, because THAT's how it works!

After he was done tooling around on his phone downstairs, he came up and went to the master bedroom where I was falling asleep. He laid down and said something to the effect of "I'm going to be on Pinterest for a bit."

I sat up and basically told him the following: "If you want to sleep here, you can. You can put in your earphones, turn on your YouTube stream (he falls asleep listening to whisper videos on YouTube), and you can sleep here next to me. I really don't care where you sleep. However, if you want to text your girlfriend, you need to go do it somewhere else." He protested that she is not his girlfriend and that he was trying to be nice to me by sleeping next to me because he thought that I liked it. I again reiterated that I did not care and asked: "Do you think it is appropriate to sleep next to your wife while texting the woman that you want to have sex with?" He protested that he's not even sure he wants to have sex with her anymore. I again rephrased: "Do you think it is appropriate to sleep next to your wife while texting the woman that you want to have a relationship with?"

He finally said "no." He put away his phone for a while and we talked a bit. Here's the gist of what he told me:

1. He doesn't think she will make up her mind by June
2. He's irritated that she seems so incapable of making up her mind
3. He remembers screaming at me that none of this would have happened if I had met his emotional needs, but he cannot articulate what those emotional needs are and he doesn't really know what they are, he just came to the conclusion that I will not meet them. Yup! He really said that!  :o
4. He thinks he needs to spend some time with a therapist figuring himself out
5. He thinks that 9 months of forced sobriety will be good for him
6. He believes that deployment will be his chance to sort things out and develop healthy coping strategies

After we talked, he made an excuse to go sleep in the spare bedroom and texted his OW for another hour. I checked because I was curious about my secrecy theory. I think I may be on to something, because he seems to look for ways to create secrecy around their communication when he really doesn't have to. By the way, that means he slept a grand total of 4.5 hours last night, at most.


Personally, I am looking forward to the 27th, when I will not have to leave my own house in attempt to escape all the insanity that I am living with here. I am counting days for him to be gone.

But I do have a very serious question, especially for those of you who has served and deployed: Is he delusional in believing that he will get mentally and emotionally better on deployment?

 

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