Author Topic: My Story H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!  (Read 1113 times)

Offline Keep believing

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What happened with your ds job through your h ?

Online UrsaMajor

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Milly, the time I spent in that area was in the area around Tavernelle and Marcialla so that gives you an idea...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

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Offline CanLetGo

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You’re a miracle worker Milly, no wonder exhausted, lovely son looking after you. It must be a bit strange going to the winery with all the changes, and it now being your workplace for someone else, it was your home for so long.
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline MillyTopic starter

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Faith, thanks for the good wishes for my property!

Hi CLG, it is funny to be out at my old winery and have it belong to someone else. While it was being refurbished it looked like such a mess that I was totally ok about it, but like today while I was there waiting for my tasting clients to arrive, I felt like an intruder sitting in the living room.

UM, I'm in Greve in Chianti, about 20 minutes from Tavarnelle. Did you come visit my village while you were here?

Keep, thanks for asking. H is in contact with D20 about the summer job. I can see her emails, she doesn't know, and I saw that he has been communicating about dates and accommodation. I don't want to pressure her by asking her if she's in contact with him, I'm sure she'll tell me when she's ready. I used to ask her all the time if 'Daddy' had emailed her and I sensed it was getting too much for her, so I've stepped back. The job training is supposed to happen at the end of June when she gets back. I am a little surprised that H is carrying through with this. I thought he would disappear.

So because of Keep's question I've remembered to tell you the latest on H and his psycho witch suing D20 and me. When I saw my lawyer last week I think it was, she told me that my suing L had been notified that the PM as it's called here (public minister/officer) DA maybe in English, sent a request to the judge for H and OW's case to be closed. Basically the DA thinks that H and OW don't have a valid case, or the DA thinks that pursuing this will cause more harm than good. The judge has the last word but my L says that it's very rare for a judge to insist on going to trial for a case the DA thinks is not worth doing.

Of course D20 and I are very relieved. D20 doesn't want to get too excited until she sees the notice from the judge confirming this. You know how this MLC makes us all wary of the unexpected. Still, if the DA had pushed the case on that would have been horrendous. The good thing is that H and OW don't know this news because their L didn't ask to be notified at every step. I do wonder whether their L did this on purpose. Anyway, if the judge confirms the shutting of the case, H and OW have 15 days to appeal. We are hoping they are not going to know in time. So fingers crossed there.

However, D20 and I are countersuing H and OW to protect ourselves. Following my L's advice, we decided to do this to give us bargaining power, which didn't work any way. Last December we offered to drop our case if they dropped theirs. H and OW refused to drop theirs and wanted it to go all the way. I don't want to jinx myself by saying anything karma-like yet.

So because D20 and I also have suits against H and OW, and since we have not had notice that the DA has asked for our cases to be dropped, our cases are going ahead. How bizarre is that? Basically we would never have sued if H and OW hand't sued us, and it turns out that our cases have validity. Obviously a dad being aggressive to his child is very serious. I am suing OW for defamation as she told/shouted at everyone in the street that my H left me not because of her but because I didn't have sex with him for 3 years. Ooh how I would love to win that case against her and have her pay me compensation!

But I have no plans to reach that point. As soon as the judge confirms the position with H and OW against D20 and me, we will then drop our cases. I do not want to be attached to H and OW over stuff that the OW can use to lure my H even more towards her. I want her out of my life.

For any newbies reading, don't insult the OW in public or in writing because these people are vicious. They don't just want your spouses, they want to destroy you. Don't let them have this power. Plus, as they tell us and I ignored, if you are mean to the OW, your H will have to man up and be the knight he gave the OW the impression he was. He will have to allow her to speak badly about you. My H allowed the OW to speak badly about his D! And he allowed her to demand he sue his D! You don't get worse people than that.

So, although I'm still dealing with lawyers over this suing business, I'm hoping that by the end of summer, or at the latest by the end of the year, this is another thing we'll be able to put behind us. H, on the other hand, is losing any sympathy we might still have. He's digging himself a giant hole. I use the imperfect form of the verb 'to dig', because I'm sure H has plans to increase his hole. I'm not sure that came out right!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline 20thcenturygirl

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Milly, I am so pleased to hear that the ridiculous case against you and your D will probably be dropped. 

Quote
For any newbies reading, don't insult the OW in public or in writing because these people are vicious. They don't just want your spouses, they want to destroy you. Don't let them have this power. 

This is such great advice and I am going to try to remember this.   I am so intrigued by the OW I almost got in touch with one of her ex H's (who had custody of the kids and will not be in the same room as her) .  I managed to stop myself and I really have to remind myself to be the bigger person.  Thank-you for reminding me again! 
H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs, and it is really, really an affair down!
He denies she exists

Online KeepItTogether

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Excellent news about the case Milly!! That the MA didn’t want to pursue, and yet still allowed your counter suit, is pretty huge. Karma bus anyone?

And I have just the biggest smile on my face thinking about you and your sweet boy talking about your new property and how he knows you so well he finished your sentences. Love!!! And him bringing you soup and wine. What a gem!

I’m so happy things are going well Milly. You deserve all this good fortune and much much more.

Hugs friend!
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Online CallingHeart

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Wow - You are brining up some very fond memories!!

Tuscany is so beautiful and indeed you are blessed with your properties!!

Hwow and I stayed at Poderi Arcangelo farmhouse near San Gimignano for part of our honeymoon.    Rome, San Gimignano, then Florence.   
(we never could figure out how to say the name of that town, but we had so many laughs driving around and seeing the signs and saying Poggibonsi)
I always wanted to go back to see the sunflowers.

Ahhh I was just about to let go of those two lamps I had custom made out of our pictures from Poderi Arcangelo, but now... the great memories are seeping in and I want to hold on to them.
(I want to hold on to both the memories and the lamps  :'(  &  :'( )

O WAIT...   As I was lost in all these heart-felt memories, I almost forgot our marriage was so horrible.
At least that's what Hwow changed to the story to  ???
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
Pfffffffftttt !

Offline MillyTopic starter

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Oh you guys are great and funny!

Kit, I knew I could count on you to provide the legal terminology! and the fact that you think the reaction of the MA is huge makes me feel even better! And thanks for getting it about my boy. You have one, too, and they are our saviors, in that the love they show us reminds us that we are and were good mothers, that our boys are sensitive and altruistic. There is hope for them.

20th, I'm so glad some of my experiences are useful to you. Please remember my post when you're tempted to get close to your H's rotten OW. I was fascinated by my H's OW, too, so I completely understand you. I learnt the hard way, but it looks like I'm going to get a break. Don't risk it. These women are lunatics, but dangerous ones. They have no scruples of any kind and unfortunately our Hs are totally brain washed by them. You will not win if you play their games. They love drama. She loves drama because it keeps her in control. Forget what your H was like with you. He is now the opposite. If she's like my H's OW, she has total control of his life. Stay away from her. That is the best way to get to her. If you want to stand, and you do so gracefully you will be the biggest, most dangerous threat to her fake relationship with your H. And the more graceful you are, the more she's going to want to destroy you. That is a sign that you are a real threat, that she knows you're very worthy as a woman, person, history, values, and she knows she's below you. If you feed her drama, she will convince your H that you are a witch (sounds like beach!) so don't give her that power.

Calling, San Gimignano is about an hour from me. When you want to pronounce it, think of Jiminy Cricket, San Jiminyano! My S13 was born in Poggibonsi. Small world! And about the lamps, yes your H destroyed the marriage, but while you were in Tuscany, it was a good marriage and he can't change that or take it away from you. You have those lamps to prove it!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Online UrsaMajor

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Milly,

No, I don't think we ever went to Greve. We did a Day trip to Florence and one to Siena... and I too had to laugh about Poggibonsi...

That really is good news that the MA is choosing to recommend dismissal of H / OW's case while retaining yours.. With any luck, (and two functional brain cells, they will either not be notified of the dismissal or they will not try to appeal it...

What you wrote about the AD (OM/OW) is SO true... They really are like toxic slime that attaches itself to the Mid-Lifer, sticks their little tentacles in and starts controlling their ...... brains...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Treasur

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Lovely news about the legal case, Milly, for you and your daughter both.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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