Author Topic: My Story COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3  (Read 815 times)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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My Story COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« on: May 12, 2018, 08:15:20 AM »
RECAP

BD JULY 2015
WIFE left August 2015 with kids, parents, dog for her new life.
WIFE returned Sept 2015 after her new life failed.
WATCHER was thrown out of the house with PD help in Oct 2015.
WIFE claimed WATCHER 4 days later for a booty call.

WIFE invited me home for Christmas 2015 but this isn't going to work out Watcher by NYE.
WATCHER is invited back home Feb 2016. (can you say that was a mistake  ::))
WATCHER departs home August 2016 after months of relentless Monster.

WATCHER, not having his fill yet, returned home Sept 2016.
WATCHER left Oct 2016 after physical abuse.
WATCHER, the man doesn't listen, is invited home Feb 2017 as WIFE proclaims she has had a spiritual awakening. (Maybe true)

WATCHER departs, yet again, April 2017.

Wait For It, LOL

WATCHER returns home, AGAIN, Sept 2017.
WIFE hits WATCHER with 2nd BD in March 2018 just to put this man out of his misery.  ::)
WATCHER will be banned from Hero Spouse if he even dare contemplates returning home.

Month 35 Post BD.

We have spent 90 percent of her crisis in NC. We talk maybe 6-8 times a year. Currently I am 9 weeks  NC and I'm going to try and ride it out for the rest of the year without contact. She is so far gone in the head with her fantasy alienator and there is just no point in having any contact.

Last night I had my double session at the gym and I did my mirror work when I returned home. Almost 3.5 months now at the gym and my abs are forming. I couldn't stop looking at the mirror. I'm so excited to see what they will look like in another 3.5 months. I didn't join the gym for the abs but they are a pleasant surprise. We can blame Noexpectations as she is the one who turned me on into Kickboxing.  ::)

There's like a thin layer of skin that still has to go away and it's like the abs are growing from underneath that skin. IDK how to explain it. I never had abs before, hahaha. I did a lot of feeling around, lol. It's very interesting.  ;D

Tomorrow I will run in my 2nd 5K. That's pretty much my life at the moment. Gym 6 days a week and a once a month 5K. I also have 2 boy's and a dog to keep me busy. They don't live with me but I have to make sure that they are still functioning everyday. I see my kids 5-6 days a week and I avoid my W at the same time.

There will be drama here soon enough. There is always going to be drama. Thanks for continuing to follow along and for offering all the wonderful advice and support. It is greatly appreciated.

Enjoy your day everyone

Thanks

Previous thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10058.0



« Last Edit: May 12, 2018, 08:41:37 AM by Thunder »

Online Thunder

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2018, 08:45:16 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Watcher.

I can't believe you're one month away from 3 years.  Time flies when you're having fun, huh?   ???

Well attaching as usual, and good luck with your race tomorrow.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2018, 10:28:38 AM »
Hi Thunder,

I cannot believe that I am coming up on this 3 year mark. I know we are not supposed to focus on time. However, we have been together 29 years and married 20 in September. It does not feel like a blip or a speed bump. It feels like a major life altering event that shows no sign of ending.

It's SIGNIFICANT. It took me awhile but is has been all about me since April 2017 when I was in Virginia. You have 2 people that are turned off. What makes them turn back on. Even more importantly, how do they turn on again for each other. IDK.

IDK if I have feelings for her any longer. How would I know ? I don't believe history with a person alone is enough to keep something alive, especially after so much time has elapsed. Then add in the fact that there has been serious abuse over those 3 years.

I don't have the answer. I've never been through such an ordeal.

We were blindsided at BD. I would think it would take another blindside to get the LBS back. I know that I'm just so turned off. There's no easy on switch. Again it remains to be seen.

BD#1 you try to win them back. BD#2 is all F You and I'm done giving you the time of day MLCer.  ;) LOL

I always see that comment about them showing consistent  actions. It would take years of consistent actions IMO, LOL.

This standing stuff is really serious business, hahahaha. OMG I did not know what I was doing when I found this forum, lol.

The next 7.5 months are mine to enjoy in NC. Hello 2019. The armband represented 2017. Kickboxing is 2018. Maybe at some point a decision will just smack the both of us in our faces.

Yes I am looking forward to the race tomorrow.

Thank you

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2018, 05:15:51 PM »
Rain is in the forecast for tomorrow however the run is rain or shine so I still plan on running.

Today S17 turns S18. I worked and drove by the house afterwards but she was home. :-\ So I will wait until Monday. That is the one aspect that we cannot find common ground on being the boy's. It's not worth the potential anger flare up.

She is unable to put her anger aside for the sake of our kids. I didn't show up so now there will be more anger. I can't win here but that's fine with me. It's her problem.

I did have fun picking out a bday card. I took my time and found the right one. This one almost made me tear up. That's how I knew it was the right one. I laugh at myself alot. I cannot believe how sensitive I can be at times.

If you noticed I've been inundated with calls about bills and moldy furniture this past week. It was crickets for the prom and bday.

I have missed S18 bday now 3 years in a row. In contrast I've attended S15 bday (March) 3 years in a row without incident.

Today is just a rest day. No gym today nor tomorrow.

Online Thunder

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2018, 05:27:50 PM »
Watcher, I sense you still have some little expectations that your wife will somehow, someday pull out of this and get back to normal.  Or go back to being herself and you can get your married life back to what it was.

I hate to say this but I don't honestly see that and neither does your IC.  I think your W is just gone, Watcher.  Gone  Puff!
The woman you married is not coming back, because she no longer exists. No matter how long you go NC.  No matter how long you wait.
You can go NC for 5/10 years, it will not matter.  She is sadly mentally ill.

I would rather see you move forward with your life, leaving that shadow of who she once was in your past, where she belongs.
You still have many years left to built a new, happy life for yourself, Watcher.
Seize that, my friend.   :)


With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online Thunder

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2018, 05:40:28 PM »
You were writing when I was.   :)

Watcher, its very sad you can't contact your S on his 18th birthday.
This needs to change!

Her control needs to be challenged.  You are his father.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2018, 08:56:46 PM »
Hi Thunder,

NC at this point is just me waving the white flag of surrender. There is no point in me continuing this stand. I have weighed the issues long enough. I do not live at home and I am already not the custodial parent.

I am paying for an extremely expensive school and I have very limited time with my kids. I have 3 adults that are holding me hostage and hiding behind these 2 boy's. That is a fact.

Yes my mom was equally upset about the bday today as was I. The 2 women control everything. If S18 does not feel like going to school then he is allowed to stay home. I have battled with him enough this quarter over his grades and he is just outright lying to me.

Thunder from what I have seen there is no way W is coming out of this way of life. She really has troubling and disturbing beliefs. Its not a simple OM obsession. It's very cult like the stuff she is involved in.

Throw in her troubling, disturbing, and enabling parents who are NEVER getting out of the way.

So I will be filing for divorce because it's time to eliminate these 3 parasites from my life in some fashion. Yes, she is always going to make my life difficult when it comes to these 2 boy's for years to come. I cannot worry about that.

I cannot worry about what she decides to do with the support check. I have to free myself and see what happens.

It's part of the reason why I took a stand on the utilities. I wanted to force the issue. She is NEVER paying for the utilities and she is NEVER mowing that lawn. Its not happening.

She has beyond checked out. She has walked away from her family. School will not be renewed for September. There is a lot of turmoil ahead in the next few months.

I have realized awhile now that things had to change. You know she said everything that she had to 9 weeks ago. It was really the final nail.  So I'm done because I realized that I just want to be a father and no longer her husband.

I'm tired of these 3 entitled and ungrateful adults sponging off of me. All that being said, the only person who will put up a fight is MIL. My W is DONE and she has repeatedly driven home that message.

Now I have to get some sleep. Late coffee kept me up.

Have a good night.

And BTW everyone, this situation is a whole lot worse then I ever have let on. I really have presented the PG-13 version.

Thanks again

Offline Wonder no more

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2018, 03:48:45 AM »
Watcher,  Just lending my support.  Only you know when enough is enough. Good luck today in your race.

Offline Kitty

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2018, 07:18:19 AM »
Following along Watcher. Good luck today.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 12/22/17 - Day after legal separation signed, I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2018, 10:15:11 AM »
Hi WonderNoMore, Kitty.

Well that was a new experience. My 1st 5k had only 132 participants and we ran on city streets. This was a combined 5k and 10k all at once. A few thousand people and it took me forever to break free. Almost 2 miles. The running path was confined. A lot of running on the grass to get around people.

My 1st mile was almost 12 minutes which is horrible. Miles 2 @3 averaged 8 minutes each. So I finished at 29:52

141 overall for the 5k which was advertised as 1701 participants. It was gray out but the rain held up for the race.

So next time I have to get closer to the starting line. I thought I was pretty close but I walked for quite a bit before I had an opportunity to run. So I was slower with this race but its a learning experience. 132 people the 1st time (which was purely a 5k) versus probably 2,500 today makes a big difference with how it has to be approached.

So that's 2 down and my 3rd race will be June 3rd. I also wore a sweatshirt because it was cold and damp and I won't do that again. The body heats up very quickly once it starts.

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's on the forum.

Enjoy your day everyone

Thanks

 

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