Author Topic: My Story COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3  (Read 814 times)

Offline BBhelp

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My Story Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #30 on: May 16, 2018, 10:17:42 AM »
Attaching Watcher.  Hang in there buddy.

BB
First Thread:  Back After A Long Break http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8080.0

Random Thoughts From Hard Earned Lessons: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8194.0

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #31 on: May 16, 2018, 12:22:00 PM »
S18 and I cleared the air today. I don't hold anything that he said against him. He has anger and has a right to be angry. I still haven't read any posts. Maybe tonight. I don't agree with everything that my IC says and she left me very confused yesterday. We will have to take that up in June.

S18 and I are in agreement that he needs to decompress after school. He gets tired and needs a nap. Fine. I told him that I will let him breathe and not be on top of him. S15 can take me however S18 does not have the same constitution. No big deal we will figure each other out.

My plans are still the same with the finances. I have no faith that she will pay the utilities so they will be turned off at some point and my mom is praying that W gets a lawyer to come after me, hahaha.  ::)

Memorial Day is approaching so we know where her mind is currently. MIL informed me that everyone knows about OM. Family, friends, co workers. He is no secret. (I already knew that).

I saw MIL for 20 seconds yesterday on my way out the door. They have a big problem on their hands with their daughter. It's not my problem. I am not fixing this mess nor am I going back to live at home.

I have the gym today in a bit. Maybe 1 session today. I am a bit tired. I will see how I feel after the first class. I will come back later.

Thanks

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #32 on: May 16, 2018, 01:23:14 PM »
Hi Watcher. Just catching up. Happy to hear you and S18’are back on track. It definitely sounds like he battles depression. Poor boy. I cannot imagine being in your shoes. Must feel so overwhelming and hopeless. I feel that way at times, but my H is simply an abandoner. Your W is an obstuction. Such a delicate dance for you. You’re doing great under these difficult circumstances.

Stay strong friend.
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #33 on: May 16, 2018, 05:30:43 PM »
Hi KIT, BBHELP, Thunder, WonderNoMore, UrsaMajor, FaithWalker, Velika, Kmartsaghik, Treasur, Ready2Transform.

UM we were on the same page until yesterday and she has been walking me down this path so I really don't get what I felt was a reversal. She did talk about consequences but she steered clear of divorce. Your W has to live with the decisions she has made etc...

She has this grave concern over schooling and her lack of being a mother. Maybe I'm missing something from the session.  School has become the paramount issue for IC but I guess it always has been.

It was definitely contradictory and I will just leave it at that. Like I said I do not agree with her. I left there thinking that she had not prepped herself for our session.

Yes I have severed the relationship with W and vice versa. Chalk it up to she had an off day. It's possible.

All the utilities are past due and I have no faith they will be turned off. They are just accumulating.

Yes I found MIL too be very funny myself correcting S18. Again, she told me, they have talked to her and she does not want to change. She does not want me nor the marriage. She wants to pursue OM.

So I think I have to step out of the way( which I have) and let her pursue, "whatever that means to her" a man who is engaged and does not want her. In theory that means she just wants to continue to play on her phone and not be bothered. She is choosing the fantasy life over me and our son's. The enablers will not leave her.

She is just as angry as ever and will not listen to her parents about getting help or returning to her life.

I have been on the brink of divorce 3 times during our marriage. We are together 29 years and married almost 20. I seriously contemplated it in 2005 (my mom talked me out of it  :-\), 2013, and now 2018. This is probably the most serious of the 3 times.

She has been ill in some fashion since 2003. She went to a lawyer herself in 2013 and her parents forced her to stay put. I learned that during this crisis.

She is mentally ill and has been for a long time. I don't hold it against her. I try not to focus on 3 years BUT its going to be 3 years very soon.

The parents have seen this before and that is what they are hiding from me. Again I don't hold it against her however she needs to be willing to get professional help and she shows no signs in doing so.

So yes I have alot to contemplate. I have done a great job of GAL. I would like to have more GAL or just a LIFE without having to deal with this crisis and all that it entails.

Thanks everyone

   


Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #34 on: May 16, 2018, 07:22:43 PM »
I really hesitate sharing information because I REALLY don't want anybody to read into it because I am soooooo over words and her cryptic messages. I received a message today from W at 2:50pm and I just listened to it at 10pm.

"You do not call me, talk to me, nor show any interest in me."

I'm going to bed.
Good Night

Offline TryinSoul

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #35 on: May 16, 2018, 09:51:35 PM »
She has found a bit of reality.  Good for her.  I think no response is in order, until Septemberish? 

Also, for 2019... What do you think of kickboxing and armband at the same firetrucking time?!!  Would you have to wear two armbands to pull that off? 

Keep it up.  You are doing well. 

All that counts, is what comes next.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #36 on: May 17, 2018, 02:16:44 AM »
I really hesitate sharing information because I REALLY don't want anybody to read into it because I am soooooo over words and her cryptic messages. I received a message today from W at 2:50pm and I just listened to it at 10pm.

"You do not call me, talk to me, nor show any interest in me."

I'm going to bed.
Good Night

RED ALERT! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!
Victim Mode incoming!



SO many answers to a message like that spring to mind.... NONE of which would be very helpful but at least it gives a chuckle to think about them...

1) "Yeah, because when I do, you throw irons at me."
2) "Yeah, because when I do, you call the cops"
3) "Yeah, because when I do <fill in the blank with any other of her silly behavior>"
4) "Who are you and why should I?"
5) "Hmmmmmm... And why do you suppose THAT would be?"
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Treasur

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #37 on: May 17, 2018, 02:58:27 AM »
I'm tempted to say 'ditto...why don't you start first and I'll follow along"...although I like 'sorry, who is this?'  ;)

On a serious note though, I can see that you are thinking hard Watcher about keeping the crazies away short-term and what choices you need to make to build a post-crazy Watcher life which also allows you to be a good active father to your growing sons. I get your point too about time...3 years is a long time and I think you've got to the point where you don't want more of the same for another 3 years, even if W/MiL do.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Wonder no more

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #38 on: May 17, 2018, 04:40:09 AM »
Well Watcher, If you feel the need to respond, do so.  It won't change a thing but you can get off your chest some of your concerns about the boys and your finances.  If you believe she is out of the MLC fog then why not hammer home the financial BS that she is not addressing and issues with the boys.  Why shelter her from the destruction she has caused?  What would happen if you sent her an email, cc'd to your lawyer?  She would probably just go back to dark contact.  Some may not agree with me but I for one believe these MLCers need to not be sheltered from their mess. Maybe she needs to know how much you are leaning towards divorce due to her CURRENT behavior/actions. Just food for thought. 

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: COOL HAND LUKE REDUX 3
« Reply #39 on: May 17, 2018, 05:10:29 AM »
Hi UrsaMajor, TryinSoul, Treasur, WonderNoMore.

Yes that's exactly what she is aiming for UM. Victim mode. Lets forget that I just lived at home for 6 months and she wanted nothing to do with me.  ::)  I can laugh about #1 and #2 and I would like to avoid both.  ;D

I knew running into her at the house would not be good. Acts of Service is her crazy LL. It will be 10 weeks NC this weekend.

TryinSoul, absolutely no response. The Kickboxing has really become my life. I have done 3 double sessions this week. It's becoming a very social environment. I do have the 5K's lined up and I run once a week to train. I also have a bicycle event with my brother this weekend. I do keep active.

The nice weather still has not arrived yet but I do plan on being outdoors all day long once it finally sticks around.

I thought I was going to the gym too much until I looked in the mirror this morning. I like the results and it just feeds my desire to keep at it.

My days are filled between work, gym, seeing the boy's. I still have to budget my life as a parent albeit in exile. I have a house that I still pay for. I have to be organized in otherwords. I'm living in my Aunt's house and my mom always needs me for something. So I am quite busy.

Treasur yes my plan is to stay away from the 2 crazies. Maybe I am in the process of just building on a new life.

I like to remove all the labels and just focus on the length of time sometimes. MIL would like it to continue because she fears for her daughter. She knows she is sick. As for my W, she is stuck.

She is caught in this fantasy life for 3 years and has done nothing to improve her life. She works, plays online and hangs out with her parents. She told me once that she needed time to explore. Apparently she is still exploring.

I do talk about divorce and its scares me. It equally scares me letting her back in again at some point. Responding to her message would be letting her back in IMO. Saying hello the other night instead of ignoring her. That's how guarded I am with her. That door is shut and I really do not focus on her.

It took me a very long time to shut that door. It's only been 10 weeks of this current phase. So it's going to be shut for awhile. Now I'm comfortable with myself however any contact with her will just do me harm in the end.

I just saw your post WNM. I see your point. I have hammered away on these finances. 5 or 6 emails since I left and the bills are still sitting there on the table. I agree that she shouldn't be sheltered from her destruction. In my situation we are well past that point.

Email about the bills and kids would not be bad. To make you REALLY laugh those are the types of emails that she complains about from me, lol. She wants nice emails. Those are considered bullying and threatening.

She likes poetry so maybe I can form it as a poem about bills and responsibilities. ::) Yes, at some point her and I need to have a serious talk about our son's . Our grass is 15 inches tall,  I find something new falling apart everyday in that house, and our boy's are really out of shape which is a big concern for me.

I will be talking to the boy's today about some ideas I have for them and see if they have any interests for the summer.

Enjoy your day everyone

Thanks
 

 

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